Chapter. 4. Me and Itachi.
I was sitting on the floor, clutching and ripping at my hair, and that really hurt.
"What have I done. Oh my God. What have I done?!"
Suddenly I felt an unsupressable urge and my body convulsively extracted the contents of my stomach onto the floor. Repeatedly. I coughed. And vomited. Panting heavily I mentally ordered myself to take deep breaths and calm myself down.
As soon as I closed my eyes I saw her face in front of me, smiling, asking for the directions of the town, raindrops running down from her wet shiny forehead, down her neck and blending with soaking material of her dress. My stomach twisted viciously and I fell on my knees, embracing my bursting ribs with both arms, tears stinging my scratched cheeks. My scratched-by-her-fingernails cheeks.
The infatuation was haunting me now like a ghost. I felt one more inner attack from my breakfast cereal. Vomit. It went on and on and on. The color of her dress. Vomit. The length of her hair. Spasm. Vomit. The smoothness of her skin. Spasm. Roar of pain. Vomit. Until there was not enough air and liquids left in my body as my guts kept on contracting with already nothing coming out of my mouth, not even saliva. My ribs were aching so I thought they would crack under the pressure I laid upon them. I growled in pain. I would do anything to make it stop.
Itachi smashed the door open with one kick of his foot. I saw him wrinkle his nose in disgust when he saw me on my knees in the puddle of my own puke. He roughly grabbed a handful of my hair and forced me up on my feet, sinister look in his cold eyes.
"What did you do?" he demanded and not waiting for my reply he threw his foot in my stomach, bending me in half and sending me flying into opposite wall.
I met it with the back of my head. It took an instant before I started nearing the floor at an askew angle, feeling sweet sickly so familiar red taste in my mouth. I still had a moment for guessing if my guts got ruptured at last or not.
I saw my brother stepping over the dirty brown-green mixture of the food remains and my stomach juices that i had created some minutes before. I watched his gray track pants and a black shirt inevitably approaching me closer with every step he was taking. The buttons on his shirt were shimmering somewhat silvery, and I noticed my vision was blurry, almost kaleidoscopic, as I was admiring different shapes of light around them. Less than two meters now.
I watched his hand with beautiful almost aristocratic long fingers in dark purple french manicure close around my skinny neck. Then he lifted me off the ground wiping the beige wallpaper with my back while the friction of my scull against the concrete wall was creating a curious squeak-scraping sound.
"What did you do?" he growled at me again his eyes dangerously narrowed.
"As if I can answer you like that", I thought to myself, wondering how many more seconds it would take until I finally choke to death or my neck breaks.
Almost as if he could read my thoughts, Itachi's grip loosened and I heavily thrashed down, holding my now- definitely- well-bruised neck. I was laying there swallowing mouthfuls of painful sharp oxygen into my lungs and admiring sand-color fibers of the tatami.
I saw Itachis legs still standing demanding in front of me. What was better, to answer him or let him slaughter me like he had done it to the rest of our family, putting an end to my miseries once and for all?
Death. I did not want to die. I hated death. It felt cold and lonely and was reflected in my memories as an image of thirteen-year-old myself laying on top of the white marble grave stone with the names of my parents in the cemetery of Konoha. That day could have been the day of my death. That day. Not today.
"Itachi..." I whispered feeling the desire to confess to him in everything just to make him stop, make him forgive me, make him help me to forgive myself. (As if he were God?)...
But. Of some reason my mouth couldn't pronounce the words I commanded it to say. I shut my eyes gathering all my will. Now. I must say it now. I must say it. How will I say it? I have raped a girl...I have raped a girl...I have raped...
"Tch. I didn't do anything" I heard my own voice speaking in an arrogant Uchiha-manner and I saw an image of Itachi's cold full of hatred face being sketched in front of my eyes, line after line.
How? I thought my eyes were closed?! I felt my hand wiping the side of my smirking mouth from right to left, spreading red over my palm. I felt my body straightening from the crouched position on the floor and slowly getting up leaning against the wall for balance. I saw how I spat out a mouthful of blood at my brothers' feet. Then I saw my own fist aiming into my brothers' abdomen and hitting him with all my might.
And I saw Itachi, falling on one knee, coughing and ...was I laughing at that?
"I. Didn't. Do. Anything!" I shrieked in inner agony and spat out again. It settled in shape of tiny pink droplets on his white pale beautiful face. Then I rushed out of the room, tripping over my own legs on the way, and falling down, choking with tears, hyperventilating and ...something else. The room went spinning. The last I remember was Itachis hands lifting me up and carrying me... back towards my hated room. I should have let him kill me that day. I should have let him...
"I raped a girl".
Itachi stopped abruptly. Almost as if he tripped.
And i looked at him and repeated in a firm voice.
"I raped a girl"
I said it again somehow too easily. I even felt a smile splitting my face. Why? How the fuck can I smile at that?!
Itachi put me on the ground and looked at me with a strange look in his eyes...I've never seen such expression on him before...it looked almost like...fear?
He was standing and just staring at me blankly. I thought he would be mad, I expected him to beat me to death, that he would make me regret my very existence (as if I wasn't regretting it anyway)...but this was worse by far...though not as bad as my own reaction – why the fuck was i smiling and feeling soooo gooood? Why?!
"Itachi..." I started and chuckled...then something happened.
I never thought I'd live to see the day when my older brother, my one-and-only-fucking-family-left-in-the-world brother would-
cry? The fuck?! He had slaughtered our clan, he had barehanded killed our parents, he had been abusing me for years, making me do things I hated the most, he...he...-
he was crying openly in front of me, staring at me with no words...
I was looking at him shocked. The fuck again?!
"Sasuke...", he said at last and I felt so bad when I heard what he had to say in those three following words. I felt like I was so damn close to vomiting again-
"...I'm so sorry" said my older brother Itachi.
n/a: thank you all, guyz, for reading. It's a painful story, hopefully not for those who read it, of course. yeah,..please review, criticize and comment. It keeps me going.