Choices

Do we really have a choice? Do we control this life or will our fate always lead us to the same path? Fate, destiny, just fancy words for where we will end in the world. So commonly people use the word fate to defend a bad situation, a bad choice, but are they wrong? So are we powerless? Manipulated puppets, walking this life, but never really living it, controlled by some higher power? Or can we change our lives by the choices we make, can we choose to live?

I couldn't look away. I was memorised. It felt like if I broke this connection I would loose her forever, and in turn, loose myself. I could feel the pain in her eyes and all I wanted in that moment was to stop it. Finish whatever was slowly killing her, what was causing such despair. I wanted to run to her, to hold her and banish every bad thing that surrounded her, but my body wouldn't move. I was frozen in this moment, and all I could do was stare.

And then she broke it. I distantly heard a clap over the muted din and startled, she looked away. It broke me. That night I knew I would never be the same. I would never feel so alive, so real, until I caught that gaze again. Of course I knew that I had always liked her. Until that night I thought it was a normal teenage crush, but looking into her eyes, feeling her emotion through one look, I realised I was in love. I had no reason to be, I had barely spoken to the girl in my six years at school, but I knew that my one goal in my life now was to shelter her, comfort her, take away that pain, and love her.

"Prongs……James……Jamie…..JAMES!" Sirius yell woke me from my thoughts, and I was startled to find I was outside the Fat Lady's portrait.

"What is up with you mate? You've been like the walking dead since dinner. Don't tell me you're still pissed about that pudding thing? Come on, you have to admit that was funny, I thought Peter was going to piss his pants he was laughing so much!" I stared into space again, letting Sirius drone on.

I muttered a goodbye to Remus, Peter and Sirius, not missing the concerned look Remus shot me. Walking to my new head common room, I felt the butterflies in my stomach take over my head. To be honest I couldn't figure out why I was so nervous. Lily was a quiet, but lovely person, I should be thankful to share housing with her. But a part of me was still dreading it. I was in love with her, I had been for a long time, even if had only realised it a dinner, and I couldn't imagine living with her and not being with her. She made it clear before the end of sixth year that she didn't feel for me in that way, yet today at dinner when we locked eyes I felt………..something. It was something I had no words to describe, but it filled me completely and I was defenceless against it.

Reaching my new living quarters I inhaled deeply. Gathering all the Gryffindor courage I had in me, I opened the portrait and came to face to face with the one that tortured my thoughts. She looked at me with such a fearful face that it made me cringe, but I still couldn't look away.

"Hello James"

She said it so quietly for a second I thought I must have imagined it. I couldn't think of one thing to say back. She nervously looked around the room, and hesitated before turning to leave. If I knew one thing in that moment, it was that if I let her go, I would never get her back.

Striding across the maroon carpet I pulled her towards me and pressed my lips to hers. I felt her stiffen under my touch, and then respond to the kiss. Hesitantly I coxed her mouth open with mine. The world was spinning; all I could feel was air, lust and love. She tasted like Christmas, like cinnamon mixed with butterscotch. All rational thought left my brain and the only thing I could comprehend was the feel of her skin under my fingers, and the love that was slowly, painfully burning my heart. I had never felt so complete in my life.

And then it was over, abruptly. She pulled back quickly, a look of shock and sadness clouded her eyes and she stood frozen. Slowly she backed away from me, until she reached the stairs. She ran up them like the wind. I felt my heart blacken, my soul shattered, I stood in our common room while she slammed the door to her private room at the top of the tower.

The worst thing was I could still hear her sobs.