This chapter is still sad, but hopefully you can see where the plot is heading. I'm sorry about all the symbolism I hope every gets, but if you don't tell me and I'll try to explain more carefully.
Lost, but not Forgotten
The fenrir was parked next to the sword. Cloud stood in front of the sword facing it, but his gaze was on the horizon. Almost as if he expected his old friend to appear in the sunset. He had spent the better part of the day standing there thinking. He was oblivious to the time that passed and Tifa found herself wondering what he was thinking about.
"You." Zack answered her question. "He hasn't quite accepted your death yet. So like him to blame himself for something that he doesn't believe happened."
"He does think it happened?" Tifa raised an eyebrow.
Zack smiled. "He's trying to convince himself that it was a dream. That maybe you're just waiting for him somewhere."
Tifa wanted to be happy that Cloud wasn't letting her go easily, but at the same time she knew it would be better for him if he let go. Then she had a thought. "Is Aeris the only one who can hear us?"
"Do you remember what Cloud told you last time?" Zack's eyesbrows practically rose into his hair.
Tifa nodded. "The Promise Land." Maybe it wasn't to late to fix things. Though Tifa's forboding feeling still hadn't gone away. "Zack, what's going to happen?"
"I can't tell you that." He smirked. It was almost a sad smirk like he wanted to tease her, but like it was the last time he was going to smile for a while. Sighing he turned away from her. "Just wait and watch."
She was prevented from responding by Cloud's voice. "Zack? I'm ready to talk." His eyes shifted to the blade in the sand. "Why?" there was anguish and rage behind the question. "Why her? And don't say because she chose. Even if she did, why did you let her?"
"Step two: find someone else to blame." This time TIfa really did want to punch some sense into him.
Zack chuckled. "At least he's not blaming himself."
"Fat chance. He's just decided to blame both of you." Tifa crossed her arms over her chest. "How long will it take for him to hear me?"
"I thought the point of this whole thing was so that you didn't have to talk to him."
"What?" Tifa's eyes widened as Zack spoke. Why wouldn't she want to talk to Cloud? He needed to understand.
Zack shook his head. "You said you wanted this," he waved his hand around, "so that he would be happy. But was that the true reason or was it that you didn't want to suffer any more? YOU didn't have the courage to talk to him."
Tifa bit her lip. Though Zack's voice was harsh his eyes were sad. She closed her eyes as she recongnized the pain. When she changed the past she effected Zack's life too. He was suppose to be here with Aeris not her. When Tifa changed it Zack was forced to once again watch as she lived on in a world without him.
"What happened last time? What did you do when Aeris died?" Tifa's choice resulted in Zack's lonliness.
Zack turned from her. "I can't say that I wasn't happy to have her with me." He sighed. "Tifa, you made this choice remember that. You wanted to change it. If you don't like the results that's your problem." His voice went harch again, but Tifa forgave him after all he was seperated from what he wanted most because of her.
Cloud kicked the sword in front of him and it fell over. Anger and pain mixed on his face. Only one question went through his head. Why? What was the reason? Was there a reason? There had to be. He closed his eyes and thought of all the time he wasted. If he had known... what would he have done differently? Cloud shook his head and looked up at the horizon again.
"What should I do?" Cloud asked with a defeated tone. He finally found the right question, but he hated it. "What am I supposed to do now?"
Turning back to Tifa Zack asked her, "What is he supposed to do?"
"Why am I still here?" Cloud sighed. "There has to be a reason why she was chosen."
Tifa shook her head. "Why can't he accept my death?"
"Tifa, he still hasn't accepted my death." Zack frowned, "And we talked before I died. I got to tell him he was my friend."
She frowned in response. "He knows I was his friend. Doesn't he?" Her frown deepened. It would be like him to question things after all this time.
"Like I said you had chances to talk to him. How is that you are so brave in battle, but you can't talk, really talk, with Cloud. Why can't you tell him?"
"It's better this way. He'll be happier this way."
"Does he look happy? Do any of them look happy?"
Tifa lowered her eyes. Maybe there were a few more problems, but it would be better. It had to be better this way. "He'll be happy. And when the geostigma comes Aeris will be able to heal it." She nodded assuring herself.
Zack shook his head. "Maybe you should be asking Cloud's question. Why? Why did Aeris have to die last time? What was the reason?" He sighed defeated by the moment. "Or do you think she died by coincidence?"
"What do you mean?" She swallowed nervously there was an apprehension in Zack's voice that she didn't like.
"Just remember you made this decision. Now you have to find out why?"
He left Tifa's side and went to Cloud. Tifa watched rooted to the spot as they spoke. Aeris had always commented on how they were so alike, but Tifa always saw them as so different. Zack was the lighted darkness and Cloud was the darkened light. Sure they were alike. They had the same weapon and at times the same mannerisms, but the force behind it was different.
Zack was pushed on by his natural energy and positive outlook. He always had a plan for what to come next. Cloud was different. He didn't plan. He walked, he ran, he was steady, and when a problem arose in his path he didn't walk around it. But it wasn't the weight of his sword that held him down. It was what he saw in his past. He didn't see all the good he had done. All he saw was the faces of those who he'd failed to protect.
"Cloud." She watched as Zack moved from Cloud and the living man drove off. "It's better this way." She said to his disappearing back, but what she meant to be reassuring came out more like a question.
xXx
Cloud like speed. On fenrir he felt he could out run anything. Almost anything. Zack's words still rang in his head. "We're friends, Cloud. I'll always be here, but I can't be an intermission for Tifa. You are going to have to talk to her."
He had to talk to her. How could Zack expect him to talk to her? Where could he even do that? With Zack Cloud had a memorial. The sword served as Cloud's anchor to Zack's spirit, but where would he find Tifa. All he had of her was destroyed. Pain peirced Cloud as that thought sunk in. There was nothing left of Tifa anywhere. He hadn't yet accepted the fact that he would never see her smile again. Now he had to acccept that he had nothing left of hers.
In a way he should have been happy. Zack's sword was a constant reminder of his dead friend. But he wanted to remember Tifa. He refused to give her up, even if meant he had to suffer for it. Cloud stopped fenrir and looked back at the cliff. Behind the sword he could see two figures. Zack, ever the warrior, and next to him standing a bit behind was Tifa. Because of the distance Cloud couldn't see her face, but he would know her form any where. She was so near and yet completely unreachable.
He turned back around and droved off.
xXx
She smiled when she saw him, but she didn't move away from the flowers. "You came back." She was surprised. He rarely came to visit her after all there was so many obsticles between them. "Why did you come?"
"Aeris?" he whispered her name almost as if he couldn't believe that she was before him. He rarely got to see her. That was the curse of the dead. They didn't have to mourn, but they did have to deal with the seperation. Then Zack frowned, why had Aeris agreed so quickly to Tifa's prayer? Did she want to be alive? Did she love Cloud? "I came to see you of course."
"I'm glad." Her smiled didn't waver as she met Zack's intense gaze. "Is something wrong?"
Yes. "No." Zack knew he couldn't discuss the deal with her. She didn't remember the way it was when she had been the one to die. He forced his features into a smile. "I miss you." There a perfect phrase that applied to both Aerises, the living one who stood before him and the dead one who had stood beside him.
She nodded her head. "I miss you as well." Looking down shyly she continued, "Is Tifa with you?"
Good question, and yet not the one you want to know the answer to. "Umm... yes, I've been helping her understand." This was complicated. Aeris was the one who decided this was a good idea and now somehow she had ended up hurting.
"I understand." Aeris's voice got very quiet.
"Aeris."
"No. I get it. You don't have to explain. She's there and she's alone. I'm not. I can't get to you." Zack didn't know what he wanted to do more hug her or strangle her. This was her own fault. "It's just- it took me so long to figure out what I was attracked to and now that I finally know you have someone else to turn to." Aeris turned away from him and hugged herself.
Zack came and stood behind her. Though he wasn't coporial Aeris could almost feel him. She closed her eyes and 'felt' his warmth behind her. His breath tickled the loose tendles of her hair. He was so close, so near. "Aeris," he barely breather her name. "I'd never leave you."
When Cloud entered the church Aeris didn't open her eyes. She stood in the middle of her flowers with a peaceful expression spread over her features. Aeris did hear the door open, but she wanted just one more moment with Zack, because she knew everytime she saw him that it could be her last.
"I'll go." He wispered into her ear. "But I won't be far."
Aeris smiled as she slowly opened her eyelids as she returned from her dream like state. Cloud stood next to her peering at her closely with raised eyebrows. "I'm fine," she answered his unasked question. He shrugged as if he'd never considered asking. "Why are you here, Cloud?"
He turned so that they were both facing the same wall and paused as if in thought, but Aeris knew he was just hesitant to answer the inquiry. "I came to ask you a question."
This was kind of a surprise. Cloud didn't normally ask for help. He liked to do things his own way. So Aeris turned curious eyes towards his profile. "I..." Cloud paused and searched for words as he often did when put on the spot. "I want to know..." He lowered his gaze. "What did you do after Zack died? How did you react?"
"Cloud, every person reacts to death differently. If you're asking did I mourn Zack, then yes, I did. In my own way in my own time. You may not mourn the same way I do, nevertheless you need to find a way to mourn." Aeris tried to meet Cloud's eyes, but he moved them away. "Cloud?"
"Do you talk to him here?" She nodded. "And you spoke with Tifa here?" She affirmed again slower this time seeing where the conversation was heading. "Where can I talk to her?" He hung his head like he had failed to find something he was searching for.
"You can talk to her anywhere, Cloud." Aeris put her hand on his shoulder and forced him to face her. "She can always hear you."
Cloud's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"
"Zack is dead. I mourned for him in order to accept this fact, but even though he's gone I keep a piece of him with me. You haven't let go of Tifa. You are dragging her along with you because you can't let her go." He wasn't looking at her. "Cloud, you have to find away to mourn her, to accept her death, and let her go."
"What if I don't want to? What if I would rather be miserable forever as long as I could keep her with me?" Cloud voice was flat and Aeris noticed he still didn't call Tifa by name.
She smiled sadly and shook her head. "You don't have to give her up for good. Keep a piece of her for now and wait. Someday you'll see her." He looked at with something very close to hope in his eyes. "She'll come to you, but only when you are ready."
xXx
Ummm... the usual tell me what you think. Yes, people I want the good and the bad. I love anyone who gave me reviews so far, especially Eleidin for keeping me in check and Xxyuna4evaxX for having such enthusiasim. Question: Should Cloud cry? I don't know if he should have or not. Anyway, thanks for reading.