Hippy meets Ribena Hirbird

BANG BANG BANG.Hippy hid behind the fireplace,BANG BANG BANG,Vincy Wincy and Lesbianpolly stopped making out and were now scared of what was about to bash through the door and Dastardly Diggins didn't notice because he was now under the covers sniffing weed.

CRASH,the door flew open and a big hairy person came walking in. Lesbianpolly fainted and Vincy Wincy got out a pistol. Dastardly Diggins was too high to notice what was going on.

"I reckon you should put that away Vincy Wincy,you could cause some damage" ordered the hairy Giant.Vincy Wincy growled and tossed the pistol out of sight.

"WHAT THE CRAP ARE YOU DOING HERE,GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE"Bellowed Vincy Wincy. The Giant didn't seem to be scared of him.

"I suggest you watch your language you great fat oaf,now tell me were Hippy is" he barked.Hippy finally came out of his hiding place to introduce himself.

"I'm Hippy" he said walking towards the big hairy man.

"Ah there you are" The giant said jollily slapping Hippy hard on the back.Vincy Wincy grabbed hold of Hippy and pulled him away from the Giant.

"You don't talk to the little shitter,now get out before i shove that pistol up your fat arse" he snarled.

"You can talk you great fat loser" replied Hippy. Vincy Wincy slapped him hard round the head.

"Don't say one word" he snarled. The Giant had just had enough of Vincy Wincy. He gave him a bag of cocaine to sniff.

"Whoooooooooo this is the best godamn stuff ever" he said before passing out.

"Phew now i can have a nice old chat with you Hippy" said the Giant taking Hippy to one side. It was very unlikely they were going to be interupted because Vincy Wincy has passed out from sniffing the cocaine,Lesbianpolly was still out cold and Dastardly Diggins was too busy getting stoned to notice that there was a giant in the room.

"So what have you come to tell me then?" Hippy asked curiously " and who the hell are you?".

"I'm Ribena Hirbird but you can call me Hirbird if you want" he offered his large Hnad to Hippy's who nervously took it.

"Erm,pleased to meet you Hirbird" he said nervously. "So what have you come to tell me?".Hirbird sighed as he prepared to tell Hippy the whole truth about him.

"You're a wizard Hippy Snoter" he admitted.Hippy's eyes nearly popped out his head and he fell face first into a pile of dead spiders.

"I'm cough,a,cough,what?" he spluttered,spraying dead spiders everywhere.

"A wizard and a godamn good one too" Hirbird said proudly. Hippy couldn't believe what he was nearing.

"But i can't be a wizard,i'm Just Hippy the nerd boy who is allergic to dairy products and suffers all sorts of abuse from people,how the hell am i a wizard?" he asked in utter shock.

"Guess those godamn relatives of yours didn't say anything to you" Hirbird said pitfully.

"Well i once asked how my parents died" Hippy replied shrugging his shoulders.

"What did they say to you?" Hirbird demanded to know. Hippy licked his teeth as he tried to remember what Lesbainpolly had told him when he asked how his parents died five years ago.

"Well erm,Aunt Lesbianpolly said that they took drugs and one day they were going for a drive,whilst sniffing weed they crashed the car and died instantly" he siad simply.At that point Hirbird let out

"YOUR PARENTS DIDN'T DIE IN A CAR CRASH AND THEY WERN'T DRUG DEALERS EITHER" he roared so loud that Hippy had to cover his ears.

"Alright,well you tell me the whole story. Go on i've got plenty of time so you might as well tell me" Hippy demanded furioulsy. Hirbird sighed as he prepared to tell Hippy the whole stroy.

"Well,your parents were very nice and caring people,they never got drunk or took drugs and they loved you so much. Well,when you were one year old a very evil wizard named Volddumbshit came to your house and was attempting to kill your parents".

"How did he do it?" Hippy butted in.

"I'm going to tell you know,anyway Volddumbshit went into your house and he attacked your dad whilst your mum ran to hide in the pantry. After hving a fight with your dad he got him,took of his clothes leaving him in his underwear and then stuffed him in the freezer and then he did the same to your mum. I think he was trying to make out they were shagging in the freezer and foze to death".

"Gross" Hippy replied "so what happened after that?".

"Well" Hirbird continued" Volddumbshit found you hiding in the pantry. So he grabbed hold of you,took you to the bathroom and tried flushing you down the toilet but you made the toilet exslode,Volddumbshit got scared,ran away and you survived with just that scar on your forehead which looks like he letter z".

"How the hell did i get this crappy scar anyway?" Hippy asked.

"Well when the toilet exsploded,a piece of it hit you on the forehead" Hirbird explained. Hipy was now satisfied but still couldn't firgure out why Hirbird was here.

" So why are you here,have you come to take me somewhere?". Hirbird let out a chuckle.

"Oh yes i am. You have been accepted at the most famou wizarding school in England. Bogwarts" Replied Hirbird.

"Way-hey,when can we go?" Hippy said jumping up and down.

"We'll go right now,now get your coat" Ordered Hirbird. Hippy giggled with glee and followed Hirbird out of the hut just as Lesbianpolly was begining to come round.