AN: I own nothing but my plot, everything else belongs to Rick Riordan.

Chapter 4: Babysitting disasters part 1

The son of the Sea God picked up the package with his free hand. His pale green eyes were narrowed and his nose was scrunched up in disgust as the absolutely revolting smell hit his nose again…but instead of opening the package from the unknown sender, he…stared at it. His eyes were taking in every corner and every side; he was definitely not going to take any chances right now. He had enough on his shoulders already!

Perseus, (who was balanced on his left hand) was still crying, and Hermes was starting to get impatient. He couldn't take all of this! The baby was crying, his nose couldn't bear the smell, Triton was taking forever to open the package and he had work to do. Hey, it's not easy being the messenger God! He had to deliver messages, take care of the internet, take care of his Olympus news site, deliver more messages, and now he had all this to take care of! And between all of this work he did, he had to find time to prank call Hades (It was so much fun to piss of his uncle), send Zeus some Pacific Ocean Fish just to annoy him (everybody had been teasing him about that incident!), fall in love with mortals, have babies, keep track of the babies and steal more Ambrosia hotdogs and candy because he was running low on them…and also because they were really yummy!

Triton suddenly spoke, taking Hermes out of his thoughts "I do not know what is in the package!"

"Yes, that is exactly why I told you to bloody open it!" Hermes snapped, "Honestly! How stupid are you, exactly? Give me the package!" Triton gave the package to Hermes, who proceeded to tear it open, but before Hermes could see what it contained, a little note fell out.

I am sorry, my son, but your mother and I are not going to be here for the whole day and you are going to have to take care of Percy. Make sure that he eats his food and be sure to change his diaper…..I think I smelled something bad when I came to his room before leaving. The package contains everything you will need to take care of him for the day. Also, this will be some good bonding time for the two of you. (After all, he is your brother!)

, Your Father

PS: If you don't know how to change a diaper, ask Hermes. I'm sure he's had a lot of experience with babies! Gods, his cabin has so many children! (Don't tell him that I said that, or you'll be grounded for the next decade…yes, I said decade.). Happy babysitting!

Hermes stared at the letter in disbelief; half the kids in his cabin were unclaimed kids of other Gods and Goddesses! Never mind that… had other things to take care of right now. Without a word, Hermes handed the letter to Triton, who read it carefully and started muttering to himself about how unfair life was. Hermes sighed and looked at what else was inside. It merely consisted of baby food, clothes, baby care products, toys and (Thank Gods!) diapers.

"Okay, let's start working" Hermes said, his voice taking a happier tone "Triton, open the diaper so we can change it before everything gets smellier."

Triton stared at Hermes incredulously; surely he wasn't asking him to actually open the stinky diaper! "No, I would rather call Demeter and tell her that I think that her cereal is absolutely horrible. Or tell Zeus that he looked dumber and fatter than Percy's step-father, Gabe, in the last meeting!" Hermes glared, "I do not care how much you glare, Hermes. I am not going to open the diaper!" Hermes reached in his pocket and took his phone out, he dialed a number quickly and put the phone to his ear "Hello, Zeus?" there was a pause "See, today I was talking to Triton and he said something really interesting." Triton went pale "Oh, nothing. He was just saying something about you…he gave you some interesting compliments" Triton now looked sick, "Sure, sure…I'm sure he'd love for you to hear what he said…he just said that…"

"Fine! I'll open it!" Triton choked out at the last moment

Hermes smirked and kept talking into the phone "He said that you looked like..." Triton gulped and clutched his heart. Mother, Father, I will miss you. Hermes continued speaking "…Taylor Lautner" Triton looked up in shock and relief, before clutching his stomach and throwing his head back to have a hearty laugh….Zeus…Taylor Lautner. Hilarious! Hermes kept on speaking, barely suppressing his laughter "Father…I have to go, Perseus won't stop crying. Bye."

"Zeus looks like Taylor Lautner? That's the best you could come up with?" Triton asked.

"It's the first thing that came up into my mind!" Hermes protested

"Taylor Lautner has muscles, abs and he's young! Girls die for him! Zeus is old, fat and spits out fish on beautiful women like Aphrodite!" This brought on another fit of laughter from both of them "No wonder women run in the opposite direction when they see him!"

There laughter was interrupted by a deafening wail. They stopped laughing instantly and stared at Percy, not knowing what to do. Percy stared back at them. It was then that a weird and loud noise came from the baby, Hermes and Triton stared at each other in confusion…What was that noise? The noise came from Perseus again, and was followed by the horrid smell. Silence. The noise came again...and so did...and so did the smell. Hermes looked at baby Percy in horror, while Triton looked ready to vomit.

"Hermes…I think that it would be better if we do this together." Hermes nodded at Triton's words "Let's just hope that we will survive through this, old friend."

7 minutes later

Hermes and Triton were now ready to take on "Operation Diaper". Now that they were wearing the special white colored germ preventing suits along with fish-bowls over their heads for extra protection…they thought that they were absolutely ready!

"Stinky-salmon, give me the special surgeon's kit" Hermes said to Triton in a weird voice, to which Triton replied "Of course, Doctor-sneaky" and handed him the kit Hermes had stolen from Apollo's house.

The Messenger God took a deep breath and slowly opened the kit, pulled out a couple of pointy things, and began prodding the diaper carefully. "Now, Nurse Stinky-salmon, I need you to stop patient mini-fish's arms and legs from moving so I can continue with the procedure…yes, good job." Hermes took the pointy things again and started to open the diapers again. "Here we go, nurse…get ready, nurse Stinky-salmon, because I'm going to now open the main flap"

Very slowly, and very carefully, Hermes opened the finally snap and shrieked. He had a pained look on his face, and he gradually started to visibly pale. He gasped again "Damn it! It's much, much worse than we expected!"

"What is it?" Triton asked, he was literally shaking with fear. "Look at it by yourself and don't scream when you see it…its bad…very bad." Triton bent his head forward and said "I can't see anything over this stupid fish-bowl on my head! It keeps reflecting all the light! Can I take it off?"

"NO! You cannot take the fish bowl off, Nurse Stinky-salmon! You will then be prone to all the bad viruses and diseases that the thing releases…hey, that rhymed!"

"But it's so hot and sticky and I can't see anything! Please, please, please Doctor Sneaky? Nothing will happen to me, I swear!" Triton begged. Hermes sighed and said "Fine! But if anything happens, then don't you dare say that I didn't warn you!"

Triton smirked happily, took off his fish bowl and stared down at the diaper. His face turned into a mask of horror and he gasped "I…Uh…You were right, this is a lot worse than we expected! What do we do, Doctor?"

"I will take out the diaper, Nurse." Hermes said bravely "I need you to stay calm and get the new diaper."

"But….but, what if something happened to you, doctor sneaky?" Triton stuttered "You can't do this alone! I will help you in—" Hermes interrupted him by raising his hand, preventing him from speaking "No, Nurse Stinky-salmon, I will do this by myself. We cannot risk your life, too." Triton tried to speak again, but Hermes said "It is an order!"

Hermes closed his eyes and took the diaper out, holding it in the air in front of him. Finally getting the courage to actually look at it, he opened his eyes slowly and let out a blood-curling scream. It was horrible! He screamed again as Triton re-appeared with a new diaper. Triton froze and stared in fear, he was unable to move or speak, and he dropped the new diaper in shock. At that exact moment, Apollo appeared right in front of Hermes and said "Hermes, what did you do with my new kit? Why did you steal it? I need it back for—AAAHH!"

Everything happened in a flash. Hermes, who had been startled by Apollo's sudden appearance dropped the dirty diaper…causing it to land on top of Apollo's brand new Italian leather made, hand stitched shoes. Apollo screamed and started kicking everywhere he could, but the diaper was stuck!

"Nurse Stinky-salmon! Nurse, come quick, this is an emergency!" Hermes yelled, and Triton, who had now fully recovered ran towards Apollo. "Cousin Apollo! Calm down!" Hermes yelled again but it was no use, Apollo continued to kick everywhere he could. Triton bent down and attempted to get the diaper out, but the dear God if the Sun was still kicking! It took one fierce kick from him and the diaper was off. It flew in the air, only to land face-down on Triton's face whose bending head had been in the way. Triton tried to rip the thing off of his face but it wouldn't work. Hermes and Apollo froze in shock, No, no, no…poor Triton! "Cousin Sunny, we have to help him! Damn it, I told him not to take off the fish bowl off his head!" Hermes said, his voice was filled with fear for poor Nurse Stinky-salmon.

"Are you kidding me?" Apollo replied, "Never! The world would be such a better place without him!" Hermes glared at him and said "Cousin Sunny, he may be an idiot, a snob, a show-off and he may be stupid and the worse company in the world and a mistake on the part of Mother Nature….but, he's still our cousin and nobody would leave even him to have such a terrible fate!"

"Fine…fine! We'll do this Cousin sneaky, but if that diaper touches my skin, I will personally make sure that you get sent to the underworld for the next century." Apollo said and started walking towards Triton (who was still trying to get the thing off)

"Wait!" Hermes yelled and Apollo looked back at him in irritation. Hermes snapped his fingers and Apollo was wearing the special germ-preventing suit with the fish-bowl on his head. "This will keep protect you!"

Hermes and Apollo cautiously walked towards a shaking Triton, and proceeded to get the diaper off his face. Meanwhile, Percy, (who had stopped crying after seeing all this interesting stuff.) was laughing and clapping at the amazing display in front of him. Hey, it's not every day that you see two Gods wearing astronaut-like suits and fish bowls, trying to get a used diaper off another God's face. This was awesome! All that we need now is some sea water and this would be the perfect entertainment show. The moment Percy thought about sea water, there was a big whoosh and water appeared out of thin air, drenching the three Gods from head to toe. (Percy's room was one of the only rooms which were filled with air and not water). The salty water managed to get the diaper off, but since it was all over Hermes's and Apollo's fish bowls, they couldn't see a thing. Triton, who was finally free of the stinky diaper, fainted in relief, and fell on the ground with a low thump!

Apollo, who didn't have enough sense to just take the fish bowl off his head, tripped on Triton and fell face down on the ground and groaned. Hermes took off his suit and stared at Apollo in disbelief. Before he could comment on how stupid his cousin was, he heard a laughing and clapping noise. Perseus was still sitting on the hospital bed he had conjured and was laughing at their expense!

"Steenky-shalmon!" Percy said randomly and started clapping again. Triton woke up at the sound of the baby's laughing and smiled tiredly. Apollo and Hermes stared at him like he was crazy and Triton said in defense "Hey, after everything that happened, at least we got him to stop crying!" Hermes nodded and smiled as well.

"Apollo, will you please help us take care of the baby for the rest of the day…it's just Triton and me and we could reallyuse some extra help!"

Apollo glared "No way! Not after having a dirty diaper on my shoe!"

"Please, please, please!" Hermes begged, but it was no use, Apollo was still shaking his head. Once again, Percy's voice came out of nowhere and said "Pleashe?"

Apollo stared at Percy and Percy pouted. Apollo and Hermes smirked, already knowing that their dear cousin was wavering just as Apollo sighed and said "Fine! I will do this, but you guys owe me big time!"

This was going to be a long day.

AUTHORS NOTE: PLEASE READ!

Thank you so much for all the positive response! Thanks to everybody who reviewed and favorite-d my story! Sorry for not updating for so long…I'm not in the United States at the moment. I woke up to find lots of positive mail from Fan fiction and I was literally jumping with excitement! Thank you so much! :D

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