A/N: Woah chapter 4 is here.... how fun. I don't feel like this is my best work, but I hope you all like it. And yet again thank you to all of you that have left me so many great reviews. You have no idea how much it means to me that you all are enjoying my work. So thank you, and enjoy.

Disclaimer: This is getting old. I own nothing.

It had been a whole week since me and Jasper sat out in the backyard together. Since then, hardly a word was spoken between us. We shared the daily 'good mornings' and 'how are you doing' but other then that, nothing. I couldn't say I was complaining though. It was all my choice. Some of the reason was because of school. Finals were drawing near, and it was hard for me to concentrate.

But, most of the reason was that after I went to my room that night, something happened to me. As I sat alone in my room, I couldn't help but still feel Jasper's warm hand on mine. It felt so right. I couldn't explain why, but it did. The only problem was that the sickening feeling that I was doing Edward wrong wouldn't go away.

Even though my feelings for Jasper could not be classified as love. There was still a certain connection we held. It made me feel like I was being unfaithful to someone I could care less about. My mind was a whirlwind of messed up feelings, it was imposable to get any sleep that night.

Now that a week had passed, I was nowhere near close to figuring things out. Every time Jasper came near me, I had the urge to be closer to him. Every time he laughed; which was rare. I wanted to laugh with him.

I noticed the longing stares he gave me. The few words we spoke to each other, I could tell he was waiting for me to say more. But I couldn't. Not without the guilt that consumed me. It was making me more reserved then ever before. Not to mention the chances of seeing Edward around campus was high. Add that to my guilt and fear, I was a walking zombie. I wished Peter was still here.

"Bella, if you don't get out of that room I'm gonna have to drag you out." Rose yelled while tapping on the door.

I rolled my eyes, and looked up from my evil math textbook. I was horrible at all forms of math. At this rate I would never pass the final exam.

"What's in it for me?" I yelled back without even getting up to let her in.

"Just get out here! Maid of honor duties are calling you."

"Fine!" I rolled off the bed; wincing a little from the pain. God damn bones took forever to heal.

"What can I do for you, oh holy bride?" I asked after opening the door.

"You could at least be a little happy. I need you to go with me for wedding dress shopping." She crossed her arms, and gave me a look of annoyed concern.

I faltered, slumping my shoulders. I knew I was being a bitch lately, and not very talkative. Considering if it weren't for Rose I would be dead right now.

"I'm sorry. I am happy, where are you planning on looking?"

"Victoria's Bridal Couture of course!" She squealed. My eyes bugged out from the shock.

"Can you afford one of those dresses?"

"Well no, not with my job. But Esme and Carlisle told me to pick out whatever I wanted, they'll take care of it."

"Seriously?" I asked, my mouth agape.

"I feel a little bad, but I can't possible say no. Now let's go, my appointment is at three."

I pulled my phone out of my pocket to check the time. It was only 1:45. But with traffic we would have to leave now.

"Give me a second." I closed the door again to go change. None of my clothes were what you could call couture. I would feel out of place in such a fancy store, but Rose needed me for this. Shrugging in the mirror, I pulled my hair into a loose pony tail.

"Maid of Honer reporting for duty." I said with a small smile. If I was gonna be spending the day with her, I had to at least look like I was happier.

"Funny, now come on!." She dragged me out of the door by my arm with a vengeance.

"I swear if you become a bridezilla, I am not doing time for you."

"Oh hush." She stuck her tongue out at me, and in seconds she was speeding towards the highway.

It didn't take long at all to get to the store from here, but Rose has always been impatient. It's a wonder we got along at all with all our differences.

She was just taking the exit into the city, and turned down the radio. "I know this is probably a stupid question, but have you been alright?"

I knew she would ask sooner or later. Nothing in me could be annoyed with her though. "I've been having my ups and downs, but I'll be alright." I shrugged.

"All of us have been worried..." She took a deep breath in. "especially Jasper."

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "Why?" I asked in a whisper.

"Jasper does care about you, Bella. He's always been that way. Once he sees someone he likes, he never changes the way he feels. I hope someday you two can be friends."

I nodded a little, and slumped in my seat. Friends huh? I wanted to be more then friends with him.

As if she sensed my mood change, Rose turned the radio back up, and didn't say a word until we got the the bridal shop. It wasn't a huge place, but it was the best. Every girl that was getting married wanted a dress from here.

Rose was back to her peppy self as we made our way into the store. It was bustling with workers, and soon to be brides. I was almost wishing to see a camera crew filming for Bridezillas. Too bad everyone seemed calm. Until we went to the front desk that is.

"Name?" A sullen looking red head asked with a pencil in her hand. She looked like she needed some major caffeine, and a happy pill.

"Rosalie Hale."

The girl looked at the paper, and nodded once. "You're with Alice." She clicked a button on her headset. "Alice, your three o clock appointment is here."

Moments later, a small pixie looking girl came over to us. She wore a bright smile, and looked like she had way to much energy radiating in that little body of hers.

"Hello, I'm Alice. I'll be assisting you today." She shook Rose's hand then turned to me. "MOH I presume?"

"Huh?" I asked dumbfounded.

"Maid of Honer." She laughed.

"Oh yeah, that's me I'm Bella." She shook my hand.

"Get to work Alice. You have two more appointment's today." The girl behind the desk growled.

"Oh yeah, sorry Vicky." Alice rolled her eyes.

"You're on thin ice by calling me that."

"Sure sure, let's go girls." Alice ignored Vicky's threats, and lead us to where some of the gowns were held.

"What's up her ass?" I asked once we were out of ear shot.

"Ehh it's just Victoria. She's pissed cause her husband left her last month. I would feel bad since she has to be around engaged couples all the time, but she was a bitch before." Alice shrugged.

"So, Rose. What are we looking for today? Something elegant or something more in the simple side?"

"Elegant, definitely."Rose said without hesitation. I realized shortly after that, that I wasn't needed at this very moment. After Alice lead us to our own personal fitting room, her and Rose were off to pick out some dresses. I sat patiently in my chair, trying to get myself pumped up for major maid of honer dress critique.

About ten minutes later they both came back with a bunch of dresses in tow. Rose tried on five dresses that were complete duds. They didn't have enough 'va va voom' that Alice called it. Or they just didn't fit right. Odd considering that Rose had a supermodel body. I would think that anything would fit her perfectly.

But the sixth dress she tried on was a vision. It had lace straps that dipped down into a sweetheart neckline, and a corset bodice. The bottom was ruched A- line cut with lace and pearl embellishment throughout the whole dress. Rose looked so beautiful in it. Both me and Alice stared with our jaws agape while Rose just stood there.

"Well... opinion?"

"This is the one, Rose. You have to get it. Emmett will go nuts when he sees you in it!." I squealed. Actually squealed like I was normal again.

"It doesn't even need any fittings in the bodice. It fits you like a glove, Rose. Maybe the hem needs to be altered, but other then that this is the perfect dress for you. And believe me, I know it when I see it." Alice winked at her.

"You really think so?" Rose asked, while staring in the mirror. She looked mesmerized by her own reflection, and I could see the glimmer of tears starting to form in her eyes. I went over to hug her, tears coming out of my eyes as well.

"Oh Rose, remember when we were younger, and talked about this day for hours? Well this is how I always imagined it. You have to have this dress. It's the one."

Rose hugged me back, and now we were both blubbering girls. Alice soon joined. It was a little odd since she was only there to work, but she felt strangely normal in the hug.

"This is the one. I'll take it." Rose said without taking her eyes off of herself.

"Great! this has to be a record for me. Most woman take at least two hours to choose their dress."

"Well what can I say, I have the best maid of honer by my side." Rose said while hugging me yet again.

"So have you and your finance set a date yet?" Alice asked.

"Not a specific date yet, but we know we want it to be sometime in July. Summer's my favorite season."

"Oh I just love summer weddings. It's gonna be beautiful."

"Would you like to come?" Rose asked Alice. I was shocked. Rose hardly ever got used to anybody new this quickly.

"Oh my god yes! I can help you plan and everything if you want." Alice squealed and jumped up and down. Either she was naturally this energetic, or she just had three red bulls. "Here, take my card. I have my personal cell on the back. Call me whenever." Suddenly a voice sounded on her head set. "Oh man, I'll be back you guys."

Alice walked quickly to wherever she needed to be, and I turned back to Rose. As happy as I was for her, I couldn't help but feel the pang of jealously. This is what I was supposed to be doing. Picking out my wedding dress was something I had dreamed about since I was a little girl. Even more so when Edward and I were at our best. The dreams never ceased when he started hitting me either.

I felt that if I was a better girlfriend he would treat me better again. That he would revert back to his old ways. But it never happened. Yes, I harbored a lot of hate for Edward at this time. But the sick love was ever present. I've always wondered why he started getting so violent and jealous. Was I really leading other men on? I was definitely taking what I had for granted. Maybe it really all was my fault. If I had been a better person, none of this would ever have happened. And now that I was having feelings for another man, just weeks after I left Edward made me feel like a tramp.

I guess I didn't deserve a day of picking out my wedding dress, and planning insignificant details with Rose. It just wasn't in my fate.

I sat back down in the chair, and started feeling sick. Nothing I could do would make any of this better. I just wanted to feel normal again. Constantly second guessing my every move was growing tiresome. But now that I really realized how badly I had messed things up for myself, I would have to be stuck sitting here watching my best friend live out my life long dream.

=*=

It was the last week of the semester, and finals were kicking my ass. Emotionally I hadn't made any head way. But physically I was feeling great. I still wasn't speaking to Jasper much, and every day he seemed to be a little more bummed out about it. I couldn't blame him. I was bummed about it too.

But now that I was facing down my dreaded math exam, I didn't have time to think about it. All the numbers blurred into one, and the ticking of the clock was making my palms sweaty. Fucking test anxiety was gonna kill me one day.

"Times up." The teacher said. I groaned, and circled the rest of the answers randomly. Looks like I'd be taking this class again next semester.

After handing him the test, I walked out into the crowded halls. After all these weeks, still no sighting of Edward on campus. I considered myself lucky, but obviously I thought to soon.

"Well what do you know, Bella the tramp is back." I stopped in my tracks. I would recognize that voice anywhere. My throat closed up. I wanted to tell him to leave me alone, but the fear made me freeze.

He walked closer to me, running his hand threw my hair. "I wont hurt you here, don't worry. But you better watch your back. I'll kill you for what you did." He pulled me against him roughly, digging his fingers in my shoulders. I wanted to cry out, but his lips crashed against mine before I had a chance. He wasn't Edward anymore. It was official. Some monster had consumed him, taking away the Edward I used to love. It was all my fault.

"See you around." He slammed me into the wall, and walked away. Nobody even noticed anything was wrong. To a bystander we would look like any couple. But I couldn't breath.

I tried to walk out of the school, but my legs felt like jelly. All the voices in the hall were blurring into one another. Making one big loud room, that was making my ears ring. I collapsed on the floor, not even caring if someone noticed me.

"Bella!" His voice rang over everyone else. But the calm feeling that usually came over me didn't come.

He leaned down beside me, putting his arms around me gently. "What happened.?" He asked me frantically.

"Wha.. what are you doing here?" I asked him, feeling more woozy then before. The only clear thought I had in my head, was what he was doing here? He didn't even go here.

"That's not important, I have to get you home." He swept me up into his arms, and walked quickly out of the school. I was having deja vu. He put me in the back seat of a car, and I felt him drive off seconds later.

"It's my fault." I said as the tears were falling down. It was the only three words I could say clearly. I didn't believe anything else besides that.

I heard Jasper say something, but couldn't make it out. And before I knew it, he was carrying me inside the house. I fell back onto something cushy, but those three words never stopped coming out of my mouth.

"Bella, please listen to me. Whatever happened it is not your fault." He said with authority. I finally opened my eyes to look at him. His face was a mask of pure fear and worry.

"But it is, I made Edward do this to me. I was nothing but a bad person. He loved me and I took it for granted." More tears fell from my face, and I sat up slowly, rocking back and forth.

Jasper stayed silent for a while, letting me cry it out until I had no tears left. He handed me a box of tissues, and sat beside me.

"Will you listen to what I have to say?" He asked me slowly. I nodded once while dabbing my face with a tissue.

"I know I don't know a whole lot about you or Edward, but I do know one thing. Edward isn't the same man you fell in love with. He'll never be the same after this. You have nobody to blame but him." I tried to protest, but he stopped me. "None of this will ever be your fault. You're a great girl with so much love to offer, any man would be crazy not to notice it. I only hope you see Edward for what he is, and stop blaming yourself. I.." He paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "I can't stand to see you in pain."

I just stared at him. The words he said were true. The realist side of me knew none of this was my fault. But something was controlling me, making me feel like it was. No words could make it go away. At least not for now.

"I don't know how to deal with this." I said, my voice cracking. I wanted to lean into his warmth. But he was one step ahead of me. He wrapped me into his arms, and kissed the top of my head. It felt so natural for us to be this way. Like we were two puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly.

"I know darlin." I leaned into him, breathing in his scent. He didn't smell like some gross cologne which I was grateful for. It just smelled like him. No other smell could compare. I took a deep breath, and felt my whole body relax into him.

We could have stayed that way for hours. Time had ceased to exist in this moment. But Jasper loosened his hold on me a little bit to face me. My eyes trailed down from his sparkly baby blue eyes, down to his lips. I wanted to kiss him so bad, but I couldn't do it.

"Umm what were you doing at the school?" I asked nervously, trying to break the silence.

"Talking to an adviser. I'm going back in the fall." He smiled a little half smile. He must have been glad I felt a little better, and was talking to him again.

"What are you going for?"

"Not sure yet. But you've never mentioned what you're going for."

"I'm trying to get my bachelors in literature. I wanna be a book editor, but I don't see that happening now." I shrugged

"Don't say that. You're gonna be great at whatever you do."

Jasper sounded so sure. My insecurity's always made me think so little of myself, it was refreshing to hear some kind of encouragement now and then. Too bad it was hard for me to believe. After that I just grew tired of talking. All I wanted to do was let Jasper hold me. It seemed to be the only thing that held me together.

I snuggled in closer to him, not even caring that Rose and Emmett could come home any minute. He held on tight to me, and I leaned my head up closer to his ear. "Stay with me." I whispered to him. Although my feelings for Jasper were so confusing right now, I knew on some level that I needed him.

"Always." He whispered back to me, and kissed the top of my head again. For the first time in a long time, I felt safe.

=*=

"Bella, Jasper wake up." My eyes opened suddenly, and Jasper's warm arms were still around me protectively. Rose stood above us with a slight grin on her face.

"Having fun?" She asked, smiling wider.

"Umm, when did you get home?" I asked, and scrambled to get up. Jasper let me go, and I immediately felt empty again.

"Just now, but I think we need to talk. Wanna go for a walk?" She asked me. I knew this would be a 'I wont take no for an answer' kind of thing. So I nodded, and got up to follow her outside.

"What happened in there?" She asked as soon as she closed the door.

"Nothing really, we just fell asleep." I shrugged.

"Yeah, sure. Come on Bella. You can tell me anything, I wont judge."

"Well it's kind of a long story." So I told her about the incident at school, and the way Jasper basically saved me.

"I knew you and Jazz had a thing for each other." She said after I finished.

"That obvious?"

"Sort of. Emmett hasn't noticed anything but today's little snuggle fest. But I had an idea."

"I'm horrible." I said, dipping my head down.

"Don't you ever say that. You deserve happiness, and Jasper can give that to you. He's a great guy if you give him a chance."

"I just don't know what to do. I've never been this confused in my life."

"Listen. I know that what happened to you is gonna take a lot of time for you to get over, but Jasper obviously wants to help, and you need it more then anybody. Don't fight what your feeling."

"I guess you're right. I'm just so terrified." Terrified didn't even cut it. There really was no word for how scared I was right now. I felt like I was going crazy with all of these conflicting thoughts running through my head.

"Of course you are. But we're all here for you. And besides, Jasper will be around more often once I convince him to move in."

"There's no room for him though."

"He has no problem slumming on the couch, Bella. I just can't have him staying in that dump across town. I'll get my way." She winked, and signaled for us to turn around.

I figured Rose was right. Fighting my feelings was never a good thing, but what did that make me? Better yet, what did it make Jasper. Some rebound for the wounded girl? That wasn't right. It was obvious I wanted Jasper. Nothing in my mind doubted it. But could I actually follow through, and make him happy? Would he get tired of my mood swings, and paranoia? Or really stay with me like he said.

After mulling over those thoughts well into the middle of the night. I could only come to one conclusion. If I was to ever beat down the stupid girl inside of that still loved Edward, I would have to try and let him go. Edward still had some sick control over me, and I wanted nothing more than to cleanse myself of him. I didn't really know how I was gonna do it, but if I was able to have Jasper at my side, I felt like I could do anything.

Soooo some big things happen here. You didn't think I forgot about little old Alice did ya? She will become a regular in the future chapters. Hope you liked the small progress Jasper and Bella made. She's not ready for much, but she's ready to start taking it slow. Go review please, and I'm open to any ideas you guys have. So if you think I should do something in the next chapter, please feel free to message me with your ideas.