Inheritance

4.

I hate it here. I hate all the other kids. I don't want to be with them in their stupid clan dormitory. They don't like me, and they don't understand me. They just stare and whisper and look at me like I'm poodoo. That's why I live here now, in Master's quarters, instead of down there where I supposedly belong. I don't know where Master Obi-Wan is right now, but being here is better than being there. I think somebody came looking for me a minute ago, but I've figured out how to lock the door from the inside and jam it, so they had to go away. Maybe they know I'm hiding in here – they can tell a lot of stuff just with their minds, without seeing it. That's part of what I don't like. On Tatooine, I was the one who could see things before they happened and tell if folks were lying or cheating. Here, it's the other way around. Everybody is looking through you all the time, like you're made of transparisteel or something. Master says he will teach me how to shield- that means, make your mind so other Jedi can't shove their nose in your business. I think Master is pretty good at that – I mean, I can practically never tell what he's thinking, and I figure he's been practicing since he was like a baby or something.

It's kind of weird to think about, but Master Obi-Wan prob'ly doesn't even remember his mother. I hope she was nice, even though she gave him away and all.

I miss my mom. I want to go home. I hate it here.

And here comes Master now – I can feel him before he even opens the door. It's easy, really. I can't really explain, but he kind of shines. So then I open the door, 'cause I jammed it pretty good, and he comes into the room all in hurry, not even looking surprised to see me there. But he never looks surprised. Last month, when we got sent to that boring summit on Whatsit Minor, and there was those angry protesters in the spaceport and that guy with the big blaster just went crazy right in front of us, Master didn't even blink. That guy's arm was on the floor before he could even blink. And afterward, Obi-Wan just put his lightsaber away and watched the policemen come and then he told me to keep walking, we were going to be late for our transport and that would be rude.

And when I asked why that man was so insanely angry, he just said he would explain it later, like the whole thing was boring. So I guess being a Jedi means nothing really shocks you anymore, or makes you sad.

Master looks kind of sad right now, though. Mom used to hold me when she was feeling sad, and then she would brighten up again. I wish maybe Obi-Wan would do that but I think its against the Code because he doesn't make a move or anything. He just runs a hand through his hair – it's all floppy now, much longer than when I first met him, and he looks at me with one of those expressions I can't make out, and he says, "Anakin."

"Why are you upset, Master?" I ask. "It's 'cause of what happened yesterday, isn't it?"

He just walks across the room and tosses his cloak through his open bedroom door, which is pretty wizard 'cause he just sorta backhanded it without looking and it landed on the sleep mattress all perfectly, and also because Master Obi-Wan is never sloppy or rude and never throws anything. It's funny to see him act this way, but also a bit scary. And then he sits down on a meditation cushion, folding his legs up criss-cross like they taught us to do the other day – I mean, when I had to go to the little kid class that I really hated – and closes his eyes.

See? Mom always gave hugs, but Obi-Wan just meditates. Frustrated? Meditate. Hurt feelings? Meditate. Confused? Meditate. Tired? Meditate. Lonely? Meditate. Bored? Meditate. It s a big load of bantha poodoo if you ask me, 'cause Mom had a better solution and she wasn't even a Jedi, but he says Master Qui-Gon used to do the same thing, and that I should too, so I guess it's all right. I mean, it prob'ly doesn't do any harm but it would be easier if he would just talk about what's bothering him.

So after a while when I can't wait any longer I just blurt it out. "What's wrong, master? Am I in more trouble with the Council?"

He takes this really big, deep breath and opens his eyes. "No, Anakin. You answer to me; and we have already discussed your mistake. It's in the past. If anyone is, ah, in trouble with the Council, it is myself."

What? That is absolute boshuda. "They busted you for what I did?" I can't believe how unfair that is. It's like something Watto would think up. Jedi are way better than that.

Master's eyes go sideways. When he's thinking a lot of stuff in his head that he doesn't think is proper to say aloud, he does that. I can always tell when he's just saying the polite thing on the outside, because his eyes will always shift focus like that, and then come back to you after he's had this private snark on the inside. I wish he would just get it over and be mad, but I guess Jedi don't do that, 'cause actually I've never seen him really throw a fit. "That is not your concern," he tells me.

"They did! How can they do that?"

Now his eyes get all narrow, which means I better shut up pretty soon. "It is my responsibility to teach you, Anakin. If you do not learn, does that not indicate some deficiency on my part?"

Oh, boy. There is no way I am answering that one. "Sorry," I say, wondering if maybe I should go away. My feet start to fidget around even though I'm not supposed to do that. "Sorry."

I guess I'll just go to bed. I can tell Master Obi-Wan is hurt, but he doesn't believe in the simple things that Mom did, so there's nothing I can do to make it better. Everything is complicated with him. With the Temple. And I guess that means everything is gonna be complicated for me now, too.

And I'm not crying here in my bed either. It just looks that way, but it's not true. Because Jedi don't do that, right? And I'm a Jedi now.