Institutionalised
Chapter 4: Seeing Red (6x19)
The gunshot was a surprise. It hitting her even more so. She was the Slayer. Something as small and mundane as a bullet wasn't supposed to take her out. The last time she'd died it had been to save the world, jumping into the swirling vortex of an opening hell dimension. This was nothing, a non-entity, irrelevant, unimportant. A silly little man, who wanted to punish her for 'foiling his evil scheme'. A toddler throwing its toys out the pram. Yet the pain was real enough and yes that was her blood and Xander panicking above her. Then it went dark for a bit.
Buffy opened her eyes in the hospital room. For one split second she thought someone had got her there fast without her knowledge…but then she recognised it and panic gripped her heart icily.
"No, no, no. I have to get back."
"Funny, that's not what you said the last time I saw you."
William was standing in her doorway. Instantly she was on her feet, holding out a hand to push him away.
"Keep away from me."
"S'wrong Slayer?"
She remembered his hands grabbing her, hurting her. He took a step forward.
"Back off," she snarled.
He stopped, puzzled and then frowned.
"What did I do?" he sounded angry at himself. "What did he do?"
She shook her head. Tried to articulate it and failed. Instead she settled for, "You are not my boyfriend."
"Never said I was love," he muttered and gave that damn sexy irresistible look that he still managed to pull off without the black leather.
"Go away." She was almost in tears. There and here were mashed together in her head until it felt like it would tear apart. She had to get back…wasn't she dying? Why couldn't she get back?
"Look, Buffy, I must have hurt you bad, but we can fix it. I can change. You change me."
She didn't want to hear it. She had wrapped her arms tight around herself and was backing away, seeing him through a veil of tears.
"You can't change," she struggled, paused. "He can't change." She took a steadying breath. "I won't see him anymore."
Panic flashed across William's face.
"Buffy…"
"It's too late," she whispered in a dead voice, "he's already gone."
'Buffy! Buffy! Stay with me." Xander's face fluttered in and out of focus.
"Buffy?" She was wrenched back into the hospital. William had taken a few steps closer.
"Stay back," she ordered. He stopped and her eyes widened. "It's you," she whispered suddenly as a revelation dawned.
"What is?" he asked coolly.
"You're the one keeping me here."
There was a heavy silence.
"And how could I do that, Pet?" his tone was dangerously low.
She swallowed hard but she'd said it once to his counterpart, she could say it again to him.
"I have feelings for you. I don't know how, or why, but I do. Both of you. Whichever one of you is real, and you've both felt real enough." In different ways of course. She hadn't shared that intimacy with William that she had with Spike. She wondered if it would feel as good…bad thoughts.
He was just watching her. She couldn't read his expression.
Pain exploded in her chest. "Oh God, we're losing her. Buffy!"
She was back, waiting for his response.
"So you're just gonna get rid of both of us. Push us both away."
She looked at him sympathetically.
"I'm sorry…William…"
She didn't like the look in his eye. It was almost too familiar. He took a step forward.
"I won't let you do this Buffy."
"Are you going to try and rape me too?" It was out of her mouth before she could stop it and he froze like she'd slapped him. The hurt and disgust on his face was completely genuine. The thought hadn't even crossed his mind.
"How could you think…?" he started and then stopped, realising. He turned his back on her and walked away. "Do what you gotta do, Slayer," he said coldly as he left the room. She didn't hear him add, "And I'm gonna do what I've gotta do."
She almost went after him…almost…would have if he wasn't the trick, the thing to keep her here. She could hear her friends calling her back and without William in the room she was able to go to them.