From the personal journal of Cullen Rutherford
9:31 Dragon - 20 August
I have returned to Kinloch Hold. All I can see when I look at the mages are the abominations...the demons...the screams. Even the mages that did not seem to support Uldred - how can I know that they were not invaded? I...I am not sure I can perform my duty here at Kinloch Hold. This place, it holds too many memories. I must speak with Commander Greagoir.
Commander Greagoir has offered me a transfer to Kirkwall. I know he thinks that I am too biased against the mages here to remain. Of course I am biased against the mages here - look what they did! But...leaving here will be welcome, so I will not protest. I hope I am wrong, as Greagoir is a good man and I do not want to see him destroyed by these mages.
Jader - 9:41 - 25 Cloudreach
Cullen found Cassandra in the inn's common room early the next morning. He was returning Varric's account of the events that led up to the fiasco with Meredith. Cassandra had asked for his opinion on it, and he'd finally finished it. Many of the parts were...unbelievable...but the most unbelievable bits were things he knew to be true, so he thought that perhaps all of it was - at least at its heart. There were some obvious embellishments. He happened to know that there weren't more than 40 or so bandits in Kirkwall at any given time. There was no way that Hawke and her friends killed 10-20 a night for weeks. They'd have to be falling from the sky.
"So, Cullen, how much of it is lies?" Cassandra asked.
"I can't comment on all of it, but the parts I know of are surprisingly accurate," Cullen said. Cassandra scoffed.
"No, truly. If you pull away some of the writer's embellishments - I've sparred with Guard Captain Aveline, so I know good and well that while she is certainly strong enough to stagger even me, she can't knock a foe back ten feet with her shield bash - it's fundamentally what happened."
"Maker's Breath, what a mess, then."
"Indeed. Not the finest hour for the Templar Order."
"Or the Seekers," Cassandra said with a sigh.
"Speaking of...I must talk to you about some consequences of my leaving the Order," Cullen said.
"Oh?"
"I have enough lyrium to get to the Conclave, and a bit beyond. Perhaps a month, if I stretch it out," he said.
"Seekers do not use lyrium, but there will be Templars at the Conclave and who will join the Inquisition, and there is the Chantry. I'm sure we can secure a source for you before you run out," Cassandra said.
"I'm sure, but that's not what I'm asking you. I have decided to stop taking it. I will not spend my life a slave to lyrium, if I no longer need the abilities it grants. If I am leaving the Templars then I am leaving all of it. The initial withdrawal symptoms are….unpleasant...so I'll not stop the doses until after the Conclave. I know I cannot slow down the journey. As it is we will not be able to afford many delays. Once the Conclave is over and we organize the Inquisition in earnest, then I may need your help." It killed Cullen to ask, but he had to. He'd seen the symptoms. There was no way he'd be able to hide them anyway. Not from a Seeker of Truth. And if sacrificing his dignity meant he could continue to perform his duties, well, his dignity could go right to the pyre.
"Of course. Ask, and it is yours."
"I'll need a healer who is discreet. There are some anti-nausea draughts that help during the first few days. Mainly, though, I need you to assess my performance. If you feel that the withdrawal is interfering with my duty, then you must replace me," Cullen said.
"I do not think it will come to that, Commander. I have read reports from all of your Knight Commanders. I do not question your dedication or your will. But, if it will reassure you, I will promise. If your performance is inadequate for whatever reason, I will tell you so," Cassandra said.
"Thank you, that eases my mind," Cullen said.
"There are also some Seeker techniques that you might find helpful. Meditation and the like. I can teach you," Cassandra said.
For a moment, Cullen didn't know what to say. He had not expected the Seeker to offer such open handed assistance. "Thank you, that would be most helpful."
"Good, that is settled, then. On to other matters. Have you met Lady Montilyet?" Cassandra asked.
"Yes, briefly, shortly after she arrived last night. She seems...capable," Cullen said, which made Cassandra laugh.
"Do not let her clothing and manners fool you. She is as much a warrior as you and I, Cullen. She simply fights on a different field. Not everything can be solved with a sword, much as we might like it to be so to."
"I know, but we have little in common. She is noble, I am a fisherman's son. She is a diplomat, I am warrior. But I need not socialize with the woman to work with her effectively. She is currently helping Leliana design the Inquisition's uniforms," Cullen said with a grimace.
"What did they settle on?" she asked.
"The troop uniforms aren't too bad. They are Antivan orange and green. The scout uniforms are green and brown. It's an improvement over some of Sister Leliana's original ideas. Lady Montilyet informs me that fabric in those colors is fairly easy to obtain, and relatively inexpensive. She'll be making contacts with merchants and tailors once we have determined where the Inquisition's base of operations will be. I will do the same with armourers," Cullen said.
Cassandra's lip curled in a small smile. "What do you think of the design for yours?" she asked.
"I take it you've seen it, then?" Cullen asked.
"Yes, including Leliana's original sketch. You should be grateful for the changes Lady Montilyet has made. But what I think is unimportant. What do you think?" Cassandra asked again.
"I don't know. The color isn't bad. I'm more concerned about the insignia. Lady Montilyet has apparently done her research. As I was a Knight Captain in the Templar Order and I left the order honorably, I am permitted to wear the Templar emblem on my armour. Or so she told me. At length," Cullen said, which made Cassandra snort.
"She can talk, I give you that. But given that talking will be her main duty for the Inquisition, I am not surprised," Cassandra said.
"I suppose not. I...do not know how I feel about putting the Templar emblem on my Inquisition armour. I have left the Order. I left it for a reason. Kirkwall was...well, I no longer belong with the Order," Cullen said.
"We already have several templars who have joined us. I expect that after the Conclave we will have many more. You are seen as one of the heroes of that mess in Kirkwall, Cullen. You represented the Order with honor, both at the battle and in the years since, which was much needed after what Meredith did. I think if you have the emblem on your armour it will rally even more templars to our cause, I do not think that is a bad thing. Plus, you were a templar for more than half your life, were you not? I think that is not something you can leave behind, nor should you," Cassandra said.
"I suppose," Cullen acknowledged.
"And I think the burgundy and gold looks good with your coloring," Cassandra added, which made Cullen's ears flush a bit.
"Better than that blue that Leliana had," he agreed.
"Oh, I know. You would have looked like a Grey Warden in that, which is probably why she chose it. She has had a soft spot for them since the Blight," Cassandra said.
"So does every Fereldan, actually, but I don't want to look like one. People might start expecting me to kill darkspawn," Cullen muttered.
"Better that than dragons, which is what I am expected to kill, at least by those who don't know better. In any case, once Lady Montilyet has had a brief rest we can leave for Haven. I suggest you spend the time buying the armour, as you'll want to have it at the Conclave. From what I understand there is a substantial marketplace here, so you should be able to find some ready made."
"Yes, and then just have the embellishments put on it, which a good smith can do in a day, if the price is right,"
Luck had been with him at the marketplace, more or less. The first armourer he visited had a good set of half-plate that fit him quite well. It was apparently a custom order for a nobleman who had died in the ongoing Orlesian civil war. The man was glad to let it go for a reasonable sum, even with the extra coin for adding the Templar insignia to the gauntlets.
"Thought you lot didn't wear anything but the standard," he said when Cullen requested the work.
"I'm retired," he succinctly said. No point in going into detail with the man.
"Huh, didn't think templars did that, but it's your coin, and the design is simple enough. I can have it ready by the sixth hour."
Cullen promised to return at that time, then went off in search of a leatherworker and a cobbler to see if they had the additional pieces he needed in stock, or if they could quickly make them.
"No."
'Oh come, Cullen, put it on, you'll look fabulous!" Leliana enthused, holding up the...coat, he supposed he had to call it. Monstrosity is what he'd rather call it. There was fur on the collar. Fur! Good thing he hadn't taken that bet with Varric. The helmet was worse. It was either meant for a theatre production or was commissioned by some Orlesian fop. It was a bloody lion's head!
"That would be why I am saying no," Cullen retorted, then appealed to Lady Josephine.
"You let her buy this?" Cullen asked.
"She...would not be dissuaded," the Antivan woman answered.
"Come, with the collar on the coat and the helm you'll look wonderful! So regal. With the lion helm and the coat making the mane….Maker's Breath, we can call you the Lion of Ferelden! It's perfect!" she enthused.
"I must say, you do look very dashing in what you have on so far, Commander," Lady Josephine said, running an eye up and down his form. He would have blushed if he thought she was ogling him, but she had her diplomat's voice on, so he knew she was just trying to get him in the coat.
"Let me guess, there's no time to get anything else?" he growled.
"Well, the market is closed now, and we leave in the morning," Leliana said, giving him an innocent look.
"Of course it is, and of course we are. I will wear that coat, because we're going into the Frostbacks, but I am not wearing that bloody helm," he said.
"Fine, you look enough like a lion without it," Leliana said, holding out the coat so he could put it on.
"Maker's Breath, what is that supposed to mean? I look like a man, not a giant cat," he muttered while he cinched up the coat and put the gauntlets and pauldrons on over it. He had to admit the lining on the thing was cutting the drafts.
He buckled on the sword belt and shield and turned to the two women. "What do you think?" he asked.
"I think we're going to have to fend off the women with a stick," Josephine said.
"Men, too," Leliana observed, then giggled as Cullen blushed almost as dark as his new coat.
A/N: I just couldn't resist the chapter title. That ZZ Top song ran through my head the whole time I was writing this.