Chapter four
It may be wise to pay attention to the time indicator things I put before a flashback because there are a lot of them. Sorry. I don't know why I have so many. I hope you can make sense of them. As usual, I still don't own any Saiyuki related anything and the characters aren't mine either. sigh this chap has taken a while to upload because a certain someone (not pointing any fingers, Olivia) has not been replying to my emails. Anyway, please please please review(?!)
(Flashback)
Hakkai laughed and said to Sanzo "ha-ha I'm glad we're going to a different beach. I don't think they'd sell us any alcohol otherwise considering how we emptied their whole stock last time." Sanzo just grunted. They forgot they're still in a desert with no food, just about no water. Getting to the beach would be easier said than done.
-- (Sixteen Hours Previously) --
... "Snore"...
... "Snore"...
... "SNORE"...
... "SN-erkagah" gagged Goku in his sleep, for it was indeed Goku snoring. He was now gagging because Gojyo had unconsciously stuffed his foot into Goku's mouth alongside a whole lot of sand.
(Flashback even further)
"Okay Hakkai, which direction?" asked Goku confidently.
Hakkai spread open the map between his hands and held it to face height. He walked around in a circle a couple of times.
"Err, Hakkai?" He asked again with a questioning look on his face. Hakkai didn't answer but stretched the map onto the sand and peered at it vaguely, checking with the direction of the sun and wind. This went on for a couple more minutes in silence until a lone tumbleweed blew past and Sanzo started twitching. Goku built up the courage to ask him again, he hadn't forgotten that an angry Hakkai would be more dangerous than an angry Sanzo. "Um, do you KNOW where we're going?"
"I'm almost certain it's this way" he answered, turning his head back to them to smile while pointing in a seemingly random direction.
"Almost?" they all winced.
The smiling possible executioner didn't say anything but started walking anyway. They had no other choice but to follow him; some more angrily than others.
END FLASHBACK(S!)
They had spent four hours walking though a sandstorm, countless mirages, and Goku singing the 'Going to the Beach' song the entire time. Needless to say, shots were fired. They spent the other twelve hours sprawled on their stomachs in the sand asleep after collapsing from dehydration and severe exhaustion.
Suddenly, Hakuryu opened his eyes and immediately realising what happened, used his last ounce of strength to nip Hakkai on the finger. Hakkai woke up slowly, blinking the sand out of his eyes and shook himself out to wake up the others. He saw Gojyo a few feet away and stumbled towards him. "Hey Gojyo wake up!" said Hakkai while shaking him by the shoulders.
"Hey. Stop. The only way I ever want to wake up is with a hot sweaty chick next to me" groaned Gojyo dryly. Then he turned to his left shoulder and coughed.
"–but why is my foot so slimy? Ergh!" said Gojyo, revolted, as he pulled his drool saturated foot out of Goku's mouth which promptly returned to snoring. "It must have been instinctive" he commented quietly and then turned to Hakkai. "Will you do the honours or shall I?"
"By all means, you go ahead" replied Hakkai gesturing toward the sleeping monkey. Gojyo then sat on Goku's chest and held his nose so he couldn't breathe (or snore). Soon enough, Goku awoke spluttering. "Are we at the beach yet?" he asked sleepily after a moment of confusion with his eyes still closed.
"We have a while to go yet Goku" answered Hakkai with a weary smile. Goku then shot his eyes open wide and shouted extremely loudly and suddenly "Gojyo get off me you fat pervy water sprite!"
"Who are you calling fat! This body's the model of perfection"
"I've seen cockroaches with better fashion sense than you dirty kappa!"
"WHat!? That doesn't even make sense idiot. What do my clothes have to do with physique stupid monkey? And I'll tell you something, the ladies love my threads"
"That's disgusting! They were probably hired by pest control dickhead"
"Yeah? Well we better get them up here because there's a teeny tiny monkey problem the needs beaten the crap out of"
"You're always getting other people to do your dirty work you lazy kappa"
...
"...Not all of it."
...
...
...
"ERAAGAGERHHHHH!!"
"Hey, hey. That's enough guys. Nice to see you so energetic" laughed Hakkai.
"Hmm. But why does my mouth taste so revolting? It's terrible, like old sweaty socks and stuff" Goku grimaced.
Gojyo smiled evilly, replying easily "That, my little monkey friend." He threw an arm around Goku's shoulder with a cig still dangling from his mouth (That managed to survive all this) "Is the taste of perfection."
Goku looked confused. "What's that supposed to mean!?" He shouted a couple of seconds after the other two turned to leave.
Zooms in on Sanzo who just rolled over in his sleep. They had almost forgotten about him.
A few metres away they huddled in a circle much like a soccer team before the second half or a 1footy team after they win...only without the bad singing.
"Who's gonna do it" asks Goku
"I don't know, but whoever it is, they better have a good reaction time" answered Hakkai
"I don't get what the big deal is. Can't we just yell a bit?" Gojyo pointed out perceptibly
"I wouldn't suggest it. Last time a hotel manager tried it a couple of years ago, well, I'll just say they're still repairing the damage to the hotel and the surrounding mountainside.
(Summary of Events)
Performed by Hakkai and Goku using hand puppets and a puppet theatre that seems to have appeared from thin air.
"Excuse me sir. You must get out of this room immediately, O' most holiest of priests" said the hotel manager puppet. "A rock slide has been reported heading straight for this section of the hotel."
No response from sleeping Sanzo
"Sir! I must implore you to get up. You are in great danger Great Sir!'
Still no response. At this point it is uncertain whether Sanzo is in fact still asleep or in silent incensed rage from being bothered.
"Sir?" the poor man politely tapped him on the shoulder.
...
"GROAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!" the monster has awakened.
(Remember this is a puppet show by Hakkai and Goku...)
"Who DARES interrupt my holy slumber!?" boomed Sanzo (/Goku) in a resonating voice
BANG crunch BANG snap BANG crash BANG BANG (collapse) BANG smash BANG (he pulled out his gun) BANG BANG BANG etc.
Narrator: Several minutes later the hotel is in ruin and the entire top story has collapsed in on itself. Not a single window has remained intact and there is rubble everywhere. A cricket lets out a feeble chirp followed by another gun shot. A minute later, a rock fall, feeble in comparison to the mighty rage of Sanzo's wrath, knocks over the last remaining standing section of the multistorey hotel. Hakkai has just come back from grocery shopping. You just see his back as he stands a few metres away from the wreckage and after a moment the full grocery bags in his arms drop to the ground.
(End puppet summary show)
"Oh." Gojyo stares in a combination of wonder and shock. "In that case" His voice becomes positive as if he's making a point "I vote Goku go"
"I second that vote" answered Hakkai immediately.
2 If you're confused or indignant, I'm talking about AFL here (It's not like soccer or rugby but more like a mix of both. Perhaps the best high impact sport game ever invented and in my opinion which should be included in the Olympics. Although, personally I don't support a team...cough cough). I'm sure that whichever team you do support sings beautifully like a chorus of angels, but in my opinion, it's just not the best idea to get twenty or so brawny pumped up football players after a win and have them sing a bad theme song.