I don't know where I'm at
I'm standing at the back
And I'm tired of waiting
Waiting here in line
I'm hoping I'll find what I've been chasing
"Down" by Jason Walker
Becca's POV
February 25, 1944
"Fields! Get up, Sobel's on the war path," an unfamiliar voice was yelling in my ear. I groaned, on the edge of consciousness, wishing that whoever it was would shut the hell up. I covered my face with my pillow, finding it strange that it didn't smell at all familiar. Come to think of it, my mattress felt different too. I wrote it off as me being half-asleep. I closed my eyes, trying to get comfortable again.
"Fields, god dammit, get up!" the voice said again, and this time I felt someone jostling me awake. I rolled over, toward the sound of that voice and blinked up at the face that was swimming in and out of my vision. Suddenly, the man came into focus. He had dark black hair and dark eyes. His skin was pale, but there was a gentleness to his features that immediately made me want to trust him. I sat up quickly, realizing that he shouldn't be here. I ran a hand through my hair then realized that something had happened to it during the night while I was sleeping.
"What...? My hair!" I gasped, noticing just how short it was. Short enough to be a man's. The man, who was currently jamming a helmet onto his head and tying up his boots, turned his eyes on me and laughed.
"What did ya expect? For it to grow back during the night?" the mirth in his eyes vanished when he saw the expression on my face. I could only imagine what I looked like. I was bewildered. What the hell had happened last night? A tight know formed in my stomach, weighing it down.
"You feelin' okay, Fields? You hit your head last night or something?" he asked me again, giving me the strangest look I'd ever seen. I stared back at him, unsure of where or who I was at the moment. All of this felt like I'd been transported into a different dimension. I turned my focus back on the question at hand. Then, I realized that this man must have gotten me mixed up with someone else. It still didn't explain where I was or why my beautiful hair had been chopped off, but it was a start.
"Listen, I don't know wh-," I began, my voice deeper than it normally was. I knew it wasn't just an after effect of having just woken up. My throat felt strange, almost as if my vocal cords had been damaged slightly during my sleep. I couldn't explain it, but it felt like hot ash was stuck to the sides of my throat. Before I could think further on it, he grabbed my hand, hoisted me to my feet and jammed something cold and metallic into my hands.
"Don't talk, just get your damn boots on, Fields. Look, I know you're new and all, but Sobel isn't going to like that excuse."
"New?!" I bristled, a look of incredulity dawning on my face, "I don't know who you think you're talking to, but this is my third year here." He gave me another look, one that said clearly that I wasn't reacting the way I should be. I turned my eyes away from him, desperate to get a handle on my bearings. I looked around me, taking in the sight of the bunk-beds scattered through the room, the radio on a table in the corner beside the door....My face snapped back to the radio. It looked like an antique. Like something they would have used in the 1940s. I could remember a radio that looked almost exactly like that in my father's office. I faced the man again, feeling like I was missing something very important. I took in the olive-green color of his clothes. He was wearing a military uniform, one that for some reason looked very familiar. I noticed the silver glint of something on his uniform. I gasped slightly when I saw what it was. Jump wings. The pin was that of a paratrooper who had successfully completed his jump training.
"Where am I?" I asked him, unable to dispel the uneasiness that now quivered through me. My heart was racing as I waited for the answer. My mouth had gone dry and my hands were shaking slightly against my thighs. A part of me knew what the answer would be, knew it like I'd known all along that my dreams weren't just a figment of my imagination. But of course, the reason in me couldn't allow me to believe that I really was where I thought I was.
"Fields, what the hell's the matter with you? You're in Aldbourne, England. The year is 1944. I'm Eugene. Are you getting all of this or do you need a pencil and paper?" he said, his lips contorting into a teasing smile, "Stop fooling around and get up! Sobel will have our heads if we aren't out there in about two minutes."
Aldbourne, England. 1944. Sobel.
I was dreaming! I had to be, because this couldn't be possible. I couldn't really be in 1944. In the middle of World War Two under the command of the Captain Herbert Sobel of Easy Company. This felt more real somehow than my other dreams and I wondered briefly why I was dreaming about this. It must have been the realization that the man from my dream had been Ron Speirs coupled with Dr. Jacobson making me tell him all about Easy Company. My mind worked in mysterious ways sometimes, but I knew that I had to listen to Eugene. Besides, if I was dreaming, then I would just go with it. This could turn out to be one of the best dreams I'd ever had.
But I had a tough time believing that this was really a dream. After all, I knew that Ron wasn't in Easy. He was in Dog, if I remembered correctly. I shook my head, knowing that I couldn't possibly have traveled back in time. Even as a trickle of fear ran down my spine, I refused to believe it.
"Alright, sorry, Eugene. Don't get yourself all worked up. I'm up," I muttered, placing the helmet on my head and leaning over the bed to put on my boots. Hell even the boots looked real, felt real beneath my fingers.
"You sure got a weird sense of humor, James. As a matter of fact, you've been acting strange for the past three days. You sure you're okay?" Eugene asked me, his eyes staring concernedly into mine. I shook my head as I stood.
"No, I think I'm okay. Who knows, maybe I'm coming down with something," I replied offhandedly. I hoped to God that he would buy my lie. For some reason, I didn't want to reveal that I really was a woman. Not yet anyway.
"Yeah, you know, there've been a lot of D Company guys coming into the aid station lately with colds and the like. Maybe you caught something from one of 'em. Whataya think?" Eugene asked me, his voice lowering as the rest of Easy Company came into view. It was unreal, seeing all of them in uniform, lined up as they awaited whatever punishment Sobel was sure to inflict on them.
"Probably did," I muttered softly, taking a place in the back row of one of the platoons, trying my best to look as inconspicuous as I could. Eugene continued down the line, settling with another platoon. I stood up as straight as I could, painfully aware how much taller and muscular the men around me were. I stuck out like a sore thumb, something that the man beside me was quick to point out. I felt someone jab me in the side with their elbow. My neck twisted so that I could look up at them. Dark, glinting eyes and an easy smile that made his handsome face seem boyish and young. He was one of the shorter men around me, but he was taller than me.
"Hey, so the Doc managed to drag your skinny ass out of bed finally?" he asked, his Philadelphia accent shining through with his words. I nodded, just as a loud voice rang out through the air.
"Easy Company!" Sobel yelled, snapping me out of the conversation and turning my attention to the front, "We're on a strict schedule today starting with PT with Lieutenant Winters for the next two hours. So, go put on your PT gear and be out here in five minutes. Fall out!" I turned around immediately, following the men out of ear shot of the officers.
"God, I hate that man!" the man from Philadelphia muttered beside me.
"Yeah, I think we've already established that every man in Easy hates Sobel, Guarnere. Ain't that right, Smalls?" another man said, throwing an arm around my neck and putting me in a headlock before letting me go. I forced a chuckle from my lips, throwing off his arm and straightening my helmet. Being surrounded by 150 men wasn't exactly a good way to keep a low profile. At least I knew the name of one of the guys.
"Yeah you probably hate him even more than we do. He just loves to mess with you," Guarnere said, rubbing his jaw and looking confused by something for a moment before a smile came onto his face, "But that's probably just because you don't put up with his shit. I mean, you've been here two weeks and you're already on his hit list 'cause of your smart mouth."
"I've been here for two weeks?!" I asked, unable to stop myself. Guarnere clapped me on the back, obviously seeing nothing wrong with my tone of voice or my expression.
"I know it seems like a lot longer than that, don't it?" For once in my life, I was utterly speechless. Why would my mind come up with such a trivial fact? That I'd been here for two whole weeks drove something disturbing close to home. Maybe I wasn't dreaming. Maybe I really had traveled back in time. Just as this realization hit me, I turned my head just in time to meet the dark eyes of someone very familiar. Standing in the middle of the street, was Ronald Speirs. He was just as devastatingly handsome as he had been in my dreams. Only now, I could feel the pull of his gaze tingling across my skin. This time, I could feel the realness, the substance to him. And with a frightening moment of clarity, I knew that this was real. I was in 1944 and standing not twenty feet away from me was the man who'd visited my dreams so many times. My heart contracted, pounding solidly against my rib cage. I didn't notice until a small squeak had escaped my throat that I had paused in the middle of the road too. My hands began to tremble and I stared at him, aware of the look in his eyes. He looked just as confused and lost as I did. Those dark eyes bored into mine, making me sure that he could feel the pull too. It was everything that I'd hoped for when he looked at me. Beneath the confusion was a barely-restrained hunger that seemed to flow and ebb out of his eyes to his entire body. Then, just as quickly he looked away and the connection was lost. I let loose a breath that I hadn't even known I'd been holding. It almost felt like too much. After all the logic, after all the arguments with myself, this was really happening. It was more than impossible, and didn't make sense at all. But looking at him, I couldn't believe that he wasn't real. I couldn't believe that he wasn't really standing only a few feet from me.
Just as these thoughts raced through my brain, darkness threatened to close in on my vision. My lips were quivering and before I noticed what was happening, my legs gave out beneath me. Blackness enveloped my body just as I felt a pair of heavy arms encircling around my waist.
Ron's POV
I knew it the moment I saw the soldier across the street that it was really her hidden in that uniform. My body tensed with a sudden aching need to run toward her and grasp her in my hands. I had to feel her, to look into her eyes and know that she was really here. Just as I began to take a step toward her, her bright blue eyes found mine. I froze, rooted to the spot by the intensity of her gaze. Confusion and a slight fear passed over her features. Yes she knew me, but it was evident that she couldn't believe that I was really here either. I looked deeper into her eyes, a craving hunger threatening to overtake every sense. And just as I was sure that my desire for her would rule over my common sense, a small voice planted the seed of doubt in my mind.
That can't be her. There's no way a woman as good looking as her could have sneaked into the Army.
I glanced back at the soldier. My eyes began to compare the soldier to the girl from my dreams. The soldier standing across from me was much to skinny to be her. I had memorized the contours of her body. Every crevice and valley with my fingertips. And there was something about the way that she-he- was looking at me that made me positive that this was not her. I had to admit, though, that they did look a little too much alike. And the man did look very feminine with his high cheekbones, small nose, and bright blue eyes. The angelic features were seared into mind like a burn and I realized that I must have seen him before. And the dream girl's face had molded to much the same look as the soldier's face. I shook my head, determined to get her permanently out of my mind. She wasn't real and never would be. That much was obvious seeing the young soldier across the street. I turned away from him, continuing my way forward. Until I saw the movement of the soldier swaying unsteadily on his feet. A glazed look had appeared in his eyes and as much as I hated to admit it, a knot of worry worked its way into my stomach. I started toward her-him I corrected myself with a growl, not hesitating this time as he plummeted as if in slow motion to the ground. But, as quickly as I was moving toward him, he hit the ground first. I winced internally as his head made contact with the ground. I could imagine those perfect features marred by a scar or two. I rushed forward now, instinct taking over as I called for a medic. I knelt beside him, lifting him slightly and turning him onto his back. Meanwhile, a raven-haired medic slid in beside me, a tightness to his face that had me worried.
"Son of a bitch. I knew I should have said something to Sobel," the medic muttered under his breath as he dug around in his medical bag for a bandage. Blood was trickling slowly down her-his-forehead. The red streaks contrasted sharply with the paleness of his skin.
"What's that?" I asked him, not able to contain myself. The need to know about this soldier, even if its wasn't who I wanted it to be, was sickeningly overwhelming.
"Well, he's been acting odd for the past few days. I think he might be coming down with something, sir," he explained, making quick work of tying the bandage around his head. I stared down at the soldier, noting the dark circles under his eyes and the steadily paling skin. There was something definitely wrong with him. I stood up, taking his legs just as the medic lifted him from under his arms.
"Where we headed, Private?" I asked him as he looked around unsuredly.
"We can put him back on his bunk while we wait for a jeep. The aid station's about a half-mile away, sir," the medic told me, his attention turning to one of his fellow Easy Company soldiers.
"Luz, get Battalion on the line and tell them we need a jeep here," his words stressed by his deep, thick Louisiana accent, "Okay, Lieutenant, let's go." I followed the medic, smirking slightly at the curiosity evident on the faces of every one of Sobel's men. As we walked, I tried to seem unaffected by the fact that I was holding onto the feet of a man who looked extraordinarily like her. I just couldn't banish the evidence from my mind and I wanted to punch myself. Since when had I become some love-starved, hormonal man who was ready to accept that a fellow Paratrooper really wasn't a man at all. But was a woman that I'd never even see in person let alone knew. I wasn't that man I reassured myself confidently. And at that, I was able to focus.
Soon after we set him down on his bed, the jeep arrived. Two medics ran in, carrying a stretcher between them, on top of which we quickly placed him. By this time, the Easy Company officers had come to see what all the commotion was about. Sobel was the only one out of the entire group that seemed anything but sympathetic toward his soldier. As I passed him, his hand shot out and grabbed my forearm. Anger rose within me. Who the hell did he think he was? I couldn't say anything, since he was a Captain and I was only a Lieutenant, but I'd seen the fear my eyes could evoke. And I turned black eyes to meet his. At once, he dropped my arm. He didn't back down though.
"What the hell happened to my medic, Lieutenant?" he asked me.
"I don't know. All I saw was him falling down and I decided to help," I said simply, trying desperately to quell the blind anger peaking out through my voice. By the look on his face, I knew my efforts had been in vain, but I couldn't find the nerve to care. As I walked away, I heard his voice shouting at his men to get ready for PT. I rolled my eyes, confused as to how the man had ever gained control over his own company. Though, even I could admit that he had shaped Easy into the company in 2nd Battalion with the finest performance record. I wondered if he would do as well with them when push came to shove and we were all thrown into the middle of the war.
***
I paced the length of my room several times. My hand ran through my hair as if of its own accord. My heart pounded listlessly against my chest, the rhythm accelerating my breathing and causing me to move faster and faster.
Her face wove itself in and out of my mind, begging for me to realize what I would not-could not-believe was really going on with the young Private from Easy Company. But the impulse to go to the aid station and see her-him-was overwhelming. Every moment that I stayed away felt like pure agony.
But, even as impulse made me turn and grab for my jacket, reason made me pause. Confusion and doubt swept in to cool the heat in my veins. Why was I letting myself get so worked up about this? Why was I fixated on the idea that the man was really the woman from my dreams? I shook my head, silently convincing myself that I wasn't going down there for any other reason than to see if the Private fainting was a more deeply rooted problem than Doc Roe had thought before. Yes, that's what I was going down there to see...
Taking a deep breath, I pushed open the aid station door. I was greeted immediately by a small, blond nurse who gasped unevenly when I looked down into her hazel-colored eyes. I smiled down at her, hoping that it would help when I asked her for directions to the Private's bed.
"Hi there," I said, keeping my voice low and seductive. When her eyelids fluttered and she began to nibble gently on her bottom lip, I knew it was working, "Could you point me in the direction of Private Fields' bed?" For a moment, I didn't think she was going to answer me. But then, her body snapped away from me.
"Oh, of course," she said in an annoyingly bright tone of voice. The flush in her cheeks and animation of her hands told me that maybe I should have held back a little on my charm. She pointed me to the left, explaining that Fields had been put in the rear, left corner of the building.
"Thank you," I muttered, my voice clipped. I hurried away from her, my own blind curiosity driving me forward until I caught sight of the bed at last. My heart swelled in relief, though I would never admit it. The shallow rise and fall of his chest loosened the knot in my stomach as other, darker things swirled through me. Things that I would not acknowledge because of their impossibility.
I walked toward the bed, my eyes slowly roving him as I did. The skin was that sickening off-white pallor. But other than that, he looked fine now. Watching him, I felt that cursed heat fill my body as I admired again just how much like the woman he looked. The hair was the same shade of black, but it was short. The way a man's hair should be. The slim column of his neck was the same too. And the eyes. That had been her most noticeable quality. They both had the same eyes. An aquamarine color with flecks of pale gold and bright green.
Before I knew what I was doing, I had continued to close the distance between us. Now, I was standing at the bedside, looking down on him with a curiosity I hadn't known my heart had been harboring. For some reason, I couldn't completely convince myself that the likeness between the soldier and the woman were just coincidence. Something was going on here, something deeper than I could grasp.
Suddenly, a look of such anguish overcame his face that I felt myself reaching for his hand before I could stop myself. Then, I heard a familiar voice echoing through the aid station. Surprised and angry with myself, I lurched backward. What the hell was I thinking? I was trying to draw connections where there were none. I'd gotten too caught up in my dreams, wanting more than anything for it to be true that she'd found me. Now I knew that it wasn't real at all. Steeling myself and regaining my composure, I continued on my way toward the front of the building again. I passed Sobel, who looked livid. I bit back a smile, sending him a salute which he all but ignored. I walked forward, my mind still buzzing from what I'd almost done. Then, I saw the petite blond from before.
I looked at her, really looked at her. She seemed like the type of girl who could have a good time without making things too complicated. Someone perfect for trying to get over my obsession with someone who didn't even exist. With a smirk on my face, I continued over to her. She was bent over a patient's chart.
Peering over her shoulder, I said in her ear, "So, I didn't catch your name before." The shiver that rolled down her spine was obvious. She jumped slightly, spinning around so fast that for a moment her eyes glazed over.
"Oh my God!" she gasped breathlessly, "I didn't see you there." I smiled down at her, watching those long lashes flutter over her eyes again and again. I opened my mouth to say something, only to be interrupted by the outburst that rang in my ears.
"You're a distraction to the other men. And believe me, if I had the authority I'd have your scrawny ass sent right back to London!" Sobel's voice carried through the building, effectively silencing everyone. I turned back to her, the blood pumping angrily through my veins. It took all my self-restraint to pretend that I didn't care at all that Sobel was yelling at Private Fields.
"So how about that name?" A dark flush rose in her cheeks as she smiled coyly up at me.
"It's Britney. Britney Smith." Knowing this would reel her in if I hadn't already, I brought the back of her hand to my lips. Brushing them across her skin, I admired the way she gasped. Her chest heaved up and down.
"Britney, would you be interested in going on a date with me this Friday?" I asked her, keeping my voice low and deep. The tinkling laugh that fell from her lips sent a shudder down my spine. Not in a good way either. I could sense under that fake, carefully conditioned laugh that she would never be who I wanted her to be. But I had to try, even if I had to lead on this girl.
"I'd love to go out with you on Friday. I get off at six. So, how about you pick me up at seven thirty?" she asked me, batting her eyelashes at me. I refrained from rolling my eyes while I nodded my head.
"Sure I just need the address," I told her, my eyes shifting between her face and the direction of Sobel's voice. He was getting progressively louder as the seconds drew on. I didn't hear anyone replying and for some reason that had me concerned.
"Oh, you can just pick me up here if that's easier," she said. I sent her another smile. At least I wouldn't have to bother with trying to find the house. Just another reason why this was simpler.
"Great. I'll see you then, Britney," I said. I saw her shy grin and her hands as she clasped them together on the counter.
"Bye," I heard her say almost wistfully. God was I in for some trouble.
Becca's POV
Someone was watching me. I could feel it. The weight of their stare kept me pressed flat against the mattress. I could hear only my own breathing, but I could feel their presence, whoever it was. I was half-tempted to open my eyes, but something told me not to. I wondered for a moment if it could possibly be Speirs. I almost shook my head. Of course it wasn't him. Why would he come and see me anyway?
But I could dare to hope. I could tell by the look on his face when he saw me that he didn't know who I was. For that, I was almost grateful. Otherwise, things would have become a lot more complicated than they already were.
All of a sudden, just as quickly as it had appeared, the feeling vanished. I snapped open my eyes, sitting up as I did. I glanced around me, not seeing him anywhere. With a sigh, I realized that I must have imagined it. My cheeks flooded with embarrassment and I had to hold back a sob of frustration. Why couldn't I get him out of my head? More importantly, why couldn't I rid myself of the hope that now that I was really with him that he would even want anything to do with me? After all, it hadn't really been him in the dream with me. It had been just that. A dream, a fantasy.
"Private Fields!" a voice yelled my name from very close by. I recognized that voice. Sobel. I shot out of bed and saluted him as he came toward me.
"I don't want you to salute me! What the fuck were you thinking today?" Sobel shouted at me, his face merely inches from my own. His dark eyes sparkled with the pleasure he was getting from seeing me cower in the shadow of his anger. And I knew that I couldn't change it.
"I-well I've been sick the past few days-," I began, playing on the comment Eugene had made earlier about me being a bit off. Or at least Fields had been off.
"I don't give a damn that you've been sick. If you were sick, you would have gone to the aid station and stayed the hell there.
"You're a distraction to the other men. And believe me, if I had the authority I'd have your scrawny ass sent right back to London!" Something about the way he said scrawny drove something through me, white hot and pulsating. Begging to be released on the man, the coward, before me. I stepped closer to him, not caring if I would be lined up against a wall and shot for insubordination.
"I wouldn't care if you sent me back to London. At least I'd be as far away from you as I can get. You're nothing but a coward, Sobel. You don't care who you hurt or who you stomp on as long as you get as far in the army as you can get. And someday that's gonna come back and bite you in the ass," I said, making sure to keep the level of my voice at a low hiss. What I'd said was true, even though I didn't need to let on that I already knew his future. He would die all alone. That's when he grabbed my arm and pushed me backwards onto the hospital bed. He snatched the curtains in his other hand and closed them around us.
Sobel bent towards me, a wicked gleam in his eye. I couldn't help but notice him as more a monster than a man. The look in his eyes was one of pure hunger and the curl of his lips could only be described as animalistic.
"Don't think I don't know what you're trying to hide, Fields. And I when I find the evidence to prove it, you're going to be shipped back to whatever podunk town you came here from. Do I make myself clear?" His voice, so menacing, seemed to pierce through my carefully maintained facade. I had to put everything I had into not crying.
"Yes, sir," I whispered, keeping my face so that he couldn't see it. If Sobel knew, then I was done for. One wrong move, one slip up, and who knew what would happen to me. I didn't want to find out under any circumstances.
"Good," he muttered in my ear and then stole away, pushing back the curtains around my bed without saying anything else to me. I heaved a shuddering gasp, my lips quivering from my need to cry. Taking a look around, I immediately turned to face the wall. I laid down, curled myself in a ball and shed enough tears that the left side of my pillow was soaked. I don't know how long I stayed liked that. But, eventually, I fell asleep.
A/N: Okay so a fourth chapter. First of all, I wanted to thank captain ty. She's been more helpful with the chapters that I'm writing right now than I could have ever imagined. So, thank you SOOOOOO much! :) I want to thank all of the people who reviewed the story last chapter as well. They meant so much to me and since you were all had such amazingly wonderful things to say, I decided to post another chapter today.
Um....this one was really important in a lot of ways. First of all, Becca is back in the past now. She is in fact dead in the future now and I will explain that in the last chapter of this story. I actually have it planned out now in my head...sort of lol. Oh! She's also seen Ron and he's obviously having some doubts about who she is. Also got in some of the other main characters. Guarnere and Roe. They'll both play a big part in this fic as will Sobel for the next couple of chapters.
Okay, as always, please review. I adore them and I always try to reply to whatever you guys send in so yeah...happy reading everyone!