A/N: Thank you sooo much for the reviews guys, i'm glad everyone's still liking it. Sorry it took so long to update- family stuff's been crazy here. Just to clarify, flashbacks are in italics (as asked for- sorry that was confusing!) And older flashback's like a flashback within a flashback are in bold as well as italics! Hope that's not too confusing! Anyway I hope you guys enjoy- please excuse the grammar i'm afraid this has been written at four in the morning cos I was so aware I haven't written for a while so i'm sorry if it gets twisted or anything! Please review if you enjoy- or if you don't get it and I need to give better explanations!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from One Tree Hill.

Lucas stormed across the beach and kicked at the nearest sand dune. He couldn't believe Peyton had been talking to Brooke, telling her things he didn't want anybody, let alone Brooke, anything about their life. He didn't want her to ever know that life without her was crap, that since she had left him alone, broken his heart, walked all over his damn heart- life had not been the same. Angrily he kicked at a twig- he could hear Peyton's voice shouting for him as she tried to catch up.

"Luke! Lucas stop!"

He closed his eyes- it was almost like he could hear another voice, on another day, another time...

"Lucas!"

"Lucas stop! Luke i'm gonna be sick!"

"Oh come on- you look so pretty all swirly."

"Lucas Scott!"

"Hehe ok ok, sorry," Lucas lowered his girlfriend and kissed her softly, "you feel better?"

"Much better thank you," Brooke twinkled up at him and he smiled lovingly down at her. He had been spinning her round on the beach, although it was not a warm day you could tell it was spring- almost sunny, but no clouds. A perfect day for a walk on the beach. Haley and Nathan's wedding was the next day and Brooke had been hard at work preparing for their rehearsal dinner that evening. He had missed her so much recently, they seemed to keep missing each other so he'd suggested they went for a walk to catch up. Brooke had seemed a little distracted lately and he wanted her to tell him what was up. He closed his eyes and breathed in the sea air, it felt so good to be here. It was times like these he missed Keith the most, when he was feeling content and happy- it felt like there was still a part of him missing. He tried to squash the feeling that maybe a part of him was still with Peyton, god he was so messed up, why couldn't he just be happy with what he had? But he had felt like since the shooting and Peyton's confession maybe he was supposed to be with Peyton... he had rescued Peyton- did that mean he loved Peyton? He knew he loved Brooke but maybe he was in the wrong relationship?

"So boy friend, do you know all your lines for tonight?" Brooke turned to walk beside him and slipped her soft hand into his.

"Of course!" She looked at him disbelievingly- her brown eyes amused, "babe I came home a day early to help you out tonight, do you really think i'd have arrived unprepared?"

"Well that's true- you are always organised within an inch of your life."

"Hey I only do it for you," he said teasingly.

"Ohh," she kinked an eyebrow, "and I appreciate it." Lucas smiled down at her and watched as her eyes travelled out over the sea and grew thoughtful. She looked so beautiful, he was an idiot for thinking about being with anybody else- she was right for him, so right-

"So Luke," she turned to look at him, her face serious, "I have to tell you something."

"Is everything ok?" He sat down on the sand and pulled her towards him, she knelt down next to him and put her hands on his shoulders.

"Every thing's fine, I mean, I hope it is," she pushed a strand of hair out of her face and swallowed. Just as she opened her mouth his phone started ringing.

"Oh sorry babe," he reached into his pocket, Brooke felt like she knew who it was going to be before he looked at it- "it's Peyton," he snapped it open, "hey Peyton what's up?"

Brooke tried not to sigh and dug her fingers into the sand, she knew her best friend was developing feelings for Lucas again, whether they were old ones that were re-emerging or new ones that had come forward from everything she and Lucas had been through together- Brooke felt like she couldn't fight it either way.

"Yeah i'll check it out later- no it's fine I can check on it before we hit the rehearsal- absolutely ok, yeah i'll see you later Peyt."

Brooke stood up as he was closing the phone and he looked at her confused, "where you off to pretty girl?"

"I just remembered something I need to do before tonight- but I really need to talk to you," she pushed her hair back again and bent down to kiss him, "are you free after the rehearsal?"

"Sure." He watched her run across the beach, her ruffled skirt blowing round showing off her undeniably good legs and her hair blew round her face like a dark halo as she twisted to wave at him smiling.

Lucas arrived at the car and jerked open the door just as Peyton caught up with him;

"Lucas! You couldn't stop and talk for two minutes?!" She asked incredulously, stopping him closing the door.

"Apparently you're doing enough talking for the both of us," he said angrily, climbing into the car and slamming the door shut. She stood looking at him through the window incredulously and then walked round the other side to get in the car herself.

"You know, it wouldn't hurt you to communicate to me sometimes Lucas, once upon a time you used to able to do that."

Both Haley and Nathan were staring at the pair of them open mouthed- normally Peyton was so patient with Lucas. Jamie paused from playing dinosaur snap with Jayden and clambered into Peyton's lap- staring at Lucas solemnly- he hated any one upsetting his Peyton.

Brooke had watched them sadly- Lucas storming off up the beach and Peyton running behind him- it felt like only yesterday she was the one running after Lucas and her heart ached for her friend. As she listened to them argue she couldn't help but think they sounded like they were drowning. Listening to Peyton trying to get Lucas to talk to her- to listen to her, it was like watching a version of her own life.

Brooke dropped her bag in Peyton's hall and leaned over the bannister, "P Sawyer you up there?"

"Yeah," came a cracked voice over some terrible sounding music, Brooke winced, it didn't sound fun up there. She clattered up the stairs, messing with her hair- she couldn't get comfortable today, she felt hot one second and cold the next.

"Hey happy girl," she pushed open the door, Peyton's eyes were bloodshot and she looked terrible, "wow you look how I feel honey, what's going on?"

"Oh," she rubbed her eyes, "Jake sent me home."

"Oh Peyton sweetie, i'm sorry." She had a strong suspicion that Jake knew what she knew. If only Peyton would face it- that thought half terrified and half made her feel scarily free.

"It's ok, how are you feeling today?"

Brooke pulled a face, "I tried to tell Lucas but-"

Peyton's eyes widened, "oh god no! Did I call at the wrong time completely?"

"Ohh no," Brooke reached across from her own bed and squeezed Peyton's hand, "no don't worry- I was completely tongue tied- I didn't know what to say- where to start."

"Maybe lead with- i'm pregnant?"

"Ha no- I tried that one once before and he freaked out- I need to ease him in."

"Brooke! He's gonna start noticing things soon honey, I mean- it's been how long?"

Brooke stared at the duvet, playing with a loose thread, "three months, two weeks and I dunno- six days?"

Peyton smiled, "very precise."

"Yeah well," she couldn't say it but she needed the precision, she needed to know exactly when- exactly who. God she was so stupid, she had been so reckless. She dropped onto her bed and closed her eyes. She remembered when she'd first told Peyton, her friend had been so good, so supportive.

Brooke had come in to their shared bedroom almost exactly the same way she had done just now, dropping her bag by the stairs and collapsing on her bed. Peyton had watched her concerned, waiting for her to talk.

"Spill it best friend."

"Ok, so don't react like I think you're gonna react but I have something to tell you and you know when I tell you this you can't react like I think you're gonna react-"

"Brooke, take a breath, I can't react any way at all until you tell me what it is that you need to tell me, so you tell me and i'll react in the way I think is best."

"Ok, I am getting too confused for this."

"Brooke! Stop changing the subject!"

"Ok ok!" Brooke sighed and leant forward, burying her head in the nearest pillow, "i'm pregnant," she muttered into it.

Peyton inhaled sharply and then leant forward and rested her head on Brooke's back, stroking her friend's hair, hugging her hard, "oh B Davis, do I say congratulations or i'm so sorry?"

Brooke snorted and felt a tiny bit better, she twisted her face so that she could breathe again and smiled weakly, "something in between maybe?"

"I can do that- and just so you know," Peyton sat up, "i'm totally here for you- we can totally do this."

"Thank you for saying we," Brooke said softly, her voice shaky.

"No problem-" she smiled weakly and looked at the same bit of duvet Brooke was staring at, "have you told Lucas?" Brooke met her eyes reluctantly and Peyton swallowed, "is it his?"

"I don't know," Brooke lay back on the bed and tried not to think about what Lucas would say if it turned out to be Keller's.

She turned on her side now, she had worked it out weeks ago. In the back of her mind she had always known,it was just a case of sucking it up and telling Lucas- she was terrified he wouldn't support her. The rehearsal- she would tell him at the rehearsal- no-one could be mad at a wedding right?

But he had been too busy, he had spent the evening filling Peyton's glass, teasing Haley, shaking hands with people he didn't even know. And she had watched him- her golden boy, she would never love anyone the way she loved him. She just wished she felt his love the same way- as fiercely as she loved him. But she didn't. It was like there was a wall between them- filled with things he couldn't say. And now she had to tell him. And she had told him. She hadn't died, hadn't lost herself, instead she had come out of the conversation a different person. She had gone out to make her toast to Nathan and Haley, danced laughingly with her Peyton, with Mouth, Nathan, Cooper. She had been ok- survived against all odds. She had raced to the hospital after hearing about the accident and seen Lucas and Peyton, the beginning of something she had known deep down was coming... She had spent the next months in complete denial- Lucas had changed her in that room, hardened her. Suddenly his love for her hadn't seemed so concrete, so sure and she had panicked, lied. Everything that happened in that room full of make up and flowers and presents had made her the person she was now. Someone who would fight to the death for her son, but ultimately afraid that the one man she loved most would never fight as hard for her.

"I am not pushing you away Lucas, I am holding on for dear life!"

"Brooke, i'm sorry." She was crying now, trying to compose herself but she couldn't get it under control.

"You're always sorry Luke, why can't you ever get it right?" She shook herself, she couldn't think about this new revelation right now, she needed to tell him-

"Brooke I mean it, I love you, I need you to know that."

"I have to tell you something-"

"Brooke please, didn't you hear me? It meant nothing."

"I get it Luke, she thought she was dying, you kissed her." That was the only part Brooke could understand- hell anyone deserved a last kiss- Peyton had confessed it right after the shooting and Brooke had accepted it. But Lucas had remained silent. That was what drove her crazy.

"Yeah but it meant nothing."

"That doesn't matter Lucas, I have to tell you something bigger than that-" she was getting impatient now. Didn't he get it? If he couldn't tell her something this small then how could they handle this?

"I thought she was dying- she thought she was dying- I didn't know what else to do."

"It's not that Lucas- it's why didn't you tell me before? Why don't you trust me enough to let me in? Why do you let everyone but me in?"

"That's not how it is."

"It is! You know it's true. Even when you were trying it was like you were reluctant to tell me things."

"Brooke I can't help it, sometimes Peyton gets me and-"

"And what? I'm not good enough?"

"No it's not that- I love you Brooke really I do but-" Lucas felt like Peyton was the easier choice here, the one he wouldn't fight with every day, the one he could talk to. He was scared that letting Brooke in meant that he would lose her. But now it felt like he was losing her anyway, he couldn't win.

"But?" She waited, she knew what was coming now, "do you have feelings for her Luke?" He didn't meet her eye, "Lucas?"

"I don't know Brooke," his voice was quiet, she stared at him as though she was seeing him in a new light, "sometimes I think maybe it would make sense if I was with her." She jerked backwards, away from him. She felt like he'd physically harmed her. Sense? When did love have anything to do with sense?

"Great. So on the day I need to tell you something so important, so life changing, you turn around and tell me about a kiss I couldn't care less about but then reveal that actually it did mean something? You lied to me and you shut me out and I have tried for months to get you to talk to me but you couldn't even do me the decency of telling me that when you rescued my best friend you kissed her and you felt something and GOD!" She slapped his face and he winced as he wheeled away- he had never seen her like this."How could you Luke? I really needed you today, I needed to tell my boy friend something that is terrifying me and I couldn't, i've always needed you and you've never needed me and today-" her voice fell away and she dropped her hands, tears flowing openly.

"I'm sorry Brooke." She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, this wasn't happening. She had to be strong. If he wanted to be with Peyton fine, but she wasn't going to be a charity case.

"I'm pregnant."

His face fell from apologetic to incredulous, "what?"

"I've been trying to tell you all day I just couldn't get you alone- I guess you were busy getting cosy with other women."

"Brooke hold on-"

"I mean- life's a bitch right? You try and break up with me and it turns out i'm pregnant. Well don't worry about it because it's not yours."

She regretted it the moment she said it. But he had hurt her so badly. It was one thing Peyton having feelings but not doing anything about it but it was another thing completely if Lucas was even considering the possibility that he reciprocated. His face turned thunderous.

"You cheated on me?"

"It's not like you can complain if I did, but no actually- it's Keller's."

"And- I- you- how long have you-"

"A while."

"A while? Brooke you knew all this time and you didn't tell me?"

"Oh and you would have done things differently Luke? You can't make somebody love you Lucas, even getting knocked up can't change that." She took a deep breath, "we have to go give our toasts, you know the ones about love? Turns out you could give one or two of those right? One for your first love, you know the one you'd love forever? And then one for your second love- oh again the one you could love forever, although I don't know what the hell order you'd put them in!" He watched her go, a mixture of anger, regret and heart break swirling round in both their hearts.

"Brooke?" Haley's voice broke through the memories of the past and Brooke smiled apologetically, she tried to pretend like she was ok.

"Yeah sorry Hales, i'm just coming."

"Great, do you know why the broody twins are arguing again?" Haley asked quietly as she slipped an arm into Brooke's and they both headed back towards the car.

"No, I can't believe how bad it's got- what have I missed?" Haley wanted to tell her friend that Brooke had missed the demise of what she had believed to be the one true epic relationship to rival her own with Nathan. She had been so wrong. She wanted to tell Brooke that no-one seemed to get through to Lucas like she did, that no-one could take the place Haley once thought only Peyton held in Lucas' heart, Brooke's place. Instead she sighed and pushed a hand through her dark locks;

"Things have been a bit different around here without you girly."

Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds.

Argh, so tel me what you think! Too complicated? I really wanted to make sure that it was clear that Lucas was conflicted, Brooke knew about the kiss before because Peyton and she are much closer in my fic than on the show in S3 and that Brooke handled the kiss thing differently. Was it ok?