Chapter 4
"I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to wake," Bella said as she smiled up at Alistair.
"The same could be said about you." He replied as he walked over to the chair he had occupied for days. "It's good to see you up and awake."
"It's good to be awake. Wynne told me that you never left my side while I was unconscious. Thank you."
"Well, someone had to talk you back from the Fade," Alistair said as he smiled sheepishly.
Bella nodded, "And from the sounds of it when I woke, you were doing a mighty fine job of it," she said with a knowing smirk.
Alistair's face turned red as he began to stammer, "Aaah, yes about that…"
Bella waved her hand dismissively, "We can't control what we dream about, I'm just glad to know that I am still making appearances in your dreams."
"Always!" He replied a little over enthusiastically and she smiled back at him. "You seem in good spirits. I was worried that you wouldn't be happy to see me, especially considering how awful our last meeting was" Alistair replied.
Bella smiled slightly, "Well nothing like a close call with death to see things with a different perspective."
"Great! So that means you are coming back to Denerim and will agree to be my wife!" Alistair exclaimed.
She sighed, "I said I had a new perspective not that I had lost my mind." She paused before going on, "I am sorry for my treatment of you when you were here last. I didn't want to give any false hope that I had changed my mind. By being aloof it was my hope that it would help both of us to move on with our lives, and with our duties."
"And have you," Alistair inquired, "moved on?"
"That's irrelevant. I have come to the conclusion that life is too short to hold on to that type of bitterness and anger. It will only do more harm than good. Before we were lovers, Alistair, we were good friends. With you being King, and me as Commander of the Grey, we will be in contact a lot. I would rather those interactions be friendly than hostile. It will create a more diplomatic working relationship, don't you agree?"
"Yes, of course. But when did you become so enlightened? Did you have a conversation with the Maker while you were in the Fade?" Alistair inquired.
"Close….my Father!" She replied.
"You saw your Father in the Fade?"
"Yes, I don't know if it was real or a dream, but I saw him there. We had several very long talks. He told me how proud he was of me and all that I had accomplished. He said that I still had a lot more to achieve and that bitterness and anger would only stand in the way of the things that I needed to do. When I woke up I just felt different, and I knew I had to release the past if I was going to have any hope of a happy future."
"Wow…that's amazing. Did you see your mother?"
"No," she replied sadly, "but my Father said that only one of them could visit me and that my Mother insisted that it be him."
"I'm happy for you, Ella. I know how much you miss your Father. I hope that it helped give you some closure seeing him again," Alistair said.
"It did. It was good to see him…very good indeed," she paused for a moment as she thought about her father and it brought a sad smile to her face before she moved on, "Varel told me about the supplies that you brought with you from Denerim and the mages to help with the injured. I can't thank you enough for that, Alistair."
"You are very welcome. It's the least I could do and I am glad to help the people of Ferelden anyway I can," Alistair replied.
"I had Varel send one of the supply carts and two of the mages to the city to aid the injured there."
"I think that is an excellent decision," Alistair said. He paused and then continued, "I have to tell you, Ella, I am very proud of you and I know that Duncan would be too. You have done an excellent job rebuilding the Keep and the Wardens."
Bella laughed. "Have you seen the still smoldering ashes out there?"
"El, it could have been so much worse if you hadn't had the foresight to hire that dwarven stonemason to reinforce the Keep's walls - many more would have died in the battle."
"I know," she said sadly as she lowered her head. "Varel also told me that Velanna and Justice were lost during the fight."
Alistair rested his hand on hers, "I'm so sorry. You didn't mention them much in your reports. Were you close with them?"
Bella shook her head and Alistair thought as much. Bella always took those that she trusted the most with her on critical missions. "But that doesn't make it any easier to lose a fellow Grey Warden," she mumbled.
"No, it doesn't, but Ferelden will recognize and honor them as well as all the Grey Wardens that have sacrificed their lives for the greater good," Alistair said with such an air of authority that it made Bella smile. "What?" He asked.
"You! In the eight months since I last saw you, you have definitely come into your own and have grown into the King I knew you would be," she said with a sad smile.
Alistair blushed as he decided to change the subject. He wasn't ready to head down that path just yet. "Sooo," Alistair said running his hands through his hair, "none of your reports mentioned that Zevran was here training new recruits."
"Yes, well, I didn't want to rub salt in an open wound, Alistair. I know that you and Zev have a rocky relationship and he tends to push all of your buttons. Even though Zev and I are just friends, I knew you would assume the worst."
He couldn't deny anything she'd just said so he replied, "You think of him as a friend, but he thinks of you as his latest chew toy," she laughed and Alistair smiled at her and then went on, "So Zev also mentioned that he was keeping your bed warm at night?"
Bella let out a burst of laughter that sounded like music to his ears. "Is that what he told you? That lying son-of-a-whore! The only way he is warming my bed is if he is the one coming into my chamber at night to change out the coals in the warming pans under my mattress. Come on Alistair, you know better than to listen to anything that comes out of his mouth, especially if it concerns me."
"So he hasn't been picking up the pieces of your shattered heart?"
Bella lowered her head and began to pick at her nails. She gave a long sigh and said, "I can't say it has been a walk in the park, Alistair. It hurts… not being with you, talking with you, laughing with you…" she smiled sheepishly at him as she said, "doing other things with you. It hurts beyond words…."
"Then don't do this, Ella," Alistair interrupted.
"Alistair, I love you, I always will, but I did what was right for you and for Ferelden," Bella replied.
Alistair couldn't hold back his retort regarding this subject anymore. "No you didn't," Alistair mumbled. "What is right for me, and for Ferelden, is you. I am half the king and half the man that I used to be since you left. You make me stronger, you always push me to be better, and you bring out the very best in me."
"And it wouldn't matter to the nobility if you were as good as the Maker himself if you don't have an heir for the throne. I can still do those things for you Alistair, just not as your wife or your queen," Bella countered.
There was a long silence. Alistair felt that pain that always gripped his chest when he thought about life without her. Alistair cleared his throat and sighed, "Can we change the subject? This topic is depressing and I don't want it to dampen the happiness I have felt ever since you woke up." Bella didn't say anything just nodded.
"While I was waiting to see you, I overheard parts of your conversation with Nathaniel. I tried not to listen but my curiosity was sparked by the bits and pieces that I heard from your chat. You have a history with him don't you?"
Bella nodded as she explained, "Yes, I've told you before that Rendon Howe was my father's best friend, so our families visited together often. I grew up with Nate, Thomas, and Delilah, but because of our closeness in age, I was closer with Nate than Thomas and Delilah. I was such a tomboy growing up and when the Howes would come to visit, Nate and I were inseparable. We would spend our entire summers together, riding horses in the fields of Highever, sword training and sparring. He even tried to teach me archery, but that was a disaster," she said with a chuckle.
"And as you grew from children toward adulthood?" Alistair asked.
Bella paused before she answered. Then she said, "Well, as Nate and I got older our friendship matured into something deeper and we both realized that we loved each other, wanted to spend the rest of our lives together."
"He was your lamppost wasn't he?" Alistair shyly questioned.
"Huh?"
"The conversation we had once at camp, where I asked if you had ever licked a lamppost in winter and you said…."
"Once, but it was for love," Bella finished for him. She paused again for a moment as she considered her response. "Yes, Nate was my lamp post," she said.
"Tell me about him," Alistair said.
"Are you sure you really want to know this?" She asked.
"Anything or anyone that is important to you is important to me," He paused, then said, "Besides understanding your history with him might help me grasp more fully why you conscripted him. When I read that in your report, I ruined my shirt with the wine I spit out all over myself. You could have softened that blow by preparing me a little better."
Bella laughed. "I would have liked to see wine dribbling down the front of you."
"Yes, well, just one of my many majestic moments." He retorted, then waited for her to continue.
She knew Alistair wouldn't press her for more information about this if she told him that she didn't want to discuss it, but she felt after everything they had been through together he had the right to know, so she continued on.
"Well, as I said, we knew that we loved each other and we wanted to get married. A few weeks before my eighteenth birthday, Nate told me that after I turned eighteen he was going to ask my Father for my hand in marriage, and I was thrilled. My parents were planning a big birthday party to celebrate their daughter's coming of age. Alistair, you know how I detest celebrations in my honor." Alistair nodded as she continued her story.
"All the pomp and circumstance drives me insane and my birthday celebration was no different. I think I was forced to talk and dance with every eligible nobleman in Ferelden. It felt more like a mating ceremony than a birthday celebration. Nate saw my discomfort and came to my rescue. He slipped a few of the guards a couple of sovereigns to help me escape the party without detection."
"I would have thought the Teyrn's guards would have been more loyal than that," Alistair supposed.
"Oh my father's guards would have fallen on their swords before being disloyal to the Cousland Family. No, these were Howe's guards. Due to the large number of guests that were attending the celebration, Howe offered his own personal guards to assist with security.
"Well, that makes sense." Alistair paused while the new information clicked into place. "How long after your birthday celebration did Howe attack the Cousland Castle?"
"About eight months later," Bella replied.
Alistair shook his head with disgust. "What a perfect way for Howes' guards to scout out the castle for the attack, under the disguise of castle security?"
Bella nodded. "The lengths that man went to in order to betray my family sickens me."
Alistair squeezed her hand. "If this is too hard to talk about you don't have to tell me anymore."
Bella hesitated for a moment and then went on. "It's alright. There isn't much more to the story."
Bella collected her thoughts and then continued, "A few years before my party, my parents had a guest cottage built in the large meadow behind the castle, to accommodate guests visiting with their families. It gave our guests larger rooms and privacy while they were visiting. There was no one currently using the guest cottage so Nate and I went there knowing we wouldn't be discovered. It was there that we made love for the first and only time. Rendon must have suspected something was going on between us because when Nate returned home to Amaranthine, Rendon had him immediately shipped off to the Free Marshes. Rendon didn't want his son anywhere near the Couslands when he put his plan into action," she finished with a sad sigh.
"Wow, by the Maker, that's terrible…..I mean about the Rendon Howe thing not the lamppost thing," Alistair said awkwardly.
"Yes, the depth of Howe's betrayal is staggering, but Nate is trying very hard to restore honor to the Howe name," Bella replied.
"I can see that. Your trust in him is well placed. He is valuable asset to you and the Wardens," Alistair responded.
"Yes, he is. It's also nice traveling with someone that you have a history with and knows you. It makes those long nights at camp a little easier."
"Umm, so I take it that the two you are still writing that history…together?" And quickly added, "Not that it's any of my business,"
Bella smirked at him, "No, Alistair. I'm not ready to be involved with anyone right now."
Alistair breathed a sigh of relief even though he tried to hide it she still saw it.
"Well, now that the history lesson is over, I need to talk to you about some Grey Warden issues so I'm glad you closed the door when you came in," Bella said.
"Oooo sounds intriguing," Alistair said as he rubbed his hands together.
"Yes, you say that now, but this may be another one of those times that you question my decision making abilities."
"Nope! Not going to happen. Been there, done that and besides, I think Nathaniel has already taken the last good nickname for you and I don't have a back-up plan if you forbid me to call you Ella."
Bella laughed and then grabbed her side. Alistair sat up quickly, "Are you okay?"
"Yes, the wound is still a little sore from the poison. I'll be fine. Okay were to start… Hmm, did you read all of my reports about The Architect?" Bella asked.
"Yes, your reports about him gave me the willies," he said with a shudder.
"Yes, well, he is even creepier in real life."
"I can only imagine. He definitely spooked me in my dreams," Alistair said.
"What? You've been having dreams again?" She cried out, leaning forward and reaching for his hand.
Alistair smiled and took her hand in his, "No need to panic, Love. It's not the Calling dreams. I was worried too at first because it's way too soon, but then when I received your report about The Architect and realized that this was some new type of darkspawn you were facing, I was able to start blocking them out."
"Oh, good," she said as she leaned back again.
"Your concern is touching," he said amused.
Bella ignored his last comment and proceeded with her story. "Well, at Drake's Fall before the final battle with The Mother, I encountered the Architect again. He explained that Grey Warden blood when given to darkspawn provides them with immunity against the calling to seek out an old God and turn them into an Archdemon. Once the darkspawn are free from the old god calling, they are able to think for themselves. As with most intelligent creatures self preservation is their highest instinct; starting a Blight goes against that instinct. Darkspawn with the ability to think and reason are choosing self preservation over self destruction."
Bella paused as she gathered her thoughts and then continued, "The Architect went on to explain that some of the darkspawn are flawed and they rage against the Architect. The Mother gathered the flawed ones and rallied them against the Architect to stop him from freeing others and to stop the Grey Wardens."
She paused again and Alistair could see there was conflict that raged in her eyes. "I know The Architect is a darkspawn and it goes against all my Grey Warden intuition to trust him, but he is highly intelligent and he is trying to prevent another Blight." She paused, almost hesitant to carry on. "And I've seen his freed darkspawn. One of them helped us during the fight in the City…."
"Wait a minute, what? A darkspawn helped the Grey Wardens during the battle in the City? That's the craziest thing I have ever heard!" Alistair exclaimed.
"I know!" She cried out enthusiastically. "I would never have believed it if he hadn't been fighting by my side. That's why when the Architect offered an alliance to defeat the Mother, I accepted it. After the battle I let him go back into the deep roads to continue his research," Bella stated as she finished her story.
Alistair sat in stunned silence for a moment and then said, "Wow!" He stood up and began to pace back and forth as he rubbed his chin. "El, I can see why you did it. It's a risky decision, but I agree with it. The risk is worth the possible outcome, but when other Grey Wardens hear about this they won't be happy and there will be even more questions for them to ask." He sat back down beside her, took her hand again and asked hopefully, "Do you think he will remain true to his word and continue to free them?"
Bella nodded enthusiastically, "Yes, I do, and if he succeeds I may be out of a job."
Alistair laughed, "You can always come to court and work for me," but before she could respond he continued on, "You have given me a lot to think about. My head is spinning because the idea is just so alien yet extremely fascinating."
"I know! Some of my fellow Wardens that were there with me were not happy with my decision, but I stand by it and I will defend it to anyone that questions me about it."
"That's what I love about you - not wishy-washy in the least," Alistair said.
Just then there was a knock at the door. "Come in." Bella called out.
Nora walked in and stopped when she saw Alistair. She curtsied, "Good evening, your Majesty," she said in a shaky voice.
"Aaah, Nora. Good to see you again. I thought the palace was short a handmaid," he said with a light tone.
Before Nora could reply Bella spoke up, "I didn't think that her staying on there was the best place for her considering her involvement with my departure." Bella replied diplomatically.
"Aaah, you mean her deceit regarding your departure," Alistair said.
"She was just following my orders and you know how I get Alistair when my orders aren't followed," she replied playfully.
"Yes, I do! It would frighten the Maker himself. It's okay Nora. I completely understand."
Nora looked very uncomfortable during this exchange. "Thank you for being so gracious your Majesty."
"Was there something you needed, Nora?" Ella asked.
"I was about to head to bed, but wanted to make sure my Lady didn't need anything."
"I am fine. Thank you for checking. Goodnight, Nora."
"Goodnight, my Lady." She turned and curtsied to Alistair, "Goodnight, your Majesty."
"Goodnight Nora," Alistair replied.
Alistair stood up went to the table and poured himself a glass of water. "Can I get you a glass?"
"No, I'm fine.
He walked back to the chair while running his hands through his hair again. This was something he always did when he was nervous. "Well, if this whole darkspawn incident hadn't occurred, I was still planning on making a trip up here."
"Oh, why is that? Feeling the need for some fresh air?" Bella posed.
"Ha, ha, hmm, no it was to tell you that I am getting married and I wanted you to hear it from me first," Alistair said.
"Ahhh, so the rumors are true," Bella responded.
"Rumors? What rumors? I told everyone to keep this quiet."
"Oh come on Alistair, you can't keep something like that quiet."
"You aren't upset?" He asked.
"How can I be upset by something I put into motion? So who's the lucky lady?"
"Bann Alfstanna of Waking Sea," Alistair stated.
"Oh….well, that's an interesting choice."
"You don't approve or you don't like her?" He inquired.
"No, that isn't it. Bann Alfstanna is a lovely lady and was always nice to me on the occasions that I met her. My father always spoke very highly of her and trusted her. It's just…. that… I heard rumors that she prefers the company of ladies."
"Yes, well I certainly hope those rumors are true," he retorted dryly.
"What? Why would you say that?" Bella demanded.
"Well, if I am going to get married to someone I don't love in order to produce an heir, then I sodding well want to make sure that when my wife does conceive a child, that it is mine. I would think the odds of her getting pregnant from one of her lady friends are low," Alistair countered.
A sly smile came across Bella's face, "Very low indeed; spoken, my Love, like a true noble, but have you spoken to her regarding her duty to try and produce an heir?"
"Yes, she is well aware of her duty and very willing to… participate in those endeavors."
"Well, that's good," she said sadly.
"I'm sorry to upset you with this news, Ella. You know that it's you that I want as my wife."
"Yes, I know and it's not that Alistair…well it is, but that isn't why I'm sad right now. It's just that I would never wish for you to be in a loveless marriage. I want you to be happy."
"Well what other kind of marriage is there if you're royalty. Marrying you was my one chance at a happy ending." He could see that his comment had distressed her so he quickly moved on. "The wedding will take place in two months at the end of May. You will be receiving an invitation soon. I would love for you to be there, but I understand if you can't. However, I do need you to attend the one year celebration for ending the Blight. There can be no celebration without the Hero of Ferelden attending; that will be in June. Please say you will come."
She looked at him and said, "No to attending the wedding. You will have to handle that one all on your own. However, I will send some of the Wardens to attend in my place for appearance sake. Don't want any of the nobles thinking that there has been a falling out between the Crown and the Wardens. And yes, to the Celebration, but could we keep the dog and pony show to a minimum, no more than one parade and one ball."
"They are planning three parades, four different balls and a tournament." Alistair replied.
"What? That is an insane amount of being paraded around and parties to attend…one parade, one ball." She replied stubbornly.
"How about one parade, two balls, and you attend the tourney but you don't have to participate? Not that any sane person would face you in the ring."
Bella thought about it for a moment, "Can one of the balls be a masquerade? That way I can go through most of the ball without people staring at me."
"Mmmm, I think that sounds like fun. Yes, I think I can get them to agree to that. What do you think about an exhibition at the tourney between the two of us -the last two Grey Wardens that fought to save Ferelden and defeat the Archdemon?"
"I don't know….I'll have to think about that one," Bella replied.
"Well, if you are afraid to step into the ring with me…."
"DON"T even go there…"
Another knock came at the door. "Come in," Bella called out.
Varel opened the door and stepped in. "Oh good I am glad you're still up. I have some papers that I need you to sign and a request from the nobles."
"Well, that's never good," she replied.
"Welcome to my world," Alistair muttered.
"In honor of your victory they want to throw a celebration marking the occasion," Varel stated.
"Oooh, goodie another celebration," she said sarcastically and shot Alistair a dirty look. He raised an eyebrow and just shrugged.
"And when do the nobles want to have this party?" Bella inquired.
"In five days," Varel replied.
"What? We have barely kicked the darkspawn out of the Vigil and now they want to party. Are you serious?"
"Yes, I am very serious. The main hall was not damaged during the attack and the servants are aware of the event and are already making the preparations," Varel retorted.
"They are already making preparations? What if I had said no?" Bella questioned.
Varel just smiled at her. "I know that you like to pretend that you don't like parties Commander, but we all know that it is not true. Why at the last one you were the first one dancing on the tables."
Alistair raised his eyebrow again, "Oh, and I missed that. What a shame."
"I was showing them Oghren's happy dance," Bella said defensively.
"Ooooo, I would have loved to have seen that too. Did Oghren join in?" Alistair asked.
"Briefly until he passed out and fell off the table." Alistair doubled over with laughter and Bella joined in while holding her side.
"Yes, it was quite the spectacle, but there will be no repeat performance," she said.
"The nobles will be so disappointed. What will we do for entertainment?" Varel replied dryly. He turned to Alistair, "Will you be here for the celebration, your m…Alistair?"
"I wouldn't miss it for all the nugs in Orzammar. We will be heading back to Denerim the following day."
"Excellent. I will leave these papers on the table for you to sign and will pick them up in the morning. Have a good evening." The door closed behind him as he left, leaving Alistair and Ella alone once again.