She had been sitting on the hospital bed when he arrived. One whole side of her face was a swollen bruise. The eye makeup still carefully applied to her undamaged eye was now almost rubbed away. She had been wearing a new dress, he could see the tattered remains of it by the bedside. She must have asked the hospital staff to keep it rather than throwing it away. It looked shredded now but he could see the tag wasn't in it. She hadn't been planning on returning it. This one had been for keeps.

She had said nothing for ten minutes, and he had thought she was still in shock from the day's events but later he had realised she was building into an icy rage that he had never experienced before. He had felt nervous, though he didn't know why, so he had talked at length about the disaster and the police's response. He had mentioned Perry's demands for a full run-down on her story as soon as she was fit to dictate a story. Her hands were still too shaky to hold a pen. But when she had finally spoken, she had asked him something completely unexpected.

"Were you with Lana?" His old girlfriend had returned to the city a few days ago, her deadly load of Kryptonite finally removed and tentative hopes that he might still be available. But one glimpse of Clark with Lois had put an end to that. Lana had smiled at him and told him she had told him so.

But then, so had a lot of people. He had never listened in time. Chloe had warned him that this was coming but he had genuinely thought that he could hold this together. Lois and him were different. It was all different this time.

"Lana? No."

"Because I was thinking the whole time I was locked in there that there's where you must be. And I would understand Clark. I would get Lana. So, tell me the truth. When you didn't turn up last night, when you promised me you would be there, when you ignored all those calls I made to get you to come help me, were you with Lana?" And he had felt his nervousness become full panic. Whatever she was thinking, it was something far more serious that he had guessed. But to think he would have stood her up for Lana was insane. Didn't she know now that she was the only one for him? Couldn't she see how he felt?

"I wasn't with Lana," he affirmed. She smiled humourlessly.

"Then tell me, where were you? Where were you when I needed you?"

"I…" And he hadn't been able to say because he had been flying over Metropolis, trying to stop the Toyman blowing up subway trains filled with commuters. "I can't say. But I wasn't with Lana." Lois had laughed.

"Then that's too bad. Because I would have understood Lana. You've loved her your whole life. She's beautiful, she's kind, she's sweet. She's all the safe, gentle things I'll never be. I'd have understood Lana. But not anything else."

"I'm so sorry Lois but I couldn't be there. I was chasing this Toyman story and…I didn't know. I didn't know you were in that vault. If I'd known…"

"It's not about that Clark. Do you think I'm angry with Superman because he didn't save me sooner? He was out saving the city, doing his job." She fixed him with a stony glare. "And so were you. But I will never come first with him, and I'd never, ever ask him to. He belongs to the world, not me. But you…you were supposed to be mine," and her voice broke on the last word. "You were supposed to pick me first. You were supposed to love me."

"I do!"

"No!" She shook her head violently. "Ever since he came along, you've been jealous of Superman, even through you haven't said it. You think that I want some hero who's going to save my life every time someone tries to throw me off a building? I wanted someone who was going to be there, to hold my hand. He could never give me that. I thought you could. But you're never going to change. I'm not reason enough for you to do that."

"That's not true, you don't know how much you've already changed me!"

"I've changed. I used to believe that we could be more than friends but I don't anymore. As a friend, I didn't expect you to be there when I turned around. I should never have let this happen. It was a mistake." He had grasped her hand then, forgetting the bandage around it.

"Please don't do this."

"It's done," she said sadly. "You were a great friend Clark. One day I hope we can be again. But you can't love me, not in the way I need you to. Now let me go. You're hurting me." He had released her hand and she had held it protectively against her chest.

He hadn't fought her for the survival of their fledgling relationship. Instead they had become friends again after several incredibly uncomfortable months. Now they knew where the lines were drawn the tension was gone and they were a tighter, stronger team. He even felt like he had been unable to close off his feelings for her. He had genuinely believed that that was the case for a while.

But then he had met Terry, the only woman he had dated since Lois who he had genuinely cared about. It wasn't until she had lightly punched him on the arm when they were joking around that he had realised he was attracted to her because of her resemblance to Lois. It had been unfair of him to continue with the relationship after that. Lois had never let him forget it. No one turns their back on chemistry like that, she had often cried. What had he been thinking?

Clearly, he'd still been thinking of her, all the time he'd thought he was over her. Now he was stuck in limbo. He couldn't think about anyone else but he couldn't pursue Lois.

Because everything she had said that night was still true. Superman couldn't place her first and neither could Clark Kent. Neither man was able to be with her in the way she needed. He'd thought at least that as a Kryptonian he could still look at her sometimes as he wanted to. But now, now, she was standing there, telling him that she thought the whole thing was a charade, designed to exploit her.

He could let her believe that, he could fail to deny it vehemently enough and let her make up her own mind. He could even try to tell her the truth about himself, yet again, but there was no reason to believe that this time it would work. The perception filter meant everyone saw what they wanted to saw. And she had never wanted to see Clark Kent when she looked at Superman. Now, even further down the line, she had more reason than ever to believe she wasn't being deceived on such a mammoth scale. Who would want to accept that kind of betrayal?

Or there could be another option. He could reach out for what he wanted so badly. Last time he had let her go with hardly a fight, having convinced himself she would be safer, happier without him. But he had come to understand it was himself he was keeping safe. The stakes had become so high when he'd stepped out into the light but that hadn't been the real reason he'd let her love die with a whimper. It all came back to that field, and the moment his parents had rescued him from a much darker future.

His origins were a constant source of fascination to the public. The doomed planet of Krypton, his birth parents' decision to risk everything on a roll of the dice. But it wasn't being Kryptonian that really kept him away from being honest with the one woman he wanted. It was being human. It was being told by his protective parents that he had to keep his nature a secret because some people couldn't be trusted. It was telling the girl next door that he was an alien, and then pulling her dead from a car. It was seeing people who learned about him try to use him to further their own agenda.

Had he ever chosen to tell anyone?

Had he ever been honest of his own accord?

She, more than anyone, deserved his trust. He had told her many times, only for it to be undone, and she had never rejected him.

"Lois…" She was waiting, poised on the cusp of saying something irrevocable. Maybe on another day she would never have pushed things this far but it was how she felt, underneath the day-to-day emotions. Maurie's death had exposed the underlying seam of frustration and doubt that he saw now must have been there from the beginning. He had to try and undo two years of mistakes before he lost her for good. He walked closer to her, comforted that she didn't pull away from him. Instead she fixed him with her most searing gaze, the kind that made him feel she could straight through him, past the lies, right down to who he was.

He touched her right cheek with the most tentative of moves. She continued to stare at him.

"Superman, if you don't start talking, I'm throwing you off this roof."

"Please don't call me that."

"What's wrong with Superman? I came up with that," she snapped.

"It's a great name for the headlines but it's not my name."

"Fine. Kal-El. Is that better?"

"Better."

"You never had a problem with anyone calling you by that name before," she frowned.

"It serves its purpose. But I've always had a problem with you calling me that." She studied him thoughtfully and then nodded minutely. He took a deep breath. If he handled this wrong… "If you look into these killings, you won't think the same of me as you do now. I won't be the hero you think I am. I've made some big mistakes in my life. Ones that you won't be too impressed by."

"Now you're getting absurd. I never claimed you were perfect."

"But you think I 'soar' too high to have feet of clay."

"Oh, so now I'm supposed to apologise for admiring your achievements? Have you always been this obnoxious?" She began to walk away from him but he stepped in front of her before she could make it two steps.

"I meant it to be this way. I want people to see the best in me, so I can be the symbol they need. They don't want a real person to believe in, they want the super version."

"Can you move, your steel butt is in my way," she sniped. He took hold of her arms.

"But I don't want you to see that mask Lois. You wanted the blur to come out into the public eye and show his face, otherwise people would never trust in him. But though you're looking straight at me, this isn't my real face."

"Hold on. What are you saying? You're actually a green tentacled squid-face? Because you looking so much like a human always did seem…"

"Your sensitivity to alien stereotyping is duly noted Lois, I was speaking figuratively."

"Right. Knew that. You can forget about that tentacle thing? I did a few shots earlier…actually, you know what, I don't care, I don't want to speak to you anymore." She tried to tug her arms out of his grasp but he didn't let her go. He was acting distinctly unlike Superman now. There was no backing out of this now.

"Then just listen. Off the record." He knew this was bound to stall her. That phrase was like the verbal equivalent of an unlocked filing cabinet or a disgruntled employee for her. She couldn't resist. "This face was necessary but it's not real." She cocked her head to the side, waiting for him to explain himself. "If you look into these murders you're going to find out what my real name is. And when you do, I want you to remember, I've lied about a lot of things but never…"

"You've never lied to me?" She said hopefully.

"I have lied to you," he said. The look on her face was agonising.

"You must have had reasons. I know that. You belong to the world, you have to…"

"No," he cut her off. "I don't want you making excuses for me. I'm not above other people Lois. My mistakes are my own. The hurt I've caused you has reasons behind it but they're not always good ones."

"Why are you saying these things to me?"

"Because I don't want to lose you."

"Your approach is a little confusing then," she whispered.

"I've been a coward for too long. I've been hiding behind this costume. Making excuses. Write this story and you'll find out who I really am. How I really feel about you." She inhaled sharply.

"And will I be happy about what I find out?"

"I don't know Lois, I honestly don't," he said sadly, letting go of his hold on her. She stepped back uncertainly.

"If you have something to tell me, why don't you just tell me? Why do you want me jumping through hoops like this?"

"If I told you, you would never believe me."

"It's crazier than you being an alien Moses with a mission to save the planet?" She asked derisively. "I've had to swallow a lot of crazy things ever since you came to this city. I can handle it."

"There's more to this than you understand right now Lois. Just…trust me." She stared at him.

"I always have," she said, the pained vulnerability in her voice awful to hear. The urge to spill out all the facts seized him but he reminded himself it would do no good. He had tried before. And it hadn't worked. Superman and Clark Kent occupied two separate places in her heart and until she could reconcile the two, she would never believe it. That was how they had set it up. And it worked far too well. "But I can't do this."

"Please. One story Lois. Even if it's the last one you ever write about me."

"Maybe it should be. How about 'My final night with Superman'," she sneered. "What a joke." And this time, when she walked away, he didn't try and stop her.