'Are you even trying?' Tamlin huffed.
His blond tresses stuck to the sweat on his face.
'No, all of this is a complete joke to me!'
The lack of music made the silence all the more deafening. This was day five. We had been practicing nearly every time Tamlin had more than ten minutes to spare in his working schedule. The progress was good, but not enough.
I could have known it would be hard. I was no natural. I could feel the rhythm, which Tamlin said was my only redeeming quality, since that couldn't be taught and without it I would've been lost. But my feet were too heavy, my moves too slow and my arm work sloppy and soft. If things didn't start improving soon, we would ruin the performance. I still had two dances to learn after this one, after all.
To his credit, Tamlin did try. His criticism was harsh but correct, wanting to point mistakes out sooner rather than later before they became a habit. His tips were useful. But I was a slow learner where my motoric skills were concerned.
He batted his hair away from his face. He was annoyed, rightly so. He was scared. But I wasn't to blame for not being able to dance like him. He had been in art school, focusing on dancing. And after high school he had entered another dancing school to become an instructor. It didn't just happen overnight.
'Have you never done anything artistic before, Feyre?' He'd managed to calm himself down again. He could be so reasonable and pleasant if only he wouldn't let his emotions get the hang of him.
'I paint', I admitted.
'You're pleased with what you make?'
'Not always.'
Where was he going with this?
'How do you make things? When do you consider something good?'
He was going somewhere with this. I bit my lip. It wasn't an easy question. My art felt so private to me.
'I just get inspired by things around me, things I feel… I guess that the works I'm most proud of are the ones I worked the hardest on. When I put a lot of emotion in them. I don't know how I make them, I just let my hands guide me. And my eyes, sometimes I just look at something and I just know what I've got to do to make something extra pretty.'
'Dancing is not that different. I'm sure that when you paint, there are some technical rules. Like the anatomy if you paint people, the way you can't mix certain kinds of media like oil paint and water paint. Dancing has steps, the styles require a technique. You can't turn out to the left if I hold you like that. It just doesn't make any sense.' He explained as he twisted me towards him.
I nodded.
He let me go again. 'Technique is something you will manage, you've got most of this dance down now. I know you have some rhythm in you, but right now it isn't coming out because you're so focussed on the technical aspect. But this, it's not the mambo. It's a feeling like… A heartbeat', he decided.
He held his hands to his chest. 'Gu-gum… Gu-gum… Gu-gum.' He didn't break eye contact as he vocalized his heartbeat. I stared towards his muscled chest, his t-shirt fit so tightly it was almost see through. He was not unattractive. But whenever I though of how handsome he was, I couldn't help but let my mind slip towards the broad shoulders of Mor's cousin. The dangerous smile he gifted so easily. Dancing with him in the club had been so effortless. So easy, like we almost sensed what the other meant. It wasn't a game of both of us trying to run through our individual moves as good as humanly possible. It was teamwork, and he managed to guide me with the gentlest of nudges and the lightest of touches while still making clear what he wanted me to do.
Get your head in the game, Archeron. Of course it was easier to dance in the club.
I focused on his chest and my own. What was my heartbeat? Wasn't that different for everyone? I pressed my hand against my chest until I started feeling it, and tried to imitate his gesture.
'No. Don't try so hard.'
He took my hand in his own and pressed it to his chest. He repeated the gesture with my hand and reiterated his heartbeat out loud.
'Close your eyes.'
His voice became more quiet as he kept repeating the motion. Until he finally moved forward and backward slightly. We needed to start dancing. On the beat of his heart this time. How did he know for sure it would match the music? Just roll with it, Feyre. He knows what he's doing.
The heartbeat turned into numbers.
'Two three-four. Two three-four. Two three-four. Two three FOUR. Breathe.' Ah, there was the system. I had a hard time keeping my eyes closed. This part of the dance, I knew the moves of. I was always a second too late normally. Except it didn't happen.
I took a breath and continued on, slowly looking through my eyes. His counting stopped but I could see him continuing to count in his eyes and the nod of his chin. He was signalling.
We didn't progress to the next part of the dance for twenty minutes until he finally smiled and went to put the music back on.
I didn't fuck up that part. Not anymore.
On the third try with music, the doors flew open and Mor waltzed in.
'Hey ', she said cheerfully as she swung her bag to the side and knocked her flats out. She slipped into her heels as she closed the door.
She turned and looked at us.
'How's it going so far?'
'Mor', Tamlin sighed.
Mor's smile trembled as she took her big sunglasses off, squinting though it wasn't too bright in here.
Her eyes kept struggling against the light as she pressed a hand against her temple.
'I'm fine Tam. I'm a big girl. I'll be good tonight. I always am.'
'So, let's see the dance from start to finish, shall we?' she asked as she walked towards the cd player.
I went to stand across Tamlin.
'No, not from there. Including the introduction position.'
Tamlin turned me around and went to stand against me. So close. With the big gestures and moves, everything seemed to be about the dancers playing with the space between them. But this felt so intimate. His hands slid across my belly. This was the way lovers held each other.
I laughed. This was just ridiculous.
'Feyre, please.'
I took a breath and nodded. Composure.
Mor smiled and pressed the button.
Tamlin took my hand and guided it to above his head. As his hand slipped away, I let mine down to trace his chest.
I imagined doing the move in front of a crowd. It looked really sexual, as if I desired him.
I could imagine what the women would think: "Yeah, I'd touch his chest too if I was in your shoes." I felt giddy. They would have no idea that to touch his chest this way, they would have to be prepared to be drilled for three weeks in no pleasant manner.
My arm fell down. 'I'm sorry', I laughed.
The music stopped and Tamlin again put our hands in place. He wasn't even deeming it worthy of a comment.
It was even worse on the second try.
'Feyre, put your feelings into it. Latin music is about feeling the moment. What would you do if you felt the passion? If there was no crowd? Would you laugh like this when you finally got to touch your lover? When they guided your hands across their body?'
I'd be breathless. Just like a painting. The feelings I got when I drew a picture of my mother and dad. The feeling I got when Rhysand let his hands trail across my back, even when it was just to dance.
I remembered the nerves, the tension, the excitement. Goose bumps instantly appeared. Chasing down from my shoulders to my fingers, from my thighs to my knees.
The music started again. My fingers slipped from Tamlin's hand softly. To get to touch someone for the first time… My fingers trailed across his chest, feeling the hardness of trained muscle and the hint of wetness from sweating. To imagine how his chest would feel without that t-shirt on. Excitement.
My breath hitched as Tamlin took my hand again. He swung me away, so I turned outward. I took three steps towards him again, making a circle until I was against his chest again. His eyes connected with mine. I saw the counting going on in them.
Two three-four. Two three-four. Two three-four and don't forget to breathe. Twist. Press your heel into the ground. Turn your feet. One side. The other. To the side. One feet in front the other, through your knees.
Don't forget to bop your head. Hold his hand, strong arms. No spaghetti arms. You wanted your space now.
He pushed. Pull, Feyre, pull. I smashed into him but he pushed me back with ease, his hand taking mine up above our heads for a spin. I held his grasp. At each twist I had to look into his eyes again, spotting. I had to or I would lose my balance and position. I pulled towards him this time. He pressed. Again the heartbeat. Two three-four, two three-four, two three-four.
Wiggle on your legs. This is where the leg work came into play. Stiff leg towards the public, showing them the line. Transferring your weight to the other leg again. Left leg, to the right again, to the left again. Turning with your hips but not letting your feet of the ground.
My hands came up to the sides of my head. Strong arms. Letting my head fall to the side on the beat of the music.
"De todo un poco," Michael Lloyd sang. The song sounded old, but it had a nice beat.
"De todo un poco." I bobbed my head again.
My hands slipped to his shoulders again. Time for the turn. Don't step on Tamlin's toes. Turning away from each other, making a nice arm gesture, turning towards each other again. Legs needed to be stiff.
Good good good gah- wrong turn.
Never mind. I needed to focus on swinging with my imaginary skirts while walking away from him. All good again. We were close again, our arms going up, hands intertwined.
'And now the lift. Just the running part. No jumping', Tamlin breathed. I nodded as our arms came down again. We danced backwards, I rotated and walked away. I took a breath and looked at Tamlin. Why did we need a lift? I was sure the dance would look just as good without it.
No, this was Tamlin. He would never settle for less. When he did a Latin dance with Mor, she went up at least three times. We all knew it was a sure way to impress the crowd. Unless I jumped, lost balance and tackled Tamlin to the ground.
I threw my arms backward and ran towards him, stopping just in time. We waited the ten seconds it would take to normally perform the lift and took it from there.
Mor stopped the music.
'Nice. It's starting to look good.'
Starting to look good? I barely made any mistakes. I was sure I had executed the moves smoothly. Dancing was so exhausting. When would we reach the point a viewer could look at it and call it effortlessly beautiful?
Thinking back on my art work and how long it took before I was happy enough to show something to someone I sighed. It had taken me three years until I had finally produced something I was honestly satisfied with to show to others. I needed to persist.
Tamlin snapped his jaw shut, wiping the sweat of his face.
'This is my dance space', Tamlin explained as he put my arms into a holding position. 'And this, is your dance space.'
'I don't go into yours', he said while signalling between me and him annoyedly. 'And you don't go into mine. You hold the frame.'
he shoved my arms, they didn't budge when he pushed them this time. I had muscles, I would show him. He signalled Mor.
'Again.' He was trying to channel his feelings into his moves instead of taking it out on me. It was an improvement, but I still felt a combination of anger and disappointment in my stomach.
He brought his arms into position and stepped closer until we grasped each other's arms.
Mor came over and adjusted our arms. I held still, holding my frame. She pulled my shoulders a little backwards. She went to stand behind me and adjusted my wrists and pulled my hips. Such tiny adjustments. Could the crowd really tell?
She pressed her cool hand against my back and took my hip. Her hands so gentle compared to Tamlin's tugs.
The song started. Mor didn't let go and guided my movements. I felt her dance through me. Despite the quick pace, she managed to take her time with the movements and executed them with immaculate precision, even down to the gracious subtle movements of her arms.
No matter how fast the music was, you couldn't simply run through the moves if you wanted to entertain. I was glad she didn't have to do any major repositioning throughout this part of the song though.
Tamlin took a break as Mor and I mirrored each other for the female parts of the dance.
'So, Feyre, we're performing in the bar tonight. We're doing a different version of the mambo. Want to come and watch?' Mor asked as she put on a fluffy skirt which I assumed was to practice her dance with Tamlin.
'Sure.'
'Enjoy some of your day Feyre darling, you deserve it', Mor said as a ways of goodbye.
I had two hours left till dinner and took my time to read a bit by the pool. It was a book Elain had bought me for my birthday this year. It had a bigger font size than the average books and the text was nicely spaced. I didn't know where she got it from. I had to ask her sooner rather than later. I enjoyed reading because of the wonderful worldbuilding and stories but books always gave me a headache. Elain had chosen well. It was exactly my genre.
I was distracted from my reading when a shadow suddenly hovered over my pages. Looking up, I saw Tarquin grinning at me.
'How are you doing?'
'Good, enjoying some precious free time in between rehearsing.'
'You don't mind too much though, do you? It's your holiday after all. I wouldn't want you to feel like you didn't have the time to enjoy it in between practicing.'
'You forget I want to be able to dance.'
'I assumed you wanted to learn at your own pace though.'
'I did, I'll take what I can get though. Free classes are free classes, ey?' I grinned. Tarquin smiled.
'Are you planning on doing something tonight?
'I was going to the bar to see Tamlin and Mor perform. Did you want to invite me for something else?'
'No. Actually, Tamlin had asked me to come and see as well. I was going to ask you if he hadn't already.'
Tarquin backed away smiling.
'Great, I'll see you tonight then!'
He gave me a thumbs up and ran back towards his high chair again.
It was so easy to like Tarquin. We'd barely talked a handful of times but he was just so incredibly friendly and nice. I couldn't help but love him a little for so readily offering his friendship after years of having had barely any friends at home.
~.~
Tarquin and I weren't the only ones attending the performance. As I entered the bar I quickly spotted Elain in a pink tea dress. She was smiling but the nervous way in which her fingers played with her drink told me she was uneasy. The company she was with didn't look particularly malicious, just very rich.
I wondered what they were talking about.
I still hadn't forgotten her teary eyed face as she had stormed towards her bedroom a couple days ago. She'd been with Graysen the whole night.
With a lot of effort I managed to coax everything out of her. Graysen had texted her the previous day, asking to have dinner together. She'd agreed, because she knew she hadn't spent much time with him while she was supposed to be here to spend time with him.
It had been a family dinner with the Nolanson's and Vanserra's. 'They're just like Lucien told me. Entitled and mean. They look down on everyone so incredibly much Feyre. When one of them asked me what I studied and I answered biology, some simply laughed! I felt awful.'
Graysen had asked her to sleep together afterwards. When she was trying to get out of it, he'd reminded her of how many times she had explicitly stated the desire to be able to sleep together before. Elain realized that she couldn't avoid sleeping with him the entire holiday so she'd slept with him.
When he went to brush his teeth, he left his phone on the nightstand. Message after message of different girls kept popping up. She innocently informed him he'd gotten messages and asked him who was still trying to contact him at that hour. He'd told her it was his family, informing him of meetings and tasks tomorrow. Elain, who was never good at lying or hiding things, had still managed to keep in her pain at being lied to. They'd slept then, but as soon as she'd left the building the next day she'd started crying.
She knew he'd cheated, she knew he'd raped someone, but it had still hurt her when he lied into her face. That's why she had wanted to go out so much. She'd pulled herself back together again by the time Nesta had woken up for breakfast.
Maybe she didn't need a reason to feel particularly miserable tonight. Just Graysen's company could suffice to make her sick. God knew I'd feel sick to the bone if I had to spend time with someone who had betrayed my trust in every way imaginable.
'You want something from the bar? It's on me. To make up for pushing you into the water that first day. ' Tarquin asked.
'Just a cola. Thank you', I answered.
Tarquin disappeared. I looked towards the stage again. Mor and Tamlin were walking on the stage as the lights were dimmed.
Mor looked simply stunning in that glittery blue dress. Her smile was radiant as she pushed her body against Tamlin's. I recognised the starting position. Tamlin and I were going to start out the same way.
I could look like Mor, I realised as a blue spot was aimed at them. Our hair colour was similar enough and we had the same tall, toned physique. Perhaps the Cortez management couldn't even tell the difference.
The music started and Tamlin immediately pulled on Mor's hand so that she turned away from his body.
The moves rapidly followed each other on the key tones of the music. The people on the floor before the stage started dancing as well.
I looked around in alarm.
Please Tarquin, come back before someone wants to make me dance.
I turned to look at Mor and Tamlin again.
Too late.
A red haired man smiled and held up his hand.
'Couldn't let you stand all by yourself, now could I?'
The copper hair and sharp features reminded me of that Lucien boy Elain had talked with at the club, but this man was probably around thirty.
'No, I guess not', I smiled as I took his hand.
Might as well use this as an opportunity to practice my moves.
'You know… You remind me of someone', he confessed.
'So do you', I admitted before being spun around.
'I'm Eris Vanserra.'
Fuck.
Of all seven Vanserra's, I had to bump into the oldest one who so happened to have harassed Mor for years.
'Feyre Archeron.'
'Oh, Elain's sister?'
'Yes.'
He remained quiet for a while, moving me around the room. He was a good dancer, smooth and precise. But I couldn't help but feel uneasy in his arms.
'You two look alike. Your eyes are different though.'
'Yeah, I inherited my mom-'
He didn't let me finish.
'To be honest, I think you're prettier. But don't tell your sister I told you that.'
Ass.
I remained silent and looked at the couple performing on stage. I was still proud of my progress this afternoon, but I still wasn't on their level. They looked like they were actually enjoying themselves on stage while I simply suffered through the whole dance.
'The dance people', he huffed. Not that I needed the explaining. 'They're here to keep the guests happy', he said scornfully. 'They shouldn't be showing off that much. That's not going to sell.'
I looked around. Almost everyone was looking at them, or at least throwing occasional glances.
'I don't know, everyone looks pretty interested to me.'
He looked at me. Even his smile had something condescending.
'They need to sell their dance classes. You see any of the middle aged ladies here doing that?' he asked as Mor threw her leg on Tamlin's shoulder.
I grinned and shook my head. I couldn't even see myself doing that. And I had to perform a mambo with him as well.
A grumpy old man with thinning red hair grabbed my attention as he pushed through the crowd.
Tamlin threw Mor in the air. I froze. Was that the lift I was going to do? I envisioned myself plummeting to the floor instead of being caught by Tamlin.
The man was now obviously making his way towards the stage. I could only see half of his gestures from where I was at. But Tamlin and Mor definitely got his message.
They jumped down from the stage and both took a partner from the crowd. The colored spots started moving across the dance floor. Their performance had ended.
'Feyre! Thank god I found you again. Here's your drink.'
Tarquin froze as Eris turned around.
'Buying drinks for customers? I do hope you know the rules, pool boy.'
'Yes sir. I merely offered her a drink because I pushed her into the water when I saved someone.'
Eris looked back at me.
'He didn't push you too hard I hope?'
'No. No harm done. Besides, he immediately apologized and now made up for it. He was most polite, excellent service.'
Eris nodded slowly, a smile reappearing on his face.
'Good', he decided.
'Apologize me, if you please. I'm needed elsewhere.' I gave him an awkward nod after which he slithered away.
'He really is awful', I admitted as soon as he was far away enough.
'He sure is. I hope he never inherits the family business.'
'Thank you for saving me.'
'You better thank me. I believe I almost lost my job for interrupting your conversation.'
'I'm sorry, Tarquin. But he asked me to dance and I didn't know who he was. By the time I discovered his name, there was no way to get away.'
We meandered through the crowd. Tarquin was just looking at the dancing people, but I was looking for my sister.
Hers was another conversation that was preferably interrupted before Graysen insisted on sleeping together again.
I spotted the group of people at the bar. But something was up.
'Why are you talking to my girlfriend!' Graysen slurred as he pushed against Lucien's chest. The ginger looked annoyed.
'Well you aren't talking to her. It's only polite to provide a woman with some conversation.'
'I'm be keeping my eyes on you, you little nothing. You wanna know why I call him that Elain? It's cuz he is nuthin'. The least competitive Vanserra, mommy's little boy. He's a disgrace in his father's eyes. Never showed any spine or entrepreneurship. It's almost as if he doesn't care about the business our dads built!'
Damn, he was really drunk.
'Graysen. That's incredibly mean! We were just talking. Why on earth are you saying these kinds of things? I was a bit bored and Lucien made sure I didn't feel left out as you were discussing the stock market with your friends. I'm sure he didn't have any ulterior motives.'
'Besides, little boy? You're still younger than me', Lucien huffed.
Apparently, all Vanserra's have ice in their veins.
'Elain! What are you doing here! I didn't know you were here as well!' I cried out as I ran towards her. Elain looked up in confusion but immediately picked up my intention.
'Feyre! Did you see the performance as well? It was magnificent, wasn't it?'
'It totally was. But, I just got a text from dad. He wants us to come home.'
'Oh no', she sighed.
Elain looked at Graysen, a disappointed pout on her lips.
'My love, I've got to go home. I'll see you tomorrow alright?'
He threw his arms around her and placed a sloppy kiss on her lips.
'Sweet dreams, my love. I love you.'
'Love you too', she said as she gave him a quick peck.
'Lucien?' The redhead smiled and nodded.
'Tamlin is looking for you.'
I knew they were friends. Maybe Graysen did as well.
'Oh, is he? Ah, yes. I had promised to buy him a drink after his performance. Do you have any idea where he is?'
'No, I'm sorry.'
'No matter, I'll find him.'
We walked away together, Lucien whispering a quick "thanks" as he slipped past us into the crowd.
'You're leaving?' Tarquin asked.
'It's for the best', I sighed.
He nodded. 'No problem. I'll go look for Tamlin as well.'
'Thanks Feyre. I don't know how I'm going to keep up this charade for the rest of summer.'
Neither do I, Elain. Neither do I.