The first time he did it, it had been with a girl.

Chanyeol remembers all too clearly how it had all transpired that night; in a dirty bathroom stall with a girl whose name he never really caught. He had been invited to one of those company parties on a Friday night and, unsurprisingly, they ended up in a cheap club with borderline decent booze. He couldn't blame anybody, though; it had been a hectic week for the team and Chanyeol himself just wanted to hold a cold beer in his hands, even if the place was jam-packed with people who looked like they were too young to be there.

He had gotten a few waves and a mix of subtle and unabashed episodes of flirting from what he presumed were teenage girls with fake IDs to boast. One girl in particular had caught his attention, but, to his defense, it was hard to ignore someone when they have a hand casually resting on his thigh. He had turned to her and gave her what he thought was a polite smile.

"Can I help you?" Chanyeol had asked, drawing his legs together in an effort to extract himself from the foreign touch.

The girl had smiled at him, a coy yet strangely confident smile that had him raising an eyebrow in response. "No, I'm perfectly fine. I was just having fun with my friends over there," she had explained, pointing to a group of people enthusiastically jumping around and grinding against each other. "As you can see, it's gotten a bit crazy. Is this seat taken?"

Chanyeol remembers how he had shook his head "no", deciding that the best way to handle the situation would be to ignore the girl. He had taken a generous gulp of beer before feeling the hand on his thigh move higher up.

"So it won't be a problem if I stay with you, then," the girl had declared. "Contrary to what you implied, I think it's you who needs my help."

He remembers how he had tried to keep his eyes trained on the bottle secured in his hand, remembers how the girl had laughed at his silence.

Chanyeol wants to believe that he doesn't remember how the girl had managed to convince him to follow her into the comfort room. Chanyeol wants to believe that it had been the booze that allowed him to tuck away the thoughts of Kyungsoo that kept popping in his head. He had rolled a condom on, trying to forget why he even had one in his pocket to begin with, and had lifted the girl's leg up and pushed her panties aside to reveal smooth, wet folds. When Kyungsoo's face had come into view, flashing behind his close eyelids, Chanyeol had plunged himself inside the girl with a quick snap of his hips, earning him a surprised gasp.

The ironic thing was, as Chanyeol recalls, the girl had reminded him so much of his lover; the eager way with which she had fucked herself on Chanyeol, the incessant and demanding moans that had intentionally slipped out from her mouth, and the lengthy praises that had reached Chanyeol's ears, telling him how good he was making her feel—they had reminded him of Kyungsoo.

In the end, Chanyeol had tucked his dick away into his pants and the thoughts of Kyungsoo had resurfaced well before he was out of the stall. He remembers the girl trying to call him but he only had one thing in his mind: he had fucked up.

Chanyeol remembers the eerie quiet that slammed into him when he entered his car, a stark contrast against the loud buzz emitted by the club that had threatened to render him deaf. He remembers the pain of repeatedly hitting his head on the steering wheel, hot tears streaming down his cheeks and small sobs erupting from his chest to break the silence. He remembers surprising himself with sure and steady fingers gliding across his phone to message Kyungsoo, to tell him that he needed to crash at a coworker's place because he didn't trust himself to drive home safely.

Chanyeol had fallen asleep in his car that night, waking up to find a ticket stuck underneath his windshield and a headache blooming in his left temple. He had rubbed his face raw before starting the engine, planning to drive straight home and tell Kyungsoo everything.

He remembers trying to think up an excuse, a reason as to why he had done the unthinkable, but they had all proved to be lies. He would be lying if he blamed it on the booze, knowing that he had not been completely shit-faced that night, and it would be another lie to say that the girl had just forced herself on him.

He had ended up thinking, was he bored with Kyungsoo? No, definitely not, because he knows how sex with Kyungsoo is always amazing for Chanyeol, yet he always finds himself wishing that it could be the same for his lover. He had found himself thinking about how good Kyungsoo is, how kind he is, how selfless, even when it comes to making love.

Chanyeol had thought about how Kyungsoo would always be so eager to please him, always so eager to make Chanyeol feel good, always putting Chanyeol's pleasure before his. When they have sex, it's always about Kyungsoo pouring his all into making Chanyeol come undone. At first, Chanyeol had viewed it as something that Kyungsoo takes pleasure into, but as the months had passed between them, he had started thinking differently.

Was that all that sex was ever going to be for them? Fun, exciting, different, but was it ever enough for Kyungsoo? What could Chanyeol ever do to have Kyungsoo writhing against him in genuine ecstasy, to have Kyungsoo share the pleasure with him?

Chanyeol remembers how, suddenly, it was not pleasure that was contorting Kyungsoo's face in the most delicious expressions, but pain and the feeling of betrayal. All of a sudden, Chanyeol had flashes of Kyungsoo crying, of Kyungsoo breaking apart in front of him, of Kyungsoo leaving and slamming the door behind him for good.

It had all been too much, Chanyeol remembers, and he had ended up slamming his foot on the brakes, causing an uproar of horns barking at him from all around. He had felt trapped at that time, the usually spacious expanse of his car seeming to close in on him, making a task out of breathing and constructing imaginary obstacles to form in his eyes.

He had barely registered the knocking on his window, a lone stranger mouthing the words "Are you okay?" at him. Chanyeol had barely managed to nod, ashamed that he had broken down in public like that. He remembers how he had felt like everyone was still staring at him as he sped away.

Upon arriving home, he had told Kyungsoo about the ticket, about the fact that he didn't go to a coworker's place because he had ended up sleeping in his car. Kyungsoo had laughed at him, smacked his chest and promised him a plate of grilled cheese sandwiches.

Up to this day, he still remembers asking himself just what exactly did he do to deserve someone like Kyungsoo. He finds himself constantly asking himself that now, whenever Kyungsoo surprises him, especially with the simplest stuff like breakfast in bed (which the smaller male hates to death) and free laundry day.

He finds himself asking that question when one day, they decide that they don't need to work on laundry or go grocery shopping, which means they could spend the day doing nothing productive. They're lying on the couch (the one which has always been too small for Chanyeol but seemed perfect for Kyungsoo) with Chanyeol spooning Kyungsoo against his chest, watching a movie that had the tall male yawning into his lover's neck.

Kyungsoo chuckles and creates a low vibration that travels between them. "That tickles."

Chanyeol tightens his grip around the slighter male's waist, pulling their bodies even closer together, nipping at Kyungsoo's exposed neck, alternating between kisses and playful bites, travelling from a creamy white neck to a reddened earlobe. Through his ministrations, he gets the small male in his arms squirming, quiet moans replacing the excited laughter.

"What are you doing?" Kyungsoo asks, his voice catching on the end when Chanyeol licks a long stripe down his neck.

"Trying to make you feel good," Chanyeol answers, reaching down to palm Kyungsoo through his sweatpants. It earns him a loud, throaty moan that sends a jolt to his own dick which he tries to ignore. Much to his unusual disappointment, Kyungsoo notices, evident in the way he starts grinding back at Chanyeol.

It takes a lot of effort on his part but Chanyeol manages to whisper, "Soo, stop. I want to make you feel good."

Once again, he's answered by a moan which he takes as an encouragement to continue. He goes back to palming Kyungsoo in a lousy crotch massage, thankful when he realizes that the small male seems to enjoy it. His name is chanted in a quiet mantra that eggs him on to do it harder and faster, eager to make his lover come undone.

"Yeol, I'm, fuck, so close," Kyungsoo says, bucking his hips in a clumsy effort to meet Chanyeol's hand. "Fuck, I'm gonna—."

"Come in your pants," Chanyeol finishes for him, biting Kyungsoo's ear when the latter starts shaking his head.

"No fucking way." Each word is interrupted by a pant for breath that has Chanyeol laughing, more than certain that Kyungsoo would be coming any time soon. "Shit, Yeol, you're so fucking good."

Chanyeol's face breaks into what is most likely a smug grin, always feeling triumphant whenever he'd heard praises like that coming from a horny Kyungsoo. "Then come for me, love. Show me how good I'm making you feel."

At that point, both their movements turn erratic before Kyungsoo's suddenly holding on to Chanyeol's hand on his crotch, humping the appendage to ride out his orgasm. They're both breathing quite heavily when it's done, bodies heated up and sheathed with sweat.

Chanyeol knows that he'd start hearing complaints about messy sweatpants and ruined underwear, so he kisses his lover smack on the lips, using it as a distraction to wound Kyungsoo's arms around his neck. He picks up the small male into his arms, carrying him to the bathroom.

"What's gotten into you?" Kyungsoo asks, letting Chanyeol strip him naked. The soiled garments are thrown away, neither of them caring much as they step into the shower, letting bullets of cold water assault their heated up skin.

"I already told you," Chanyeol stops midsentence to take Kyungsoo's lips between his teeth, "I just really want to make you feel good today."

Chanyeol makes sure that everything is on him, all the pressure and all the work. When he enters Kyungsoo, he almost immediately starts to look for that bundle of nerves that always gets the smaller male on the edge of release. With each thrust, Chanyeol finds himself praying for Kyungsoo to come just by feeling Chanyeol's dick inside him, for Kyungsoo to cry in ecstasy at how good he's being fucked. In his head, Chanyeol is praying, Please let me know you feel good, too.

But Kyungsoo is hard to break, and Chanyeol isn't as strong as he wants to believe he is. Kyungsoo's tight walls around his dick has him coming sooner than he wants to and he ends up biting Kyungsoo's shoulder to contain the groan that's bubbling in his chest. He refuses to just leave an angry, red mark on soft, white skin, so he reaches around to pump Kyungsoo, determined to make the male come once again.

When he comes for the second time that day, Kyungsoo slumps against Chanyeol's body. The tall male finishes the job for the both of them, making sure to clean every inch and crevice of their bodies.

In bed, Kyungsoo mumbles about the "special treatment" he's been receiving from Chanyeol but he only gets a kiss on the forehead and a low voice telling him to go to sleep. When soft snores start reaching his ears, Chanyeol wills himself to follow suit.

In the end, he lies awake, thinking about how his question still remains unanswered.

The second time he cheats on Kyungsoo, it's with Baekhyun, and it feels different.

When all the sexual tension becomes almost tangible in the air between them, Chanyeol finds himself in Baekhyun's room and his dick between Baekhyun's thighs. There's a fleeting moment of doubt when they hear Kyungsoo on the other side of the door, calling for Baekhyun, but the hand gripping his forearms takes Chanyeol off-guard. He snaps his hips forward, snaking a hand to cover Baekhyun's mouth just in time.

Suddenly, it doesn't matter to him if they get caught. In fact, it makes him incredibly harder, thinking about how Baekhyun would look like if they were to be caught fucking like this. Chanyeol reaches a level of confidence where he starts thinking about Kyungsoo getting turned on by this, of Kyungsoo wanting to hop in and engage in a threesome with them.

He's frustrated by the fact that his fantasy will never become a reality, so when Baekhyun starts covering his face with his arms, Chanyeol is a little more than pissed. He grabs the offending limbs and pins down, growling at Baekhyun to look at him.

He regrets it when he gazes down at Baekhyun's face, his flushed skin, his mouth hanging open in a silent moan. Chanyeol can't help but revel in Baekhyun's beauty and he can't stop himself from singing Baekhyun's praises. He feels absolutely helpless in their little game of give and take, admitting to himself that it's nothing like he's ever experienced before.

Chanyeol loves it. He loves how Baekhyun isn't just doing it to make Chanyeol feel good, to have it over and done with when Chanyeol comes inside him. He loves how Baekhyun is taking as much as he can from Chanyeol and giving him everything in return.

Sex with Baekhyun doesn't prove to be a task for Chanyeol, and the same seems to go for Baekhyun. The proof is when the smaller male comes, his walls constricting around Chanyeol in a vice like grip that is neither painful nor quite enough. He wants more, that's what he knows. Later, it would scare him when he'd think about the possibility of never ever getting enough of Byun Baekhyun, but he's not willing to dwell into that at the moment.

Right now, he's too focused on the velvety feel of Baekhyun around him. "I'm so close, Baek. I'm so close," he whispers against the smaller male's lips. Then he's coming, his hands gripping Baekhyun, his fingers finding purchase in soft skin.

It doesn't take long for the high to wash down, giving way to something all too familiar for someone like him; the cold and unforgiving guilt of knowing you've fucked up yet again. It's different from the first time, in ways that Chanyeol can't explain. Is it because it's with another male this time? Is it because he enjoyed himself with Baekhyun?

With a fuzzy mind and a sex drive surging up sky high, he does the first thing that pops up into his head; run away. He leaves the room, not caring much if Kyungsoo's in the house, and heads out to his car and drives away. He ends up in the same bar where he met the girl and he almost pukes right then and there.

For weeks, he and Baekhyun avoid each other. It's not too hard to do, especially with Baekhyun's new job which had him leaving early in the morning and coming home late at night. This goes on until one night, Kyungsoo tells Chanyeol that Baekhyun is out drinking with his co-workers.

"It's good he's meeting new people," Kyungsoo says. "Maybe he'll find someone soon."

Chanyeol tries to deny the jealousy that suddenly rises from within him, making him think up images of another person going down on Baekhyun, in between his thick thighs. That night, he unconsciously makes a decision that has him fucking Baekhyun on every surface of the house they land on and sneaking around Kyungsoo's back whenever he gets the chance.

Still, when night time comes and he's in bed, Kyungsoo would always be there. Every night, with his lover lying flush against him, Chanyeol finds himself asking, 'What did I do to deserve you?' The answer comes to him every time he lies to Kyungsoo, every time he fucks Baekhyun, and every time he loses a bit of his humanity: he doesn't.

A/N: This is just an extra chapter. Chapter Two marks the end of this story.

This chapter was written to represent Chanyeol's side of the story and is in no way a tool for me to try and justify his actions.