Episode 4
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You're on edge for the weeks following the kiss. You're torn between wanting to be near her to make sure she doesn't tell anyone about it, and wanting to avoid her in case she has told anyone and they take you hanging around her as a sign that you might fancy her. You don't. Obviously. You're dating Danny.
You've been spending rather a lot of time with him recently, actually, and you tell yourself that it has nothing to do with the fact that you're trying not to remember your kiss with Effy or the way it had created a pool of desire in your knickers. You also tell yourself that it has nothing to do with the fact that for the past few days you've been ringing Effy rather a lot, but she hasn't returned a single phone call. You're not sure if you're more worried about her or more annoyed that she seems to be ignoring you.
You're going to see her later, though, you're sure of it. It's Pandora's pyjama party and there's no way that Effy would miss that. It's half of the reason you're going.
If you're honest with yourself, you're not sure how much longer you'll be with Danny. You enjoy your status as a WAG, and the visibility of having him as your boyfriend, but, God, he's an insufferable wanker sometimes! If he fucking suggests a threesome between you and Emily one more time (as if that would ever happen), then he can damn well fuck off and find someone else to fuck his small dick.
Then again, he is a boyfriend. Definitely masculine. Nobody seems to be questioning your sexuality with him around (nobody except Effy that is).
You're walking along the river and he stops to snog you, and all you seem to be able to think about is the way that he really needs to shave a bit closer because his stubble is scraping against your chin. His hand snakes up your shirt and squeezes your boob like it's a fucking horn or something, and you push him away. "Come on, babes! Let's walk a bit more," you suggest. You're not opposed to PDA's as such, but that's a bit much given that there are people nearby trying to have some lunch.
Danny grumbles something that you're quite sure you'd rather not know the exact words of because just his tone implies that it's absolutely filthy, and then he does his sleazy chuckle that you do your best not to find disgusting but tend to fail at.
You start walking again, your arm around his waist and his around your shoulders, and that's when you spot her. She's walking with Pandora. You wrap your arm a little tighter around Danny's waist (no harm reminding Effy that you've got a boyfriend) and you call out to her. You hate the way that your stomach clenches when you realise she doesn't seem overly happy to see you, but you act like you don't notice.
"I've been ringing you loads!" you say, knowing that she's smart enough to hear the underlying accusation without you having to sound sour about it. "You know Danny, he plays for the Bristol Rovers Reserves, yeah?" You turn to look at him with what you hope appears to be an affectionate expression on your face. To your dismay he's already checking her out with a smug, approving little smile.
He chuckles again, and you struggle to keep the disgust off your face as he comments, "Yes! Nice one! Tasty!"
If he thinks he's getting anywhere near her he's sadly mistaken. Still you force a smile on your face. You're used to him checking out other girls and at least Effy genuinely is hot, which is more than you can say for some of the chavs he seems to appreciate. He takes off his sunglasses so that he can check her out better and your stomach tightens, but you try to gaze adoringly at him anyway.
"This is my new best friend, Effy," you introduce her, hoping that the words that are coming out of your mouth are true. You wish they were true, at least. You wish that things were that uncomplicated. You wish that she seemed to want to spend time with you half as much as you want to spend time with her. You wish that she wanted to spend more time with you than with Pandora.
"Cool tits, yeah?" Danny says, and you'd shudder if you weren't positive that Effy would notice it.
Instead you giggle, though it comes out sounding a bit forced and a lot dismayed, even to your ears.
Effy is clearly not amused, and in the blank look she gives him you catch a flash of disgust and dislike in her eyes. Danny probably missed it completely.
"Sorry?" Effy asks, as if hoping she'd heard wrong.
"Nice jugglies, babe. Perky," he clarifies, still obviously ogling her tits.
Jugglies? Really? Who fucking uses that term apart from your wanker boyfriend. Effy's not trying to conceal her disgust at that statement, so you feel like you should step in and say something. You don't really want to piss her off. "Danny!" you scold, trying to keep it light because you don't really want to annoy him too much either. "He doesn't mean it, do you, babes?" you add.
To your complete dismay he replies, "Fuckin' right I do!" He drags his eyes over her a few more times before adding, "Yeah!" approvingly.
"And I'm Pandora!" Panda steps forward, and you're not sure, but you think maybe she's shaking her tits a bit to try to get Danny to notice them. You wonder if she was as uncomfortable with Effy being so obviously ogled as you were. Whatever her motivations, you're thankful that she's broken the awkwardness of the previous conversation.
"Ok," Danny says, obviously not as thrilled with Pandora's attention. He turns back to Effy. "Hey, kid, you should come up the ground, watch the lads train, yeah?" he suggests. "'Cause after, we get some Lambrinis in, we go lucky in the showers."
You're absolutely appalled as you force yourself to laugh along. You can't believe that he just propositioned her like that, and in front of you. Just because you called her your best mate does not mean that you want a threesome with her and your boyfriend! You definitely don't! On the bright side, at least Effy knows that you definitely have sex with men. Only problem is, it's not a big enough upside. He's made the whole situation awkward again in only a few sentences.
"He's joking, right?" Effy says, in a way that lets you know that she doesn't actually believe he is.
Nonetheless you take the out she's offered and reply with, "Um...Yeah. Right. Anyway, can't wait for this party tonight!" you change the subject. "I've got a shitload of weed and pills!" Because you reckon it's the only way that you're going to survive a slumber party at Pandora's house, and it's definitely the only way that you'll be able to be around Effy for an entire night without confronting her about things.
"Weeds? Um...no!" Pandora sounds a bit panicky.
"Cool," Effy cuts her off and shoots you what you think might be a slightly genuine smile. Apparently you're not the only one who's feeling the need to get fucked up tonight. You can't help but wonder why that is.
"Yeah, man! Way safe! Orgy!" Danny adds his two cents, even though you wish he wouldn't. He even gestures to Effy and you and himself as if that's who the orgy might entail. In his fucking dreams.
You finally put your foot down. "You're not coming! Girls only." You turn to Pandora and Effy for support. "Right?"
"Yeah," Pandora confirms eagerly.
"We're gonna tell secrets and get intimate. No boys." As soon as the words have left your mouth, you wished you'd bothered to phrase them differently. A quick glance at Effy lets you know that she didn't miss the implication in your words. It wasn't what you meant, obviously, but she's wearing the first hint a smirk that you've seen cross her face since you ran into her, so maybe it's ok just this once if she thinks it is what you meant.
She unnerves you without her smirk.
Danny, unfortunately catches on as well. "Intimate?"
"Mmhmm," you confirm, unable to take it back now. May as well act like you meant what you said (and if at all possible in an innocent way).
"Yes! Nice one! Take photos, babe!" He laughs in that pervy way of his and you have trouble containing the fact that you're disgusted at the way his brain works.
You decide not to address it and instead change the subject. "So I've got Flying Saucepans and Love Fountains. We're gonna fry!"
Effy seems mildly interested and you feel like you've said something right, until Pandora says, "But, we're doing Twister."
"Cool. You can snort that, right?" you ask, having no idea what she's actually referring to, but not wanting to sound ignorant.
When she replies with, "Not exactly," you force yourself to brush it off. You don't miss the way that Effy snorts in amusement. Obviously she knows what twister is, but whatever! You'll find out.
Danny, of course, decides to interject his thoughts by mumbling, "Love Fountains are mint," into your hair, and you really wish that he'd just fuck off.
"Mum's making brownies," Pandora informs you.
Brownies are good, but seeing as her mum's making them it's bound to not be "special" brownies, and that takes away half the fun of them as far as you're concerned. You're really not sure how to respond.
Besides, you catch Effy once again staring out at the water, furrowing her brow a bit like she's only half following your conversation. She seems a bit off today, and that's worrying you more than you'd care to admit. "You ok?" you finally ask, unable to stop yourself. You're friends, anyway, right? It's ok to be concerned about your friends (even if they've snogged you).
"She's upset because her mum's been making monkey and her dad's gone ape," Pandora supplies, and while you're not entirely sure what she means, you can make an educated guess, and either way it's definitely parent issues (which you can understand because sometimes your parents are just fucking bizarre).
(You try to ignore the small twinge inside at the way that Pandora already knows these things while it seems like Effy wasn't planning on telling you at all.)
Despite your vague grasp of what Pandora's said, you could use a bit of clarification to confirm your suspicions, so you say, "Huh?"
"Bananas!" Pandora adds. "'Cause beardy Steve's been making her do the Funky Gibbon and..."
The look that Effy shoots Pandora is so scathing that even you shrink back. It'd have to be to get Pandora to shut up, you reflect. You try to dissect this new piece of information. From the expression on Effy's face, you can guess that "Beardy Steve", whoever that is, is not her dad. You feel fairly confident in assuming then that Effy's mum's been having an affair. (You wish briefly that Emily were around. She's the smart one. She'd definitely be able to piece the information together with more certainty.)
"I've boobed, haven't I?" Pandora says, catching the way that Effy's glaring at her. (You feel a little bad for the part of you that seems to leap for joy that maybe there's now a wedge stuck in the middle of the friendship that is Effy and Pandora.)
"Yes!" Effy informs her emphatically in a chilly voice.
You turn a sympathetic expression on Effy, trying to imagine how you'd feel if your mum had an affair and then someone else blabbed about that fact. It wasn't a good feeling. (Part of your brain also can't help thinking that Effy's got other things on her mind besides kissing you, so maybe that means that you can relax for the night and not worry about her telling anyone about it.)
"I loves the Funky Gibbon," Danny feels the need to add, and that's really the last straw.
"Danny!" you scold.
"Yeah?" he asks, and you hate how he's just so fucking oblivious. (But then again, he is a boy, the cynical part of your brain thinks.)
"Gonna fuck off? We need girl time," you say pointedly.
"Oh, eh?" Danny questions, the expression on his face informing you that he's not thrilled with the idea.
"Practise your ball skills, babe," you suggest. (He could fucking use the practise too!) You decide to appease him a bit by adding, "I'll do that keepy-uppy thing later, remember?" (It's not even much of a trick, but boys are rather easy to manipulate, and their cock's even more so, you've found.)
"Oh, yeah!" Danny grins. You go in for a kiss that turns into a snog (and you're kind of ok with that fact, because your initial plan of reminding Effy that you're not gay is still valid despite the other things on the girl's mind, and while Danny's still here you may as well take advantage).
You let it go on much longer than you otherwise would have, in actuality, but then you catch sight of Effy followed by Pandora turning to leave, so you break it off. "See you, babes," you say to Danny before turning on your heels and heading after them.
You ignore the way that Danny grumbles behind you, and you growl internally when you think you hear the words "cock tease". You've fucked him way more than he deserves.
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You catch up to Pandora and Effy quickly and, after a moment's hesitation, you fall uneasily into step beside Pandora. You're not really sure if you should broach the subject that Pandora brought up, but Effy doesn't say anything, so you just walk on in silence.
As you approach Pandora's house, Pandora's excitement seems to grow, bouncing off of her in waves until she sprints ahead saying, "Cool! Mum's done the signal!"
The signal turns out to be pink balloons with "Pandora's Pyjama Party" written on them in big, bold letters, and it all strikes you as extremely juvenile. It's the type of thing your mum might've done for you and Emily when you were five, not sixteen. You raise an eyebrow but bite back a comment as Pandora adds, "So everybody knows where my party is."
And that's a good thing? You ask yourself, because really if your mum had put up pink balloons advertising your pyjama party you'd be mortified. Instead you ask, "How many people did you invite?" while trying to repress an amused (and embarrassed) smile. Out of the corner of your eye you catch Effy glancing at you, and for once you truly believe that the two of you are on the same wavelength about things.
"Umm. Four. You, Ef, Emily, and Naomi," Pandora replies.
"Naomi?" you gasp. "Why did you invite her?" You look to Effy for confirmation that it's a bad idea, but instead she's got a bit of a smile on her face and you think that maybe you were never actually on the same wavelength at all. You don't understand why she seems to like the blonde, despite your best efforts.
"Em says I have to or she won't come," Pandora explains, and she appears so innocent that you just can't vent your frustration on her.
So it was Emily then. Fucking backstabbing excuse for sister! Why would she want Naomi there? Just because she'd lied about Naomi being the one to kiss her, didn't mean that she owed the girl anything. Emily wasn't gay, so she didn't want rumours getting out that she was, obviously, so she'd lied. It's not that big of a deal. Emily better not have suggested it because she actually wants to be friends with the fashionably challenged lezza bitch!
"Awww, sweet," Effy says, staring straight at you, corners of her mouth quirking up into a smile.
You don't reply, but you don't return the smile either. You know she's mocking you and Emily both, and you don't appreciate it.
"Come on! We can do brownies and then lick our bowls out!" Pandora energetically breaks the awkward moment that you're sure she was quite oblivious to the existence of to begin with.
Her phrasing makes you smile in an amused way. Effy's grinning too, when you turn back to her, and again you find yourself thinking that perhaps your minds are in the same place (although you know it's only temporarily). "Do you think she knows she sounds filthy half the time?" you voice the question on your mind.
"Sometimes I wonder," Effy replies, and it feels like a bit of a truce is being called between the two of you.
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From the instant you meet her mum, you understand a bit more about Pandora Moon. For starters, her mum is obviously the most overbearing mother in the entire world and has never taught her daughter anything relevant in life like things about boys or dating or drugs, other than "Don't" (which you know from personal experience is not a message that has sunk in).
The house is ridiculously tidy and also ridiculously decorated with pink. The idea that this is a party for a five-year-old, not a sixteen-year-old, enters your head again. That is not helped when Pandora's mum invites you all to help her make brownies because cooking together is always more fun. (You kind of wish that your mum would adopt that mentality because then maybe you'd occasionally get edible food for dinner.)
You're a bit overwhelmed to start with at the "wholesomeness" and childishness of the whole event, but when Pandora starts singing "London's Burning" and her mum joins in in rounds and very obviously expects you and Effy to join in, it really gets a bit much. You do it with what you hope isn't too condescending of a smile on your face, but you can't help giving Effy a look that says, "Is this really happening?" You feel a tickle down in your gut when she returns your look with an amused grin and a shrug. You're sifting flour and an idea hits you, so you pull the packet of MDMA that you bought off a mate of Danny's earlier when you're sure Panda's mum's not looking. You keep singing, but you make eye contact with Effy again and raise your eyebrows in a questioning fashion.
Effy's psychic powers are useful rather than annoying for once when she nods, smiles, and winks at you. (You pretend that the wink didn't make the tickle in your gut grow and spread.) You dump the powder stealthily in, and you can't help the self-satisfied grin that spreads across your face. If anything's going to get you through today (especially given that Naomi's still coming to the party) it's going to be drugs, and Effy seems to feel exactly the same way. You try to remind yourself that you don't really want to be agreeing with her because you're still wary of her, but your brain just won't listen. Not at the moment at least.
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Naomi manages to somehow arrive with your sister. You're not sure who's responsible for that, but to be honest, you're not sure you want to know. Naomi's even got the gall to look nice, like legitimately for once. Her top suits her, and her jean shorts (while definitely not what you'd have chosen) accentuate her long legs.
You have to keep yourself from laughing, though, when Naomi claims Thomas as her boyfriend to keep Pandora out of trouble. Who does the lezza think she's fooling? Apparently, Panda's mum, but then again you hardly find that surprising.
You find yourself seated upstairs on Pandora's bed next to Emily, with Naomi flanking her other side. You're momentarily distracted from the fact that you're in a bedroom with Naomi by the sight of what is apparently Twister. Pandora's informed you of the basic rules (and you had to remind yourself that it wasn't attractive to leave your mouth hanging open for so long), and instructed you all that you're to play it later in the evening. Apparently it's "whizzer fun". You're not convinced.
Neither is Naomi by the sounds of it. "Are you shitting me?" she demands.
Pandora must be insane if she thinks that all of you are going to play some game that involves wrapping your bodies around one another (until you become "all human pretzel-y and everything," to quote Pandora). Naomi's there for starters, and you do NOT want to get that physically close to her. She might be tempted to do God knows what. You don't want Emily doing anything with her either.
And then there's Effy...
You definitely, most certainly, absolutely do NOT want to play Twister with Effy. You're not protesting a little too hard inside your own brain. (You're definitely not feeling all tingly at the suggestion of your body intertwining with Effy's.)
"Don't worry. I spiked the chocolate brownies with MDMA," you inform them (trying to remind yourself that you shouldn't worry either). You'll probably all be far too fucked up to play Twister by the time you get around to it.
Emily for some reason seems outraged. You don't know what her fucking problem is. It's hardly like she's never done drugs. It was fucking MDMA that made her kiss Naomi that one night! (Though, now that you think of it, that's probably a good reason to avoid the drug.)
Naomi, for once, actually acts like a normal human being for once. A cool one even. She backs you up. It's definitely a first, and you have to remind yourself not to let your jaw drop in shock. She happens to find the drugging of the brownies as entertaining as you do. She even backs you up against Emily (much to your sister's chagrin, you notice).
"So Katie, you gonna be nice to me now we're twister pals?" Naomi inquires. "I promise not to grab your minge and everything."
You ignore the way that your pussy clenches at the mental image that conjures up. It's Naomi for fuck's sake! You would never, ever want that from her. On the bright side, she's promising it won't happen. Plus she's being relatively cool for a change, so really what's the harm. You snicker. "Ok. Ha, ha. Hands off the muff and we're sorted," you joke back (although if she does touch you anywhere remotely inappropriate you will slap her...definitely!).
When Naomi comes back at you with, "Gotcha, no buffing the beaver," it's almost as if you're making a sort of truce (although you have no doubts that it's a temporary one...at some point Naomi's natural cuntishness is bound to kick in again).
"No groping the growler," you laugh, and as you and she continue in this rather amusing back and forth, you can't help noticing that Emily seems rather underwhelmed. In fact she looks quite put out. You don't know why. She's always on at you to leave Naomi alone, or to try to get on with her, and now that you're doing so she's making a face like she's disgusted by both of you. She needs to make up her fucking mind.
Pandora marches into the room as you and Naomi dissolve into giggles at your latest comic gem. "Hey guys! What do you think?" she asks, carrying a pile of pink. "Mum made them specially, and look!" She holds one of the monstrosities (which you finally realise is supposed to be clothing) up to reveal that it reads "SEXY POO" in sewn on capital letters.
"Jesus," Naomi mutters, and it really must be bad if even Campbell knows that the pyjamas are a fashion disaster.
"So you can have Sexy Poo," Pandora continues, apparently oblivious to your incredulity. She throws the first one to Naomi, then reaches for another. "Or Brainy Poo," she supplies, throwing that one at Emily (and at least that's fitting, but really? Sexy Poo for Naomi?), "Except for me cause I have Panda Poo!" she announces proudly.
"I'm not wearing that!" Naomi exclaims, and you're about to second her, but Pandora looks so distraught when she says, "Why not? It's a pyjama party!" and besides you're obviously feeling a little goofy today if you're getting along with Naomi, so you think, Fuck it!
"What the fuck? Give it here," you smile at Pandora, and stand to go take one of the pink monstrosities off of her.
She beams back at you. "Oh whizzer poo! Because look what goes with them!" To your dismay she reaches over and grabs a pair of shorts with the word "BUM" sewn on the arse.
Lovely, you think sarcastically to yourself, but you've committed now, so you take the top anyway.
"Isn't mum wick?" Pandora asks, and all you can think is, she's wicked something alright!
You peel off your top first. It's not like you have anything to be embarrassed about. You know your body's banging, and given your new truce with lezza Naomi, you're not worried that she'll touch you at least, and there's not all that much harm in looking, right? Besides, Effy's not there yet, and that's a good thing. You want to get changed before she gets back.
Naomi, Pandora, and Emily follow quickly, and before you know it, you're all standing around in your bras and knickers and there's a pile of clothes on the floor.
Naomi manages to grab a shirt first, but then she gets it stuck pulling it over her head. (You'd make a comment about how her head's clearly too big, but it's not that bad getting along with her at the moment.) You can't help that your eyes flit down her body. It's not like you're checking her out, you're just surprised to find that she's actually got rather nice tits and an attractive frame. She hides it so effectively beneath her god-awful clothing. It's shock that has your gaze lingering. That's all. You're distracted, though, when you see that your sister hasn't moved at all, and when you follow her gaze, you see that it's glued to Naomi's body. That needs to change. Emily's not gay, even if she thinks she is.
You bend over and grab two shirts, shoving one of them into Emily's arms. Fortunately, she snaps out of whatever weird zone she was in and starts to put it on. You understand now why Naomi was having such difficulty, because the fabric is anything but flexible, and really the tops are poorly constructed, but you continue to try tugging it down anyway.
Of course it's that moment that Effy chooses to walk into the room. The top's not even completely covering your tits yet for fuck's sake!
"What the fuck?" Effy inquires, and you force yourself not to freeze as her eyes lock on yours and a small smile tugs up the corners of her lips. You're painfully aware of her eyes trailing up and down your body. You don't feel like she's checking you out so much as trying to make you squirm.
It works.
"Come on, Ef! Pyjamas!" Naomi cuts in, and it's possibly the first time you've ever been thankful that she's opened her big mouth because Effy turns her attention away from you.
"Whatever," she shrugs and walks past you towards the window and begins untying her shirt.
You manage to finish getting yours on as Effy pulls her top over her head. You can't help that your breath catches in your throat. She's not even wearing a bra for fuck's sake! And her back is just incredibly smooth and toned and just...attractive. Every fucking inch of the girl is attractive, and you don't have to see all of it to know that, not to mention her firm, rounded arse that is now just clad in thin knickers.
You definitely do NOT think about what it might be like to kiss down that soft exposed skin while she's lying in bed beside you. You definitely don't crane your neck a bit and catch a glimpse of perfect little side boob. That would be gay and you most definitely are NOT gay. (Even if for a split second your mind, albeit against your express wishes, thinks that it would've liked to be on the other side of the window looking in.)
You hear a noise that shakes you out of whatever the fuck mental state you'd been in.
"What was that?" Emily asks.
"Nothing. Tummy. Too much cake," Effy replies with a smile, and, fuck, if she doesn't turn to face you with the shirt still off, just clutched to her front. You can still see the perfect skin of her perfectly rounded shoulders.
The others giggle and turn their attention away, but you for some reason can't force your eyes to look away from her as she pulls the shirt away from her a bit, exposing more of her chest. She tugs off some of the stitched on letters as Pandora's mum enters the room holding a plate of brownies. From the way she's swaying from side to side, she must have eaten one already, but you still can't take your focus off Effy long enough to appreciate the fact that Pandora's mum being high is rather entertaining.
Instead your eyes widen momentarily as she finally pulls the top over her head and you catch just the quickest glimpse of the underside of pert breasts above a toned, taught stomach before she's covered. Her eyes come up and meet yours as if she knew you were watching her, and the smug grin on her face says that she did. She winks at you before coming and standing at your side, turning her attention to Mrs. Moon.
You tell your heart to beat normally (because the racing it's doing can't be good for you), and force yourself to look forward rather than at her.
Pandora's mum is going on about the brownies, confessing she's already had three, and Pandora reaches out and grabs three of her own. The rest of you grab one as well, sharing a conspiratorial smile as you take your first bites of the warm, chocolate, gooey goodness.
"Wow! Listen to that!" Mrs. Moon exclaims a few seconds later, cupping her ear to hear something that's definitely not there. "Can you hear the music?" She starts to dance slowly, then picks up her speed to some imaginary beat.
Pandora starts to freak out a little, but you notice Effy nodding her head beside you in time with Mrs. Moon and you can't help wondering if this isn't her first brownie either. You glance at Naomi who's grinning, and you have to grin back, because really this situation is just funny.
"Yeah, I'm getting it," Effy hums as she starts to dance as well, and you can't help noticing the graceful way her body moves even in her current fucked up state.
"I'm telling you, that's fucking good shit!" you declare, reaching for a second brownie. You can't wait to feel what they're feeling.
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It's not long before you're all dancing (well, all of you besides Panda, who's too busy fretting in the corner). You can hear it now, the music that Mrs. Moon was hearing (of course she's humming it now too, which helps). You know it, and more importantly, it's catchy and danceable.
Naomi is dancing beside you, and you realise that she's actually rather graceful as well.
Pandora's mum starts undressing, much to your amusement, but you can understand her motivation. It's gotten a lot hotter in the bedroom.
Emily's dancing with Effy, and you feel a twinge of something in your gut that you can't identify, but it passes in a second because you just feel too good in general. You find yourself wanting to dance with someone too...to touch someone...anyone. You move so that you're closer to Naomi, your back brushing against her front as you move together. It feels fucking marvellous!
Effy catches your eye as she continues to dance around turning on some actual music on her way, and you smile back at her. There's no trace of your earlier anxiety left. You're feeling too good.
She works her way around the room, and as you all start singing, she dances up to you. You laugh, because you have to. It's so fun and it feels so good that you can hardly focus on anything else.
You're vaguely aware of Pandora stomping out of the room, but you can't be bothered to worry about her while your eyes are trained on Effy. You're not sure it should be humanly possible to be as beautiful as she is dancing in front of you.
Mrs. Moon starts to get out of hand, and before long she's collapsed on Pandora's bed. You and Effy can't do anything but laugh as Naomi and Emily take it upon themselves to try to carry her to her own room.
You're both left giggling uncontrollably alone in the room together when Effy suddenly sobers and looks up straight into your eyes. "Where's Panda?"
"She ran off," you reply, amazed that for once Effy didn't observe absolutely everything that was going on in the room around her.
Effy frowns, then. "Shit!" she mutters before heading out of the room.
You can only trail after her. You can't help that you want to be around her right now. (It's just the drugs anyway.)
Once you ascertain that Pandora's hiding out in her bathroom, Effy spends about five minutes pounding on the door, trying to get her to open it.
You can't help wondering (possibly a little bitterly) if she would bother taking as much effort to get you to open the door and talk to her if you were the one who was upset. (It's not your fault you're a little jealous of the friendship Effy has with Pandora. There's nothing wrong with being jealous of a friend. People did it all the time!)
Pandora keeps telling her to go away (which you're fairly sure you wouldn't do in the same situation, but then again you've never really stormed away from somebody that you haven't expected to follow after you before).
"It was a joke! It wasn't even me!" Effy tries, and you narrow your eyes at her slightly, because it sounds an awful lot like she's about to sell you out, and you did look to her for her agreement before you did it.
Pandora finally does open the door then and tells Effy that everything is her fault (which is admittedly a bit unfair), but when she explains why exactly she's so upset, you can't help seeing her point a bit.
"Christ's sake, I'll show you how to do a blowjob!" Effy offers in exasperation when Pandora says that Effy's supposed to be telling her how to have sex with her boyfriend, and you know that's the wrong way to go about it. It's not really the point, even if Effy doesn't seem to get that.
"I don't want a blowjob!" Pandora cries before closing the door on Effy's face.
Effy looks more distraught than you've ever seen her. In fact, the hard swallow you see her take is the most emotion you've ever seen her portray. "Panda!" she tries again. "I was just...Panda!" she pounds on the door again.
You decide to intervene, because Effy's persistence is going to get her nowhere, and if Pandora's anything like Emily, then sometimes she just needs some time and space to cool off. "Um...she's upset," you try explaining.
She turns to face you coldly, and you see that a tear has even trickled down one of her cheeks and her stunning blue eyes are rimmed red. It's the most shocking development of the day so far. "Do I ever get to be upset? Do I ever get to be anyone but me?" she demands, her voice cracking.
You're momentarily stunned into silence. You hate seeing her like this. It's virtually heartbreaking. On top of that, your drug addled brain can't really think up a response to that. Part of you can only think that of course she can't. She's Effy. It's who she has to be. Another part of your brain is telling you that that's not the point.
She turns and disappears into Pandora's mum's loo, and you have to chase after her, because you really didn't mean to upset her. "Ef!" you call out.
"Fuck off!" she growls as the door shuts in your face.
"Effy, just..." you say to the closed door. "Panda!" you try to the other closed door. You get no response from either. "Oh for Christ's sake!"
You stalk away and discover Naomi and Emily disappearing the stairs. "Where you going?" you call after them.
"Wine, I want wine!" Naomi shouts back to you.
You watch as Emily stumbles after her. You'll have to have a talk with her at some point about how it's weird to just follow after people like that. You glance back towards the bathrooms and remember that you've got bigger problems right now. A drink might help you deal with them. "Hurry up with it!" you encourage.
You return down the hallway to the bathroom that Effy's currently in and knock on the door. "Ef, I'm sorry. I was just trying to help. I didn't mean anything," you try to explain. "Effy!" you pound a little harder.
She doesn't respond, and you're about to wonder off to get some of that wine when the door clicks open.
You push the door open slowly and come face to face with Effy, who's apparently managed to get at least some control over herself in the minutes in between, though her eyes are still rimmed red. She reaches past you, never breaking eye contact, and shoves the door closed.
"It's funny," she comments in a voice that makes it clear that she doesn't mean it in the "ha ha" kind of way, "how people often say they're sorry, but rarely show that they are."
You don't even have a split second to absorb that remark (let alone protest that you are genuinely sorry) before her lips are on yours and your back is slammed against the door, her entire body pressing into yours, pinning you in place (in case your body actually started functioning well enough to try to get away, which seems unlikely).
Her hands cup your face at first, until your lips start to kiss back, caressing first her own lips and then her tongue with your own. She tastes exquisitely sweet, like the brownies you've just all consumed, but there's a natural Effy flavour in there as well that you wish you could taste more of. Her smell, her taste, her feel, everything about her is overwhelming your senses. Her hands move deftly down your sides and begin to slide up your shirt, blazing a trail of fire along your skin that shoots straight to your core.
It's ridiculous really the way that your body responds to her touch, the way that you're suddenly tingling all over, your whole body practically humming in excitement. It doesn't mean anything, of course. It can't. You're not gay. To the best of your knowledge (even though she's now kissed you twice) Effy's not gay either.
She's kissing you hard, bruisingly almost. It's as if she's taking out the frustrations and emotions that she's been feeling today on your lips. Unfortunately, that doesn't make it any less pleasant, and you just can't seem to bring yourself to push her away, even as her fingers trace up to your tits and knead them roughly through your bra. In fact your hands wrap around her, pulling her in closer, tangling in her hair. You can't help the way you kind of moan into her mouth.
That apparently just spurs her on, because she moves her lips to your neck and begins to kiss down it. You'd never really realised how sensitive your neck was before now, but your eyes flutter closed as her lip latch on around where it meets your collarbone and her fingers continue to work at your tits, pinching your now rock hard nipples through the fabric of your bra.
It shouldn't feel as good as it does, you tell yourself, but it doesn't work. Your knickers are soaked through, and you're honestly not sure if you've ever been this horny before in your life. It still doesn't mean anything, but, fuck, you don't want this to stop. Except, you tell yourself as she nips at your neck, it has to. You don't know exactly why she's doing this, but it's not because she somehow likes you and wants to get in your pants (not that you'd want that anyway, because obviously you don't). She's probably doing it to feel something, to escape from her issues like her mum being a slag. It's not something you should be indulging. It's not something she should be doing. (But why the hell does it have to feel so fucking good?)
You push her gently. "Ef, stop! What're you doing?"
She looks up at you through hooded eyes, obviously confused as her brows furrow.
You realise, then, when you take in her puffy lips and messed up hair, that you were just snogging the hell out of Effy Stonem. It's wrong. Everything about where you are and what you were just doing and who you were doing it with is just so fucking wrong.
You set your jaw hard. "I'm not gay, Effy. You need to stop kissing me like I am," you inform her coldly as you extract her hands from under your shirt with possibly a bit more force than is actually necessary.
Effy snorts, then and her eyes clear up instantly, in a way that you don't even think should be possible. You're sure that you're blushing under her gaze. It would be impossible not to with the way that her eyes feel like they're boring into your brain, into your very soul. It's like she sees right through you. You squirm uncomfortably.
"Right, Katie," she says, but she's smiling at you in a wicked kind of way that sends a chill down your spine, and you can't help feeling like she doesn't actually believe you. She leans in then, and places another kiss on your lips, and instead of moving away like you know you should you let her. "You're more like your sister than you think."
You close your eyes and swallow hard, taking a deep breath before you look at her again, and she's still grinning at you with a knowing look on her face. She licks her lips, then presses them together for a second, and shrugs nonchalantly. "Shame really. Bet you'd actually be a wicked shag," she comments before reaching around you to open the door, then slips past you, brushing her body against yours deliberately it seems. She lingers just past you. "Guess I'll have to find someone else to get me off tonight."
You lean heavily against the wall once she's done, rolling her last words over and over again in your head. You sincerely wish that your stomach would stop churning and that your brain would stop thinking that it was a threat. It doesn't matter who Effy fucks. It doesn't make a difference to you. As long as it's not Cook, because he's just a wanker and she deserves better, obviously. Besides, who else is she going to fuck? It's just girls here. She wouldn't really fuck a girl. Right?
You pretend that your stomach doesn't flip at the idea and you look at yourself in the mirror. Your own lips are red and a little puffy, your face is flushed and your makeup's a bit smudged. You turn the tap on and run the water cold, splashing a bit of it on your face. You take a few deep breaths as you fix your makeup, trying to get control of yourself again.
You look yourself straight in your deep brown eyes and see a hint of fear lingering there that you have to stamp out. "Not gay!" you tell yourself strictly. It sounds forceful, believable even, and you watch determination settle onto your features. Good, that's settled then.
Now to salvage this party. You straighten your ludicrous pink top and exit the bathroom, head held high. You tell yourself that you're not going to look for Effy. You've said what you had to say to her. Any time spent alone with her is probably inadvisable, just for right now. Besides, she's just your friend, and you think it's natural to spend at least some time away from even your best friend. (Now if only you believed that you don't really want to go find her.) You head to the bedroom where the plate of brownies has been discarded and pop another one in your mouth. Your high needs a bit of a boost, and it's exactly what's needed to get this party back on track. You make your way downstairs, and you can't help but notice that you don't see Effy on the way, but it's ok. She's probably just off realising that she made a mistake in kissing you because neither of you is gay. Still, you can't help glancing back up the stairs, just in case either she or Pandora decides to appear. They don't.
You turn and look out the kitchen window and see that at least some people are having fun. Your sister and Naomi are bouncing around like idiots on the bouncy castle that Pandora has in her yard. It's really childish, you think, but at the same time, you have to admit that it looks like a lot of fun. You're contemplating going out and joining them as they both manage to collapse onto the floor of the bouncy castle, and you grin at their inability to stand up properly. Your sister climbs on top of Naomi, and for a second you think that it's just on her way to standing up again, except for all she does is look down at Naomi, her arms on either side of the girl's head.
Your smile is wiped clean off your face when a moment later Emily leans down, and even though her fringe has fallen down and is obstructing your view a bit, you know that they're kissing. There's no way that their faces could be that close and their lips not touch. And it's wrong! It's so fucking wrong! Because it's not that lezza bitch Naomi in control. It's not her on top influencing your sister, putting the moves on her. It's the fucking other way around! Emily's in control, and even though Naomi reaches her hands up to hold Emily's back and pull her a little closer, you know, deep down, in the pit of your stomach, that Emily's fully aware of what she's doing, and, what's more, wants to be doing it. It's wrong, though, and it can't be happening. Not really. (What makes it so much worse is that somewhere, deep down, you feel something akin to jealousy and want, and that's just beyond wrong!)
You can't believe that you thought Naomi didn't look too bad earlier. What a joke. Lying beneath your sister, pulling her closer, she looks like the little slut you know she is! Before your thoughts can turn even more vicious, a familiar honking of a car horn draws your attention.
But no! It can't be! You told him it was just girls. Fuck! You look out the front window and recognise the car...And the four others with it. For fuck's sake! This is the last thing you need. Especially after what happened earlier! What if Danny fucking knows just from looking at you that you've been snogging someone else? Except, of course, he wouldn't, because he's never that fucking observant! But what if Effy re-emerges and tells him? She wouldn't, would she? "Shit!"
You open the front door, slightly in shock, momentarily forgetting that you're still wearing that stupid pink shirt. Danny's shouting your name, disrupting the entire fucking neighbourhood. "What's going on kidder?" he asks you when he spots you. "The lads!" he cheers, holding up two bottles of champagne, and they all cheer. All of them. He's brought his entire fucking football team back. Plus half of their WAGs. Seriously, what the fuck! And here you are looking like...well, like you're at a child's pyjama party.
He basically talks over you when you try to remind him that he's not supposed to be there. They've lost again apparently (like that's a fucking surprise...they're a shit team). He parades the guys past you one at a time, and one stops to leer at your outfit. You shoot him a steely glare on your way past.
Seriously, could this night possibly get any worse?
.
.
After half an hour of trying to tidy up after Danny's mates and trying to convince him that they really need to leave, you give up. It's not your house, and Pandora's mum is still fucking out for the count, so why bother.
Effy reappears another half hour in, when you'd just about forgotten about the events earlier in the evening. She looks kind of...well, fucked, if you're honest. You pretend that you don't feel slightly nauseous at the thought of her having fucked any of the guys that are now here. She shoots you a questioning look across the sea of people, and you shrug hopelessly.
She makes her way towards you. Half of you wants to run, while the other half wants to talk to her, to get her support, to make sure she won't fucking tell Danny (or anyone) anything. You end up heading towards her, ignoring Danny's complaints, and her hand clasps onto your arm as one of the guys bumps carelessly into her, practically knocking her into you.
"Alright?" you ask automatically.
She smiles up at you coyly. "Of course, now you've got me," she replies, and it feels like a jab, so you pull your arm away quickly.
You lead her towards the nearest door and head outside. You freeze when you catch sight of the bouncy castle, remembering the last thing you saw happening there. There's no sign of either Naomi or your sister now though. Thank God! That's the last thing you fucking need, is those two confirming all of Effy's suspicions! They were clearly just high! It wasn't like they'd have done that sober! Well, Emily wouldn't have at least! It's the MDMA. It was what did it last time and it's obviously what did it this time.
You approach the castle and sit down heavily with a sigh. "Fucking Danny just showed up, yeah?"
"You've chosen such a winner as a boyfriend," she comments dryly, leaning against the edge of the bouncy castle, managing to look cool even though she's wearing her pink pyjama top (which reads only BRA) with boots on and she's fucking leaning against a big, inflated castle. Only Effy could pull that off, you're certain of that.
Still, she's insulting you, or well, not you specifically. She's insulting Danny, and at the moment, you couldn't agree more with what a tosser he is, but he's still your boyfriend, and she's kind of insulting your taste in men, so you feel like you should defend him, or yourself at least. "He's alright, really. He just makes stupid decisions sometimes," you insist.
"Like every time he opens his mouth?" Effy suggests, her lips curling up slightly.
"Look, you can't tell him, ok? You can't tell anyone! I dunno what you were trying to prove, but, like, I'm not like that, ok?" you demand.
Effy studies you for a minute, and again you feel like she's seeing into your very soul. She shrugs eventually, and comes to take a seat next to you. You do your best not to stiffen at her proximity to you, but your stomach is fluttering and your heart rate's just increased. "It's a party, Katie. You need to relax and have fun."
You take a deep breath, before you trust your voice to be steady enough to reply, "I am having fun!"
Effy shoots you a look that lets you know that she doesn't believe that for a second. "And did you have any fun earlier?" she asks, looking straight in your eyes.
You freeze for a second, but then roll your eyes. "I'm not gay."
Effy smiles then. "That's not what I asked."
You shake your head, and her smile widens.
"Shame. If you'd relaxed a little, you might've enjoyed it," she informs you. "I know I did," she adds after a beat.
You open your mouth to respond, but it's suddenly gone completely dry. You clear your throat uncomfortably and resist the urge to move a little further away from her. She'd read too much into it if you did. You know she would.
"Why are you with him, Katie?" she asks after a few moments of awkward silence that have you doing your best not to squirm in your seat, and have you extremely fascinated by your chipping nail polish.
You frown at her. The obvious answer should be that you fancy him, but sitting out here, in the cool night air with her piercing blue eyes staring at you, her face framed beautifully by the light streaming from the house, you just can't bring yourself to say it. Especially not right now when you're rather annoyed at him for just fucking showing up tonight with, like, everyone. "He's fit," you reply, aware once you've said it that you didn't sound convincing at all, but you did sound rather shallow.
She lets out a low laugh, but it sounds hollow.
Another silence descends on the two of you, but it's more comfortable this time. You can hear the music pounding from inside the house and you find yourself bopping your head absently in time with the beat. You glance sideways at Effy and see that she's staring at the house too, but it's a vacant stare, as if she's not really seeing it at all.
"Sorry about your mum and dad," you offer softly.
Her response isn't what you expect (but then again it rarely is, you think). She turns cold eyes on you, and while for a moment you think you catch pain flashing in them, but then she's simply scowling at you. "People always fuck up everything. It's our nature."
She stands then, and you stand with her, feeling like you should apologise again, although you're not entirely sure what you'd be apologising for. When she turns back to you, it's with a forced smile and a gleam of something you can't identify in her eye. "Come on, Katie. Let's go get even more fucked up and dance...give your boyfriend a show even," she suggests, before turning and heading towards the house in long graceful strides.
You follow after her, wary of her last sentence, but unsure of how to stop it. It turns out, though, that your worry is unnecessary, because all she wants to do is dance. She grabs a cup off the first guy she spots and takes a large swig before passing it off to you. You sniff it, and it smells like a cross between rubbing alcohol and IRN BRU. You risk a sip anyway. It's ridiculously strong, and you shiver as it burns down your throat. Effy starts to dance against you once you're in the middle of the throng of people. She turns to face you with a grin, continuing to dance (a little more provocatively than you're comfortable with, given what else has transpired this night), and grabs the plastic cup back out of your hand. You can't deny that it feels good when she brushes against you, and she closes her eyes, just moving with the rhythm, so you feel less self-conscious, less under scrutiny. You find yourself starting to relax and have a little fun.
That fun is shattered when a few minutes later Danny dances up to the two of you, clearly leering. You can practically see the wheels turning in his head as he checks you both out, and you can't help but scowl at him.
"He, he, he! Fuck yes, ladies! Could you dance a little closer together?" he coaxes, pushing his body into the side of the two of yours.
Effy looks up sharply with those crystal clear blue eyes. They bore into you for a second, and she grins smugly at you before dancing away.
You can't help wondering why you feel more like hitting Danny than this girl who seems to love to fuck with your life. Danny doesn't give you a chance to wonder for long as he practically gropes you on the dance floor.
When you look around fifteen minutes later, you can't find Effy anywhere in sight.
You pretend that you don't miss her a little.
.
.
You finally shove Danny out the door at around two in the morning. Half his friends have already filtered out during the course of the night, and the rest seem to be making their way out. He tries to convince you to go back to his, reminding you that you promised to do your "keepy uppy thing" to him. You really don't feel like rewarding him for being such a complete dick all day, though, so you turn him down, for once, too tired of him to give a damn if it means the end of your relationship or not.
.
.
When you get home, Emily's in her bed, facing the wall. You're about to wake her up because you've just remembered you fucking saw her snogging that lezza bitch earlier tonight, and you really need to make her promise that she'll stay away from MDMA from now on if it only seems to gay her up, but then you hear her sniffle, and you realise she's not asleep after all.
You change quickly and then climb into bed with her, wrapping a protective arm around her as her body shakes in sobs. This is fucking Naomi's fault, you just know it. You don't know why, or how (and something in your gut says you probably don't want to know), but you know it's her fault nonetheless. You'll make her pay for this. Nobody fucks with your sister (but you that is).
Emily grabs your hand and holds on tightly, wrapping your arm closer around her.
You kiss her hair gently, and whisper, "It's ok," to the back of her head. After fifteen minutes, her sobs subside. A few minutes and a nose blow later and her breathing is starting to even out. You start to let yourself relax too.
"Thanks," you hear her murmur, still sounding a bit stuffy.
You don't respond for a while because, now that she's not crying anymore, something is weighing heavily on your mind. "Ems?"
"Yeah?"
"Promise me you're not gay," you plead into the darkness.
You feel her stiffen beside you, and you swallow hard, afraid that that's your answer. After what feels like an eternity, she brokenly croaks out, "I promise."
Your mind clings to her words, but somewhere, deep in the pit of your stomach, you recognise them for the lie they are.