Day 100

When Samantha Traynor figured out that Kaidan had started to keep a tally of the days, of how long it had been since the war, she wasn't surprised. Actually, Kaidan was the one who was shocked that she didn't react how he had expected. He expected her to tell him to just give up the ghost and focus on what was important, he expected her to keep his head held high and dp what was best for everyone else. When he realized he had expected her to react as Shepard would have reacted, he felt embarrassed.

When he told Samantha this, she laughed, but not the type of laugh that was making fun of him. It was a small laugh, one that showed she felt bad that he still wasn't dealing with this well, and simply suggested that he do whatever he could to make things right for him. It wasn't expected. But it was nice to hear something different than what he thought she would say.

One hundred days since the war ended, since Shepard disappeared, since everything changed. The Citadel was almost back to full power now, and the only people staying on the station were those that were working to fix it.

So this meant that there were soldiers to move the heavy stuff, engineers to get things functioning, mechanics to make sure the engineers didn't mess anything up, and anything else people could come up with. Despite all the people though, thousands were still back on Earth, waiting to come back up to Space, up to the Citadel which was now almost permanently in Alliance space.

It would make sense that those who were not used to Earth's atmospheres be put up on the station first: Turians, Quarians, Krogans...the Salarians seemed to be dealing with things well enough and surprisingly were ok with everyone else heading to the station before them. They continued to work on getting their crash ships up and working again, and that seemed to be everyone's goal. Get ships up and working again. Head out of Alliance space, head back home.

For a lot of people though, they weren't sure where home was anymore.

Kaidan was one of those people.

Sure, physically Earth was his home. And physically, he was living on the Citadel, serving as a pseudo police force with other Spectres that were still around under orders from the Council. But just because he was physically somewhere, it didn't mean that he was mentally home.

One hundred days was a long time to still mourn for someone and not move on. It was a long time to hold onto something that seemed very unlikely to return. Though, people around him seemed to understand. It was...

...pathetic. It was pathetic, he was pathetic, why couldn't he just move on?

There was always some sort of self loathing that came up in the day to day, and today was no different. He spent his days overseeing rebuilding efforts, his arm fully healed now, his heart lesser so. He spent his nights struggling with sleep, reliving his past mistakes and things he should have said to Shepard night and night again. So sometimes during the day, when he had a break, he'd essentially zone out.

"Hey!" Samantha's voice broke through, and Kaidan turned around to see Samantha and James standing in front of him. "We..have a surprise. Well, sort of. Right?"

James shrugged, "Come on, Elvis," the bigger man joked, using the now ever familiar nickname and Kaidan couldn't quite get the hang of.

"Where are we going?" Kaidan asked, raising an eyebrow as he fell into step with Samantha, James taking far longer strides than them, walking in front of them with a determined stride. "And what's with him?"

"Lots of things. You know, changes." Samantha shrugged, her tone oddly cheerful. It was almost enough to bring a smile to Kaidan's face.

Actually, it was. Dammit, she was good at that. Samantha noticed the smile and nudged Kaidan's shoulder, "Come on, it's around the corner."

He knew well enough to know where they were going - the lights may not have been all the way on, but the structures were repaired enough that he knew he was on the strip. The casino's lights weren't all the way on yet, and the arcade was completely dark - only simple lighting lead the way towards the apartment building.

His heart was in his stomach - could he handle this? Could he deal with going back to that apartment? Both of the previous owners were no longer with them - one had been essentially evaporated with the Crucible, and one was still missing. Presumed dead. Most likely dead. What was going back here going to solve?

Samantha seemed to notice that Kaidan's walk wasn't as fast anymore, it wasn't matching with hers, but she didn't stop to turn around to see what was wrong. There was a reason that she was doing this with James - no one else was ready to see what this apartment could do to Kaidan's stability, and they were the only ones who seemed strong enough mentally to help him through it.

She reached the doors just as James did, and the two of them waited for Kaidan to finally come up in protest, "What are we doing here? Is this really necessary?", before they opened the door.

When they did, Kaidan couldn't prepare himself for the flood of memories that would come back to him. If memories were a physical being, it would have knocked Kaidan off his feet and to the floor. He took a deep breath as he walked into the apartment. James hovered by the door, leaning against the wall, as Samantha took point to walk around with Kaidan.

The apartment was in surprisingly good shape - to be honest, most of the things on the strip were now, not much to clean up. The strip was far enough away from the edge of the Citadel's outreaching arm that the power of the weapon didn't take much out , and what it did take out, it would be easy to repair.

Kaidan folded his arms in front of his chest as he stood in the middle of the living room, looking around. Most everything seemed to be in order. Somethings were missing, at least this is what Samantha seemed to be saying, but Kaidan wasn't actually listening. He broke off from her to explore the apartment, pick up things that had fallen, making notes to himself of what needed to still be fixed and what needed to be cleaned. What could stay, what needed to be thrown away.

It wasn't until he had reached up stairs, and into the larger bedroom that Samantha said, "We were thinking that it was only right for you to have it. We didn't want...someone else to have this place, to take it away from all of us, and I...well I honestly thought this could help you get some peace."

Samantha was leaning against the door frame as she spoke, and Kaidan found himself helplessly standing in the middle of the bedroom, not sure where to go. The furniture was ruined and would need to be replaced. There were broken light bulbs, and some wiring still hung from the ceiling. That would need to be fixed.

"Thank you, Sam, I just don't...think it's right. To be here alone, I mean. I..." Kaidan's eyes fell to the floor, "I'm not dealing well with being alone, you know? I don't know."

He sighed heavily, and looked up at Samantha, "So while...I agree that we need to keep this with one of us, I don't know if I'm your person."

"I thought you might say that!" Samantha said, and pushed off the wall, "Which is why I'm going to be your roommate." She grinned, "I can help you get this place back into top shape, we can redecorate and replace what we need to, keep what holds value to us, things that remind us of Shepard, and we can make this a place of good memories and happy past rather than focus on...the negative."

Kaidan had to admit, Samantha had a way with words, and she certainly knew how to get to him. Granted, those words weren't exactly poetic, and really he was easy to manipulate these days when it came to Shepard, but she was a friend. He trusted her, and his trust never came easily.

"If I agree to this..." He started, but Samantha interrupted him.

"Just agree and we can talk logistics later, it's not like we can move in here yet anyway, we have a lot we have to fix to make it safe. But just agree."

"I..."

"Hey, Elvis, just agree with the lady, eh? Save the arguing for things that matter." James called out from downstairs, and Samantha laughed.

"Alright. Alright!" Kaidan sighed, exasperated. "I agree."

"Good! Okay, I...shoot I need to get back to my shift at the wards, but I think Steve might come over, maybe Tali and Garrus? Okay we will talk later!" Samantha grinned, and patted Kaidan on the shoulder, "This is going to be good for you, I promise, okay?"

"Yeah, okay, go! Go. Don't be late for your shift." Kaidan waved her off, following her down the stairs, finding James leaning against a different wall, but in the same stance. Samantha left the apartment quickly, leaving just James and Kaidan.

"Come on, man, I'm starving. Let's get some food." James patted Kaidan on the back, which caused Kaidan to jump a little at the force of the contact. "Maybe they have some beer..."

"Pretty sure that's a no, James," Kaidan shrugged, "But food would be good."

It was weird to think that a small gesture such as giving Kaidan the apartment would put him in a better mindset, but it did. Despite what he was telling himself over the past one hundred days, he wasn't alone. HE didn't have to go through any of this alone. Maybe once he realized that fully, he could open himself into moving on, starting over with his life.

Everything would take time to fix, and it was still a few weeks before they could allow everyone to return to the Citadel and formulate some sort of life, but it was something. Everyone else seemed eager to start up their lives again, and maybe Kaidan could feel that too.

Though right now, all he could feel was relieved. Feeling something was good, no matter what it was. He'd take it.