4.
It all started when the girls were walking home together after training one day.
"You know," said Ino curiously, "Anko-sensei mentioned the other day that she has shitty taste in guys, too."
"Yeah," said Sakura. "So?"
Hinata had looked up, puzzled.
"So… Sensei's fixed our lives… what if we find out about Sensei's life, and work on hers?" said Ino, grinning.
Excited expressions grew over Sakura and Hinata's faces.
"Anko-sensei," said Ino the next day after training, "we think, collectively, that it would be very helpful to our training if we could see how you train at your home in your own private time." She was beaming, the other two girls standing politely with their hands crossed behind her.
Anko glared down at them suspiciously. "You want to see my place?"
"Yes!"
"... Okay, but it's a fucking mess," she sighed, leading them out of the training area lazily. "This way."
"Anko-sensei," Sakura said curiously, "what did you mean when you said you also have awful taste in guys? Did you help us out with our crushes because of your own personal experience?"
Anko froze for a moment, and Sakura wondered if she'd ruined it. She'd tried to plan the wording of her question so carefully… "Well, I don't have a great track record with guys," Anko admitted sheepishly at last. "Lots of one-night stands and short, volatile relationships that don't last. People say I'm crazy, for some reason."
"It sounds like you need to meet a guy who treats you better," said Hinata quietly, perceptive, her face calm but her eyes sympathetic.
"Right. And he'd have to be a fellow ninja and Jounin who understands your lifestyle and is strong enough not to be intimidated by you -"
"And he'd have to be eccentric enough to be okay with eccentricity!"
Anko snorted. "Yeah," she said, "and good luck finding that."
They made it to the apartment. And it was a mess. Shit was everywhere, haphazard, it smelled something fierce, and there were holes in the walls.
"What are these?" said Ino, pointing at the holes. Anko turned to look at her, and while her Sensei's back was turned Hinata turned on her Byakugan and made a quick scan of the cupboards in the apartment - the amount of alcohol this woman apparently consumed single handedly was incredible.
"Oh, I usually punch holes in the walls to take out my anger when a guy leaves or dumps me," said Anko casually, hands on her hips. "Sometimes I throw stuff at him, too. I've lost a lot of perfectly good kitchen utensils that way."
The girls sweat-dropped.
The girls all grouped up later and went over their findings - including Hinata's discovery of all the alcohol.
"So I think we can divide this into four sections," said Ino, all-business. They were no longer as afraid of Anko as they used to be - had grown accustomed to her in some sense - which was why they had the nerve and guts to plan this. "Let's list them down:
"First, alcohol issues.
"Second, anger management problems.
"Third, cleanliness issues.
"Fourth, guy problems."
"And what we need to find in a guy can be broken up into three sections," Hinata added. "We need to find:
"First, a nice guy who will treat her well.
"Second, a fellow ninja and Jounin who's not easily intimidated.
"Third, someone eccentric enough to be okay with eccentricity."
Sakura, their secretary, was nodding, copying all this down methodically onto three sheets of paper (one for each of them).
"Okay," said Ino determinedly. "Let's do this."
The next morning, Anko awoke suddenly to crashes and bangs in her apartment. She didn't think she'd had anyone over last night… She ran into the living room with a kunai knife in her hand - and found her three students, all in baggy old clothes and with rags around their heads, cleaning up her apartment for her.
"What the hell are you three doing?" she asked in bewilderment, relaxing.
"We're cleaning up your apartment so you'll know how good it feels having a nice apartment!" said Sakura brightly, plugging in an air freshener.
"And this way, after this, it'll be really easy for you to keep your apartment clean!" Ino added, sweeping. "All you have to do is clean up each mess as it comes up and do a little bit of cleaning each weekend."
"After this, we have something we'd like to talk to you about," said Hinata matter of factly, clearing away the kitchen table and scrubbing at the dirty dishes in the sink with gloves on.
"Um… okay," said Anko in utter bewilderment.
The girls sat their Sensei down after it was all over. Anko could admit to herself, they'd done a good job. It did feel nice, having a clean apartment for once.
Not that she was about to admit that to them.
"Sensei," said Hinata, bracing herself, "I threw out all your alcohol."
Sakura and Ino also waited for the fireworks.
Anko exploded, leaping up from the table. "You did what?!"
"Sensei," said Ino, "we think you should attend anger management classes and Alcoholics Anonymous meetings."
Anko stopped, glaring suspiciously. "Only well adjusted people do that," she said. "I take great pride in not being well adjusted."
The girls sweat-dropped.
"We think if you're teaching us about living a healthier life, you should try living a healthier life too," said Sakura firmly. "Otherwise, isn't it just hypocritical?"
"We're all hypocrites at heart," said Anko automatically, though privately she could see what they meant.
"Sensei," said Hinata, "you punch holes through your own apartment walls. There were over five different bottles of alcohol in those cupboards."
"Those could have been anyone's!"
"Sensei," Ino pointed out, "only you live here."
"... Damnit."
"If you don't be healthy yourself, we see no reason to be healthy ourselves," said Sakura firmly, arms crossed.
Anko paused, torn. "... Alright," she sighed, not wanting to undo all her hard work on Team Kunoichi, "I'll go. God, I'll never hear the end of this from my fellow Jounin…"
So Anko went to the local hospital, alone, and said grimly to the nurse at the desk:
"My name is Mitarashi Anko and I need to register for anger management and Alcoholics Anonymous meetings."
Everyone in the waiting room, even random strangers, looked up disbelievingly. You could have heard a pin drop.
Anko blushed furiously. I'm going to kill those three.
The girls weren't sure whether she actually got made fun of, or how the initial meetings went, but Anko seemed constantly angry and she started driving them a lot harder than usual over the next few days. And for Anko, that was saying something.
"I'm sore all over," Ino muttered as they walked up to the Academy one day. "Why do we have to be good people again?"
"Because it's the right thing to do," said Sakura firmly, unfazed.
"... And because Sensei's done a lot for us," Hinata added in a murmur.
That was why they were here. They weren't sure where to start looking for a strong and eccentric yet good-natured Jounin, so they decided to go to their former Academy teacher for advice.
They walked into his classroom during lunchtime and said, "Hi, Iruka-sensei."
Iruka, a kind young man with a ponytail of brown hair and a wide scar across his nose, looked up from his teacher's desk and smiled. "Former students!" he said. "I always enjoy it when they come back and visit me. How have you been? You seem… different."
"Anko-sensei's been really good for us," Sakura agreed, smiling.
"I'm glad to hear it. I'm sensing a 'but' here…"
"But we're trying to set our Sensei up on a date with a fellow Jounin," Ino admitted, wincing.
"Anko dating. How fearsome," Iruka mused. "Why do you need my help?"
They told him their qualifications for a potential guy. "Hmm…" Iruka seemed thoughtful. "Really the only two I can think of who fit that description are Hatake Kakashi and Maito Gai. And I think Gai might be a little eccentric even for Anko."
"What do you mean?" Hinata asked, frowning.
"He wears green spandex leotards, has a bowl cut and giant eyebrows, and is always shouting enthusiastically about 'The Power of the Springtime of Youth'," said Iruka, wincing.
"... Oh." The girls agreed - they could not see Anko-sensei going for that. "What about Hatake Kakashi?"
"Well, he fits all your qualifications. He's a powerful Jounin. Some find him attractive. He's a good person, if rather quiet, with a dry sense of humor. He'd be attracted to how dedicated you as a team are to each other and to your Jounin sensei - I've been told he's very big on teamwork. And he's definitely eccentric - he's chronically late to everything, wears a cloth face mask over the lower part of his face, and he reads erotica. Openly. In public."
The girls looked at each other and shrugged. "Let's try it."
Next, they went to Ino's parents for advice. Sakura's mother was of course a civilian, and every time Hinata considered going to her family members for dating advice for her Sensei she shuddered a little bit in horror. But Ino's parents seemed safe.
"Hatake Kakashi?" Mr Yamanaka looked thoughtful. "Well, let's see… I've never heard of him being in a serious relationship. As far as I know, he's more of a 'one night stand' kind of guy. Not very good at emotional attachment. But you could try it.
"You can usually find him in the mornings at the Third Ninja War Memorial. He lost a lot of people in that war, which everyone suspects is part of why he's not great at emotional attachment. He likes to go and visit them. You could probably find him there."
Ino, Hinata, and Sakura were hidden behind a tree early the next morning, covertly watching Hatake Kakashi stand in front of the memorial stone in the middle of a quiet field.
"Wow, he's hot!" Ino whispered.
He was tall and lanky, lithely muscular, with a mess of silver hair and sharp features. It had to be him - there was the cloth face mask over the lower part of his face.
"Are you going to just hide there all morning or are you actually going to come out and talk to me?" he asked matter of factly at last, hands in his pockets, still gazing at the stone.
The girls froze - and then came sheepishly out from behind the tree.
"We have a proposition for you," said Ino at last. "We think that you should go out with our totally hot and super tough Sensei!"
Kakashi turned to look at them. "... You're Anko's kids," he said, bemused. "I can't imagine her putting you up to this, so you're here on your own."
"That's right," said Sakura quickly. "We just… think she needs to go out on a date with a nice guy, and everyone says you're a nice guy. And we think you need to go out with someone nice too! We think it would be good for both of you," she finished firmly, crossing her arms and nodding.
"A thirteen year old is telling me I need a more fulfilling love life," Kakashi realized to himself.
"You should take that as a sign," said Hinata, in her 'wise Hyuuga' voice.
Kakashi sighed. Sometimes the Naras' trademark "troublesome" really did apply. "Well… Anko's really hot and she's pretty reasonable when it comes to the 'no strings attached' thing - one of the only things she is reasonable about, actually - so I'll ask her if you'd like. But don't expect anything to come of it," said Kakashi, hand behind his head.
The girls beamed and jumped in victory, cheering. What have I gotten myself into? Kakashi thought.
"Hey, Anko. We should go out sometime."
Anko turned from the dango bar where she was getting an early breakfast. "My students put you up to this, didn't they?" she asked bluntly.
"Well… yes," said Kakashi, his eye curved in amusement.
Anko sighed. "They're trying to solve all my life problems. They're taking my own lessons and turning them against me. It's really not fair," she said, leaning against the bar.
"At least they seem to care," Kakashi pointed out. "That must mean you're doing something right."
Anko looked sideways over at Kakashi. He was still smiling… and he was really hot…
"Oh, what the hell," she sighed. "Let's just go out to dinner."
Her team even came over to her apartment and helped her pick out the right outfit on the night of. Anko had factored in Kakashi's tardiness, so they actually started getting ready at the time Kakashi was supposed to show up.
"Red would clash with your hair and purple would be too... Purple," Sakura said knowledgeably, holding up different dresses, standing in front of Anko's closet. "But black would be good." She held up a dress.
"Ooh! I like the whole 'short little wrap dress' look!" said Ino enthusiastically from Anko's bed.
Hinata, meanwhile, had sat Anko down before her dresser mirror and was doing her hair up in some complex, sophisticated bun arrangement she'd learned from some older branch retainer women of the Hyuuga clan.
"I can't believe I let you guys talk me into this," Anko was saying. "What if it all goes horribly?"
"But what if it all goes great?" said Ino enthusiastically.
"My father always says there's a risk when you go out on a mission, too," said Hinata quietly. "This is just a different kind of risk. And you're nervous because it's a risk you're not used to. You're more used to the kind of risk where you pick up a guy at a bar. There's more at stake here. That's why you're nervous."
"When did you three get to be so all-knowing?" said Anko suspiciously. Just then, the doorbell rang.
"I'll get it!" Ino called, and before Anko could stop her, she'd run to the door, sliding on her socks, thrown it open, and said brightly to Kakashi, "Come on in!" She waved a hand at the newly cleaned apartment.
A bemused Kakashi walked in holding flowers. He was wearing a nice black long-sleeved shirt and a dark pair of dress pants, and no mask. Ino had been right - totally hot.
Anko came out sheepishly in the black little wrap dress, her hair done up in its bun and a dark shawl around her shoulders (to hide the seal). "Sorry about this," she said, and she actually blushed, like some stupid thirteen year old. "My students are kind of -"
"Have fun, kids, don't do anything we wouldn't do!" And Team Kunoichi shoved Kakashi and Anko out the door and into the hallway. Just before they shut the door, they saw a surprised Kakashi catch a falling Anko.
They looked at each other and nodded in self-satisfaction. "Aww, yeah."
Anko and Kakashi went to a nice, classy restaurant - candles on the tables, white tablecloths, the whole hundred yards.
"I'm trying to clean myself up," Anko admitted, "at my students' behest. They've decided to… help me. For a long time, it was a lot of alcohol, violence, one-night stands, dramatic trysts that never worked out well. My life was a mess. But these girls… well, I helped them, so I guess they feel duty-bound to help me."
"I was surprised to hear you'd taken a team," said Kakashi. "I never have. It didn't sound like you."
"It surprised me too," Anko admitted. "It was kind of forced on me, but I've actually learned to like it. Those girls, they're… they're good kids." She smiled softly. Then she made a face. "Ugh, how cheesy did that sound?"
"It's okay to be cheesy occasionally," said Kakashi, his eye curving as he smiled.
Then she asked him about his erotica books. Far from feeling insulted by them, Anko loved kink and was even into it herself. Kakashi was pleased he'd let himself be talked into this - this was the best date ever!
He walked her home. He surprised her with a kiss just as she turned around outside her apartment door - and then, in a true ninja move, he disappeared.
"Showoff," said Anko, but she smiled, feeling warm.
Her team demanded all the details the next day. She gave them just enough to keep them satisfied, and then told them firmly to go run more laps.
She watched them start their run around the training field… and reflected.
She'd expected to be good for her team. She hadn't expected her team to be good for her.
Anko went to the Hokage's office the next day, calm, her eyes fierce.
"You've been asking me for weeks if I'll accept them as a possible Genin team… I accept. I'll take them on as Genin."
The Hokage smiled.
And now, thought Anko as she left, the real training began.