Chapter Three

Now, I know I'm getting off course on the whole 'life story' thing, but just bear with me. Honestly, you don't really get much of a choice, so you get to deal with it.

I guess way before I was even dreamt of the Scouting Legion (or Survey Corps, or Recon Corps, whatever the hell you want to call it) was at least slightly effective. I remember learning rather quickly that the corps was definitely not for the weak, as I'd seen people older than I as well as some others who'd chosen to join the corps after graduation dying around me at our first expedition outside the walls. I saw so many people die, and for some reason I was affected by it. I barely knew these people who were losing their lives all around me. After a bit, we were forced to go back inside the walls so we wouldn't all be slaughtered by those damned titans.

The first time we returned from a rather ineffective expedition, all of us having looks on our faces that clearly showed that we'd seen Hell that day, I couldn't help but focus on the whispers of the adults who lined the streets as we rode back through Wall Maria and into the small town. I hated how they could just stand there and sneer at us. It pissed me off so much that I distinctly remember abandoning all my discipline for a bit and turning to yell angrily at one of the particularly rude ones.

I can't really remember what I'd said, but I do remember there was a fair amount of profanity mixed into it. I remember how all the other whispering and noise seemed to quiet when I yelled at the man. I remember making eye contact with a little boy. I knew I wasn't that much older than him, but he seemed like such a child compared to me. The boy had a look of pure wonder when I started yelling at the man. Then he grinned widely at me, as if he thought of me as some sort of hero for sticking up for the corps.

But, I guess the corps hadn't always been so hated. It was probably back in the early days of it, though, back when there wasn't much to be angry about. People passed the ineffectiveness off by saying how the corps was just 'new' and 'inexperienced'. Obviously, though, we don't get that excuse anymore, seeing as it's been about a hundred years now and the only victory humanity's had over the titans was when Jaeger went batshit crazy, turned titan, put the boulder in place, and almost killed the humans he was supposed to be allied with. Not in that particular order, though.

But anyways, it must have been a really long time ago when adults would actually respect the men and women in the corps. I think, back then, though, the military was just seen as humanity's attempt of standing up for itself and fighting back against the titans. We didn't know anything about the titans back then, though, so jack shit got done.

Thankfully, we learned, though. Soon enough, we found out how to kill them. Someone came up with the idea for the Three Dimensional Maneuver Gear and the gas that would propel people through the air. No doubt it was confusing and hard to get the hang of in the start. Then they made the impressively sharp blades and replacement blades that were stored away in the surprisingly lightweight boxes strapped to the people's thighs. After about thirty years, though, when the most that happened were the innovations and large masses of people being slaughtered nonetheless, the civilians started to see us as nothing more than a waste of taxes. I guess, that's how the Survey Corps fell from its glory.

I'm a thirty three year old man now, and it still amazes me how children are always so happy to see us coming back into or leaving the wall. It's like they're oblivious to all the pain and suffering we got through for them. Or, perhaps they know full well what we do for the prospect of their eventual freedom from the walls and they're just more grateful than their parents are.

After I'd yelled at that man, we stopped at a supply headquarters and changed out our emptied gas cans for full ones and traded out any broken blades. I remember a little boy and girl running up to me while I sat outside and Erwin bandaged a rather large gash on my leg. They looked up at me with their happy smiles and just stood there for a bit.

The last time I'd ever had to attend to a kid younger than me had been the day Skye had been eaten. So, I had no idea what the hell I was supposed to do. I looked over at Erwin, and he just gave a gentle nudge on the knee as he bandaged me up, silently telling me to say something.

"What are you kids doing at a military headquarters? Don't you know you can get hurt here?" I asked them after a bit.

"You're the man who yelled at that mean guy! That was so cool!" the little boy gushed to me with the big, goofy grin of his.

"I'm Lotte! This is my big brother Erick, and Mother's over there with our baby brother, Marco." The little girl said to me with a grin, before pointing to a woman on the other side of the street holding a small bundle. I could see of the baby was its mess of dark brown hair and I could hear its happy giggle from where I sat.

"What's your name, mister? Or can we call Shortie McShouty?" The boy asked with a smile and a giggle when he earned a scowl from me. Erwin nudged me again to silently tell me not to be too harsh on the kids.

"Firstly, it's nice to meet you Lotte and Erick. Secondly, the next person to call me Shortie McShouty gets smacked," I reply to them with a soft sigh. "My name is Levi."

"That's a pretty name." Lotte mused with a small smile, having giggled with her brother at my threat about hitting them if they called me Shortie McShouty. I honestly had no idea how they'd come up with that one.

Soon enough, their mother called them over to get them home for dinner and their baths.

"You're good with kids. In your own special way, that is." Erwin commented with a smile as he finished up bandaging me and helping me to put the long sock back on my foot before slipping the boot back on.

"Don't be an idiot. You're better with them than I am." I replied to him with a frown as he helped me back up to my feet and over to my horse as the rest of the corps seemed to be finishing up. He just smiled to me and lifted me up by the waist to let me swing a leg over the back of the horse and sit atop it. He then climbed up on his own and rode by my side all the way back to the headquarters.

After a few years of surviving and killing titans, we started to move up in rank. Well, at least, the level of respect we were given. I was about twenty-eight when they moved me up a rank or two to Lance Corporal. Around the same time, Erwin went on to become Commander. Soon enough, we were the ones in charge of the kids coming in.

I never actually thought it'd be that hard, but it definitely was. It still is. To see kids coming into the branch of the military that everyone knows only a few survive the first year in is astounding. The fact that a lot of them wouldn't live to see the next wave of inductees was horrible. Plus, they were still just kids, barely out of puberty, still with their squishy faces and cheeks.

To make it all the worse, they put their lives in your hands and all their faith in you, and you know that if they die, you're a shitty leader for not keeping them safe while getting the job done.

That's what I've had to live with on my shoulders everyday for the past six years. The only people I ever told were Erwin and Hanji because I just trust them the most. Let me tell you, reader, it fucking hurts.