Disclaimer: These characters all belong to Mr. Whedon.

Chapter 4

"So what are we going to do to find him?" Bob's voice echoed in my ears.

I looked at him sheepishly. "Um, I kinda already called Willow yesterday?"

Bob wasn't surprised. He knew me too well. "Figured that, honey. Question is, what did Willow say? What's our plan of attack?"

"She mentioned she has a few new witchy tricks up her sleeve to try. I'm going to call Andrew in a few hours, when it's a reasonable time in California, and find out who he can send to Colorado. I'm hoping Betta George won't mind freezing his gills for a few days, see what he can sense".

"How about you?"

Of course he knew I'd want to go to. Whether it was that he loved me that much, or trusted me that much, he had no qualms about letting his wife go off to search for her former... well, not exactly husband, technically, but that's what he was in my heart. Either way, Robert Dowling was a verifiable saint.

"Maybe just for a day. It feels a bit rude to ask everybody else to rush out there and not go too".

"Thing is Buffy, if it is Spike, maybe we haven't found him after all this time is because he's not really there. Like, when George makes a call, nobody's home to answer".

I considered that. It was a theory that made sense, but I didn't like the implications. A Spike with nobody in the driver's seat after 12 years didn't leave much hope for recovery. On the other hand, it made it easier to forgive him for ditching us.

"So what are you saying? It's not worth trying?"

"No, honey, no. We absolutely should try. We want to find him, no matter what he's like. He's in Colorado, or at least he was two days ago. I only got a brief look, but if that wasn't Spike, it could only have been his evil twin".

That didn't come out as funny as he'd intended. If Spike was more zompire than vampire, it was likely to be the case. "What I'm saying is, Spike obviously reacted to Billy. Recognized something in him. I bet he would recognize you too". I thought about the presence watching me from the shadows. It had definitely been interested in me. "Maybe you should take the kids and spend some time hanging out, in, uh, whatever that town was. It might lure him out".

"What about you? I don't want to leave you by yourself".

Bob gave me a wry smile. "Ah, I'm a big boy now. I can handle creating government policy all by my lonesome".

We made love, slow and tender, and the next day I took the kids and went back to Colorado.

Annie wasn't happy to be back at the rest stop. "I don't wanna see the scary vampire again," she pouted as we got out of the car. "He was sniffy and weird".

"It's daytime, silly," Billy countered. Five year old mind satisfied, Annie bent down to look at the bits of garbage and rock strewn around the parking lot. I watched them and wondered if it had been a good idea to bring them here.

Billy was, if not happy, then at least satisfied to have come back. He was positive that the vampire was Spike, and he wanted a chance to know the father that he'd always assumed was dead.

By the time he'd been old enough to understand that he didn't have a father, I had begun to accept that Spike was gone. The story Billy had always heard about his father was how he had died to save our lives.

He had also always known that his father was a vampire. Even though I didn't take my kids out slaying, I had never hidden the supernatural world from them. I wanted them prepared for the dangers other kids were oblivious to. It had been obvious to even Billy that he was faster and stronger than other kids (although not freakishly so like his Uncle Angel's son, Connor), and he knew that it was because he was a vampire's son. We knew it wasn't from me, since Robin hadn't inherited any of Nikki's strength.

So there had been no need to explain to Billy why we were going back to Colorado. What had been hard was giving Billy the full truth about what had happened to Spike the day we had thought he'd died.

I'd told him during the plane ride, while his sister slept, and had added our theory about how he was possibly 'mentally challenged', with an internal eye roll at the term, and how we thought that that was the reason we'd never found him. He'd accepted it easily enough. "Mom, I could see for myself that the vampire... my dad..." he'd tried out, "had something wrong with him".

"You know Dad is your dad, right?" I had added out of a sense of loyalty to Bob. I didn't want Billy to inadvertently hurt Bob just because he was excited at the prospect of finding Spike.

"Yeah, Mom. You know what I mean. Do you think I should call him Spike too?" he'd asked in confusion.

"No sweetie. It's up to you what to call him. I just... you know... Dad loves you a lot, and I don't want you to forget that". Billy had nodded, and then we'd continued to talk about our plans for finding Spike.

And now we were here, standing in the parking lot, waiting for Willow, and wondering what to do.

"Let's go around to where we saw him," I said. I needed to see if the picture was still there. It had only been four days since I'd tucked it up under the eaves. It had felt to me like I'd wedged it into a crack, so I didn't think it could have blown away. I was confident that if it were gone, it was because whoever had been watching me had taken it.

I pulled over a crate and stood on it, so I could feel along. My fingers brushed against a small, stiff piece of paper. The kind that felt just like a wallet photo. I stepped down off the crate, and sat down, shoulders slumped in dejection. It doesn't mean anything I tried to console myself. Maybe he couldn't find it, or he just didn't grasp what it meant. If he's damaged like we think, he probably wouldn't have figured out to take it.

Soon enough, Willow pulled up with a vanload of people, and I pulled myself together.

"Hey Wills, what's the what?" I called out.

"Buffy! You know Carrie and Barb from my coven, right?"

We hugged and said hello. Willow's friends from her coven were always polite and friendly to me, but never quite warm. I didn't think they would ever forgive me for destroying magic, even if they did manage to restore it completely.

I saw Zia, one of the Slayers, climb out of the van, and go around back to open the doors wide. Betta George floated out slowly. "Hey George!" I said. He opened his mouth wider. I took it as a smile.

"Not here," he said.

"I figured," I said tiredly. "But did you hear our theory about it being Spike's body with his mind out to lunch?" I said lightly. "Maybe if you just tried to find anybody around who feels demonic, instead of specifically Spike?" I asked hopefully.

"If he's still around, that might work".

"Thanks George". What more could I ask of him? I was grateful that nobody was questioning whether it had even been Spike. If it had just been me, they might have wondered if I had been hoping too hard again. It had happened in the past, so I didn't fault anybody for doubting me, but once I'd told Willow that both Bob and Billy had thought it was Spike too, there had been no hesitation to come help.

George shivered. "It's not too cold for you here is it?" I asked him

"I plan on spending the afternoon in the hot tub after we're finished here," he said, with only the slightest trace of sarcasm.

I laughed. "Mmmm, fish stew, sounds good!" He snorted, and floated off. The kids stared after him.

I turned back to Willow, who was moving into the cover of the trees behind the bathrooms. "We're going to set up some candles, so I figured it might be better to do it somewhere, you know, not in plain sight," she explained.

"What, you think travelers stopping in Nowheresville, Colorado, are going to be freaked out by witches getting their mojo on next to the bathroom? Yeah, you're probably right," I quipped. Zia and I followed them into the woods, the kids following cautiously behind. I stopped and waited for the kids to catch up, then held Annie's hand as we walked on.

"Ok, so, Buffy, we can do a sort of locator spell. It's not specific, but it will show us any non-human entities in the area. Which will probably work out better if Spike's all non-Spike-like anyhow".

In the intervening years since the destruction of the Seed, Willow had learned how to access the magic that Earth itself was naturally permeated with. It wasn't nearly as powerful as dark magicks that came from alternate dimensions, but it allowed for a wide range of useful spells. At first, witches had needed the combination of a magically imbued and powerful artifact, like the scythe, and a wilderness area, to access the power of the Earth. After some time, any natural location that was steeped in magic, for example Stonehenge, allowed for magic to be accessed. A few years ago, they had figured out how to use magic in locations where Earth magic flowed innately. These turned out to be sites that had been sacred to native peoples, such as a deep lake, an unusual rock formation, or the bottom of a steep canyon.

Since then, the coven had improved their technique to the point where they could carry out magic anywhere as long as there was an undisturbed area of nature nearby. So performing magic in the middle of L.A. was not a go, but the woods we were on the edge of were perfect.

Barb pulled out a number of topographical maps and lined them up. "This will cover a radius of about 25 miles. If Spike is sticking around this area for a reason, then we're hoping this will be wide enough. If he's already left, though..." she trailed off.

"Is there a way to tell if he was here, at least?"

Willow frowned. "Maybe if he left something, like... I dunno, a candy bar wrapper on the ground, or something. Something he had owned, even if just briefly, I might be able tell if it had been his".

I couldn't imagine Spike eating a candy bar, especially not almost-Spike. I wondered if this version of Spike smoked. Maybe I could find a little pile of cigarette butts somewhere. Seeing that the kids were entranced with Willow's activities, I left them, and went back to lean against the building, looking at the woods. With a guess at where he had been standing in the trees while I showed him the picture, I looked for a tree that I thought he might have been comfortable lurking under. A search of the area didn't give me anything.

The witches were in the middle of their spell, with the kids sitting quietly beside them, so instead of disturbing them, I went around front to where Zia had gone. She was flipping through a phone book.

She glanced up. "Look, there's a butcher's shop in the town five miles away from here. And a small hospital. If there's a vampire hanging around, he's got to eat. Whether animal or human, one or the other would give us a clue".

My eyes widened. "Good thinking!" I hoped he hadn't been eating humans these last twelve years, but would he have been with it enough to purchase blood? I didn't think so.

George floated over to us. "There's a nest of Krupkattar demons in the forest, about 10 miles away. They were not happy with me. They threatened to eat me. Do you intend to slay them?"

"Cupcake demons? Are they dangerous?" I asked.

"I would suspect that they are more dangerous to telepathic fish than they are to humans. Although I am hoping it was merely the shock of hearing me speak in their minds that made them so rude".

"Ah. We should be good then. Nothing else?"

"There is a small number of humanoid demons and half-breeds in the surrounding community. Nothing unusual or that I couldn't identify."

"Do you think any of them would be willing to help us?"

"I did ask if a vampire had been in this area. There are five confirmations that a vampire has been sighted within the last month, although nobody has seen him in the last four days. Two of the demons say they interacted with him, and that he was a damaged vampire. He did not engage them in any way. He just stared at them, until they left. They questioned the sanity of a sire who would turn a... retarded... human".

It was something. It corroborated our theory that Spike wasn't all there. I wondered just what had happened to him, to make him like this. Was it because of the magical spider amulet that had attached to his neck, or had something else occurred in the meantime?

"Buffy!" Willow came around the corner. "We have a number of entities marked on the map. It would work best if you looked at it before we move it". George and I turned to head back with her.

"I'll see if the people working here noticed anything," Zia called. I gave her a big thumbs-up. That girl was impressing me.

Back in the woods, Willow and I hunkered down and looked at the map. "There are twelve locations marked here," she began, "so what we need to do is identify each one and eliminate the possibility of Spike-ness".

"I have communicated with most of the demons nearby. I can help to narrow it down," George said.

"Great!" Willow and George looked at the map. For every glowing green location that George could identify as a demon he was aware of, Willow erased the spot. Finally she was left with two. One way out in the middle of nowhere, and one apparently very close to us.

"I'm guessing this one out in the wilderness is probably nothing to worry about. There's really nothing out there, or even any way to get out there," she postulated.

"Heh, yeah, probably minding its own demon-y business living in a cave," I added. "Hey, maybe it's the abominable snowman!"

"It might be. They're not actually demonic, but neither are they human. I wouldn't have picked it up, but the spell would have".

"Next you'll tell me there's a leprechaun with him," I said sarcastically.

"There's no such thing as leprechauns," George said seriously. "Oh, I get it. But there really are abominable snowmen".

"You learn something new every day! I think we should focus on this one," I pointed to the spot that looked to be where we were standing. "It's a little too close for comfort. Funny, though, I don't sense anything". I peered around, and looked up in the trees, wondering where a demon could be hiding.

George suddenly floated into my line of sight, up in the trees. "Boo!"

I turned red. "Oh. Yeah". The witches laughed. I scowled at them. "It's easy to forget. Giant floating guppy doesn't scream demonic".

"Hey! Betta, not guppy!"

I gave George a grin to let him know I was teasing. "Well, let's get the Betta back to the hotel and into the hot tub. Ready to go kids?"

Annie nodded, and sidled up to George, laying a small hand on him. "Can I swim with George?" she asked. I looked at him.

"Only if you're gentle with my fins," he answered. Annie nodded solemnly. George began to float toward the van, Annie and Billy trailing him.

The witches were packed and ready to go. "Sorry, Buffy," Willow said. It doesn't look like he's here".

We walked back to the front arm-in-arm. "Thanks for trying Wills".

"Eh, it's no big. Besides, I told the girls you would treat them to a ski day at the resort for their troubles".

We all got into our vehicles. The van started off. I turned the key, then turned it back. "Be back in a second, I forgot something," I told the kids.

I ran back to the crate, and stood on it. If Spike hadn't taken the picture by now, he never would. I wanted it back. I grabbed it and realized it wasn't my photo, but an appointment reminder card for a doctor's office. I frowned. Someone else must have stuck it up there, but why? I felt around some more, but couldn't find the photo. Had it blown away? Had Spike taken it after all?

I walked back, and stretched to toss the card into the garbage, when I realized it looked vaguely familiar. Gazing at it more closely, I realized it looked familiar because the name and logo on top belonged to the OB-GYN that I had gone to when I was pregnant with Billy.

Well that was of the weird. How had an appointment card from San Francisco ended up in the eaves of a rest stop way out here?

It was then that the date struck me. The appointment had been set for one week before Billy's birth.

This reminder card had been made for me.