Final Fantasy XIII Truth or Dare Chapter 4
Deviljho: Welcome back to another chapter of-
Audience: FINAL FANTASY XIII TRUTH OR DARE!
Deviljho: I'm your master of ceremonies, Deviljho!
Prishe: And I am your badass co-host, Prishe!
Deviljho: Now, shall we reveal the cast?
-Curtain opens to see the FFXIII cast-
Deviljho: Sooooo Sazh, how was it in the closet?
Sazh: It was horrifying! All of the touching, grabin' and pullin'. I hope I never have to go back there.
Prishe: Well tough! Cause all of you guys are going to be sent there at least once!
Everyone: -Groans-
Prishe: Now why don't we start of with our first set:
Aoi Hyoudou:
Funny chapter as always. Poor Sazh. I wonder if he's alright in the closet. XDD Anyway, here are some more truths and dares
Nora (Dare I dare you to pretend that you're a ghost and scared your husband.
Lightning (Truth Are the rumors true that you can't cook? Hope (Dare I dare you to wear Snow's overcoat for the whole chapter.
Fang (Truth Deep down inside, are you jealous of Lightning? Sazh (Dare I dare you to dress up as a Chocobo. XD
Deviljho: Just a little reminder folks, you can sent in more than one truth or dare for these people.
Light: Don't encourage them damn it!
Prishe: Well then Light, why don't we get started with you then? Is it true that you can't cook?
Light: Yeah. What's the big deal?
Vanille: The big deal is that you need to be able to cook for Hope when he comes back from a long, hard day at work!
Light: -Blushes- T-That's not a good enough reason!
Nora: Don't worry Claire! I can teach you everything you need to know.
-Everyone stares at Light-
Fang: Why is she allowed to call you by your real name and we can't?
Light: Because she doesn't ask if she can call me it every single day!
Fang: That was just for that week!
Deviljho: Calm down damn it! We have to move on to the next one.
Prishe: This one is to Fang, are you secretly jealous of Light?
Fang: To be completely honest, yes, yes I am.
Snow: Why?
Hope: She's got someone to love and protect her and a big family.
Deviljho: Don't worry Fang! I'm sure you'll find some man who is perfect for you.
Fang: ... I guess...
Deviljho: Now to Hope! Wear Snow's overcoat for the entire chapter!
Snow: Oh come on! First Light took my Beanie now Hope's taking my overcoat.
Light: Fine. Have your beanie back, you big baby. –Throws Snow's beanie back to him-
Snow: Thanks Sis! Here you go Hope! –Snow hands his overcoat to Hope-
Hope: ...Thanks...
Nora: How does it fit?
Hope: It look like I'm playing dress up with my dad's coat. Not to mention, it smells just like how Light's cooking tastes.
Light: HEY!
Hope: Light, you know I love you to death, but your cooking leaves a lot to be desired.
Prishe: Wow, burn. Anyway we move on to Sazh, dress like a chocobo.
Sazh: What? Really?
Deviljho: Here's your chocobo suit!
Sazh: No way!
Prishe: -Whispers in his ears- The closet.
Sazh: -Grumbles- Fine... Give me that suit.
Dajh: Yay! Daddy's a chocobo!
Sazh: Man this suit itches. What is this suit made of?
Deviljho: Chocobo's.
Sazh: W-What?
Prishe: Yeah, how else did you think we got it, huh?
Sazh: I feel as though I died a little on the inside...
Deviljho: Yeah, you should try to avoid that, Anyway moving on to Nora, scare your husband by making him think your a ghost.
Nora: Uh, I'm afraid that's not going to work.
Deviljho: Why not?
Nora: Because he's sitting right next to me.
Bartholomew: I've kinda been here the whole time.
Prishe: Wow really?
Snow: I didn't notice either.
Fang: Yeah, he just kinda blends in with the furniture.
Bartholomew: Hey! I take offense to that!
Fang: Oh! No offense meant!
Bartholomew: Too late Yun. Too f*cking late.
Prishe: Ooookay, moving on to the next set of questions.:
OMGACookie
OKAY, SO I read it, loved it, and I hope this is okay... but... Hope (Dare): I dare you... To act like Lightning's loving Husband for... a chapter (Sorry kiddo, it's for your own good though, if you have any "plans" for the future ;) ) Lightning (Dare):I dare you... To let down the whole "Lightning" Facade and actually "be" who you are (Claire Farron). No coldness, no harshness (unfortunately that means going easy on Snow) for the same duration as Hope's dare at the same time. Vanille (Truth): ... Have you lost your virginity in the 500 years you've been alive? I find it hard to believe you'd stay THAT innocent for that long. Snow (Truth): How do you imagine Lightning and Hope to be like if they lived in the same house? (Hopefully, this question gets asked during the time that Lightning can't strike him) Serah (Truth): Describe how Snow is "in bed" with a movie title. Hope, can I just say that I am so proud of you at how much you've grown over the course of the game. And... Sazh? Don't know if you can hear me in that closet but uh... Nice 'Fro.
Hope: Thanks for the compliment!
Sazh: Thanks kid, it takes a long time to style it like this.
Deviljho: Serah! Describe how Snow is in bed, if you know what I mean.
Serah: -Blushes- W-Well if I had to say it, I would say either 'Fast and Furious' or 'Deep Impact'.
-Silence-
Everyone: HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!
Serah: -Blushes-
Prishe: Ahahaha- Oh god! It hurts! Ahahahahaha!
Deviljho: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Light: -Snort-
Serah: Not you too sis!
Light: I'm sorry but that is just hilarious.
Nora: Truly funny!
Deviljho: Hahahaha...ah, moving on to Vanille. In the 500 years that you have been alive, have you ever lost your virginity?
Vanille: Yep!
Fang: Really? With who?
Vanille: That boy Zell in back in Oerba. He was always so kind to me, in fact he was my first boyfriend!
Audience: Awwww!
Prishe: That's nice and all, but we have a show to do.
Deviljho: Agreed. We now move on to Light and Hope.
Hope: So what do we have to do again?
Deviljho: Light, you have to drop the whole 'Lightning' persona, and act like the sister that Serah knew before your parents died.
Light: I-I don't think that is possible for me...
Deviljho: I thought you might say that, so I made a gun that zaps the true emotions from people's hearts.
Snow: What do you call it?
Deviljho: I call it, The T.E.R Gun.
Bartholomew: What does T.E.R mean?
Deviljho: True Emotion Restorer. It will make her become Claire again, but don't worry, she will remember all of you guys. She just won't remember ever becoming Lightning
Snow: That's pretty convenient.
Light: But not very creative, is it?
Deviljho: Oh yeah? Well take this! –Zaps Light with T.E.R Gun-
Light: -Cough- -Cough- -Cough-
Hope: Light! Are you okay!
Light: Who's Light? My name is Claire.
-Light will now be called Claire from now on until someone dares her to turn back to Lightning-
Serah: Sis! –Hugs Claire-
Claire: Whoa, Serah! What's gotten into you?
Serah: I'm just glad to have you back!
Claire: Did I go somewhere?
FAng: Wow, it really did work...
Prishe: Moving on to Hope. You must now act like Claire's loving husband and be like that for the whole chapter.
Claire: -Blushes-
Prishe: Can you do it?
Hope: Y-Yes! Yes I can do it! –Walks up to Claire- Claire.
Claire: -Blushes- Y-Yeah Hope?
Hope: -Kisses Claire passionately-
Claire: -Returns kiss-
Hope: -Stops kissing Claire- Claire, I love you so much.
Audience: Awwwwww!
Vanille: That's so sweet!
Fang: Cute scene that is.
Serah: Claire was finally found happiness!
Prishe: Again! Enough with the touchy feely crap! We got a show to do!
Deviljho: She's right, moving on to Snow, how would you describe Hope and Claire living together?
Snow: Well I would have to say that Sis would start off by cooking Hope a nice breakfast before he would go to school, Claire would go to work while Hope would work hard in his studies, and then when Hope would come home from school, Claire would greet with a nice home cooked meal and then the two would just spend the rest of the night just enjoying each others presence.
Sazh: Wow, that's a pretty detailed scenario.
Serah: Yeah, that's very vivid
Claire: I think that's kinda weird that you thought of that whole scenario.
Snow: I have a lot of free time on my hands.
Prishe: We now move on to our next set.
ff13
Hope (dare) do a make out session with Lightning in front of everyone
Snow (truth) who's sexier? Lightning or Serah? XDD
Fang (truth) what do you think about the Flight fanfics that you have?
Lightning (dare) be Claire for the whole chapter
Serah and Vanille (dare) pull a prank on everyone in the group
I love the way Snow's being tortured by Lightning here XDD
Deviljho: Well then Snow, who is sexier? Claire or Serah?
Snow: You're kidding right? It's Serah, why do people keep on asking that question.
Deviljho: Meh, people just want to hear the opposite of what people usually say.
Snow: I guess.
Prishe: Moving on to Fang, what do you think of all the Flight fanfics out there?
Fang: I think it's a complete load off bullsh*t! I can't even begin to count how many times people have paired me up with Little Miss Lightning Storm over here, and I am physically disgusted by the fanfics that make me have a penis. It's sick to level where I fell like vomiting!
Claire: Took the words right out of my mouth.
Deviljho: Ditto.
Prishe: Since Lightning has already become Claire, we move on to our next one for Serah and Vanille, if you other guys would be so kind as to go back to your rooms.
Everyone: Okay.
Deviljho: Now Serah and Vanille, you two must pull a prank on each and everyone here, with the exception of me of course.
Vanille: That doesn't sound too hard.
Serah: Sure! Sounds like fun!
-Snow's Room-
Snow: Well, I think it's time for me to learn how to do Math. –Pulls out 1st grade Math book- C'mon Snow! You can do this!
Serah: -Knocks on door-
Snow: Come in!
Serah: Hey Snow, I was just wondering if you would like some gum.
Snow: Gum? Sure, I'd like some!
Serah: -Pulls out gum pack- Here take one!
Snow: -Grabs gum stick and gets shocked- Oww! That hurt! Maybe if I try again... –Grabs again- Oww! That hurt!
Serah: -Giggling-
-Hope's Room-
Nora: Asuran? That's not a word.
Prishe: It is in my world!
Claire: Well is it a proper noun?
Prishe: ...Damn...
Vanille: -Knock Knock-
Hope: Come in!
Vanille: Hey Hope! Can you help me with something?
Hope: What is it?
Vanille: Could you help me open this jar of peanut butter?
Hope: Okay...
Vanille: Tee hee! Here you go!
Hope: -Grabs bottle of 'peanut butter' and opens it- Um Vanille?
Vanille: Yes Hope?
Hope: There's a chocobo turd inside this jar.
Nora: What!
Claire: Gross!
Vanille: Got you! –Runs Away-
Hope: What the hell just happened?
-Back at the Stage-
Deviljho: Well that was fun! Moving on to the next one. Hope, you must have a make out session with Claire again.
Hope: Okay! –Makes out with Claire-
Claire: -Kisses back-
Prishe: I'm starting to think we are gonna have our first acceptable dare. Anyway moving on to the next letter.
sdPhantom10:
What a lovely day to make our favorite characters do thing against their will…
Nora (Dare) I dare you to pester Lightning and Hope to hurry up with giving you grandchildren
Snow (Dare) I dare you to read a book… a little book called *sinister aura* … Twilight… hehehe… hahaahaa HAAHAAHAAHAAHAA
Lightning (Dare) I dare you to dress like a maid and serve ONLY Hope for the remainder of the chapter. For this dare he is your master and you will refer to him as "Goshujin-sama" or "master"
Vanille (Dare) I dare you to listen to the Slayer album "Show no Mercy"
Weeell that's all I got…for now…
Prishe: Okay Snow, we'll start with you. Read this book called Twilight.
Snow: Okay? –Grabs book-
Deviljho: While he is doing that, we move on to Vanille. Listen to this album by Slayer that sdPhantom10 has provided for us.
Vanille: Okay.
Deviljho: Here's your headphones, go to the music room to listen to it.
Vanille: Gotcha! –Goes to the Music room-
Prishe: Now Claire and Hope, we need you to go back to your room for a sec.
Claire: Okay?
Hope: No problem.
-They both leave to Hope's room-
Deviljho: Now Nora, you must now go and pester Hope and Claire about giving you grandchildren. Can you do that?
Nora: That doesn't sound too hard. –Leaves to Hope's room-
-Hope's room-
Nora: Hope? Can I come in?
Hope: Sure Mom! –Opens door-
Nora: Now Hope, I wanted to talk to you and Claire for a while now about something important.
Claire: What is it Nora?
Nora: When are you and Hope going to give me grandkids.
Hope: -Blushes Heavily- W-W-W-W-WHAT!
Claire: Um...Nora, don't you think your son is a bit too young to think about that sort of thing?
Nora: I was just wondering is all... You can't blame me for asking. I mean, who knows when Hope might jump you...
Hope: MOM!
Claire: O_O
-Back to the Studio-
Snow: I'm done!
Prishe: Well, what do you think about it?
Snow: I give it a WTF; I just don't get how vampires sparkle in the sunlight instead of dying like they're supposed to.
Prishe: No one knows Snow, No one knows
- Claire, Hope and Nora come back to the stage, the first two have red faces-
Deviljho: Anyway, we now move on to Claire, you must dress up like a maid for the remainder of the chapter and call Hope "Goshujin-sama" and serve only him.
Claire: W-What?
Prishe: Here's your maid uniform! Just go into your room and change then always stand by Hope.
Claire: -Blushing- O-Okay. –Goes to her room-
Vanille: I-I'm done...
Prishe: How do you feel?
Vanille: Like I want to just lie down and just do nothing the rest of my life.
Deviljho: Ooookay... We now move on to our next set.
resistance123
OMG! that was gr8! thnx 4 including my T&Ds :) cant believe Nora is part of the cast now thanx to me ;)...lets see, Nora: truth, who did u have in mind when u wanted your son to marry some1? and does Light live up to those expectations? Snow: dare, challenge all the guys u knocked out when u all returned to Cocoon to a velocycle race! Vanille: dare, kill a puppy Fang: dare, cook everyone some chinese food! Sazh: truth, tell us about how u met Dajh's mom. Light and Hope: dare, fight each other in a 3 round match. 1st round: only magic...2nd round: only weapons...3rd round: use Eidolons
Prishe: Why don't we start with Nora? Who did you have in mind when you wanted your son to get married, and does Claire fit your expectations?
Nora: Well, when I thought about it I just would want Hope to marry someone who just made him happy, and if Claire is the one that makes him happy, then I'm happy.
Audience: Awwwwww!
Deviljho: Touching! Now why don't we move on to Fang. Cook some Chinese food.
Fang: What's Chinese food?
Audience: -Sweatdrop-
Deviljho: W-Why don't you just cook some Pulsian food?
Fang: Fine… -Leaves to kitchen-
Prishe: While she is doing that, we move on to Sazh, tell us how you met your wife.
Sazh: Well during my senior year in high school, we met during the graduation ceremony. We were both valedictorian for our grade and after that we started talking to each other. Soon talking turned to dating, dating turned into engagement, and well I think you guys can fill in the blanks.
Vanille: That sounds real nice!
Sazh: Thanks, I appreciate it.
Prishe: We move on to Vanille, you must kill a puppy.
Vanille: WHAT!
Prishe: Sorry that's what it says.
Vanille: I'm not doing it.
Prishe: C'mon, it's not even a real dog, it's a robot Pantheon!
Vanille: It's still a living thing!
Deviljho: Okay, we obviously not getting anywhere with this so I'm just gonna cancel this dare.
-Dare Canceled-
Deviljho: Well now we should move on to Hope and Claire, it's time for a three part battle royal! First Magic only, then Weapons only, after that it's only Eidolons.
Hope: Are you up for Claire?
Claire: -Bows her head- Yes Goshujin-sama, I will give it my all!
Deviljho: Lets teleport you guys to the coliseum! Sha-zammy! –Both get teleported-
-At the coliseum-
Hope: Where are we?
Arbiter of Time: You are at an area where champions battle in glorious combat!
Claire: So this is an arena?
Arbiter of Time: Yes young one, an arena where the most powerful warriors in the universe come to engage in battle.
Hope: Claire and I have come to fight each other!
Arbiter of Time: You wish to fight the one you love? Very well we shall see who is the strongest!
-The first round ends with Hope as the winner, the second round ends with Claire beating Hope, and the last round ends with a tie-
A/N: Sorry, I got lazy writing the fighting scene
Arbiter of Time: You both possess strength that rivals each other. That strength can either lead to salvation or ruin. Use it wisely. –Teleports them back to stage-
Deviljho: Welcome back!
Prishe: How was the fight?
Hope: It ended in a draw.
Deviljho: Okay then, moving on to-
Fang: I'm done! –Brings in a cart of food-
Snow: Wow, that looks good!
Fang: Dig in everyone!
-Everyone eats Fang food-
Deviljho: Er, not that I'm complaining, but why is the food so salty?
Fang: What? I like salty foods, you got a problem with that?
Deviljho: No, No, just asking...
Prishe: We- -burp- sorry, now move on to our next set:
Soul Climax
Oh my god that is hilarious. I have to get in on this. Light and Fang: (Dare) Arm wrestling match winner gets a prize, loser gets punished (both are the Author's choice) Hope: (Dare) Throw your boomerang at Vanille and make sure Fang sees you do it. Snow: (Dare) You have two minutes to successfully punch Barthandelus in the face. Failure will result in a punishment of the author's choosing. Vanille: (Truth) Don't you ever get cold in that outfit? Sazh: (Truth) Has your chocobo chick ever pooped in your hair? Be honest.
Deviljho: Why don't we start with Sazh, has your chocobo ever pooped in your hair?
Sazh: To be honest, yes, but it only happened once when I bought her.
Prishe: Ha! Hilarious! Now we move on to Vanille, do you ever get cold in that outfit?
Vanille: Actually, only when it's in the winter time, this outfit is warmer than you think!
Deviljho: Oookay... Moving on to Claire and Fang, have an arm wrestling contest and the winner gets a prize while the loser gets punished.
Fang: You really like punishing people don't you?
Deviljho: Yeah, why? You scared you'll lose?
Fang: Hell no! I never lose!
Hope: What about that time Snow beat you in a staring contest?
Serah: Or what about that time Claire beat you in a race?
Fang: Oh shut up! You're not helping!
Prishe: Well are you gonna do it? Or are you chicken?
Fang: Hell no! Get over here sunshine! We are gonna settle this!
Claire: Okay?
Deviljho: -Pulls out a table and two chairs out of nowhere- Well then, get to it!
Hope: How did you get that?
Deviljho: Don't ask.
Fang: -Puts arm on the table- You ready sunshine?
Claire: I guess... –Puts her arm in as well-
Prishe: Ready...Set...Go!
-The two girls start to push down on each others arms only to find out they're equally matched-
Sazh: Wow, how long do you think they can keep this up?
Prishe: They can't keep it up forever. Can they?
-5 hours later-
-Most of the cast and audience feel asleep except for Deviljho-
Fang: C'mon damn you, give up!
Claire: No way!
Fang: I'll get you even if it takes all day.
Deviljho: Oh for Maker's sake this is taking way too long. Fang! I destroyed your home in Oerba!
Fang: -Distracted- What!
Claire: -Slams Fang's hand to the table-
Prishe: Claire is the winner!
Fang: Damnit! You threw me off!
Deviljho: Suuure I did you sore loser.
Claire: What do I win?
Deviljho: Same thing as Snow. One free pass off of a truth or dare. –Gives her the coupon-
Prishe: And for Fang. You get an all expense-paid trip to the Fan closet!
Fang: Hell no!
Prishe: Too bad! –Shoves her in-
Fang: What the F*ck!
-Lots of screaming, banging, and cursing is heard-
Hope: Is she gonna be okay?
Deviljho: -Shrugs- Dunno. Now moving on to Hope, throw your boomerang at Vanille.
Fang: -Knocks Fan closet door open- Do it, and I'll castrate you! –Hundreds of hands grab her- Get away from me! –Gets dragged into closet and door closes-
Hope: Do I have to?
Prishe: Well, we could always send you to the closet...
Hope: Fine... Vanille, I'm so sorry about this.
Vanille: Don't be, it's just a dare.
Snow: Wow, she sure is understanding.
Hope: -Throws Airwing at Vanille-
Vanille: -Airwing hits her in the head- Ow... –Grabs her head-
Hope: I'm so sorry!
Prishe: Okay moving on! To Snow, try to punch Barthandelus in the face.
Snow: That doesn't sound hard.
Deviljho: You have two minutes to do it, or else.
Snow:…
Deviljho: Care to use your pass?
Snow: Yep. –Hands Deviljho his card-
Deviljho: Good. And that's where our show comes to an end. Sorry for the long wait everyone and sorry that I couldn't get to some of the others but I don't want to tire myself out.
Prishe: Being funny is hard work.
Deviljho: Well that's it for another episode of-
Audience: FINAL FANTASY XIII TRUTH OR DARE!
Deviljho & Prishe: Good night everyone!
A/N: Once again sorry for the long wait. I hope this makes up for it. Keep those reviews a comin! I await your hilarious suggestions.
~Deviljho's Hatred