Disorientation sucked. But at least the bed I was on was soft.

I could barely see the two figures at the foot of my bed speaking in low voices. Somewhere above me, some big, bright light was shining on my face. I didn't want to open my eyes and have my eyes burn out of my sockets cause of it.

Eventually I could hear what was being spoken....or at least it became something more then hisses and grunts.

"...surprised he still has a heart beat going...how long do you think it's gunna last?" This voice was pretty high..yet familiar, light. I could tell there was some forced casualness behind it.

"I'm not sure," A deep voice. There was a permanent edge to this voice that I registered immediately. Paul never sounded so bitter, so...angry. Wherever I was, I'd bet anything that Rachel sent him here.

"Mom said the wound won't close no matter what we do. It's cold when you touch it,"

"It's vampire venom, Seth,...It's supposed to be cold," Paul replied in a bored voice. "There isn't enough to poison his bloodstream and infect his heart...but at his current state of mind..."

"He can't really do anything if we keep him sedated. He's so pumped full of morphine and hydrocodon, I doubt he could stand up for the next two centuries," Seth joked with a shaky laugh.

"Pain killers will numb pain....but in case you haven't noticed, he's vomiting blood. Even in his sleep. Sam's not going to like this update. He was thinkin' the kid was in better shape." Paul said. I heard him sigh in a tired sort of way. "At least he's bandaged up though."

I twitched my fingers involuntarily. Seth and Paul stopped talking at once. I heard footsteps draw closer to my...bed? Gurney, probably. I opened my eyes, and as per the expectation, my eyes burned and I blinked, seeing splats of red blind my closed eyelids. I reached up and covered my forehead, which covered my eyes too.

"You're an idiot, Jake," Paul muttered.

" I love you too, sweetheart," I said in dry voice, rubbing my temples. My throat was hoarse.

"Really man," Paul insisted. " What were you thinking, flipping your car? You could have died...you probably should be dead."

" Ugh, I'm already dead," I answered in a groan. I opened my eyes and squinted against the light. Seth approached and handed me a glass of water. I grabbed two handfuls of the sheets to propel myself onto the pillows. I winced at the sharp pain in my stomach but took the glass of H2O and downed it.

It brought clarity as to where I was. It was a small room, empty of anything except red-paint plastered walls that looked like it was blood stained. Some place abandoned...This room must have held the only life in the entire building.

It was better that way. At least I wasn't hovered over. Or at least I wasn't conscious for that.

Paul gritted his teeth together as I set the glass down on the desk that was placed next to gurney. I smiled at him, embellishing a bit by placing my fingers interlocked behind my head and leaning against the pillows.

"What happened to you, Jake?" I knew by the tone of his voice, he wasn't asking about my injuries. " You were obsessed over what couldn't be yours one day, and now....hah...you're just insane."

My eyes narrowed, and my temper, so close to the surface nowadays, was at boiling point. I could feel heat rush up my face and knew I didn't look very pleasant on the outside. " Go back to Sam, Paul. Lie to him. Lie to your family, my family. Tell them it's all okay."

He matched my anger quick. Good idea, smart one. Get pissed off at your injured brother. " I'm not going to lie. Why bother? You got all suicidal. Why should Sam and Billy be kept from that? Sam knew it from the beginning anyway."

"Then go," I snapped. " I don't need you here. I don't need your false concern."

"You don't think I care? Yeah, Jake...I love seeing you ready to die," Paul growled, glancing down at my stomach. I followed his gaze expecting a haze of red to cover my waist. But when I looked down, I just saw thick, tight, white bandages wrapped around my abdomen. At least I wouldn't bleed so freely. " If it wasn't for Sam, you'd be-"

"Dead. I know...but I didn't ask for your presence there, did I?" I replied. It was stupid to sound so hostile. That previous statement was all the care I was going to get out of Paul. But I found it easier to not care. If I released my ties, I wouldn't feel so much pain.

He stared at me for the longest time before stepping back and shaking his head. " Jacob Black...wanting to die."

"I told you before..."

"She wasn't worth it, Jake. She's upgraded from Leech Lover to Leech herself. And you're still hung up on her,"

I took grim satisfaction at these words and closed my eyes against my locked fingers. "You wouldn't know that anymore, now would you?"

He snarled, but Seth claimed his wrist.

" He's missed a lot. Go on back to Sam if you want, I can take care of him."

Paul looked ready to pounce, but his eyes flickered from Seth to me, to my wound and he calmed down instantly. I watched his expression turn down into the lines of misery. He wrenched out of Seth's grip and began a stride towards the door, pausing only at the frame to look back at me.

"Make a conscious effort to stay alive, Jake,"

And he was gone. I looked at Seth, who was staring at my bandages until he felt the power of my gaze.

"How long was I out?" I asked, after a minute of searching his eyes.

He cleared his throat. " Six days."

"Damn. That's a while, huh?" I tried to sit up some more, but my stomach screamed in protest. Really. This was getting old.

Seth firmly took my shoulder and pushed me back to the pillows. " Just try to take it easy, Jake."

"Why?" I asked.

"You're Dad's coming," That really wasn't an answer.

"So?"

"So's my Mom," Seth continued as if I hadn't asked my question. "She's been worried about you."

I sighed, exasperated. "What's the big deal?"

Seth shook his head...it was pained. He didn't seem to be able to answer me. I stared at him for a long time. I was about to get impatient with him, but suddenly, I heard wheels rolling against metal outside and my eyes flashed towards the door way.

My heart sank.

If I didn't recognize Billy's face, I thought it would be some old man in a wheelchair. The wrinkles had creased his entire face and he suddenly looked sixty years old...his hair had grayed in several places, where only patches of black were. His eyes were tightly closed, or at least it looked that way. As Sue rolled him in, I could see his face stretch in a smile as he faced my direction.

I did this...I caused him this much pain...and worry.

"Jacob," His voice was hoarse. Sue rolled him to Seth's side and he gingerly took my hand in both of his. "How are you feeling?"

If it was anyone else, I'd tell them to bug off me and stop making a big deal out of nothing. But my eyes filled with pain as I looked in my Father's aged black eyes.

"Better," I managed to choke out. "I've...been better."

He tightened his grip on my hand so hard, that I felt him tremble. But then he released me as Sue came hovering over my head and pressing a hot hand to my forehead.

"We'll keep the bandages on for a little bit," She told me in a tender voice, smoothing out my hair. As she did, I noticed a shiver ran down my spine. I could feel her warmth on the back of my head a little bit more. I reached back with my left hand and felt little black hairs leading up to the buzz cut above. Only at the forehead, did it spike up.

"Your hair was kind of full of blood and stank...Sue just thought we'd cut it while you were asleep," Billy told me, answering my unasked question.

"Did you shave my legs while you were at it?" I snapped, rolling my eyes. Billy's mouth twitched, but he didn't smile, only watched me while Sue unnecessarily fluffed the pillow behind me.

"I'm not staying here," I suddenly told them. Three pairs of eyes turned to glower at me.

"Jake, your in no condition to be walking," Seth told me in a sharp voice. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"I wasn't talking about walking. I'm going to phase and-and..." I broke off as all three of them had backed away as if I had suddenly turned into the big red Kool Aid Man.

"Let's not get hasty, Jake...You only just woke up," Sue told me in a soothing voice. She tried to push me back to the covers, but I slapped her hand away.

"I feel fine," I lied. " I want to go out there. We're at war, aren't we?...Let me go out there."

"Sam will handle everything, Jake. You need your rest," Billy soothed too. Why were they all convincining me to stay behind?

"Sam," I repeated and Sam's name gritted against my teeth too. He saved my life. I owed him better then being pissed off at him, but SAM was going to handle everything, was he? This was what I started. Why couldn't I go out there?

"You keeping something from me? If you're not going to let me go out there...then I'll just sneak out when your all not looking."

"Fat lot of use you'll do when your out there, Jacob Black," I looked past Seth and suppressed a groan at the sight of Leah leaning against the doorway. She wasn't wearing the scoff I was imagining. She was looking solemn...like she was ready to cry.

I looked from one face to the other, and they each wore the same expression as Leah, and all of them refused to look at me, except Billy. And Billy's eyes were slowly filling with tears. I stared back at them, confused.

"What?" I asked, my voice breaking. I stared from Seth to Leah to Sue...back to my Dad. " What's going on?"

Seth twitched involuntarily.

"You can't phase anymore, Jake," Seth finally said in a hollow voice, staring hard at my fingers. " If you phase, the bandages will break...and you'll...."

He broke off, his eyes watering...unable to finish. He looked away from any part of me to the ceiling.

Leah to the rescue, her voice came out in a snarl. " You'll bleed to death."

That's what they were worried about. I smiled at Leah and her eyes tightened. Though I spoke before she could explode. " How long would it be if I phased?...Until I died?"

Billy answered that one, his watery eyes fixed on mine. " An hour..maybe less."

"So you want me to walk around with bandages on for the rest of my life? With a wound you can't close and can't heal? Not likely," I retorted. " Is that what you expect out of me?"

"No," Sue told me, her voice had cracked like Seth's had except she was making an effort to answer me. " The bandages won't stop the blood from escaping, Jacob. It'll only slow it... You will still..."

"Die," I finished for her. There was silence. I couldn't look at their faces anymore. This prospect of dying was easier to face without my Father right here...It was so easy to put on a brave face...but these people were mourning me already...knowing that I would collapse one day and never open my eyes.

I could have faced that darkness of death. I really could have. Alone.

"So without phasing," The prospect of not phasing hurt more then dying, more then wanting to know this stupid answer. " How long do I have?"

Sue shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. She couldn't answer me. For once, I envied Edward Cullen's ability to read minds without having to turn into a wolf to do it. I wouldn't hear Sue's thoughts if I was a wolf, but I could pull the answer right out of Seth or Leah.

"Not that long," I finally said.

" A month if you stay sedated...Less if you move around, any strenuous activity will open the wound more...and cause more blood loss," Billy told me. He approached and placed his withered hand on my forehead. Already treating me like I was the dead. Steady tears rolled from his eyes.

I really couldn't bear this. I looked on the other side so his hand slid off of me.

I swung my legs around the left side of the bed. And two pairs of hands grabbed at my chest. I seized Seth and Leah's wrists, not being able to meet their eyes, but looking down at my own lap.

"Jake, no," Leah's voice was firm, hard. An order. Something I didn't have to obey. My hold tightened on the softer wrist which was Leah's. I pried her loose and she stepped away from me unwillingly.

Seth didn't want to let go. He dropped his hand, but both of them reached up and pulled me into a tight hug. I could feel my shoulder getting wet from the tears. I held him tightly to my chest and closed my own eyes as tight as I could, pushing my tears back. Over his shoulder, I looked at Leah, sullenly glaring at me against the wall.

"I'm sorry, Seth," I whispered, my jaw locked. How could I ever tell him...and everyone, just how sorry I was? Sorry for all the stupid mistakes I had made. Sorry for my selfishness. Sorry that they had to suffer for me.

"Billy," I said, letting go of Seth and twisting my body around to look at my Dad. My wince didn't go unnoticed and Seth tried to push me back onto the pillows. I resisted him. " You got the scraps of my Rabbit?"

"Yeah," Billy said in a thick voice. " But come on kid...your not going to rebuild it?"

"I am so not sticking in a bed for a month," I answered in a fierce voice. I heard protests, but I shook my head again and my voice rose. " HEY! I'm not going to count hours till my death. I want to do everything I can. Come what may."

"That's a really stupid attitude, Jake," Leah declared. I looked over at her and winked. She grimaced at me.

"There's no cure, kiddos. Why prolong something? I mean...you keep me on a bed...and I'm just gunna beg that you pull the plug after like...," I contemplated, ignoring the winces everyone did at the prospect of "plug-pulling". "three hours...yeah, then I'd just ask for more bloodsucker venom to end it faster."

"That's not funny, Jacob," Sue told me in a severe voice.

"You're right, because it's true," I contradicted her. " I don't want to die on a bed."

"You want to die fighting," Billy surmised, for the first time, he sounded angry.

"I made him a mental promise," My voice was constricted with fury and determination as I looked at their faces. " and I intend to keep it...my last breath will go to killing Cullen...that was my word. Quileutes don't make threats, we make promises...and I'm going to do it....no matter how hard you try to stop me."

"You can't even phase, Jacob Black!" Leah snapped.

"Hey, shut up, who cares?" I argued back in a laid back voice. I pressed down on the sides of the bed and jumped down. My feet ached from lack of use for six days and a few light spasms shot up my legs. I looked around at Billy and Sue, their faces tense with worry.

"That was dramatic," I finished. Leah rolled her eyes. I stood on my tip-toes and stretched my arms out. The breeze on my neck felt great...I liked short hair. Nothing felt out of place...I was just glad to be standing.