(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter 4: DARKNESS AND LIGHT
I awoke with a lurch. The hot water ran in rivulets down my bare skin, but I hardly felt it.
The exhaustion had caught up to me and I'd fallen asleep, sitting in the corner of the shower stall, hugging my knees to my chest. I didn't know how long I'd sat there with the water running, but it would never be long enough. No matter how much I scalded or scrubbed myself, I didn't think I'd ever feel clean again.
I tilted my head back, trying vainly to relax. I was afraid to close my eyes, because every time I did I saw Jefferson murdering Chloe, I felt the sting of the needle in my neck, I relived every awful second of that filthy monster photographing me lying bound and helpless…
Overcome by rage and despair, I thumped my head back against the tile and sobbed. I felt defiled. I now knew exactly why Kate had wanted to jump off the roof.
Who can I talk to? Who can help me? In this timeline, I'm just a shy geek girl who's only been here for three weeks. I was never even in the bunker. All my memories are of things that never happened.
I don't think even Chloe would believe me…
Her tearful words to me by the lighthouse came rushing back: "All those moments between us were real, and they'll always be ours."
Chloe's words brought me back to the here and now.
I have to tell her. I have to find a way to prove it.
I heard a soft knock on my door as I was getting dressed. It was Kate.
"How are you doing, Max?" The concern in her eyes was touching.
"Hey, Kate. I… I've been better."
"I just wanted to tell you how brave you were for busting Nathan and saving that girl today."
"I don't feel very brave right now."
"Max… if you ever need to talk to someone, you know where to find me."
"Thanks. Listen… I, uh… I could really use a hug right now."
Kate smiled and wrapped her arms around me. It felt good. I was in a desolate place and I needed the contact.
It was strange how our roles had been reversed - Kate was there for me now, offering her support. She was still kind and sweet, despite everything that had happened to her. "Thanks, Kate. I needed that."
"It'll get better, Max. You'll see." Her voice was warm and soothing.
"I hope so." I smiled half-heartedly. "Do you need your book back? I don't think I can read Bradbury right now. Too macabre."
"Okay," she replied, squeezing my hand. She looked a lot better than I'd seen her in a while. Probably because this whole thing with Nathan losing his shit and getting arrested had made everyone forget about the viral video.
I returned her copy of The October Country and walked her to the door. "Thanks again, Kate. I really appreciate it."
"Remember, I'm right across the hall," she replied, departing with a warm smile.
Feeling a bit better, I sat heavily on my bed. The clock read 7:00 PM. They'd finally let us back into the dorms half an hour ago, but the main school building was still a crime scene and was cordoned off.
I really needed to see Chloe.
My phone chimed on the nightstand. It was Joyce calling.
"Max honey, how are you feeling? Are you okay?" She sounded exhausted.
"Better than this afternoon. How's Chloe? Is she all right?"
"She's doing fine, but she's still sedated after the surgery. They had to take all the pieces of the bullet out…" Her voice choked with a sudden sob. "Sorry, Max. I'm so glad you were there today. I don't know what I'd do if she… if she…"
"I'm just relieved she's okay. How are you doing, Joyce?"
"As well as can be expected," she replied, composing herself. "It hasn't been an easy day. At least I know Chloe's in good hands."
"How's David taking it?" I probed.
"He's not here. He got a message earlier and his whole mood changed. He dropped me off at the hospital then took off. He said it was extremely urgent. It sounded pretty serious."
Good. I hope they made it to the farm in time. "Do you want me to go meet you there?"
"Sweetie, visiting hours are almost over. Although I don't think a little thing like a curfew would stop you or Chloe." She chuckled. "My little hellraisers. No, you go get some rest and I'll see you tomorrow. She'll be in Intensive Care for another day at least. I can't stay either so I'll just take a cab home."
Joyce is such an amazing person, especially with everything her family has gone through. Chloe and David are lucky to have her.
"Bye, Joyce. Take care of yourself."
Of course I wouldn't let a little thing like a curfew stop me. I smirked as I descended the steps to the parking lot.
I'd moved Chloe's truck earlier, after my disastrous chat with Officer Bree, and parked it properly. The box holding Rachel's posters sat in the passenger foot well. I was lucky the truck hadn't been ticketed, or worse, towed away.
I jumped in, started it up, and headed out.
"Hi, I'm here to see Chloe Price," I told the night nurse.
"Are you family?"
"I'm her sister."
She eyed me for a moment. "Your mom just left. Chloe's sleeping right now. The ICU doctor is making his rounds so you can't go in just yet, but you're welcome to wait here until he's done." She indicated a row of empty chairs along the wall. "I'm sorry, but you won't be able to stay with her for very long. I hope you understand."
I nodded wordlessly, taking a seat.
The wait was interminable, although the old copies of National Geographic kept me occupied for a while. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the doctor stepped out and exchanged words with the head nurse. She nodded toward me.
The doctor approached. He was a tall, red-haired man in his late thirties, with a day-old growth of stubble on his jaw.
"Miss Price?"
"Hi," I replied, standing up. Miss Price. I like being called that.
"I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your sister," he offered. "Long story short, the surgery went well. She's a tough one."
"That's so good to hear." I was intimidated by his height, and I tried not to shrink back from him, even though he stood a respectful distance away.
"We've got her under sedation, but you can go in now. Thirty minutes tops." He smiled and continued on his way.
"Thanks, Doctor."
He seemed nice, and spoke kindly… but then again, so had Jefferson. I knew I was being irrational, but I was glad he'd walked away.
My heart caught in my throat as I approached Chloe on the hospital bed, with various hoses and lines sticking out of her. The last time I'd seen her like this, she'd asked me to help end her suffering. I fought back a sob.
Oh, my Chloe. I'm so sorry.
There was a reclining chair at the right side of the bed, upholstered in cheap green vinyl. I dropped my bag on it, then drew the curtains around the bed to give us a modicum of privacy.
The tears came unbidden as I stood next to her, holding her limp hand. I couldn't bear to see her like this.
"I'm here, Chloe," I whispered, sitting on the arm of the recliner and leaning close. It was the perfect height; my face was right next to hers.
"I'm so sorry this happened to you... but I had to try and save you."
Her breathing was soft but steady, her hand was warm, and the look of serenity on her face gave me courage. She's so beautiful...
"I hope you're dreaming good dreams. I hope you're dreaming of us." I squeezed her hand and sniffled.
I couldn't hold it in any longer. The entire story spilled out – the week we'd spent together, Rachel, Kate, Jefferson, the Dark Room, the storm, my humiliation, my unbearable nightmares, Chloe's sacrifice – I whispered everything in her ear, my tears flowing freely. I didn't care if she couldn't hear me; it felt good to pour my heart out.
"You sent me back to save everyone from the storm. But I… I couldn't let you die again. I did what I had to do, Chloe."
I leaned closer, my lips brushing her earlobe. "I love you so much. I'm never gonna leave you again."
"Miss Price?"
I awoke with a start. "Wha…?"
I had drifted off while leaning on Chloe's bed, my head in my folded arms.
"Excuse me, Miss Price?" It was one of the night nurses.
"I'm so sorry, I fell asleep…" I croaked.
She smiled. "It's quite late, and we need to check on Chloe."
"How long was I out?"
"About an hour. Don't worry, no harm done. I really hate to kick you out like this, but the next doctor will be along soon and he might not be as accommodating." She smiled apologetically.
"Thanks for letting me stay so long." The clock on the wall read 9:40 PM.
I turned to Chloe and brushed a stray lock of blue hair out of her face. "I'll see you tomorrow," I whispered.
It wasn't until I got back into the truck that I realized it. Next to Chloe I'd slept peacefully, with no dark or ugly dreams.
Notes:
Time for some real talk now.
I will never even begin to understand what it's like for a woman like Max who has suffered from abuse.
But having experienced domestic violence myself firsthand (and unwanted touching from a friend of the family) many times as a child has given me at least an idea of it, as well as a heightened sense of empathy, and especially a deep loathing of men who harm women or children. This is why I found Jefferson and the Dark Room sequences so abhorrent.
It's uncommon for a game to affect me the way LiS did.
I drew from my own experiences of abuse when writing about Max's inner turmoil, and I hope I did it justice.