Chapter 4(BB)
In a storm of heavy naval ordinance and scattered debris from blown up space ships, the mighty dark blue form of a Night Lords battleship blasted thermonuclear death at a mighty imperial battle fleet. Explosions ripped across the surface of the Night Lord's battleship killing thousands and enemy boarding craft were depositing lethal imperial boarding forces into the guts of the harried chaos warship.
Inside the chaos battleship sirens blared as the crew desperately mobilised to repel the enemy boarders and load the massive guns to fight off the imperial fleet closing in on them from all sides.
"All crew to your stations, all crew to your stations," an announcement ordered through the public announcement speakers in the ceiling of lost and the damned teenage crew members Beavis and Butt-Head's grimy apartment deep in the crew accommodation decks of the chaos battleship.
Beavis picked his nose as Butt-Head turned up the TV to drown out the background noise of sirens and announcements.
"Uh heh heh, um... Uh heh, are we supposed to be somewhere Butt-Head?" Beavis asked dimly.
"Uh... Is today the day Candy washes her panties?" Butt-Head asked.
"We stole all her panties yesterday," Beavis reminded him.
"Uh ha ha ha yeah. That was cool, uh ha ha ha, we took Candy's panties," Butt-Head laughed remembering.
"Heh heh heh heh, yeah, I sniffed them heh heh heh, they smelled like salmon and semen, heh heh heh, oh and they also smelled like yeast," Beavis said cheerfully.
"Uh ha ha ha, Candy is such a slut, uh ha ha ha, her panties were all wet, uh ha ha ha," Butt-Head added chuckling.
Beavis and Butt-Head looked at a grotty pile of cum stained dirty panties that they had stolen from the hamper of their hot busty Slaanesh worshipping nymphomaniac coworker Candy Johnson. The panties were all extremely slutty and stank terribly of the plethora of sexually transmitted diseases the hot sex addicted woman had caught.
The pair gazed in fascination at semen encrusted G strings, moist smelly ladies underpants and fluid soaked crotchless panties.
"Uh heh heh heh look Butt-Head! A cockroach is eating the goop off the panties!" Beavis pointed excitedly.
"Uh ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha cool, uh ha ha ha," Butt-Head chuckled.
"Uh heh heh heh heh, eat the goop, heh heh eat it all heh heh heh," Beavis cheered the cockroach on.
"Uh ha ha ha, that goop came from Candy's pussy, ha ha ha," Butt-Head laughed.
Beavis laughed hyperactively as the sirens continued to desperately warn crew to go to their stations to save the ship.
"All crew brace for impact," a voice warned over the announcement.
Beavis and Butt-Head ignored the advice of the announcement and just kept giggling at the pile of panties.
A few moments later a massive torpedo impact rocked the entire battleship with a thermonuclear explosion and Beavis and Butt-Head were sent flying face first into the pile of pungent panties.
The pair coughed and spluttered as old semen made contact with their mouths.
"Ahhh!" Beavis screamed girlishly, spitting in disgust.
"Ugh!" Butt-Head exclaimed in shock and revulsion, also spitting.
The sounds of desperate gun battles between imperial navy voidsmen and chaos forces sounded in the hallway outside, but the pair still were far too stupid to notice that anything was amiss.
A wounded imperial navy man staggered into the apartment, desperately trying to push his intestines back in and he slumped down on their grimy couch. Beavis and Butt-Head blinked dimly from where they sat in the pile of Candy's undergarments, random G strings draped over their heads.
"Uhh... Cool," Butt-Head said as he watched the man continue to frantically push his guts back in.
"Heh heh heh, cool," Beavis added.
"I already said it was cool butt dumpling," Butt-Head countered.
"Shut up fart knocker!" Beavis said angrily.
The pair proceeded to have a juvenile punch up in the pile of underwear as the imperial navy man bled to death on their couch, his last moments spent in bewilderment at this pair of utter morons.
Beavis and Butt-Head's pet chaos spawn "Ball Spawn" (a pet they kept solely because it had 18 pairs of massive mutated testicles) poked the gruesome fanged snout on one of it's 3 heads out from under a pile of filthy rags it slept in and sniffed hungrily at the fresh dead body on the couch.
Beavis and Butt-Head stopped fighting and watched enthusiastically as Ball Spawn stripped all the meat off the body in mere minutes.
"Cool," Butt-Head said in appreciation as Ball Spawn gnawed on the bones.
"Uh heh heh, Ball Spawn is awesome, heh heh heh heh heh," Beavis giggled.
The sounds of battle in the hallway outside drew back and the hallway echoed with shouts of "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!" to the complete oblivion of the pair.
"Uh ha ha ha ha ha, Ball Spawn is licking the blood off his balls, ha ha ha ha ha," Butt-Head snickered in delight.
"Uh heh heh yeah heh heh, he's licking his balls heh heh heh," Beavis laughed like this was the height of comedy.
The pair watched for a while, thoroughly entertained before Ball Spawn returned to his refuge under the pile of filthy rags.
"Um..." Beavis said feeling bored.
"Um... Uh ha ha, let's go steal Candy's bras this time, ha ha ha," Butt-Head chuckled with sudden inspiration.
The pair of chuckling moronic heretics got up and walked out the door, still covered in Candy's soiled G strings. The hallway outside was a complete war zone with wounded people on both sides moaning in agony as a terrible gun battle raged just 50 meters down the hall from them.
Khorne berserkers ran past Beavis and Butt-Head towards the fighting and stray bullets whizzed past the pair, missing them by inches.
"Um... Ha ha this is cool," Butt-Head said.
As one the pair started air guitaring death metal war songs "da-da da-da da-da da-da-da", throwing their heads back and forth as they rocked in this extremely inappropriate place.
"Here boys take my lasgun and continue the fight," gurgled a dying chaos cultist soldier, handing Beavis a lasgun.
"Heh heh, cool," Beavis said and took the lasgun.
The chaos cultist died and Beavis and Butt-Head looked at the violence all around them.
"What should we shoot?" Beavis asked.
"Uh... Ha ha let's shoot a space marine in the Butt," Butt-Head suggested jubilantly.
Beavis giggled hyperactively and took careful aim and pulled the trigger. A laser beam shot with pinpoint accuracy to hit the ass plate of a Khorne Berserker, burning a small hole in the armour but stopped by a successful armour save.
"Uh ha ha ha, you hit his butt, uh ha ha ha ha," Butt-Head chuckled.
"Heh heh heh yeah, I shot him right in the butt heh heh heh," Beavis laughed.
The pair then took it in turns shooting friendly chaos space marines in the asses even as a desperate and uncertain combat raged around them that the survival of the ship depended on. It didn't enter into their tiny minds to actually shoot at the enemy, instead wasting the entire power cell of the lasgun pissing off the Khorne Berserkers by shooting them in the asses.
"By the Blood God, what are you bozos doing!" roared the bewildered Berserkers as they desperately fought for their lives whilst being shot in the ass repeatedly.
Beavis and Butt-Head laughed delightedly and just kept shooting until they ran out of ammo.
"Uh, why isn't it working?" Butt-Head asked in disappointment when the lasgun stopped firing.
"This sucks! It sucks!" Beavis exclaimed angrily.
"It must be broken or something," Butt-Head said disappointedly.
Beavis picked his nose as gunfire continued to miss them by inches.
"Uh ha ha, let's go steal Candy's bras, ha ha ha," Butt-Head reminded Beavis.
"Heh heh heh yeah, heh heh heh," Beavis agreed.
The pair then simply wandered off away from the fighting without thinking to help wounded comrades or do anything else to aid in the critical battle.
The pair headed straight for Candy's apartment and walked inside. Inside they found Candy whimpering in terror under a table, afraid for her life.
"Beavis and Butt-Head? Thank Slaanesh! How goes the battle?" Candy asked frantically.
"There's a battle?" Beavis asked dimly.
"Cool," Butt-Head exclaimed.
Candy face palmed and asked, "why are you here?"
"Uh ha ha ha, we came to steal your bras, uh ha ha ha," Butt-Head told her.
"Heh heh yeah, give us all your bras Candy!" Beavis demanded, waving around the empty lasgun hyperactively.
Candy yelped in dismay, thinking they were robbing her at gun point, and fearfully took off her bra and threw it too them.
"BOOBS!" Beavis exclaimed ecstatically, eyes wide open.
"Ha ha woah cool!" Butt-Head said appreciatively.
Candy cowered fearfully and exposed her breasts to the pair, terrified that she was about to be shot if she didn't let them rape her.
"P-please don't hurt me," Candy whimpered terrified.
"Uh ha ha, come to Butt-Head," Butt-Head chuckled huskily.
Candy nodded fearfully and shakily crawled out from under the table, looking terribly afraid...
***...
The battle was now over and the ship had survived (no thanks to Beavis and Butt-Head) and had now disengaged to the safety of the warp space.
"We SCORED!" Beavis exclaimed triumphantly.
"Uh ha ha ha, I touched Candy with my thingy," Butt-Head chuckled proudly.
"Heh heh heh I put my thingy inside Candy heh heh heh," Beavis laughed happily.
"I hope it was worth it boys, you have the worst case of STD's I have ever seen, I may even need to amputate," the doctor in the crew hospital warned them.
"Heh heh heh we scored," Beavis laughed, oblivious to the peril his penis was now in from Candy's sexual diseases.
"Uh ha ha ha yeah, we are awesome," Butt-Head chuckled joyfully.