"Haha, you wanna know why this is so funny?"

"…."

"You wanna know? Because your wife makes you diet! Hahaha!"

"…."

"I have heard of women going on crazy diets, I know my woman is on one right now, but she's never tried to drag me down with her, haha!"

"…. Well, maybe you should go on a diet."

"… what was that, Shikamaru?"

"You heard me."

"I AM NOT FAT!"

A familiar squabble could easily be heard from where Naruto sipped a glass of water and waited for his food to arrive. Nara Shikamaru. Akimichi Chouji. It seemed those two would never change- well, they had never discussed wives back then, but most of it was the same material. He tensed when a man was punched, knocking right into Naruto's table, and he instinctively drew his scarf up higher on his face. It was unnecessary- Shikamaru, looking about the same, despite obviously being older, hardly glanced at Naruto as he hastily apologized and then tried to calm Chouji down.

Even as the two settled into a more friendly banter, Naruto kept an ear open, selfishly curious as to how life was without him in it.

"… if I didn't know she'd find out, I'd ignore this stupid diet thing. But if she did find out, which she always does, I'd pay for it later. How troublesome."

"Why does she want to diet, anyways?"

"Lose baby fat or something? I dunno, women have some complex, after they give birth they think they're soo fat or something. I think she's fine."

"It's healthy to be chubby."

For a while, they discussed the curious abnormalities of women. Naruto didn't really care for this topic, although he was interested in hearing about who his old friends had ended up marrying. What a strange couple, he laughed to himself, hiding his smirk behind his scarf. Whenever he lifted the water to drink, he had to make sure his scarf still covered the sides of his face, where his trademark whiskers would surely give him away if seen.

I'm starving! The gravelly voice snarled in a monstrous voice when the meat had arrived.

Me too. "Itadakimasu," he whispered habitually, not loud enough for anyone to hear or recognize his voice. The meat was scrumptious, it sang of flavor and he almost groaned from the wonder of it. Most of the time Naruto simply didn't eat save for what he found on the road. He kept some dried meats and such with him, but he rarely was hungry any more. It had been ages since he had tasted real food, everything was twenty times better this way.

"Anyway, Shikamaru, when's your next mission? I wanted to see if you could help me with something in a week or so."

"A week? I think I have patrol duty all next week from eleven to ten."

"So before then. Jeez, are you ever not working? Ever since joining ANBU I hardly get to see you- the same goes for the rest who joined. I'm happy being a regular jonin."

"Teaching those idiotic genin is hardly being a 'regular' jonin. I envy your patience, kids are way too troublesome for me. And don't talk so loudly about my career, idiot, you never know who's listening."

Naruto felt eyes on him and didn't look up. After a moment, they continued talking, in more hushed voices.

"I heard Hinata was going to be leaving her ANBU squad soon."

"Yeah, she wants to take some time off and pick up a genin squad of her own. Don't know how she'll manage leading a squad of brats, she's so shy…." Shikamaru sounded tired.

"She's gotten a lot more confident than she was when she was younger, though."

"Yeah, thanks to Naruto."

Naruto hadn't expected his own name to pop up so suddenly. He felt a faint twinge of recognition, but it had been so long since he had responded to that name, it was more like hearing a familiar friend's rather than his own. He stared at his empty plate, wanting more.

"Speaking of which, has Sakura rejoined ANBU yet?"

"Stupid, she's just had a baby. Of course not!"

Sakura had a baby? After perking up at the name, Naruto felt something strange, like disappointment, run down his spine.

Still attached?

Not at all. Naruto stood up suddenly, dropping an unnecessary amount of cash onto the table. I'm more surprised that she's still alive. I thought I'd killed her back then.

Keep acting tough, kiddo.

Naruto brushed past Shikamaru and Chouji. He half wished they would call out to him, but was glad they did not. Out the doors and into the fresh air. His clothes, which generally protected him from the sand and wind of the desert, were hot in the baking sun and lack of wind.

I'm not a kid anymore, stupid fox. He growled, his temper flashing, his eyes glinting red. I really, honestly, could care less. I stopped caring when I left this village.

I told you we shouldn't have come here.

Don't be ridiculous. Naruto sniffed, trying to decide where to head to next. This is good for me, it will make me stronger.

Keep telling yourself that.

A/N lol, Shikamaru and Chouji. Their team has never been my favorite (W00T TEAM 8 ALL THE WAY) but they're the only two who would be found in a barbeque. And I know I made it sound like Shikamaru married Ino, but if you think about it, any woman he married would force him to go on a diet, he loves them tough and commanding. I avoided mentioning any pairings anywhere to save fangirl squabbles.