Chapter Four

Our First Trip to Alexandria

Since I couldn't think of a reason not to go I decided to, again, leave the Sanctuary walls with my husband. If I can even call him that anymore, I'm not sure what anyone would call what's going on here. Yes, I love him and I believe he loves me. But he shouldn't be able to say he loves other women as much as he loves me and yet he has five other wives. These thoughts run through my head as we are driving to the community of Alexandria, the latest to fall prey to Negan and the survivors. Leading, and ruling, through fear, is going to come back and bite us all in the ass, sooner or later. As I'm staring out the window of the truck, I feel a hand pat and grip my knee. When I look down I see the hand of Negan, when I look over at him, he is smiling over at me.

"What's wrong darling? You've seemed to be despondent since our little night in the woods."

I shrug, wishing I had the guts to tell him what I really think of what happened, this situation, his marriages, everything. Instead, I just smile softly and nod, as I place my hand on his.

"No, I'm fine. Just haven't felt well, for a few days."

"Well, maybe you should see Dr. Carson when we get back home. I don't want you getting sick, or something worse happenin' to you."

I sigh softly, He says this as if he really does care about me and only me, and I so want to believe he does. It's sad that he's just now noticing my depression and offset attitude. I've only acted this way since Fiona was taken from me. No one had noticed it, but then again there are only two people to really notice it and one of them I hardly ever see, and when I do, I'm always happy from some reason.

"I will, I promise."

He smiles and nods, patting my leg again, as I move my hand. Before placing his hands back on the wheel. I look over at Lucille, who's leaning against his leg. I never knew I could hate a bat as much as I hate that thing. Not only does everyone know that he loves that thing more than anything in the world. But it's helped turn him into the monster he is now. Once he got a taste of the power from wielding that bat it brought a change in him. I shake my head and take a deep breath, looking out the window again. When we get to the gates of Alexandria, Negan and the other saviors get out of their vehicles, I had been directed, before we left, to stay in the truck until Negan came to help me out. I don't think it was really to help me out or to be caring. I think it was to prove to those of Alexandria how nice he can be when they go along with his orders. Once he gets out and walks over to the gate, whistling and singing as he does, he begins to hit Lucille against the gate, as if to knock.

"Little pig little pig, Let me in."

When a young man finally opens the gate they look at him a little confused.

"Umm.. Who are you?"

Negan laughs and shakes his head.

"Oh you'd better be joking. Negan. Lucille, I know I had to make a pretty strong first impression."

Then Rick walks up, looking a little tougher than we did the last time I saw him.

"Well, Hello there."

Rick stays quiet.

"Do not make me have to ask."

As Rick goes to open the gate he starts to speak.

"You said a week."

As Rick pulls the gate open, Negan jokes.

"I missed you."

Then we hear growling coming from behind the caravan.

"Oh Rick, come on out here and watch this. Calling it."

He walks up to the up to walker and bashes Lucille into the side of its head, laughing as it goes down.

"Easy Peasy Lemon squeezy. Alright everybody, let's get started."

As Rick looks over to his left he sees the Saviors lined up against the wall. While Rick is look at the several dozen men, Negan helps me out of the truck.

"Big day. Hey rick, you see that? What I just did. That is some service. I mean we almost get turned away at the gate. Who is that guy anyway? Do i get mad, do i throw a fit, do i bash some gingers head in? Nope, I just took out of these dead pricks who could have killed one of you."

He waved his hand down in a circular motions, half bowing to them.

"Service."

He smiles and chuckles as he begins to walk up to Rick and hands him Lucille.

"Hold this."

As Negan, hands off Lucille, I can see Rick break again.

"Are you coming honey?"

I jump slightly as Negan shouts that question, before running to caught up with him. We walk around the small town, looking around as the saviors come into the gates not far behind us. After we walk a little ways through the suburbs of town, Negan turns to me and Rick, who are both walking behind him.

"You remember (Y/N), don't ya Rick."

Rick and I glance over at each other, both with looks of servatue on our faces. When he realizes I'm not next to him, Negan waves his hand up and I walk up beside him. When I get there, he wraps an arm around me and starts walking again.

"Rick, where do you keep your guns?"

Rick points over to a small house, about a block away. Negan looks at him and then starts down the road, his arm still around me. After a few minutes of walking we get to the house, Rick had pointed to.

"This one?"

Rick nods, as Negan signals for the saviours to head inside.

"I assume you guys have some way to keep track of what does in and out, right? Where are they?"

Just then a rather large woman comes out of the house and Rick addresses Negan's question.

"Oliva keeps track of our guns, food, and other supplies."

Negan nods and turns to her.

"May I see your logs, dear?"

I roll my eyes as he calls her 'dear.' Knowing that he doesn't mean it in any sexual way, but just the fact that he feels the need to toy with people the way he does. But she nods and heads inside and gets a little note pad. Giving it to Negan, who hands it to me.

"Look that over and tell me if something is missing, honey."

He looks over at me flashing his charming smile, as I nod and begin looking over the notes. When I don't answer he gets close to me and whispers.

"You know, you should make sure these people can see how much we love and respect each other."

I focus a smile and look up at him.

"Yes, darling."

He smiles back at me, before kissing my forehead as I start looking over the notes, again. Shortly after I start a man, dressed like a priest comes up.

"Hello."

"Holy shit, You are creepy as shit. Sneaking up on us wear that collar and that freaky ass smile."

While I don't like that Negan feels that need to pick on the poor guy, I have to agree he is kind of creepy. However, I realized a bigger problem, as I look over the guns and other weapons the saviors have brought out of the house. One of them walks over to Negan and hands him a small pistol.

"Looky here."

He points it to the window of a house and fires. When he does Rick, Olivia, and I jump, terrified.

"Feels good, sounds good, I do believe Lucille is getting a little jealous."

He and some of the other saviors, begin to chuckle. When he looks over at me, I take a deep breath.

"Is everything here and accounted for?"

I look over at Rick and Oliva, with a sorry and horrified look on my face.

"Uhh.. No.. We seem to be missing two smalls handguns."

Negan looks back to Rick and Oliva.

"Well, looks like someone's gonna die, if we don't find those guns."

Rick nods.
"Well, get your asses moving."

Rick goes to start looking. One of the trucks pulls up and the men start loading things into the truck. Before long Rick comes back holding a sack.

"What do you have for me Rick?"

When he hands the bag to Rick he opens it and finds the two guns.

"Well, would you look at that, they were here after all. Funny how a little. Holy shit, somebody is gonna die, lights a fire under everybody's' ass. Rick, you need to get everybody on board, everybody. Or we just go right back to square one."

When someone closes the back of the truck, before on of the Saviors walks up to Negan, with a video camera. Negan smiles over at Rick and crosses his fingers, after he opens it and starts it.

"I got a fingers for a little freaky deaky."

As he starts it I can hear Rick talking on the tape. When I look over Negan's shoulder to see the tape, I see Rick with a long beard, and completely filthy.

*Rick on the Tape* "I've done things, to people."

Negan closes the video camera and looks over at Rick.

"Wow, I would not have fucked with that guy."

He hands the camera off to me, before reaching over to take Lucille back from Rick. Looking over at me with his charming smile.

"Let's go home honey."

I focus another convincing smile.

"Sounds good to me, darling."

The two of us hope into the truck, that the saviors had packed up with the guns from Alexandria. As we begin to drive to the gate. I feel ashamed to be in the same vehicle as the murder I call my husband. I close my eyes to avoid seeing the glares of those on the street watching us leave. Once we start back to the Sanctuary, my mind drifts off to Fiona and what how I'm happy she didn't have to witness the man Negan was become, and how low I've gone and what I've put up with just to secure my own safety.