Chapter Three: Letters to You

"Can't you see that I wanna be there with open arms?
It's empty tonight and I'm all alone.
Get me through this one."

(Finch, "Letters to You")

JPOV

My resolve to stay away from Bella lasted an entire week. It would have lasted a lot longer, if it weren't for my meddling packmates and a nosy vampire.

A week after our disastrous reunion in the grocery store, I woke up to find various envelopes addressed to me scattered all over – myself, my bed, and my room. I was surprised to say the least, not only because it was strange, but because someone had managed to come into my room without alerting me. It was almost alarming. My dual nature meant I usually slept like the dead. But in the months following Bella's departure, most of us had honed our senses enough to be alert for changes in our environment even when we were out cold.

I picked up the envelope closest to me, and my eyes scanned the neat, legible cursive that was so different from my rushed and sloppy scrawl. Even more curious was the fact that the simple envelope had a stamp placed neatly in the right-hand corner but wasn't post-marked, as if whoever it belonged to had meant to send it but had forgotten along the way. A quick glance around told me every other envelope was identical to the first.

Never one to resist a mystery, I slid my finger under the flap and withdrew the folded paper. As I unfolded it, glimpses of the text had me breathing heavily. Surely she hadn't…

Dear Jacob,
I must be going crazy. I must be, because I swear I felt you here today. It was the same sensation I always got when I knew you were just outside my window, protecting and watching over Charlie and I.

I glanced at the date it was written, and sure enough, it was the day I'd seen her in Phoenix, lingering outside of the house she and Renee shared. The day I'd imprinted on her. It lit something up inside of me, making me warm and proud, that she'd felt my presence despite my panicked departure.

I must be going insane, because you won't even answer my calls. Why on earth would you come to see me? I wish you would. Sometimes I wish so hard that I fall asleep staring at the first star I see at night. I miss you. Even Phoenix is dark without my own personal sun.
Love,
Bella

My heart felt hollow at the desperate tone of her letter. She'd written me – even if she hadn't posted any of the letters – and called me, and I'd ignored all her attempts at contact. With the feeling of guilt settling heavily in my gut, I hastily opened the next closest letter, dated over a month after the first.

Jake,
If you weren't you, I'd hate you and I'd never want to see you again. But I don't, and I do.

I had to read that last part twice before I understood what Bella meant.

My stepfather is dead, and I know you've heard about it by now, yet you haven't once tried to call me. I broke things off with Edward, and still I hear nothing. I at least expected a call to tell me you told me so. I was run off the road and totaled our truck, and I left a message on your machine about it. And still nothing.

I felt like the world's biggest ass. She'd wrecked "our" truck – and I'm not ashamed to admit that her phrasing made me happy – and left a message. To be fair, by that point, I automatically deleted her messages as soon as I heard her voice. Listening to the entirety of the message would have weakened my resolve. I would have given into her the first week of her absence, and I wasn't ready to forgive her yet.

So all I can think is that you hate me. You must not give a damn about me anymore, because I remember a conversation we shared not too long ago where you said you'd be there and waiting for me until my heart stopped beating. Well, Jacob Black, it beats still, and yet you refuse to talk to me.

Despite that, I will make a promise to you, and I will keep up my end…

I'd told her I'd fight for her until her heart stopped beating – until she became just another of those fucking leeches – the last time I'd seen her. She'd come to my house to check up on me after one of the newborns in the army we demolished crushed most of one side of my body. I'd been broken twice that day, both physically and emotionally. I'd learned earlier that morning that Bella had agreed to marry her leech, Edward Cullen. Mere moments later, Bella admitted she loved me. Granted, I had to imply I'd let myself die defending her, but she'd admitted it, damn it, and she'd asked me to kiss her. She begged me to kiss her.

I did.

That kiss… it still made my blood run hot (more so than usual) whenever I thought about it. It had been the first kiss we should have had, rather than me taking her lips by surprise. It was hot and desperate, which was exactly how I'd been feeling at that particular moment.

But she'd loved Edward more. And I couldn't handle it. I told her I'd wait for her, but after she left to be with her mom, I was so angry that it was her stepfather's death that kept her human, and not me.

…I will wait for you until my heart stops beating, and for as long as your heart beats, so will mine.
Yours,
Bells

I sucked in a sharp breath as I read the last portion of her letter. She'd just sworn to stay human for as long as I lived, and she was waiting for me.

Thirty minutes later I was standing outside Charlie's front door, with the hair on the back of my neck standing on end as a low growl worked its way out from behind my clenched teeth. Edward Cullen's Volvo was parked in the driveway of the Swan household, and the overwhelming stench of vampire lingered in the air. He'd been here a while, because the smell was faint. I only had a moment to compose myself, before one of the leeches opened the door and the pale, pixie-like face of Alice Cullen grinned up at me.

"So he's back?" I blurted, though my voice was probably more growl than anything.

The vampire in front of me shook her head, still beaming up at me like an idiot. "No. Edward isn't here, and will not be arriving until Bella's birthday party. Did you like her letters?"

I was so focused on the dread of Edward returning to Forks for Bella's birthday in several months that it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize Alice already knew about the letters. The possibilities that ran rampant through my head made me very angry, very quickly.

I got in her face, so pissed off that I trembled with my rage. "You were on the reservation?" I demanded. "You were in my house?"

The leech girl's golden eyes rolling in their sockets did nothing for my temper, and when she reached out to push me away and put some distance between our bodies, I almost lost it. For the first time in my life, I came very close to hitting a woman, though I'm still not sure if any of the Cullen females count as actual women.

"No, silly. Your packmate, Seth Clearwater, did. At my request, of course," she added.

I flinched away from her as surely as if she'd hit me in the face. Why in the hell would Seth do the bidding of a Cullen? While Alice certainly wasn't half as bad or as useless as some of her family members, she was still a bloodsucker, and a natural enemy to my people.

"I suspect your pack is growing tired of the bickering between you and Bella. Not to mention your moping, Jacob Black," she stated, answering my unasked question. "At least, that was the impression I received when every single one of them volunteered for the task of transporting the envelopes into your bedroom. All of them…except the female." She grimaced, and I grinned as I imagined Leah's response.

Regardless, I'd be having a talk with my interfering pack in the very near future.

My hand came up to sweep my hair out of my eyes, a motion I don't even notice most of the time, but especially when I'm frustrated or a bit nervous. I looked at Alice for a good, long moment. It was uncanny that she looked exactly the same as she had the last time I'd seen her, except for her clothes. And even then, I couldn't be sure. I'm a man, and I don't usually pay attention to what anyone wore, outside of Bella, who was my one exception to everything.

"So…?" she pressed, impatiently shifting her weight from foot-to-foot. The normally awkward movement was made even more strange when completed by an unnaturally graceful vampire. It just didn't have the same effect.

"So, what?"

She huffed in exasperation, blowing her sickeningly sweet vampire smell all up in my nostrils, making them burn. The scent was a too-potent mix of baby powder, apples, and flowers, and I had to fight what was no doubt going to be an undignified sneeze. Come to think of it, I don't think I'd ever heard a dignified sneeze.

"What did you think of Bella's letters? I couldn't see your reaction because of the dog, er, the werewolf in you. Bella told me you started ignoring her again so I knew you needed a glimpse into how much she missed you this last year. She wanted to send them herself, but…"

God, this leech could babble, but when she suddenly – and uncharacteristically, I guessed – trailed off and went silent. I leaned forward and it was my turn to press for information. "But…?"

"But she didn't want to inflict her presence on you if you truly hated her," she spat out so quickly I barely understood.

I hissed quietly, but I had no doubt Alice heard me. Thinking that my mate had thought, even if only for the briefest moment, that I hated her left me feeling like the lowest being on the face of the planet. When I looked back up from where I'd been staring blankly at my dirty and worn tennis shoes, Alice was looking at me with an odd mix of sympathy and curiosity that I found rather alarming. "What?" I inquired warily.

"Nothing," she replied, shaking her head. "I was just wondering how I never saw how good you were for her. If I may, wolf, I'd like to share something with you." Her voice was somewhat flat, and her amber eyes were focused on something far off in the distance, but somehow not really focused on anything.

I nodded and prayed I didn't regret it. Then I replied vocally for good measure, in case she was too lost in whatever trance she was in to notice the physical response. "Okay."

Alice's eyes refocused on mine abruptly. "Bella would have been happy with Edward." She held up a hand to stop me when I growled at her in warning. I didn't give a shit if she would have been happy with Edward, and it would take much more than Alice Cullen to make me believe such a thing. "But," she continued, "a part of her would have always been with you and she would have been unfulfilled. I cannot tell you what part you will play in her life, because I cannot see it, but she will have a life, Jacob. She'll live a long, happy, and completely fulfilled existence."

My heart thudded against my chest, and my breath whooshed out of me as if I'd been punched. Bella would keep her written promise and live, and I knew I'd be a part of her life, because I simply refused not to be.

I won't lie. I grinned like an idiot, ear-to-ear. "…Thanks, Alice," I said after a long minute of basking in that news. "But…didn't you also see Bella as a vampire?"

Alice nodded slowly, and I'm almost positive I saw a look of regret pass over her features quickly, but it disappeared as suddenly as it had come. "That future disappeared as soon as Bella made up her mind to leave Edward for the sake of her mother. I can't see everything, Jacob, and none of my visions are certain. They can change as easily as someone's decision."

I nodded, but I didn't fake sympathy for Alice not having the sister she wanted in Bella, or for Edward losing his companion. It would be false, and Alice knew it. Bella wasn't meant to be in their world. Half the time, I wasn't even sure she was meant to be in mine.

I glanced over the tiny vampire's head to look into the interior of the quiet Swan household. "She's here, right? Where is she?"

"You just missed her. Seth Clearwater picked up her and her bike and took them to your garage so she could try and convince you to fix it. If I am not mistaken, it is the very same bike that you two built together during our…absence."

Though I was amused at the way Alice tried to sugarcoat the leech's utter abandonment of Bella, my eyes widened at the realization that Bella was at my garage without me. The very same garage where Leah Clearwater was employed. The same Leah Clearwater that absolutely despised Bella for three reasons:

She'd chosen a leech over a werewolf. Really, it had nothing to do with me or my feelings.

Bella left without a goodbye to any of the Quileutes. Even though it was due to sudden and tragic circumstances, it had really hurt the feelings of Emily, my dad, and Seth.

Leah knew – the whole pack did – that I'd imprinted on Bella. What everyone also knew, but didn't mention, was that I'd imprinted on Bella a week after reluctantly agreeing to go out on a date with Leah. Both of us knew it never would have worked out, but still Leah blamed Bella. Leah identified Bella as the second woman to take a man from her because of our imprinting imperative.

I was running for my bike in an instant. I hoped Leah was smart enough not to lay a finger on Bella, or I wouldn't be responsible for my actions. I was also hoping she kept her trap shut about my imprinting issue. She had been ordered to, but what Leah was ordered to do, and what she actually did only sometimes coincided.

As I swung my leg over the bike and started the engine, I still managed to hear Alice's clear, tinkling voice. "Please be kind to Bella, Jacob. What's done is done, and if you don't learn to forgive past mistakes, you'll never have the chance to forgive future ones."

I understood what the annoyingly cryptic vampire was trying to tell me. If I didn't forgive Bella for her past transgressions, we wouldn't have any sort of future. I understood, but it didn't mean that I was quite ready to forgive and forget. I had been a doormat for Bella Swan one too many times, and I refused to do it again, mate or not.

I nodded at Alice, and peeled out of the Swans' gravel drive.

I was back in La Push in record time, despite the fact that I'd spotted Charlie with his radar gun out along the old highway. He must have recognized my bike and decided to give me a break, and I made a note in the back of my mind to make sure and thank him later.

As soon as I pulled into the small gravel parking lot of Black's Garage, my heart dropped into my stomach when I heard the unmistakable sound of Leah's low, angry growl.

She'd shifted.

I didn't even turn my engine off or put my kickstand down. I jumped off my bike and sprinted for the door, shifting as soon as I'd managed to push it open. I didn't think twice of the relatively nice clothes that I'd just torn to smithereens.

Leah had Bella backed up against the wall on the right side of the office in front of the customer counter. Bella, despite having her back against the wall, didn't look the least bit frightened, like any sane person should be. If anything, she looked pissed off. Her slender shoulders were squared, her jaw tight, and her dark eyes were narrowed, defiant, and spitting fire. I'd never been more afraid for her, and I'd never wanted her more.

Leah's hackles were raised, and she snapped her wicked fangs dangerously close to Bella's small, delicate hands. I growled deep, smacking my larger, more powerful jaws at my packmate in warning.

Back off, Leah. Now.

She ignored me, though we both knew it wasn't because she hadn't heard me. Neither of us had the luxury of pretending not to hear another packmate while we were in wolf form. The pack mind made that impossible.

I will hurt you if you do not step away from my mate.

That made her eyes dart to me and she growled at me in fury.

Afraid I'm going to harm your precious imprint, Jake?

Bella wisely used the distraction of my presence to attempt to sidle along the wall away from Leah, but her movement drew my packmate's eyes back towards her, and she lunged. She now had Bella trapped between her massive paws, standing only on her hind legs, which still put her dangerous snout only a few inches above Bella's head.

Bella, foolish girl that she was, met Leah's eyes without fear and spoke. Her voice was so frigid and tight I barely recognized it.

"You know what your problem is, Leah? You're so set on playing the wronged, heartbroken woman that you can't see that no one pities you anymore. They've all moved on. You're not the only one that's lost someone. Get over yourself and grow up."

I slammed my entire body into Leah's side as she darted forward to snap her fangs at Bella, knocking her into the customer counter and away from Bella. We rolled, snapped, and grappled with each other, and I prayed Bella had enough sense to get out of the way.

Leah wasn't going to let this end quickly or easily.

BPOV

Alice had driven down from Alaska to spend the weekend with me, and while I was thrilled to see her, I couldn't hide my disappointment over the situation with Jacob. My friend had picked up on it right away, and asked what was wrong. After a few false, tearful starts, I'd explained to her what had occurred upon my and Jacob's reunion; namely his subsequent return to ignoring my existence.

She'd convinced me to follow my plan of somehow convincing Jacob to fix the bike he'd built for me. Alice was certain that having him see that I not only kept it, but still used it, would help repair some of our broken relationship. My guess as to Jake's reaction was just as good as Alice's, since she couldn't see anything where he and the werewolves were concerned.

I'd called Seth, and he'd agreed to transport me and my bike to Jake's garage in La Push.

As we rounded the corner and Black's Garage came into view, I couldn't help but grin. It was small but clean, with a plain, neat dark blue paint job on the outside. It made my heart swell.

"What on earth are you so happy about?" Seth asked, bemusement in his voice as he pulled into the gravel drive of the garage. He hopped out, came around to open my door, and then moved to the back of the truck to let down the tailgate and lift my poor bike out of the bed.

I followed him as he set it down in front of the closed garage door, maneuvering the kickstand down so that it sat upright.

"I'm just so proud of him," I answered, still beaming like an idiot.

My answer seemed to please Seth if the smirk curving his lips was any indication.

"Good."

I scoffed at his odd response and hugged him goodbye before heading inside to confront the best friend I was determined to win back. Instead, I got a view of Leah Clearwater sitting behind the counter, already scowling at me. I wondered immediately how someone like Leah had a job in customer service.

"Leech groupies aren't welcome here," she spat before the door had even closed behind me. She didn't even glance up from where she was looking, and as I approached the counter, I realized she was cleaning dirt from beneath her fingernails.

I sighed deeply, praying this conversation would be quick. "I'll be sure to tell that to the next one I meet," I replied flatly. "I need to talk to Jake."

Leah looked up at me, finally, her dark eyes narrowed as if she thought I was insane to ask to speak to the owner. "Jacob has a strict rule against speaking to selfish bitches that make a habit of breaking his heart."

I felt my face flush in anger, and my fists clenched so hard my fingernails bit into my palm. "Are you usually this obnoxious to paying customers, or am I just lucky?" I shook my head, instantly regretting the catty remark. I was above this sort of pointless bickering. "Forget it. I'll walk to Billy's and call him from there."

The idea of me walking to the Black house seemed to somehow make Leah even angrier, because she stood up so quickly that the rolling office chair fell over. "You're not welcome in La Push, leech-lover, much less at our homes. Go crawl back to your impotent, dead boyfriend."

"You have no say in where I can and can't go, Leah. Your mother and brother disagree with you since I work with them. And Billy has made it very clear that I am welcome in his home whenever I'd like." I turned my back on her, fully prepared to leave this argument and the bitter woman instigating it behind.

"He doesn't want you," she hissed.

My entire body went tight as she purposely struck that nerve. I turned around, and with a smile that felt tight on my face, I replied. "That may be true, but I'd bet money that he doesn't want you, either."

I heard the distinct sound of a werewolf shifting out of their human form. For someone that's never heard it, it's almost impossible to describe…like a small explosion of primal aggression. I closed my eyes for a moment, waiting for a killing blow, but it never came. A low growl made me turn around slowly, and though my instincts told me to keep my eyes on the ground, I met the gaze of the wolf in front of me. I refused to be cowed by every other-worldly monster that wanted me dead.

Leah stalked towards me, and when I didn't move, she put herself between myself and the door, and then started walking towards me, snapping her jaws menacingly. I backed away from those deadly teeth until my back hit the wall, and when I couldn't go any further, I met her glare for glare.

I'm not sure how long we stood like that, each of us refusing to back down with Leah growling occasionally in what I guessed was an attempt to frighten me. But the next thing I heard was the door opening and another explosion of werewolf. Soon Jacob was standing by the door, russet hackles raised, growling at me. Or Leah. Or both of us. It was hard to tell.

Leah seemed to ignore him which gave me the unsettling feeling that it was me that Jacob was growling at so aggressively. My heart pounded against my ribcage as I waited for something to happen. When Leah looked away from me towards Jacob, I took the opportunity to try and get closer to the customer counter where maybe I could jump over it without killing myself and giving Leah exactly what she wanted.

It didn't work. Leah's body blocked me off from not only Jacob, but also any escape I might make. Two huge paws were planted on the wall on either side of my head with her massive body in front of me. I'll freely admit I wasn't brave enough to attempt to push her off. I wanted to keep both of my hands securely attached to my wrists.

But then she had to rub it in that I was at a disadvantage by growling in my face. When her hot, wet wolf breath fanned all over my face, I lost my temper.

"You know what your problem is, Leah?" I heard myself say, though I hardly recognized the cold fury present in my voice. "You're so set on playing the wronged, heartbroken woman that you can't see that no one pities you anymore. They've all moved on. You're not the only one that's lost someone. Get over yourself and grow up."

I meant every word of what I said, but normally I would have either kept my mouth shut about it or, at least, try to frame it in a much nicer fashion. Unfortunately, Leah Clearwater made it impossible to play nice.

I felt her muscles tighten as she prepared to take my face off. She never got the chance. A huge force drove both of our bodies violently to the side, and though I felt Leah's claws bite deeply into my arm as she was forcibly moved away from me, I didn't waste an instant to get away from her. I was outside without even remembering opening the door.

I struggled with what to do as I heard angry yips and pained whimpers but instinctively ran. In the few moments it had taken me to decide to run to Billy's house for help, there were already three wolves running out of the woods on the other side of the street. I rushed to push open the darkly tinted glass entrance for them, intent on keeping them from causing any more damage to Jake's garage than what was already being done inside, and two of them – Sam and Paul if my memory served me correctly – rushed into the chaos. The third one, Quil, stayed behind, and as I moved away from the door, he sat in front of it.

The sounds of the fight stopped, but nothing happened for several minutes. I paced in front of the shop, my tennis shoes dragging through the gravel. I'm not sure how long it was before I realized my right arm throbbed, and when I looked down at it, I remembered why. Leah's claws had dragged across my skin, and while the cuts were shallow, they bled freely down my arm, with little red droplets dripping from my fingertips.

Quil whined, and in the next moment, Jacob – human Jacob – stepped out of the office. He wore a dark gray cover-all from the waist down with the sleeves tied around his waist, and his chest was left bare to my eyes. Though littered with shallow scratches and a bite mark marred his left shoulder, all I saw was the muscularity of his form and the smoothness of his russet skin. It took me an embarrassing amount of time to lift my eyes to his, and when I did, I almost choked on my own breath.

His expression was fierce with something that was a mix between protection and possession. His eyes were dark and focused intently on my arm, but he lifted his eyes to meet mine as a hint of a smirk formed on his lips. It was if he knew I'd been mesmerized by the sight of him.

I shivered, and he was in front of me in a heartbeat, folding his huge, hot body around mine while being mindful of my injured arm.

"I'm so sorry, honey," he whispered in my ear. The feeling of his breath against the sensitive shell of my ear raised even more goose bumps along my skin, but he either didn't care or didn't notice, "Are you alright?"

He pulled away slightly to lift my arm gently so he could examine it. His eyes swept over the three scratches that had torn through my shirt over my bicep. His fingers pressed at the edges, and I hissed. It stung, but nothing would ever compare to the feeling of James' venom racing through my veins.

Seemingly satisfied that it was indeed just a flesh wound, Jake's hands lowered to the crook of my elbow, and I gasped in surprise when he yanked at the fabric of my t-shirt and tore away my lower sleeve. He worked it down my arm and over my hand, and then tied the sleeve around the scratch, stemming the flow of blood, and making me wince in the process.

"I'm fine, Jake. Though, I'll admit," I paused and looked up at him with a rueful smile, "an angry werewolf is a bit more frightening than an angry vampire."

He stared at me so long I was afraid he thought I was an idiot, but then he chuckled deeply, a smile curving his full lips. I wasn't sure whether to close my eyes and savor the sound, or shut my ears and savor the sight. Both were wonders that I hadn't witnessed in Jake in a very long time.

I reached up and cupped his face, my thumb skimming the side of his mouth. I couldn't help it. Seeing him smile had filled me with the overwhelming desire to touch him and be closer to him. "I missed your smile."

"I missed you," he replied softly, placing his hands on my hips to pull me against him. I dropped my cheek to rest against his chest, uncaring of the sheen of sweat that lay atop his skin, and sighed when his arms closed around me.

"Me too."

I felt him looking down on me, and I glanced up, my chin tilting upward so that I could meet his eyes. They bared into me, searching for something I wasn't sure of, but whatever it was, he seemed to find it there. He inched towards me, his lips so close to mine we were sharing breath.

"Jake!"

We separated as if we'd burned each other, and Paul stood in human form in the doorway of the garage, holding the door open for the wolf forms of Sam and Leah. I thought Jacob had looked rough when he'd emerged, but it didn't compare to Leah's appearance, though I imagined her fur hid the more gruesome injuries from my eyes. The fur around her throat was matted with blood, and a deep wound ran from just above her left ear to her neck. When she looked at me, Sam growled a warning at her, and she didn't glance my direction again as Sam escorted her limping form across the street and back towards the woods, with Quil following closely behind them.

"A bloodsucker is pacing the line, but hasn't crossed it."

Jacob and I both heaved a sigh at the same time, and we looked at each other with shared knowledge.

"Alice."