A/N I'm Back YAY and I'm changing it up bit. From now on there is going to be parts that are going to be in the present in the form of diary entries but most of it will still be the flashbacks.

I don't own Degrassi or the characters

Dear Diary,

I'm getting married! Oh my God, I am getting married. I mean this ring on my finger is huge. It's so hard to get it into my head that in a year I will be Mrs. Martin. And we have already made some decisions. Alli is going to be my Maid of Honor and one of Jakes college friends Dean is going to be the Best Man. We are getting married on the 18th of August at the abandoned church which isn't actually abandoned anymore it got rebuilt about a year ago. And since its October now, that means that I have ten months to organize a whole entire wedding! Breath it's okay, I'm gonna get it done in time.

Another thing that we have organized is the engagement party, which is on tomorrow night. We are going to have it at the Dot as a matter of fact and we've invited a lot of people from Degrassi, including Adam, Jenna, Katie and Mo. Even K.C traveled from British Columbia to come to the party. I got together with Alli and we made a little photo presentation about both Jake and I from birth to now showing that we were meant to be together.

I feel horrible for not letting Eli know that I was getting married but he's in his last year I NYU and after everything that we've been through I don't think that he would be happy to see that I was marrying Jake. To be honest I feel like this whole wedding wouldn't be complete without Eli but it was a choice that Jake and I decided and I have to deal with it.

I hear Angel crying from her room, I better go see what's wrong.

Clare

Flashback

"Jake? Clare?" I could hear my mom coming up the stairs. I tried to pull away from Jake but he wouldn't budge.

"Jake! Jake mom's coming you have to get off! Jake!" I whisper urgently but he doesn't seem to hear me.

"Clare? Are you in there?" I hear mom ask at the door. Crap, crap, crap! I try one more time to move away from Jake but I know I'm too late. So I try to place myself so that they can't see who I'm with.

The door creaks open and I hear my mom gasp. "Clare Diane Edwards!"

Jake finally stops and leans up to see my mom. He smiles awkwardly.

Argh … Jake and I have been sitting on the couch for the past hour listening to mom and Glen yell at us for still being together and for even thinking of having sex.

"It's not like we are actually related, so it doesn't count as incest." I say for about the sixth time in the past 20 minutes.

"It's still wrong!" My mom screams.

Glen steered my mom away to talk quietly. Jake turned to me.

"Clare, maybe …" Before he can finish our parents walk back up to the couch.

"Jake, Clare, we have decided that we not going to stop you guys from dating anymore. You are old enough to know who you want to date but we want you to take in this one thing." Glen takes his time to look us both in the eyes. "The longer you two stay together, the more you will get judged on your ethics in life."

And with that mom and Glen went upstairs to their bedrooms.

"Well that was awkward." Jake seemed to be uncomfortable. "Um … Clare?"

"Yeah, Jake?" I answer.

"I think my dad's right. We are going to get judged if we stay together. So maybe we should take a break and think about if us as a couple is worth all the looks and comment we are going to get."

"Wait, is this really because of what other people think or because you can stand to disappoint your dad?"

"Why should it matter, it doesn't change the fact that what we are doing IS wrong and we can't deny that." He reaches out to touch my face but I pull away. "I'm sorry Clare, but I can't anymore."

I fall onto my bed hard full with anger over what just happened. I pull my diary out from underneath my pillow and flip through the pages. I stop onto a certain page that has a whole bunch of love hearts on it. It's the last entry that I put in.

Dear Diary,

I think I'm in love with Jake and … I think I'm ready to have sex with him. I don't what has changed from a few weeks ago when he talked about doing it but I really think that I'm ready and I believe that he is the one.

Clare

I felt like grabbing my pen and scribbling it out like a lot of other entries but I promised myself that I would keep them all. I did grab my pen and turned to the next page.

Dear Diary,

Today did not turn out how I hoped it would. Jake and I were really going to do today was the day but we got interrupted, TWICE. And then we had to sit through an hour lecture on how our relationship was so wrong. Then, to make it even worse, Jake broke up with me. Well he said a break but everyone knows that that means a break up. Why did it have to be today that everything went bad? And I'm worried about Eli.I just hope that he's okay.

Clare

I finish up and close diary. I truly was worried about Eli, he hasn't been the same since the incident, always a little bit distant and cautious around me. I had thought about talking to Adam about but I decided against it putting it to just getting back into things. I think I might text Adam to warn him about it.

A/N Sorry for the crappy writing but i tried my best :)