A/N: Okay, so I have something to tell you guys. I will update this weekly now that school has started. During holidays and long weekends, i might update more!
Also, bfa123, Komamura is a wolf, not a fox. I know, I think he looks like a fox too, but whatever. Haha.
It's a long chapter and took me a few hours, so pelase enjoy!
Disclaimer: Bleach+Facebook=Things I want to own (but do not own). There. Now you learned basic addition.
Kira Izuru My newest Haiku:
Sweet Hinamori,
Why must you have gone away?
Please come back to me.
Please, Momo, give me another chance. I'm even going to upload photos of us having fun…
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Shuhei 69 Hisagi and 79 others like this.
Comments:
Ise Nanao That's very sweet. Good job. -26 people like this-
Renji Awesomecakes Abarai Heh, I'm sure Hinamori won't be able to resist you now!
IceDragon Hitsugaya …Momo's on my office couch crying right now and Matsumoto's comforting her. Now I know why. Now go away, Izuru. She doesn't want to be with you right now.
Shuhei 69 Hisagi Shit. You HAD to say that.
-oOoOo-
Kira Izuru has added 4 photos to the photo album Momo and Me.
-Like- -Comment-
Shuhei 69 Hisagi likes this.
Comments:
Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto H-hey, this is Hinamori…Kira, please stop. I'm sorry, but I don't feel good right now.
Kira Izuru Do we die if we stab ourselves with our zanpakuto?
Shuhei 69 Hisagi Wait a second! Stop it, dude. So what if Phase 1 didn't work. We have 10 phases, dude.
IceDragon Hitsugaya Joy. Now I get to see you get shot down 10 times. Seriously.
Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki Me thinks this is bordering on stalker-ish….
-oOoOo-
Mayuri Kurotsuchi One less lonely girlllll….BEST SONG EVAR. And I got tickets to his concert next Friday. Go me!
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Comments:
Ishida Uryuu Am I the only one that finds that DISTURBING? -94 people like this-
Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi I find it fuckin' hilarious, dude. LOL. -72 people like this-
Rukia Kuchiki HOLY SHI—Ok, it's both…
-oOoOo-
Byakuya Kuchiki and 158 others are now friends with Zangetsu_Band.
-oOoOo-
Zangetsu_Band Hey everyone! This is Ichigo! We have our first concert tomorrow. Each song will feature one of us, and the last will feature all. Hope you enjoy!
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I_LOVE_RENJI and 6217 others like this.
Comments:
HITSUGAYAisMINE Like, OMG! I, like, love you guyz! I'm your, like, biggest, like fan. And I just love Hitsugaya. Hehehehe. Dump that loser Matsumoto and come be with me, hottie.
BYAKUYAS-FUTURE-WIFE I know right? Like, the song Lonely Sakura Trees was genius. Byakuya is so hot when he sings that. OMGGGGG.
Toshiro's Lover Dude, Hitsugaya's MINE. Cuz his song Frozen Hearts is soooooo pro. Wanna go out with me, honey?
I_LOVE_RENJI Hey, did you hear Renji's song? Monkeys and Moons? It was so inspiring. I CRIED!
Ichigo Hearts ME Everyyyyyone knows that Strawberry Dreams was the best. Like, OMG. It was, like, telling a life story. Or whatever.
Shiro-Kun's Wifey I LOVE SHIRO-KUNNNNNNNNNNNN.
Byakuya IsMy Babe Hiya, Byakuya-chan! I'm like a 5'6" blonde with E-cups, and I just adore you! AND I'm hot, so dump Yachiru and go with me. Honestly, she's like, 5'4" and has C-cups. What a babyyyy.
Yachiru Candy Kusajishi ….
-oOoOo-
Genryusai Shigekuni Yamamoto Would anyone at all know about the deeply traumatized, crippled girl who was found abandoned in a desert near Hueco Mundo? She's blonde, 5'6", and had breast implant surgery to get an E-cup. Please inform me with any info you might've found.
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Yachiru Candy Kusajishi likes this.
Comments:
Yachiru Candy Kusajishi *looks around* Who could've done it, I WONDER?
Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame Errr….we don't know ANYTHING. And Yachiru wasn't dragging an unconscious blonde around yesterday, of course. It was just a life-sized Barbie doll…
Ise Nanao I have to make a note on my planner: Do not agitate Yachiru. By the way, SWA members, we need an emergency Facebook meeting in an hour to discuss Zangetsu.
Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki Hey guys, Zangetsu meeting today. Be here at 4. Gotta discuss our album and stuff, you know?
-oOoOo-
Ise Nanao This is an emergency! It turns out Byakuya, Hitsugaya, Ichigo, and Renji actually sing really well. And they have fan girls. What do we do…?
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Comments:
Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto Omg, those idiots actually called me a LOSER. Yes, me. Me with the naturally huge boobs. Not artificially implanted ones that say 'I love Toshiro' on them.
Rukia Kuchiki Ummm, I think that was a bit too much information, Matsumoto… And Renji's office is so mobbed, I couldn't get in without…moving…a few people with the help of Sode no Shirayuki.
Yachiru Candy Kusajishi Ehehehe, they were all over Byakushi until I convinced him to go all Senbonzakura on them. And I POLITELY asked Cue-Ball and Peacock Brow to be Byakushi's body guards.
Ise Nanao Yeah, and Inoue just messaged me saying that she has the same problems.
Rukia Kuchiki Hey, why don't we ask them to disband? That way, our guys will be all ours again…
Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto Meh, that won't work. Hell, they probably like all the attention they're getting…
Yachiru Candy Kusajishi Hey! Why don't we promise them to stop listening to Rasengan all the time? It's easier and less painful than killing 'em!
Ise Nanao That…
Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto …is a surprisingly good idea coming from you, Yachiru.
Ise Nanao Okayyyyy then. I'll private message Ichigo and give him the terms. And he better agree. Or else the glasses come OFF.
-oOoOo-
Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki Guys, I'm gonna have to disband Zangetsu. Or at least we can have concerts anymore.
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IceDragon Hitsugaya and Byakuya Kuchiki like this.
Comments:
Renji Awesomecakes Abarai Awww, why?
Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki The girls approached me in the form of Nanao. Basically, we disband or die. Apparently, they didn't like the feeling called jealousy.
IceDragon Hitsugaya Heh, finally we can stop with this idiotic band.
Byakuya Kuchiki Hitsugaya is right. This was foolish.
Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki You're just saying that to make us jealous of the fact that you two had the best singing voices. And the most fans.
Renji Awesomecakes Abarai I know right? They don't deserve it. GIVE ME YOUR VOICES.
Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki Yeah, but the SWA promises to stop ogling at Rasengan every chance they get, at least. So we're ending Zangetsu for a good cause.
IceDragon Hitsugaya Double win.
-oOoOo-
Retsu Unohana Excuse me, everyone. I'm extremely saddened to announce that Kurotsuchi-taichou is in a deep coma and may die after being trampled down by a horde of tweens at a Justin Bieber concert. Those wanting to express condolences and check up on him may do so in Room 12. Thank you.
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Ishida Uryuu and 103 others like this.
Comments:
Ishida Uryuu Wow. That is the most pathetic way to die. -91 people like this-
Nemu Kurotsuchi Poor Mayuri-sama. I hope he doesn't die.
Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki LOL. Are you serious? JUSTIN BIEBER? TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. -85 people like this-
Inoue Orihime Ehhh? I was at that concert and saw a funny looking clown thingy on the ground, but I didn't know it was Kurotsuchi-san. So sad! By the way, Ichigooooo! You're going with me to the next concert right? Of course! Thank you, sweetie! Love you!
Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki I'm going to have nightmares of me being run over by an army of Justin Biebers. Thanks a lot, Inoue. -46 people like this-
Yachiru Candy Kusajishi Clown-san got killed by a bunch of human girls? Hahahaha! That's so epic fail! -67 people like this-
Byakuya Kuchiki Sorry to hear about my fellow captain's incident. Yachiru, Mayuri is not dead yet. And watch Sachiko for me while I go kill Justin Bie—I mean, a few hollows in Canada.
Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi Hell yeah. Do I get his budget money if he dies?
-oOoOo-
Shuhei 69 Hisagi Congrats to Kira Izuru's haiku! It was published in the Month Seireitei Bulletin. Here it is:
Beautiful peaches,
The suns of my gloomy life.
Covered by dark clouds.
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Juushiro Ukitake and 97 others like this.
Comments:
Inoue Orihime Oh my! That is very sweet, Kira-kun!
Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto Awww, why can't you do something like that, Toshiro? Write me a cute haiku right now! -37 people like this-
Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki Yes, why don't you do something like that, TOSHIRO? LOL. -63 people like this-
IceDragon Hitsugaya Excuse me while I go kill Kurosaki. And Matsumoto, get off Facebook and get to work.
Ise Nanao …Stop writing stupid haikus and shut up. Hinamori's crying all over my office.
Kira Izuru Good-bye cruel world…
-oOoOo-
Soi-Fon CatLuver Meeting for Cat Lovers at my office today at 1 P.M. Bring your adorable cats and get over here!
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Sajin Komamura likes this.
Comments:
Sajin Komamura Cat Lovers Club Vice President reporting! I'll be there at 1. One of my kitties is pregnant, by the way! I'm so excited! Oh, and aren't we still the only members?
Soi-Fon CatLuver Pffft, of course not! I've threate—that is, convinced, a few rookies passing by my office to join. They'll be here.
Sajin Komamura Great! Iba will also come, right Iba?
Iba Manliness Tetsuzaemon But cats aren't MANLY…
Soi-Fon CatLuver Oh? I didn't hear what you said. What was that again? I hope it wasn't a rejection…
Iba Manliness Tetsuzaemon Ahahaha, of course I'll go, ma'am! I'd never reject a request from you, your highness!
Soi-Fon CatLuver Good. See you there.
-oOoOo-
Isane NOFISHCAKESALLOWED Kotetsu I have two very important things to share as per request of Unohana-taichou. Firstly, Kurotsuchi-taichou is still in a deep coma. He may or may not survive. Also, Izuru-san was seriously injured by a powerful, reiatsu-draining hollow while protecting Hinamori-chan from a fatal blow. Izuru-san will be in Room 3. Please visit him.
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Comments:
Renji Awesomecakes Abarai NO WAY! KIRA? Shit! Shuhei, let's visit him this afternoon, yeah?
Shuhei 69 Hisagi Hell yeah! I was going to go drinking with Rangiku and a couple others, but this is more important.
Momo Peaches Hinamori It's all MY fault! I wasn't watching! I'm so stupid, and now Kira might die, and it's ALL MY FAULT! I'll get back together with him if he doesn't die! I swear!
IceDragon Hitsugaya Stop blaming yourself, Momo. Accidents happen. I'm sure he'll be fine. -59 people like this-
Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku Poor, poor Kira. I hope he's okay. And if he's not…well…sake solves EVERYTHING! *smiles*
Ise Nanao What he meant to say was: Sake is not good for you. Right?
Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku No…I mean, OF COURSE!
Kira Izuru Momo, did you mean it when you said you'll get together with me again?
Momo Peaches Hinamori Ehhh? Kira! You're safe? -80 people like this-
Kira Izuru Yep! Good as ever! So, Momo, will you get together with me? Or at least be good friends with me until you're ready for a relationship?
Momo Peaches Hinamori I'll be your good friend, Kira. I'm not ready to date again yet, but we can always be friends. For now, at least. -91 people like this-
Shuhei 69 Hisagi Ahhh, happy endings. I love them. God bless the happy couple!
Ishida Uryuu …As Shinigami, do you even BELIEVE in God?
Shuhei 69 Hisagi Huh. Good question. I guess we're atheists? I don't know…
-oOoOo-
Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto Wow. In all the excitement, I nearly forgot I was pregnant. And nearly 7 months so already! I hope it's a girl…
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Inoue Orihime and 101 others like this.
Comments:
Rukia Kuchiki You're so lucky! You already have 2 kids, and now you're about to get another. I want a kid…
Renji Awesomecakes Abarai I can help you with that. *winks* -77 people like this-
Yachiru Candy Kusajishi When Byakushi read this, he suddenly turned red in the face and stormed out! Hehe, Pineapple should watch out.
Renji Awesomecakes Abarai Why me…
-oOoOo-
Kiyone ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotetsu Nooooo! Ukitake-taichou is going on a week's vacation to some place in the human world! How can I live?
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Juushiro Ukitake likes this.
Comments:
Juushiro Ukitake It's very touching to know you care so much, but I must go for a week to Palm Springs, California, to be in good health.
Sentarou No,ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotsubaki WHAT? Why wasn't I informed? Ukitake-, WHY?
Juushiro Ukitake Ahahaha, see you in a week. Take good care of the 13th Division.
Kiyone ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotetsu Yes sir!
Sentarou No,ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotsubaki Double 'Yes, sir!'
Kiyone ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotetsu Copycat!
Sentarou No,ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotsubaki Yeah right, Booger Girl! You just happened to say it first! Hmph!
Juushiro Ukitake Please…calm down…
-oOoOo-
Yoruichi GoddessOfFlash Heyyyyy, Soi-Fon! How are ya?
-Like- -Comment-
Soi-Fon CatLuver likes this.
Soi-Fon CatLuver Ah! Lady Yoruichi said hey to me! It must be my lucky day!
Yoruichi GoddessOfFlash …Yeah, sure… Anyways, can you do a favor for Kisuke? Please?
Soi-Fon CatLuver Hmph. As much as I love Yoruichi-sama, I draw the line at having to do anything with Kisuke URAHARA.
Yoruichi GoddessOfFlash Please, Soi-Fon? I'll do ANYTHING you want~
Soi-Fon CatLuver Anything…I…want…OF COURSE, LADY YORUICHI. I'll do anything you want!
Yoruichi GoddessOfFlash Good. Now since you're like, ninja-y and all, can you go to the place called Konoha and get him a headband? Honestly, ever since he started reading Naruto, all he does is dream of Konoha.
Soi-Fon CatLuver Yes, my distant cousin Tenten lives there. She can get one for you. Just add her on Facebook and she'll tell you where to meet up.
Yoruichi GoddessOfFlash YES! Thanks so much, Soi-Fon! Love ya!
Soi-Fon CatLuver …Yoruichi-sama…loves me…No way…Must go praise the cat gods…
-oOoOo-
Yoruichi GoddessOfFlash is now friends with TenTen.
-oOoOo-
Sado 'Chad' Yasutora I haven't seen you in a long time, Isane. Would you like to go out with me tomorrow? There is a cool movie playing…
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Isane NOFISHCAKESALLOWED Kotetsu and 58 others like this.
Comments:
Isane NOFISHCAKESALLOWED Kotetsu Of course, Chad! I'll meet you in Karakura Park at 11 A.M!
Sado 'Chad' Yasutora Great. See you there.
Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku Ahhhhh, young love. Nothing like me and my Nanao-chan. We're too hot and heavy to do that kind of cute stuff.
Ise Nanao We are NOT. NOW SHUT UP. And do your work.
Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku Cruel, beautiful, sadistic Nanao-chan.
Ise Nanao … Do you want me to take off my glasses?
Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku And now, I must do my 1000000 pages of paperwork…
Ise Nanao Good.
-oOoOo-
Isane NOFISHCAKESALLOWED Kotetsu This is bad! What can I wear on my date with Chad? I have nothing CUTE!
Kiyone ilikeukitake-taichoubest Kotetsu Ummm, you can go for the sexy look. You have boobs that are nearly as big as Matsumoto's…so I think you could pull it off.
Isane NOFISHCAKESALLOWED Kotetsu SEXY? ME? I—I couldn't possibly do that…
Retsu Unohana How about that sexy mini-mini-mini Extra Small, Extra Tight miniskirt I gave you today? Yes, it'll be perfect. Go with it, Isane.
Isane NOFISHCAKESALLOWED Kotetsu But…it's so short…and tight…
Retsu Unohana Why don't you go with it, Isane?
Isane NOFISHCAKESALLOWED Kotetsu Yes. Of course. Sorry.
-oOoOo-
Nemu Kurotsuchi Oh dear, Mayuri-sama is still unconscious. He will probably die.
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Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki and 94 others like this.
Comment:
Ishida Uryuu But didn't he have all those fancy arm extensions and liquefaction things?
Nemu Kurotsuchi Yes, but those weren't designed to keep 9-year-old girls from stomping on his back while running to get Justin Bieber's autograph. -75 people like this-
Ichigo Strawberry Kurotsuchi That…is depressingly hilarious… -100 people like this-
Sado 'Chad' Yasutora I feel sorry for him…
Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki Chad, I thin kyou're the only one that does. -82 people like this-
-oOoOo-
Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku My beautiful love poem to my beautiful Nanao. Which is more beautiful, I wonder? Please enjoy my exquisite work:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Piglets are cute,
And so are you.
-Like- -Comment-
Comments:
IceDragon Hitsugaya That…was amazingly lame.
Juushiro Ukitake I'm sorry, buddy, but that was pretty terrible.
Ise Nanao So. You think I look like a piglet?
Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku Of course not! You're much too cute. As cute as a bear cub!
Ise Nanao So now I'm a vicious animal?
Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku No! That is…
Ise Nanao …
Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku Help me, someone!
-oOoOo-
IceDragon Hitsugaya Where. Is. Matsumoto?
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Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame and 67 others like this.
Comments:
Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto Heheh, honey, I'm not drinkin' with my buddies. Or anything. Hehehe.
IceDragon Hitsugaya …I swear, I'll go insane one of these days.
Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto Is that so? Have fun, sweetie. Bring me back a T-shirt, mmk?
IceDragon Hitsugaya *sighs*
-oOoOo-
Yumichika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa Ahhh, my hair today is so BEAUTIFUL! It sparkles like a diamond and glows like a sun. I am so beautiful!
-Like- -Comment-
Comments:
Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame You okay, dude? You sure you didn't drink too much last night with Rangiku and the others?
Yumichika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa Of course not! I'm too beautiful to be drunk! Tee hee! Arent I funny?
Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi You damn idiot. Stop prancing around the barracks like a pansy. You're scaring the new recruits away. And I didn't even fight them yet. -72 people like this-
IceDragon Hitsugaya So it was YOU GUYS that left Matsumoto on my doorstep at 3 in the morning after ringing my doorbell excessively and waking everyone up. You. Will. Die.
Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame Me thinks I should go into hiding right about now.
Yumichika BEAUTIFUL Ayasegawa Don't hate me 'cause I'm BEAUTIFUL!
-oOoOo-
Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi Retsu. Wanna go to that new restaurant tonight?
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Retsu Unohana and 53 otherslike this.
Comments:
Retsu Unohana Why of course, Zaraki.
Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi Good. I'll pick you up at 6.
Yachiru Candy Kusajishi YAY! Ken-chan is going on a date!
Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi …Shut up…
Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame Heh, never thought you'd end up with her. You sure pick well, captain. Have fun, if you know what I mean. *wink* -98 people like this-
Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi I'll kill you, Ikkaku. Get your ass in the barracks so I can kick it all the way to the living world.
Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame Shit. Now I have TWO captains pissed at me? What did I do?
Renji Awesomecakes Abarai Welcome to my world, Ikkaku. Where at least one captain is mad at you every day. -33 people like this-
-oOoOo-
Retsu Unohana I am sorry to announce that Kurotsuchi Mayuri has died early this morning in his sleep. His daughter, Nemu, will make funeral arrangements.
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Comments:
Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki I feel sorry for Nemu. Thought I don't feel sorry for Mayuri. Sorry, clown face. Rest in pieces. -95 people like this-
Nemu Kurotsuchi I'm sorry I failed you, Mayuri-sama.
Ishida Uryuu Don't be silly, Nemu. You were always loyal to him. But now the question is…Who'll be the next captain?
Retsu Unohana The new captain will be decided by the soutaichou. He will inform you.
Rukia Kuchiki I'm pretty sure he's the only shinigami ever to be killed by pre-teen girls. Human girls too. How did a guy like that become captain? -46 people like this-
Byakuya Kuchiki Rukia, he became captain because of his superior intelligence and kido abilities. Do not speak ill of the dead, no matter how much you disliked him.
Rukia Kuchiki Sorry, nii-sama.
Zaraki Demonslayer Kenpachi Heh, I look forward to bullying the next captain.
Yachiru Candy Kusajishi He has to give me candy! Or else I'll blow up the lab!
IceDragon Hitsugaya Rest in peace, Mayuri Kurotsuchi. Though you'll probably end up in hell. But whatever, saying 'rest in peace' was my good deed of the day. -104 people like this-
Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki ^LOL.
-oOoOo-
Genryusai Shigekuni Yamamoto The new captain has been decided. The name will be announced tomorrow.
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Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto and 67 others like this.
Comments:
Soi-Fon CatLuver Who is it? Could it be Lady Yoruichi?
Juushiro Ukitake Soi-Fon, I'm pretty sure Yoruichi isn't what you'd call scientific…
Shunsui SakeGod Kyouraku C'mon, Yama. Tell us! I wanna know!
IceDragon Hitsugaya Stop bothering the soutaichou. Geez.
Kira Izuru Yes, I am sure he'll inform us tomorrow.
Shuhei 69 Hisagi Damn, I want to know. So I can post it in the Seireitei Bulletin before it prints tomorrow.
Ikkaku Deathgod Madarame Who's a nerdy type of guy? The 12th Division captain HAS to be nerdy.
Byakuya Kuchiki I regret to inform you, Madarame, that no captain is a NERD. Every captain is chosen for their superior skills. Which you do not possess.
Ichigo Strawberry Kurosaki Ooooh! Burned!
Renji Awesomecakes Abarai Well then, I guess we gotta wait 'til tomorrow.
Rangiku Hotstuff Matsumoto Awwwww. I'll kiss someone if they tell me!
Ise Nanao Matsumoto…that's just plain stupid. Not to mention that would cause Hitsugaya to freeze and possibly kill more hormonal young men. Now be quiet and go to sleep, so I stop getting notifications. Yamamoto will tell us tomorrow…
A/N: Lol, at the end I got really tired and was all 'Whatever. I'll just end it here.' I was going to try to go for over 4,000 words but only managed to get 3,442. And i wanted to update today, because tomorrow I'll be busy. Sorry if it seems rushed, because it is.
PLEASE REVIEW!
~HauntedMoonlight~