The final chapter of the subject of need. This is kind of a two way conversation between Mitchell and Annie. It's angsty and sad given what happens in the show. All errors are my own, love to hear your thoughts. Thanks :)
Fade Into You.
Mitchell:
It took me some time to recognise the stars in your eyes for what they were. At first I thought that it was gratitude, thankfulness even but it became a constant presence. You were bright and unrelenting, a shining light to my darkness.
You're pure and you need to stay as such. You don't need me to sully you.
Why couldn't I tell you? I tried but you didn't want to hear it, you put blinkers on and made yourself blind to my despicability. I should've just blurted it all out to you right there and then. The words were in my mouth, on my tongue ready to be spilled but one kiss from you and they turned to dust. I should've told you the truth, and then you would've hated me; you would have been disgusted with me. Having you hate me would've been easier than what actually happened. You loved me. You didn't stop. It made everything that much harder.
Your love was more than I deserved. Your devotion battered me. Your quest for justice terrified me. Didn't you at least wonder why we had to leave the pink house, your house in such a hurry? Why didn't you ask me? I was different, I was cold, I was impertinent, and didn't you even wonder why?
Why did you have to wait until it was far far too late to confront me?
Annie:
For nearly a hundred years I've been a slave to hunger, but with you, you've given me a reason to take control back over my life. You give me a reason to start again
This was as close to a genuine declaration of love that you got or maybe that's what my starry eyed heart decided to believe anyway. You careered between needing me and pushing me away, one moment you wanted me and the next you didn't, it just about gave me whiplash. I should've realised the reason behind it, the turmoil that you were going through. I believe and I will continue to believe that the feelings that you had for me were genuine, that you thought that I was indeed the love of your life but how do I know that they weren't just words spoken in the stress of a moment? You lived a long, eventful life Mitchell, how am I supposed to believe that I was the love of your life when I know you weren't exactly an angel. Women adored you and you adored them right back. How many did you declare your love to? Was it genuine or just a phrase to you, a persuasive look, a hint, a touch or are they just meaningless words spouted to make us feel wanted or special? I want to believe you meant it.
I bear witness to your end.
I need you. You can't leave me. Oh God Mitchell you can't leave me. This can't be over.
I take a step towards you, I want to catch you, I need to save you but I can't, you're gone. You're in the next world and I want to follow. I feel George grab my wrist and I look at him. I want to hate him and for the briefest of moments I do. Then it passes just as quickly and to me he's just George again.
The first time that I saw you was back at the house in Bristol. You were all smiles, stepping over the threshold with George trailing reluctantly behind. Your smile and your enthusiasm drew me towards you and I had no idea why. I was still so full of Owen, he was all that I could think about and we all remember how that turned out don't we? I had intended on getting rid of you like the others but you were tenacious, you didn't scare easily and I quickly found out why. You could see me and you weren't afraid of what you could see.
You became my protector. John Mitchell, my knight in shining armour. Only your armour consisted of not so shiny tight jeans, worn boots and a battered leather jacket. You made me feel safe somehow; you helped me to believe in myself, you were my Champion, defending my honour against demons and dragons, real and imagined.
I think I've always loved you, in fact I know I have. It just took me a trip to Purgatory to realise it. You promised you'd get me back from that place and you did. Seeing you waiting for me at the end of that corridor, that's when I knew for sure that I loved you. I wonder what she made you do, what bargains you had to strike to get me out. Lia said that my arrival was a mistake, an error but I noticed your silences and I wondered at that.
Mitchell:
I fall to my knees and I beg him to please, to please make it all stop. I look up into his face and I see the conflict; the horror, the sympathy and oh God, the pity. They are all there and I can read them easily. I'm tired. There is nothing left and there's no peace, either in sleep or otherwise. Their faces taunt me; their promises are the punishments that I must face. I don't know where I will go but it has to be better than this place.
I see you standing there watching. As George drags me to my feet, I see how you look at me. I see your love shine from you and it makes me weaken. I wanted to stay for you and be the man that you want me to be but over time I've realised that it just wasn't possible, I can't stay strong. I am weak and one day I will fail you again and again and again. I don't want that, I don't want to see you become disappointed and bitter because of me. You told me that you were strong and that there were times when you wanted to tear the house down with your teeth. I want you to be that girl Annie, be that strong, beautiful girl.
For me, in my memory.
Annie:
You are nothing but ashes. We look down and it's strange to see your clothes just lying there when just seconds before you'd been a live, solid human being. I look at George and at Nina and imagine that they're thinking the same. I feel George take my hand again and just squeeze it. The grief will come later, as will the pain and the self-recrimination. For now, we have to take comfort in that this was what you wanted. Where ever you are right now, you're not here anymore.
As a trio we turn around and face the other people in the room.
"I think you've got a fight on your hands" George tells them.
And in your memory, they will have.
~FIN~