Who's ready to brave chapter four? ;) The last chapter was very emotionally up and down and difficult to write. I like writing the Doctor when he's being silly and erratic; it's hard to write him angry and angst-y!
~OOO~
- Chapter 4 -
The TARDIS was a busy place the next few days. The Doctor had apparently decided that since I was refusing to leave he had to pull out all the stops to make his ship a safe place. I didn't really get what more he could possible do to it than he already had—the TARDIS was near-invincible to my understanding—but since our confrontation the Doctor could be found more often than not fiddling with this or that. The TARDIS' patience was limitless in my opinion, because if my mum had been pestering me as much as the Doctor was his ship, I'd have pitched a right fit.
Two days after our row I was leaving my bedroom in search of breakfast and nearly tripped over the Doctor's long legs sticking out from a ventilation shaft just outside my door. That was it, I decided, and pulled up short next to his Converse trainers.
"Doctor?" I called, dropping into a crouch next to the ventilation shaft and tilting my head to try and get a look inside. No response. "Doctor?" I tried again, nudging the Doctor's knee, which was the extent of his body that was still in the hallway. From inside the shaft there was a reverberating clang as something clattered to the base, followed quickly by a rapid succession of bangs and a muttered oath from the Doctor. Out in the hall his legs jerked.
"Rose Tyler, is that you?" The words echoed slightly off the aluminum walls, followed by more clinking and a buzzing sound. I dropped to my knees and squinted into the dark space.
"'Course it's me, Doctor. If you were expecting someone else I'd say you have some explaining to do."
Clink. Clatter. BANG. The Doctor's legs spasmed again as he shifted around in the shaft, and I could just make out the blue glow of the Sonic.
"Well there was that one time a fledging from the Balvarion System stowed away in a heating duct. Sneaky little things, like warm spaces to sleep. They do that a lot, you know, especially when just hatched. However, sweet as the fledglings are, their parents are not very appreciative of unofficial babysitting services. They tend to throw around words like 'kidnapping' and 'we're going to destroy your ship'…"
The Doctor's voice became clearer and more distinct as he wriggled out of the shaft and into the hallway. He was without his jacket and tie and his shirtsleeves were rolled up to just below the elbow, a fact which revealed the way the tendons stood out along his arms as he caught at the opening of the shaft with long fingers and shoved himself out into the hallway. His normally artfully messy hair was sticking out wildly, and he had a smudge of something on one cheek. When he saw me squatting next to him on the floor he grinned widely. "Hello!"
I smiled indulgently at him, shaking my head. "Doctor, you're a mess."
He sat up and raked a hand through his hair, doing more damage than good. "Am I now?"
I grinned and tapped discreetly at my own face. "You're covered in dirt."
"What's life without a little rough and tumble, Rose Tyler? No one who stayed at home and kept their clothes tidy ever had half so much fun as the one who sought mess and adventure!" He rubbed the back of one hand over his cheek, succeeding only in streaking dirt and sweat across his face.
"You're such a child, Doctor. It's a wonder the TARDIS puts up with your constant tinkering." I leaned against the wall and drew one knee up to my chest, laughter in my eyes. The Doctor moved to lean against the wall opposite me. His long legs stretched the width of the hallway easily, soles of his feet pressing against the far wall. My outstretched leg reached about the Doctor's knee and I nudged him playfully.
"Awe…she adores me!" The Doctor proclaimed, closing his eyes and patting the wall of the TARDIS with one hand. I could feel the TARDIS' hum of ascent in the back of my mind, perfectly aligned with the contented smile on the Doctor's face.
"Her questionable taste aside," I said, and smirked at the doleful look on the Doctor's face, "you've been fiddling around here for days now. You need a break. I need a break! There's only so much a girl can take of tripping over you sticking out of a wall or falling from the ceiling—"
"—That only happened once!" the Doctor protested, looking embarrassed.
"Yeah, well you nearly landed on me!" I shot back, and he colored slightly, rubbing the back of his head. "Come on, Doctor," I wheedled, "Let's go do something fun!"
The Doctor's expression became curious. "Like what?"
"I dunno, do I?" I said, widening my eyes at him like an innocent schoolgirl. "You're the mad man with the magic box, surprise me!"
The Doctor pursed his lips for a long moment, leaning his head back against the wall and looking considering. Then he abruptly sat forward, his face alight with excitement. "Oh! We could go see the Moons of Alpet! Gorgeous place to visit, Rose Tyler; the sky literally changes colors according to the temperament of those in the vicinity! You'd love it!" Then he frowned slightly and scratched the back of his head. "Except they're not overly fond of foreigners, bit xenophobic they are…which is to be expected when your species is a race of clones." He pondered for another minute. "What about the Charm Gardens in the Chaos Belt of the Zerilium System? They're are a laugh and a half. Lots of trouble to be gotten into there."
The Doctor winked roguishly, grinning widely, and I felt my face heat up; not that he noticed. The Doctor might as well have been talking to a tree for all he paid attention to how his words affected me at certain times. Of course, knowing him, my idea of what a 'charm garden' was and what they actually were could be two entirely different things. I nibbled my lower lip and mulled over his suggestions.
"What about you, Doctor?" I asked finally, pulling his attention away from whatever memories he was lost in. The Doctor turned his head toward me inquiringly. "I mean," I went on, "Putting aside what you think would amuse me, if you could go anywhere right now, anywhere at all, where would you want to go?"
I'd meant the question as an opportunity for the Doctor to share a particular planet or people that he'd always wanted to go back and visit again but hadn't gotten around to it, something that would mean fun for him, not just me, but as soon as the question was out of my mouth I saw his face fall. The laughter faded from his eyes and the smile on his face faltered for an instant before he hitched it back into place. And I knew exactly where his mind had gone in that moment—where else? Gallifrey.
"Doctor, I'm sorry. I—" I started quickly, but he cut me off with a forced cheerfulness that rang false in my ears.
"Come on, Rose," He unfolded himself from the floor, rising to his feet and holding out a hand to help me up. I took it and he pulled me easily to my feet, giving my hand a gentle squeeze before releasing me. "Let me get cleaned up and then I'll take you out on the town."
His expression was carefree as always, soft smile and wide brown eyes, and if I hadn't just watched the pain of a thousand years flash across his face I might have bought it. But I could tell the memories he constantly fought to suppress had risen to the surface at my careless comment and I wished I could take it back.
"Doctor…"
"I'll only be a few minutes, Rose; you might want to change into something a little more sturdy before we go."
I glanced down at my outfit: drawstring sweats, an old t-shirt with Tenderheart Bear emblazoned across the front, bare feet; in short, my pajamas. "Where are we going?"
"Somewhere that requires clothing slightly more substantial than jimjams." And this time the grin that stretched the Doctor's face was real.
"Oi," I protested, "Don't mock a girl's wardrobe choices. We can't all parade about in the same two suits and still look fit."
The Doctor, wisely perhaps, said nothing to this, but tossed me a grin over his shoulder as he disappeared down the corridor to seek out a shower. Fifteen minutes later we convened in the console room: the Doctor, still with hair damp from his shower, dressed in his pinstripe suit, having given up the blue one to the ventilation shafts, and me in jeans, trainers, a t-shirt and a half-zipped purple hoodie.
Dropping onto the jump seat I pushed my blonde hair out of my eyes and gave the Doctor and expectant look. When I'd arrived in the console room he'd already been there, jumping around and pushing buttons, and despite the short time between the Doctor's announcement and now, my curiosity was already driving me wild.
"Sooooo?" I queried, drawing out the word until the Doctor turned to face me. He spun around with what could only be described as exuberance, brown eyes alight with excitement, and strode toward me.
"You're the one who ordered a surprise, Rose Tyler. Would you have me go back on my word so soon?" A smirk played about his lips and he had the look of somebody who was up to absolutely no good. At any rate, his left eyebrow was dangerously high…a warning sign if ever I saw one.
"Maybe so, but your last idea of a surprise turned out to be a trip to a planet where the locals' idea of fun was hunting the ignorant blonde human, Doctor." I retorted, raising an eyebrow at him in return.
"Well could you blame them? You did drink their holy water." the Doctor pointed out, shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his trousers and rocking back on his heels, a look of barely concealed amusement on his boyish face. I narrowed my eyes at him.
"How was I supposed to know that, then?" I demanded, jumping up and planting my hands on my hips. "It looked like an ordinary pond in the middle of an ordinary field!"
"The water was iridescent," the Doctor put in, a smile in his eyes, and I glared at him.
"Well I was thirsty," I pouted. "And anyway, someone who apparently knew better chose not to enlighten me."
I tried to hold my glare but it wasn't easy when I was up against the charisma of a highly entertained Time Lord. I cracked, a smile breaking across my face. The Doctor's eyes crinkled when I smiled, and the grin on his face widened.
"Can you promise me that this time I won't have to run for my life?" I pressed, unable to hold his gaze when he was looking at me like that. Like my smile was the one thing that he had been waiting for all day. I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and turned toward the TARDIS doors.
"Oh ye of little faith," the Doctor chided, sidling up beside me and slipping his hand around mine. His grip was firm and his fingers warm, and all worries fled from my mind. In fact, I was having trouble thinking of much else beyond the way his hand felt around mine. We stood facing the doors for a long moment. "We're here now, Rose Tyler," he said after what seemed like an age but was probably only a few seconds. "So I suppose all you can do now is take a step out the front door." He paused then and peered down at me seriously. "Of course, if you think it'll be too dangerous we can always stay here."
He held a straight face half a second longer than I did and I smacked his chest with my free hand. "Right, Doctor, since when has that ever been our modus operandi?"
The Doctor grinned down at me, tugging at the hand he held so that I bumped against his side. "Too right, Miss Tyler."
"Onward to mess and adventure!" I proclaimed, taking a giant step forward and pulling the Doctor along behind me. Somewhere over my shoulder I heard the sound of snapping fingers and the TARDIS doors opened before us.
~OOO~
I gasped.
I had marched boldly out the TARDIS doors, dragging the Doctor along behind me, determined not to show any surprise no matter where the Doctor had brought us or what I saw, but all those thoughts flew from my mind the second I stepped outside. I pulled up short, my jaw dropping open, and felt the Doctor move to stand beside me. He gave my fingers a gentle squeeze and murmured quietly, "Do you like it?"
He sounded anxious, but I couldn't reassure him just then. I couldn't even form words. All I could do was stare.
We were in a cave, but it was enormous. So vast that I couldn't see the ceiling and the sound of my own intake of breath rebounded off the distant walls and back to me in the same heartbeat. Most of the massive space was taken up by an unending underground lake, the black water lapping gently at the rocky shore of the slightly off-center isle on which the Doctor had somehow managed to land the TARDIS. There wasn't much room on the little island; it was roughly ten feet in circumference with a smooth space in the middle which the TARDIS and the pair of us now occupied. But it wasn't the cave that took my breath away; it was what was inside it.
Everywhere, on every part of the walls, stretching up until I became dizzy straining my eyes skyward trying to take it all in, the uneven stone surface was covered with millions of tiny glowing lights. They flickered as an air current travelled past, shifting easily from a soft blue-green into a deep purple-blue and then back again. All over the endless cave the tiny lights glowed, rippling almost musically through the cool spectrum of colors as the air passed over them. The entire spectacle was reflected on the water of the lake so that it felt like the entire room was filled with stars. The sight was so heart-achingly beautiful that I felt tears prick my eyes.
"Rose?" the Doctor asked again, and I could feel him watching me, waiting for me to speak.
"W-what is this place?" I whispered, my voice choked with emotion.
"It's called the Cave of Living Song."
"What's on the walls?"
"Luminosa," the Doctor replied in the same low voice, and there was an answering ripple of color from the Luminosa on the edges of the little jetty on which we perched. "They're tiny creatures that react to the vibrations of air currents. However, someone discovered that when a person sings in this space the Luminosa almost perfectly personify the melody of the music; pulsing different colors as the vibrations from the singer's breath hits them." He paused, and I finally dragged my eyes away from the sparkling cavern to look up at him. He frowned upon catching sight of me, reaching down to cup the side of my face in one hand. "You're crying, Rose!" He sounded horrified.
I sniffed, laughing shakily, and gave him a watery smile. "Y-yeah."
The Doctor's eyebrows drew together. "I'm sorry, I—I thought you'd like it…"
He trailed off and I reached up to cover the back of his hand where it rested over my cheek with my own. "I love it, Doctor. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen…"
The lights of the Luminosa reflected in the Doctor's eyes as he stared down at me and I blinked hard to clear the tears from my vision. "I'm glad," the Doctor said softly, and something in his voice had changed. After another moment, however, he dropped his hand from my face and stepped back.
I tightened my grip on his other hand stubbornly, refusing to let him leave me entirely, and turned back to gaze out at the cave once more. My heart was beating faster now; there was something about standing here in the near darkness, surrounded by the tiny glowing creatures everywhere, which filled the air with an almost tangible sense of emotion. I could feel it pressing down on me like an almost physical touch.
I don't know how long we stood there taking it all in, maybe hours, maybe minutes, but I barely noticed. Even if the trip to this cave was nothing more than an exciting natural phenomenon to the Doctor, it was the most romantic thing anyone—especially him—had ever done for me. I leaned in, resting my head against his arm and sighed softly. The regular world may have been in complete chaos, but for now…we had this moment of peace.
Eventually the Doctor shifted beside me, and his small movement pulled me out of my reverie. "Ahem…" He cleared his throat a little roughly, tugging his hand gently from mine so that he could lift his fingers to needlessly straighten his suit. "We should probably get back to the TARDIS. Stuff to do. Lots of things to—er—thing." He turned quickly and nearly smacked into the TARDIS' front doors. "Oh! There she is!" he blustered, shoving a hand through his hair and taking a quick step backwards causing him to nearly trip over me, standing halfway turned around, staring at him. At the touch of my hand the Doctor jerked back. "Oh! Blimey, Rose Tyler, you gave me a turn! Come on then, off to the TARDIS with you." He made shooing motions at me while I blinked at him. "Enough glowy creatures for now! Move it along, Rose Tyler, we've got stuff to, uh—"
"To stuff?" I put in with a raised eyebrow, watching the Doctor push open the doors.
"Exactly right, Rose. Now come on, enough dilly-dallying for today."
He strode into the ship and I stared after him for a long moment, wondering if he'd gone mad. Well, madder. The Doctor's abrupt switch in attitude had thrown me a little, but tried to put it from my mind as I turned back to the glowing cave, trying to take the whole scene in so that I'd never forget it, not one teeny detail. Finally, with a small sigh, I turned and followed the Doctor back into the TARDIS.
~OOO~
Inside the ship I found the Doctor standing at the base of the ramp looking a little lost. I stepped up behind him and placed a hand on his arm. He jumped a little, and then turned to face me. I smiled at him, wide and genuine. "Thank-you Doctor, it was beautiful."
He shoved his hands into his pockets, looking a little embarrassed. "No trouble, Rose Tyler. Just a little something different; more entertaining than 'Find which ventilation shaft the Doctor has gotten himself stuck in this time', right?" He grinned, but I could see he still felt uncomfortable. For my part, I was still floating on the sea of emotion that had seemed to seep out from the Cave walls, making me feel light and full of a myriad of complicated feelings.
"No one's ever done something like that for me before, Doctor. It was amazing." I took a small step forward—I was very close to him now, only inches away really—and lifted my eyes to his. He was watching me closely, eyes suddenly careful.
I could feel the rapid thrumming in my chest, which had started when he'd looked at me with such intensity in the cave, trip into staccato beats. He'd felt something when we'd looked at each other just then, I knew he had, and then he'd run from it, making up some excuse, just like he always did.
I stepped a little closer and pressed my hands against his chest, searching his eyes. His face was stoic as ever, his hands still in the pockets of his pinstriped trousers, but I thought I could feel his breathing pick up just a little under my touch. I searched his face, looking for something, anything, to indicate that he was reacting at all the same way to my presence that I was to his….but he only continued to gaze calmly down at me, face blank, blinking his wide brown eyes as he waited patiently for me to back down. Like I always did.
But something about today felt different. The way he'd looked at me in the darkness and said "I'm glad." He'd started to do something just then, but pulled back, stopped himself. We were always doing that, the Doctor and me, dancing about feelings as if they were the giant pink elephant in the middle of the TARDIS. He hid behind his jokes and rambling stories about the universe, I swallowed back my fanciful human ideals, and together we still managed to live a respectably fun life together. But I didn't want to play that game anymore. I wanted to lay all my cards on the table. And this morning I wasn't going to back down.
Taking a deep breath to calm my sudden nerves, I leaned forward and stretched up on my tiptoes, raising my face to his, and locking my eyes on the Doctor's. He had to see that I was serious, that this wasn't just some passing human fancy. Slowly I reached up and placed a hand on his cheek, brushing my fingers across his face with the barest of caresses. My fingertips grazed over a faint tracery of stubble—the Doctor had apparently been neglecting the razor recently—and then slid over the bottom of his left sideburn. It was strange, really, how he touched me like this all the time, yet seemed to have no clue what doing so did to me. Well if his reaction to my touch just now was anything to go by, he had some idea now.
The Doctor's eyes widened as he finally seemed to realize what was going on. His lips parted and he started to pull back, but I was faster. I dropped my hand from his cheek and reached up to grab him by both lapels. I yanked his body downward, pushing up on my toes and surprising him enough with my boldness that by the time he caught his balance—I was already kissing him.
My kiss only lasted a few seconds, because that was how long it took me to realize he wasn't kissing me back. As that realization settled in I felt a wave of humiliation crash over me. Face burning, I slowly lowered myself back to my feet and released the Doctor's jacket. He remained frozen in what I could only assume was absolute shock, his head bent down toward me and his brown eyes very wide. He looked like a waxwork from Madame Tussauds and if I hadn't been in the middle of a psychotic break just then, I might have laughed.
I took a step backward, feeling dizzy from my pounding heart. What had I just done?!
Another step backwards and the Doctor's brain seemed to restart. He tilted his head to the side and pursed his lips, giving me a quizzical look.
"Rose Tyler, did you just kiss me?" he asked, sounding as if he was beyond baffled as to how he'd gotten himself into this situation.
Oh god. Oh bugger. Oh stupid, stupid, stupid! I felt like my face was on fire with mortification. I ducked my head, pulling an old trick out of the hat and hiding behind my long hair so that I didn't have to look him in the eye. "Um, yes?"
"Why would you do something like that?"
The question hit me like a physical blow, wringing a startled gasp from me as I staggered backward, lurching away from the Doctor and nearly backing into the wall. I should have said something flippant just then, played it cool, teased him…pretended that I'd just been lost in the moment and was fooling around…any number of things that he was so good at pulling off, but I couldn't bring myself to fake it this time. In the end it took me several long seconds to compose myself enough to choke out, "Don't you know?"
I felt my heart squeeze at having to voice the question. He was still giving me that perplexed look, as if I were a particularly complex problem that he was as yet unable to solve. I lifted my eyes to his then, and stared him down.
"Come on, Doctor," I whispered, forcing the words out as I felt my throat constrict. I didn't dare speak any louder or I knew the tremor in my voice would give me away. "Do you really not know? It's been two years; is it really so unexpected?"
His eyes cleared at that statement, and his brow smoothed as something clicked in that mad head of his. For an abnormally clever person he really was abysmally stupid in some respects.
"Oh," he said slowly, blinking at me. Then, "Oooh!" as his eyes widened and he took a hasty step away from where I stood against the wall. He was looking at me now as if I were slightly dangerous. "I see."
I advanced on him, determined not to let him brush me off. "Do you really see?" I demanded, matching his retreat until he backed into the railing of the ramp. I reached for him again but he caught my wrists before my hands could land. The expression on his face stopped me cold.
"Rose," he began, and he was looking at me with such pity that I was suddenly unable to bear looking him in the eye. Oh god, he felt sorry for me! For the stupid little human girl who'd gone and fallen for the utterly ridiculous, flighty, charismatic, wonderful alien man whose name I didn't even know. I ducked my head and tried to tug my arms free, but he held fast, refusing to let me run from him. "You're right," he said slowly, and I stopped struggling to listen, heart hammering in my chest. "I suppose it's not so very unexpected."
His voice was quiet and his grip gentle, but the Doctor's words hurt all the more for his kindness.
"But you must see why it won't work; why it can't work," the Doctor continued, a deep sadness in his voice. I was only inches from him; I could practically feel the rise and fall of his chest as he spoke, but I might as well have been miles away.
"We can make it work," I whispered, trying to hide the desperation in my voice as I fought not to cry. "You asked me once how long I was going to stay with you. 'Forever.' I said, and you smiled at me, Doctor. The way you looked at me that day…The way you touch me sometimes…do you even realize—" I cut myself off, switching tack. "What's a girl supposed to think when you ask me something like that? Why—?" My voice broke on that final word and the Doctor took the opportunity to cut in.
"You know why, Rose," he said softly, and I felt a slight pressure on my wrists as he leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to my forehead before releasing me.
And just like that the perfect moment we'd shared only minutes earlier was destroyed. He was probably counting the reasons he regretted taking me to the cave, wishing he'd decided on some nice, safe, bloodthirsty alien tribe bent on our destruction. No way to get mixed signals when you're running for your life.
I remained rooted in place at the base of the ramp, head still ducked low, hands now clutched to my chest, and heard him step away from me, moving up the ramp toward the console. The Cave of Living Song hadn't been a romantic gesture; of course it hadn't! It was just a bunch of glowing alien larva to him. And I was just another girl to him. One companion was the same as another in his eyes; interchangeable, just another notch in his belt.
And then I realized the truth of my own memory with a sudden, jarring, clarity. He'd smiled. When I'd announced I'd stay with him forever, he'd just smiled at me. Yes, he'd taken my hand, but what was so different about that? Indulgent was the word that sprang to mind. Just as I'd thought about the Doctor messing about with the TARDIS, he was indulging my petty human desires. He'd lived nearly 1000 years to my twenty, and he'd likely go on to live a 1000 more long after my death. Of course he wouldn't want to tether himself to a silly human girl whose lifespan was over in the blink of an eye compared to his.
I felt a tear slide down my cheek and lifted a hand to brush it away, realizing that my fingers were trembling. No, my whole body was shaking. I was still curled in on myself, curtain of long blonde hair shielding my face from him, but suddenly I was seized with the urge to run. I had to get out of that room. I just knew what the look on his face would be if I was to meet his gaze, and I didn't think I could stand it if I had to see it again. And it was that thought alone that spurred me into action. I started walking, slowly at first, then faster, until I was almost past the console. I heard him start to turn, maybe even open his mouth to say something to me, and I bolted through the exit and down the hallway, leaving the console room as far behind me as I could.
~OOO~
I ran for a long time, feeling my cheeks wet with tears that could no longer be held back. Stupid, stupid, idiot Rose! I chastised myself. Of course the Doctor doesn't think of you that way. He cares about you, protects you, but that's only because you're a companion, just another person to pass the time with and show off too. The Doctor doesn't have time for silly human attachments or notions like 'romance', and god forbid someone tries to get him to talk about his feelings!
I had fought so hard to be allowed to remain on board the TARDIS and now I wanted nothing more than to curl up in my room in my flat back in modern-day London and have a huge pity party for myself. Except that I knew I couldn't leave, because the Doctor couldn't be alone right now, not when he'd like as not go charging into trouble without a second thought.
I slowed down as the hallway I'd been racing down opened out into a large, glass-walled structure, full of humid air and crammed everywhere with plants of varying size, color and texture. I halted, staring around the giant conservatory. After a moment I shook my head, laughing incredulously as I stared around the cavernous space. Why should it surprise me that the TARDIS had a conservatory? It had a giant library and a pool, why not this too?
I only recognized a handful of the plants, many were strange shades of colors that I had no human name for, and more than one had snaking, tentacle-like vines that crept along the floor and over the walls with a disturbing vitality. There was a winding flagstone pathway which led off into the forest of trees and flowers, and a stone bench off to one side of the doorway, and it was there that I finally allowed myself to sit and drop my head into my hands.
My elbows dug into my knees and my fingers into my scalp, but I didn't lift my face from my hands for a long time. I had to think through the consequences of what I'd just done.
Point one: I'd just kissed the Doctor. Really, truly snogged him, and he had looked completely stunned.
Point two: I'd done it before; though Cassandra had been controlling my body that time so it didn't really count. Also, the Doctor, despite not knowing that it had been Cassandra when I'd snogged him the first time, had still looked utterly gob-smacked at my kiss.
Point three: The Doctor knew what that kiss meant for me and didn't reciprocate my feelings. In fact, he had made it perfectly clear how very much a relationship with him would not ever happen. Ever. Which shouldn't have crushed me as much as it did, because really, he wasn't human—much as he tried to act like it—he was Gallifreyan, and must not realize just how much our emotions rule us. Just look at the way Lady Pompadour had mooned over him all those years.
Point four: After what I'd said to him just now, I knew he wouldn't touch me again. Not in any way that he might think I could misunderstand. He would let me stay with him though, that much I was sure of; even knowing that it was breaking my heart, because he'd sworn he'd never force me out. Even if he wouldn't allow himself to care for me that way, he needed me here, just as much as I needed him.
I'd just come to this conclusion when I became aware of something cool and slightly slimy wrapping around my throat. I jerked in surprise, realizing that while I'd been feeling sorry for myself one of the living blue vines had snuck up on me and curled itself around my neck. My hands flew up, trying to pry the clammy thing away from my skin, and I started at the sickening feeling of a steady pulse coming from inside the plant like a heartbeat. At my touch the vine tightened, cinching closer about my throat and causing me to choke.
My whole body went into survival mode, fingers digging into the squirming, pulsing flesh of the vine and tugging at it, trying to alleviate the pressure on my airway, legs kicking wildly. Black spots began to dance in front of my vision and I knew there was only one thing I could do now…useless as it would probably be…
Sucking in my remaining air, I blew it out in a strangled scream that shattered off the glass walls of the conservatory in a shower of fractured sound.
And then everything went black.
~OOO~
I came to on the ground. It took me a long moment to process the fact that I was no longer on the stone bench being strangled by an alien plant which had something against humanity, or possibly me in particular—or maybe it just hated the color purple, my foggy mind suggested, still hazy and incoherent—and instead flat on my back on the flagstone pathway.
It took me another moment to grasp that my head had been pillowed by a lumpy ball of fabric which I realized was the Doctor's suit jacket. As to him, the Doctor sat on the stone bench, surrounded by various blue bits of a rather hacked apart plant. When he saw that I was awake he straightened, coming over to me.
"Doctor?" I croaked, my throat feeling raw. I sat up slowly, fingers trailing lightly over my bruised neck.
"Are you alright, Rose?" he asked anxiously, eyes flitting back and forth between me and the remains of the vine.
"My throat hurts and I sound like a chain-smoker." I wheezed out. He caught me eyeing the scattered chunks of slimy blue plant flesh.
"Don't worry, it's dead now," the Doctor assured me, reaching down to help me to my feet and then dropping his hands as soon as he seemed certain I wouldn't fall over. I handed him back his jacket and he draped it over one arm.
"What did you do to it?" I asked, finding that speaking in a whisper eased the soreness on my vocal cords. "Hack it apart with a chainsaw?"
"Certainly not!" the Doctor scoffed, sounding offended at such a primitive notion. "The Sonic is perfectly capable of handling a Venusian Creeper."
"Is that what that was? It tried to kill me, Doctor!" I croaked, sounding like an enraged frog. I poked hard at his chest with my finger, forcing him to back up several paces. "What do you have something so dangerous aboard the TARDIS for?"
The Doctor had the grace to look embarrassed. "Curiosity, mostly. All the plants in this room have either been gifted or gathered during my travels, Rose. Some provide medicine, some food."
"And some remove the need for a guard dog." I put in, still massaging my throat. "Because who wants to pay for kibbles 'n' bits when you can just sick the shrubbery on any unwelcome guests."
The Doctor almost smiled at that remark, snark was, after all, his second language—or third, or forty-fifth—but quickly swallowed it back.
"Er…yes. Many of these plants are dangerous, which is why I haven't shown you this room in the TARDIS before now. In fact," and he paused to scowl at the ceiling of the room, squinting a little in the sunlight (which I knew must be real in some form and the presence of which I knew better than to question), "This room should have been blocked off."
I felt a hum from the TARDIS in response, and if I'd had to put words to it I'd have said the TARDIS was rolling her eyes at the Doctor. Almost as if the ship thought he was over-reacting. Which, in most cases, I'd have agreed with…up until the TARDIS garden went all Harry Potter on me and tried to smoother me for sitting on a bench.
The Doctor returned his gaze to me, in lecture mode now. "The Venusian Creeper that attacked you is known for strangling its victims and then absorbing their life force as they die. Nasty biddies; great for getting rid of stubborn weeds, or unwanted company, as you so brilliantly pointed out earlier. They're often planted around strongholds: fortresses, castles and the like, as an extra measure of protection against enemies."
He was avoiding looking directly at me, I noticed, though I found myself doing the same. I fluttered my hands at my hoodie, tugging at the sleeves til they covered my hands. An anxious habit.
"If you weren't expecting me to be here, how did you know I was in trouble?" I asked hoarsely, though less so than before; my voice was slowly coming back to itself. The Doctor rubbed at the back of his head, looking uncomfortable and determined at the same time.
"I…er…followed you after you left the console room," he admitted, and I felt my face flush all over again as the memory of that disaster washed over me once more. "I wanted to…to explain…I don't know…" He scratched at the back of his head with both hands this time, standing his hair on end. "I wanted to apologize for how I handled what…er…happened." He glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes and I stared at him.
"And the TARIDS led you here?" I asked.
"Not straight away…I think she's a little…er…displeased with me at the moment." He looked both peevish and contrite over that admission and I felt a tiny nudge in the back of my mind, the feeling of "solidarity" in the TARDIS' hum. The Doctor went on. "I was only a turn or two away when I heard you scream. The TARDIS finally opened up the way for me then, and I ran in and found you wrapped in vines and unconscious." He glared at me suddenly, and I blinked, a little thrown by his sudden change of attitude. "What's rule one, Rose Tyler?" he demanded without prelude.
I blinked at him. "What?"
"Rule one!" the Doctor pressed, turning his scowl on me now. He didn't wait for me to reply. "Don't wonder off!"
"That's off-ship, Doctor!" I protested, forgetting for the moment that I had been recently humiliated and also nearly-killed. "The TARDIS is supposed to be safe!"
"She is safe!" the Doctor insisted. "When you follow the rules!"
"Don't treat me like a child!" I snapped back, abruptly furious. "You're the one keeping carnivorous vegetation in the back room. I—"
"You what?" he growled, a dare in those words. His fingers were clenched tightly around the suit jacket in his hands.
"I…" I began again, and then swallowed back my retort. I wasn't angry with him for his rules. They were simple. They were meant to prevent situations just like this one. No, I was upset over something completely different. And so was he. He had been worried that I'd been hurt, also, apparently, over offending me in his reaction earlier. I was falling back on fighting because it was so much easier to shout at the Doctor than to think about how poorly I'd read the signs of his intent toward me. "…I…I'm sorry." I finished lamely.
The words slipped out before I realized I was saying them, and I watched as their affect hit the Doctor. His anger faded and his snapping brown eyes lightened. "You're what?" he asked, looking a bit thrown.
I swallowed back a "You heard me!" comment, which I would have tossed out if it had been Mickey or mum asking me that, but the Doctor looked honestly surprised.
"I'm sorry." I repeated, taking a steadying breath and squaring my shoulders. "You're right. Also, thank-you."
"Thank-you?" the Doctor parroted, still sounding confused about the turn our argument had taken. "You know, Rose Tyler, you're losing this argument spectacularly."
Half a smile tugged at my lips. "I know, Doctor." His mouth quirked upwards hesitantly, as if he were still uncertain that our fight was over. "I have to let you win some of the time, you know, much as it'll only inflate your already dangerous ego. And yes, thank-you. For saving my life. Again."
"Let me win?" the Doctor protested, looking stung.
I smiled for real then. The fact that the Doctor's mad head had skated right over my gratefulness for my nth rescue, bypassed the drama of the disastrous kiss, and latched on to the 'let you win' comment, showed how easily he could lose his focus. I could do this, I decided: banter with the Doctor, get into scrapes and out of them again, and still want to do it all over the next day. The Doctor didn't have the same feelings for me that I did for him, fine. I would deal with that and lock mine away. We'd still be the Doctor and Rose, travelling through the stars, just as we'd always done.
"Come on, Doctor," I said, nudging him playfully with my elbow as he continued to gape at me with wide-eyed incredulity, muttering "Let me? Let me?!" in a tone of disgust under his breath. "Let's go get lunch and I'll also let you fascinate me with a description of all the creepy plants you've got squirreled away on the TARDIS."
I guided the pouting Doctor out of the conservatory, feeling grateful that I could fall back on old habits. The Doctor seemed to have completely forgotten about everything that had happened in the console room, despite having followed me out here with the intension of discussing it further, but I was willing to let it lie. I knew all he'd have wanted to tell me was a list of reasons why he—to borrow from my primary school vocabulary—"liked me, but not like-liked me", due to the whole human/Time Lord thing, and I didn't want to hear it. So I followed the already chattering Doctor down the hall to toward the kitchen, trying to ignore the painful little thump that my protesting heart made in my chest as we walked.
~OOO~
And that's all she wrote, folks! ;) Sooo….who wants to smack me for this chapter? Or perhaps more aptly, smack the Doctor? Don't hate on him too much….we still have many more chapters to go, dear readers. The link to the image that inspired the Cave of Living Song apparently isn't working so I'll just tell you to Google 'glow worms' and have a look around. I took that idea and ran with it. ;)
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Time Lady – Glad you liked it! It's hard to achieve that kind of balance.
OpalKitty – I'm having a lot of fun with Rose and the TARDIS. I sort of like to think that she'd have Rose's back when it comes to the Doctor, like any girlfriend. ;)
Madam Starlight – I think your name got lost in the formatting of the last chapter, so I just wanted to thank you for your review here.