This clearly isn't working. Clearly, I'm going to have to make up a new strategy, and I think I've got it.
Girls like a challenge, right? I'm going to treat her like dirt. Yes, it will kill me inside just trying not to notice her, but I'll really notice her more than ever. While I pretend to not know she exists, I can watch her even more carefully. I'll know if someone hurts her, or even if she breaks a nail.
I'm an evil genius.
This isn't working as well as I had planned it to. It was my belief that she'd run to me just the instant she noticed that I wanted nothing to do with her. That's exactly what I do to her every day, but she doesn't know it.
She hasn't even given me a second glance.
But I think I've realized something. I think I'm schizophrenic. I really do have two personalities. I have the man I am around people. I'm kind, sweet, gentle. Everyone sees me as the all-American boy with a bright future.
That's just a disguise, isn't it?
Then there's the real me. There's the guy who is brutal, bloodthirsty, and murderous. I'd kill my grandmother to get what I want. I have no shame admitting that to myself. These desires are killing me, figuratively. They're literally killing everyone around me.
But I'll be damned if Maria should ever suffer the same fate as everyone else. If she sheds blood, you can guaran-damn-tee that I'll be the first person on the scene. I'm drawn to her scent like a bloodhound.
And what I wouldn't give to taste that sweet nectar…
Even though Chris Jericho wasn't my best friend, his funeral was harder for me to attend than it was for John's. There was a simple reason for that, of course.
Maria was sitting right next to me this time, leaning on my shoulder and crying.
Her tears stained my dark shirt. I don't think I can wash this shirt now. She's imprinted upon it. I think I should turn it into my new pillowcase.
I don't know why she's chosen me. Maybe it's because I'm picking off everyone one by one until I'm the only one left, like my original plan. Maybe it's because I've been ignoring her and she can't take it anymore. After all, who could resist Maria's charm? I sure as hell can't, and it's been one hell of a fight trying to. Assuming that this is why her skin is touching mine right now, the risk is certainly worth the reward.
"Can I ask you a question?" she whimpered after the service was over.
"Anything," I said, moving so that she was facing me. She wouldn't look up at me, so I gently put my finger under her chin, so close to where I had placed my blade, and tilted her face up. Her green eyes were even brighter when she cried. I couldn't help but run my hand through her read hair. A dead strand got caught in my fingers. I pretended to shake it off, but I wound it more tightly around my fingers. I was going to keep it.
"Why Chris?"
If it wasn't Maria asking this question, I'd crush her head.
Why did I kill Chris? Well, it's a simple equation.
My main goal is Maria. I must be the only person around that she can pick from. I will have her.
She was distracted by Chris. Chris got in the way.
I didn't hate Chris. No, I didn't. But he was just unlucky, just like John was. Just like others were bound to be.
Sometimes, I hate being me.
I'm still so enraged by Maria's question that I can't even bear to leave her a note.
But maybe a little shove will put her in the right direction.