An Inch of Ashes
Chapter 4: The Bronze Sparrows
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The east wind sighs, the fine rains come:
Beyond the pool of water-lilies, the noise of faint thunder.
A gold toad gnaws the lock. Open it, burn the incense.
A tiger of jade pulls the rope. Draw from the well and escape.
Chia's daughter peeped through the screen when Han the clerk was young,
The Goddess of the River left her pillow for the great Prince of Wei.
Never let your heart open with the spring flowers:
One inch of love is an inch of ashes.
The One Unnamed (II) by Li Shangyin
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"Ah-hah! I win again!" cheered Consort Li as she clapped merrily. "A wager is a wager, Ji!"
In a playful manner, Zhen Ji let out an exaggerated sigh of frustration as she pushed the rest of her coins toward the other end of the table.
"I must say, Furen, I underestimated your liu bo skills," Ji smirked at the older woman sitting across from her.
"Well, there isn't much to do as a concubine so we all like to keep ourselves entertained by playing games and gambling whenever possible," Lady Li glanced coyly at her friend from the corner of her eye.
"Rightly so," chuckled Zhen Ji. "You have a gift for the game, Furen. No wonder you were given this exquisite table!"
Liu bo was usually played on a simple wooden board or on a slab of cold stone, but Consort Li instead had a gorgeous bronze table with a board built right on top. It was made of lacquer, the pieces made of clear jade, and the four legs holding everything up were carved with intricate designs. The table appeared to stand proudly in the corner of Furen's part of the room. It was much too lavish to have been found in a shop—Zhen Ji figured that her husband probably had it commissioned for his concubine after discovering her talent for the game.
The younger maiden was introduced to the game of liu bo very early in life when she was just a little girl in Wuji. Zhen Ji was, however, not as well versed in the board game as Li Furen because she never found herself too interested in it. Most of her experiences in liu bo consisted of watching her competitive brothers play or spotting old men gathered around several tables as she entered and left the marketplace with her mother and sisters. In the end, Ji was always more excited when it came to reading and writing. As a child, she constantly borrowed her elder brothers' brushes and inkstones in an effort to become more scholarly and to emulate the worthy women of antiquity. At the moment, though, Ji found herself wishing she had played the game more often during her childhood so that she would not have lost so many coins to her friend!
"It really is beautiful, isn't it?" Li Furen gave a warm look at her liu bo table, lightly touching the patterned edge.
Zhen Ji nearly cringed at the sight, knowing full well that her friend was thinking of Cao Pi. She kept her promise to all of the consorts she met at the rear palace and visited whenever possible (which was almost daily). To her surprise, Ji ended up befriending nearly all of her husband's concubines. She enjoyed their company, but at the same time it was difficult for her to be around them. The maiden still has not gotten used to the fact that every single one of her newfound friends adored her husband and resided in the rear palace just for him.
Picking up the dice before her, she just gave a small smile.
"Zijian!"
Cao Zhi smirked to himself as he heard his brother call him from behind. His capping ceremony took place over a week ago, but he was not yet tired of hearing his style name. In fact, the young man found himself beginning to prefer it over his míng!
He turned around as he greeted his eldest brother. "Good afternoon, Zihuan."
"I just made the final arrangements. My gift for you will be arriving in a matter of days!"
"Oh?" Zhi replied in confusion. "For what occasion?"
"Your capping ceremony, Little Brother," laughed Cao Pi. "I'm sorry it has taken so long to get here; I had trouble thinking of what to get you."
"Brother, a gift really isn't necessary—"
"No, it is the proper thing to do, Zijian."
The younger one was amazed at his brother's kind gesture. Zhi was not used to how much more relaxed and amiable Cao Pi had become during his time away from home. He guessed that it was because Zihuan was now happily married. Despite being back for over a week, Zhi still did not have a chance to meet his sister-in-law. Nonetheless, he knew that she must be a wonderful woman to be able to bring out the best in Cao Pi.
"I'm sure I'll love it."
"Would you like to know what it is?" asked Pi.
Baffled, Cao Zhi stammered, "You want to tell me what my gift is now?"
"It is the least I could do since it's so late."
"If you want to, Zihuan. I really don't mind waiting, though..."
"My gift to you is a concubine!"
Cao Zhi's eyes went wide in surprise. He wasn't sure if he heard his brother correctly. "Wh-what?"
"A concubine, Zijian!" exclaimed Cao Pi. "It's that time again, so I chose one for you."
Zhi inhaled deeply, thinking of what to say next. He had completely forgotten—did not care for, rather—that now was the horrid time when new concubines were found and brought to live in the rear palace. It happened every three years or so and Cao Zhi was always pestered each time by his brothers or their father to choose a woman for himself. To everyone's confusion and annoyance, he did not agree with the practice and compared it to a circus act. The young man refused to have a consort and never liked how society treated women as mere objects that could be bought and given away.
"Pi, you know I've never wanted one before. Why do you think I am any different now?" Cao Zhi sighed, his temper slowly rising.
"You could use the company, Brother. They're not just for pleasure. Think of her as your eternal companion who will always be there for you!" laughed Cao Pi.
"This is no joke. I don't want a concubine."
Zihuan's laughter soon fell silent. "It's a gift! You can't just refuse a gift!"
The younger one could tell that his brother was also becoming irritated. Cao Pi's tone immediately became stern and cold—the voice Cao Zhi had grown used to since childhood. Zijian could not bear the thought of having a consort and would not accept his brother's gift at any cost.
"Well, I am!" Zhi nearly bellowed. "I refuse to keep a slave!"
In that moment, he felt like he had reverted back into a little boy arguing with his brother over a new toy. The past days of friendly banter between the two soon faded into the present disagreement.
"As you wish," growled Cao Pi. "I'll return it."
"Stop calling her that! These women have names!"
The older one glared as he angrily spat, "This is why so many question your—"
"People can think what they want."
The fight they had earlier was the first one in a very long time. To his horror, arguing with his brother actually felt normal which worried the younger Zhi gravely. Despite enjoying Cao Pi's kinder demeanor over the past few weeks, Cao Zhi was still not used to it and considered it a little unusual and strange. Perhaps they were like the tiger and dragon—bitter rivals eternally locked in combat with neither ever emerging victorious.
Zijian made his way past the main garden into the bordering woods. Ever since his father had the Bronze Sparrow Pavilion made, he has made it his own safe haven. As a boy, Cao Zhi always ran to the pavilion after a quarrel with Cao Pi or whenever he sought inspiration for a poem. It seemed like he was the only one who ever made use of the beautiful structure and probably could have made it his own fortress without anyone else noticing.
When his eyes fell upon the hillocks and the small pond, he immediately felt his anger subside. No matter what the emotion, the pavilion was always able to soothe him and that's what Zhi loved most about it. Perhaps it was the lovely surroundings or all the fond memories he has of the place that helped him relax. Yes, that's probably it: nothing awful is associated with the Bronze Sparrow Pavilion. Nothing can touch him there and he would not be able to think of a single bad thought under its tiled rooftop.
For the first time since the pavilion's completion, the young man saw another person resting in his refuge. Surprised, Cao Zhi slowly walked towards the enclosure and saw that the person was a woman. She sat on one of the benches with her legs up and knees bent into her chest, her back facing him. The maiden rested her head on one of the beams supporting the roof of the tiny structure. Although he could not see her face, Zijian knew that the woman was in deep thought and admiring the scenery.
"Beautiful day," Cao Zhi announced his presence as he walked up the steps of the Bronze Sparrow Pavilion.
Startled, the dainty figure on the bench quickly turned her head to find a man she has never met before. His eyes instantly perked up; he recognized this woman.
She cast off an uncertain look before replying, "Yes, it is."
To face the stranger, the woman turned her body around and sat properly with her legs planted firmly on the ground. Cao Zhi attempted to fix his expression into a neutral one so that his face would not reveal the twinge of excitement he felt. The day after his return to Xu Chang, he passed the maiden near the rear palace and was delighted to finally be able to meet her. After that day, he would find himself thinking of her briefly as a passing thought. The smell of the chrysanthemums in all the gardens, a group of consorts dining together, the luminous stars in the night sky—the man would be reminded of her by almost anything.
"I am Cao Zhi, son of Cao Cao."
She smiled and also introduced herself, "Lady Zhen, wife of Cao Pi."
Zijian felt his heart sink and his stomach jerk into a tight knot. In a cruel twist of fate, this woman—the one he thought of nearly every single day since he first saw her—turned out to be his brother's wife.
"So, we finally meet," the maiden murmured as she let out a small laugh. "I've heard a lot about you, Cao Zijian."
"Really?" Cao Zhi said in a tone that came out flatter than he intended.
Lady Zhen gave a curt nod. "Little Cangshu adores you and could not stop talking about you the day you returned. Ziwen, on the other hand, has been going on about how much you love your zì."
"Well, I did just receive it about a week ago," he blushed.
"Why don't you have a seat, Brother?"
Brother. Zhi nearly cringed at the word, but caught himself before he could. She made room for him on the bench and he gladly obliged the offer.
"Thank you, Lady Zhen."
"You may call me Zhen Ji—or Ji, if that's what you prefer," the maiden chuckled.
"Chang'an sounds amazing," Zhen Ji sighed.
Cao Zhi nodded in agreement. "It is. I was able to meet with a number of scholars and saw a great deal of artisans working their craft."
"I never had the opportunity to travel much," she lamented, twirling her fingers. "My home county of Wuji in Zhongshan, the city of Ye, and now Xu Chang are the only places I've ever been."
"Well, that's something we need to fix!"
"What do you mean?"
"I need to take you around the kingdom, Ji! Chang'an, Luo Yang, Mount Hua—hell, let's go down south and see the Chang Jiang!" Cao Zhi laughed at his own jest.
Lady Zhen gasped playfully, "Oh, but what of Sun Quan and his mighty army?"
"I'm sure the two of us can get past those band of southerners. By the time we reach the Chang Jiang, we'll be experienced travelers capable of moving swiftly out of sight."
"The life of a nomad does sound exhilarating," she agreed. "But there are so many places to see. Where would you take me first?"
"The first and very last place we'll visit will definitely be the Luo River."
Zhen Ji giggled, "Zijian, I've already seen the Luo River."
"No, not just passing by and glancing at it by the road. You have to really take it all in—the sights, sounds, sensations," he responded pensively.
"What's so fascinating about this particular river?"
The maiden regretted asking almost right away; Cao Zhi appeared a little stung by her question.
Reluctantly, he answered, "A dream or a vision. I'm not really sure what it was, but something came to me near the banks of the river one night."
Interested in the tale, Zhen Ji leaned in a bit closer and said not a word so that he could continue.
Cao Zhi was clearly growing embarrassed, but Ji's look of curiosity urged him on. "During my journey to Chang'an all those months ago, Rou Xin and I camped out near the Luo River for three nights. It stretches on for quite a bit, so I traveled near its edge for a couple of days.
"On the third night, I felt a warmth come over me. As my eyes flickered open, I swear I saw something or, perhaps, someone. It was a shade, a figure of a woman stepping into the river. When the moonlight peered through the clouds, she—she just vanished."
"You didn't see her face?"
"I thought I did. I thought I managed to catch a glimpse, but now I only see you in her place."
Astounded and unsure of how to reply, Zhen Ji remained silent and waited for him to say more.
He turned away in discomfort. "I'm sorry. I've never told anyone that story before, save for Rou Xin."
"No, you're right," she smiled brightly at him. "I must see the river again. I may even find something unexpected there, too."
Although he still felt like a fool for telling her what had occurred at Luo (not even he was sure what happened that night), Cao Zijian returned her smile graciously. They were both amazed at how well they have gotten to know each other in just a few short hours at the pavilion: Lady Zhen was just a year older than he, they both had a great love for the language arts, he briefly learned about her past and childhood and she his. Neither one made sure not to divulge too much about themselves, though, for the more important matters would be saved for later should the two grow closer as friends.
"I truly understand why you find solace here at the pavilion, but I think we should head back to the palace," she expressed a little glumly, noticing the setting sun.
Cao Zhi stood up and reached out his hand to help the lady out of her seat. "I'm glad someone else appreciates this place."
As they both walked back towards the woods, they continued talking as if they were two old friends catching up for the first time in years. Completely comfortable in the other's presence, they laughed and joked amongst the trees. However, Cao Zhi considered it a bit odd that Lady Zhen has not even mentioned Cao Pi since she introduced herself as his wife. Wanting to see why and to test her, he decided to mention his brother nonchalantly.
"Oh, have I told you about the gift I was to receive?"
"No, what was it?"
"Your husband chose a consort for me," he snorted. "It's always been that way for years. Surely you know how the process goes?"
Zhen Ji shook her head.
"Emissaries are sent out every two or three years to a number of provinces to fetch hundreds of the most beautiful maidens. They are then brought back here and inspected carefully until only a handful of them are chosen to stay. Needless to say, I never approved of the spectacle yet my brothers would always hassle me into choosing a concubine," sighed Cao Zhi. "When Zihuan informed me of his gift, I, er, ended up snapping at him. He, of course, did not appreciate that and we both stormed off. That's actually why I came to the Bronze Sparrow—to cool off from the fight."
"Do you two argue a lot?"
He shrugged. "Sometimes. It was horrible when we were younger, but I like to think we learned how to behave ourselves as adults."
Passing the main garden and entering the courtyard, the two were now on the palace grounds and made their way inside.
"Defiant is the best way I'd describe my younger self—at least around Cao Pi," Zijian stated, breaking the silence.
"I'm curious," the maiden finally spoke. "Why do you not like having concubines?"
"To be completely honest, it's slavery. Hoarding as many women as possible into another building and using them only when needed is not my idea of pleasure. Sure, most—if not all—choose to stay here and enjoy their new lives as consorts, but—not to sound condescending—I believe it's only because they don't know any better. Knowledge is power, Ji, and so many girls are deprived of an education. That's how they remain ignorant of their lack of rights. Concubinage is the norm in this society and women are taught from birth that they're second best whose only purpose in life is to bear children. It's sad knowing that many end up believing it themselves."
Zhen Ji murmured, "D-do you really think that?"
"Yes, I do," he asserted proudly. "I've never told anyone that, at least not to this extent. My brothers and nearly everyone here in the palace knows how much I am against concubinage, but I've never really explained why. They just think I'm a bit daft."
"No, you're not."
"Hell, I've never even mentioned my abhorrence of polygyny," the man laughed. "That would stir up a lot more suspicion on my part."
At his words, Lady Zhen stopped in the middle of the hall. She looked up at him, her eyes beginning to tear up and her lip trembling slightly.
With great concern, he asked, "Ji, what's wrong?"
The woman shook her head and closed her eyes tightly.
Cao Zhi continued in a hushed voice, "Would it help to unburden yourself? Was it something I said, Ji? Please, talk to me."
She exhaled deeply as if physically releasing all of her grievances. "Thank you, Zijian. Everything you just said...was exactly what I needed to hear."
Though her tears stopped, Cao Zhi's concern did not waver. He quickly helped his friend next to the wall where they could discuss her worries further.
"I was just being truthful. Did that trouble you in any way?" he asked quietly.
"No, no," Zhen Ji assured her friend. "I'm just glad someone else shares the same views as I. Concubines, wives—all that and more have been disturbing my thoughts lately."
"Really?"
She nodded. "Yes. Back in the pavilion, I told you how I've come to befriend a few of Cao Pi's consorts, but I did not relinquish how toilsome it's become. I love my new friends while I find myself downtrodden around them. They're a pleasure to be around, but being with them serves as a constant reminder of how I have to share my husband with so many other women."
"All that you've kept inside yourself because you could not tell a soul..."
"Yes," Zhen Ji confirmed as her eyes welled with tears once more. "You have no idea how relieved I am to know that someone else feels the same way. Why is it so strange to think of a man and a woman together with no other to entangle themselves in their relationship?"
"I haven't a clue."
"Husband and wife, man and woman—that's the world I someday want to live in. I go on pretending to be fine, supporting everything Cao Pi does when I can't stand the thought of sharing him with another. I'm a coward, Zhi. You actually voice your thoughts despite what others may think of you and here I am keeping everything to myself for fear of rejection from society and, more importantly, my husband," deplored Zhen Ji with her eyes downcast, unable to look the man in the eyes.
"Would you warrant me an observation?"
The woman gave a light nod in response.
"I believe you do this so that you can please everyone else. You're not a coward, Ji, you just like going on peacefully with your life, void of quarrels. From what you've told me, you've been brought up this way. It's a difficult lesson to unlearn and you shouldn't be so stringent with yourself. It's one thing for me to go around complaining about society's faults, but for you to do so would not end well. You are a woman and women are expected to behave a certain way. Although you have not disclosed your true feelings to another until now, you should not doubt your courage. I admire you greatly for being against such needless traditions. I find it even more commendable that you, a woman, think this way."
"Thank you, Zijian," she sniffled before embracing him.
Caught off guard, Cao Zhi slowly closed his arms around Zhen Ji and held her close.
"For great change," he whispered in her ear.
Lady Zhen found herself grinning and softly echoed, "For great change."
They stayed that way for what felt like hours before she pulled away. "I feel so silly now for crying," laughed Zhen Ji as she rubbed her weary eyes.
"Don't. I could tell you've been troubled for—"
"Zhen Ji!" a voice yelled from afar.
The two friends turned to find Cao Pi rushing towards them. Before they could protest and explain themselves, the maiden was pulled away into her husband's arms.
"Ji, you're crying! What happened?"
His wife objected, "Zihuan, no, I'm fine—"
Cao Pi turned to the other man. "What did you do to her?!" he shouted angrily.
"Nothing!" cried Cao Zhi. "We were just talking, Brother!"
In a fit of rage, Cao Pi punched his younger brother with such force that he tumbled to the ground. Zhen Ji gasped and covered her mouth in horror as the fallen Zhi began bleeding profusely from his cut lip. Feeling for the wall, Cao Zhi staggered to his feet and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before facing his assailant.
"Stay away from my wife," Zihuan snarled, grabbing Zhen Ji's arm and leading her down the hall.
liu bo (pinyin: liù bó; literally means "six sticks") – an ancient Chinese board game whose rules have been forgotten and was probably first played in the Zhanguo era (The Warring States, 4th century BC) and was supposedly very popular during the Han Dynasty
ming (pinyin: míng) – a person's given name
zi (pinyin: zì) – a person's style name
Note: This is the first chapter in FIVE MONTHS. I apologize for the very long wait. To be honest, I've had writers' block and found myself buried in school and work. Heh. x-x; It's spring break now, so I promised myself that I'd put up at least one new chapter. I'm aiming for one more, but I can't promise anything. Eep. ;X
I had no idea what to do for this chapter, seriously. I'm sorry if you think it's rubbish (definitely not worth the long wait), but it was the best I could crank out. Before I uploaded this, I decided to edit the previous chapters. They were just minor changes, but the most noticeable differences are the pinyin of the terms in the end glossary and the addition of a poem. It's by the Tang poet Li Shangyin which served as the inspiration for the title of this fanfic. I was saving it for the very last chapter, but I figured that wouldn't be for a long while so I decided to add it to all the chapters. :)
I don't know what the process of finding concubines was during the Han, so I borrowed it from The Travels of Marco Polo. I couldn't find a name for it, so...yeah. XD I'll just leave it nameless. Heh. Also, I have no idea what Lady Li's given name was, so I just made one up.
Again, I'd like to add another chapter before my break is over, but I can't promise anything because I'll be busy with Resident Evil 5. :3 So, if there's no new chapter out before the end of next week, you can blame Capcom and Chris Redfield. Harhar. :D
Feedback and reviews are always appreciated, thanks! :3 Writers love 'em and I'm no exception!