As I reached the door, I gently pushed open the door. Poking my head inside, I looked around. It was dark and the only light came a hallway at the end of the kitchen. Quietly I walked around the wooden island and down the hall. The door at the end of the hall was cracked open. When I reached it, I pushed it the rest of the way open. The sight before my eyes startled me.

Sesshomaru stood staring down at his fist which was covered in blood. Little flecks of glass reflected the light from the candle and the window on the door to the sun room was adorned with a jagged hole and blood stains. I rushed to him and took his fist gently in my hands.

" Sesshomaru! What happened?! " I asked him. He wouldn't look at me.

" Here, ", I said, " let me take care of that. " I guided him to sit on a chair and hurriedly went for a bowl of water, tweezers, and some bandages. When I arrived back in the parlor, he remained where I had left him. Staring transfixed at his still bleeding hand. I unfolded part of the cloth and laid his fist on it. Gently I picked the little glass shards out of his fist with the tweezers. I dropped each shard into the water and they sunk to the bottom.

Ripping a bit of the cloth, I dipped it into the water and cleaned the cuts. I wrapped the remaining bandage around his hand deftly and tied it tight. I saw no point in putting salve on the cuts. They would be healed within the hour. Again the things that I knew instinctively to do befuddled me and I sat still knelt before him. I remained there pondering how the strangest of things come to me at exactly the right time.

I didn't notice when he moved the bowl of glass filled water off his lap and set it gently on the table. I felt his hands on my face and that second before he pulled us up and buried his nose in my neck, was when I noticed it's absence. Sesshomaru wrapped his arms tightly around me and I was crushed impossibly close to him.

" I almost lost you. " I heard him whisper. I put my hands on his chest and gently pushed him away.

" I am here now. Okay? Everything's fine. " I told him. He shook his head.

" I need to…to try to explain. ", Sesshomaru whispered, " I need you to understand why I won't…not until you ask. Not till I…not until I think you are ready. " he stumbled over his words.

" Okay. " I whispered softly. Slowly he lowed us to the floor. We sat side by side. Him never letting go of my hand.

" I ignored them. What they said about you being what you are. I didn't want to hear it. I loved you. As long as what they said never reached you ears, I would ignore them. ", Sesshomaru paused and looked at me, " I never thought they would actually make good on their threats. Even so, when I heard them whisper things that held some semblance of truth and when I saw the so called proof, I did some things that I regret to this day. I…when I saw the false proof they gave me, I…just…I lost it. I…" He couldn't go on and he bowed his head. I touched his arm and he swallowed heavily.

" It's okay. You can skip it. " I told him. I wasn't so sure I wanted to know what he had done, but I had a feeling that sooner or later I would know. Sesshomaru nodded and took a breath.

" After the first mistake I made you my mate. After the second I was just happy you could still trust me enough to come back to me. But then I was called away to war. Even though I hated the thought of you being at the mercy of my advisers, I couldn't refuse the call. And so I went. That was my last mistake and it almost coast me you. " Sesshomaru paused and cupped my cheek. Running his thumb over my bottom lip.

" We won of course, but the feeling of victory was short lived. The monks surrounded me and Hakim stepped from their mists. The poison h threw was made from my own poison in my claws. How he managed to obtain this, I will probably never know. The poison subdued me and they locked me in my own dungeons. They placed a mirror in my cell and I watched you every day. One day Hakim came into my cell. He told me…that…he told me that…that they were going to kill you. ", Sesshomaru whispered the last part, " I tried to get there before…but I wasn't able to. They used Umi against you and I almost lost you. I killed them all. But then you weren't fine. You were so pale…and all the blood around your body…I thought I was to late. You weren't breathing right and…I thought…I thought they had…" I put my fingers to his lips to silence him. He wasn't ready to tell me and I wasn't so sure I was ready to hear. I believe I have never seen him cry, but when I looked at him, I saw the tear stains on his cheeks. I ripped a piece of cloth from my now dry skirt and wiped at his tears as I spoke.

" You aren't ready to tell me. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. When you are ready I will listen. " He nodded and took me hands in his and looked into my eyes.

"The reason why I can't…touch you, it's because without your memory…it's like you are innocent again. Which you practically are. I could tell you, you were a fairy and you'd believe me. It's not that I don't want you or that I can't be with you. Until I believe you are ready I won't go all the way with you. I love you, but I won't hurt you again. " Sesshomaru's small speech touched me.

" I understand. " I whispered and I took is hand to help him stand. Sesshomaru turned and led me down a log hall and turned left up a stair case. After we walked for what felt like forever we came to a door.

" Bathe. I will be here when you are done. " Sesshomaru instructed. I did as I was told and went inside. Undressing and slipping into the warm water, I washed the salty water, sand and grim that clung to me from my body. When I rose from the water it was chilly and I quickly dressed in the silky silver yukata laying on the stool.

Walking out the door, I saw that Sesshomaru was clean too and wore a silk white robe over his black hakamas. He robe was loosely tied and hung open down to his bellybutton. He took my hand and led me down more hallways. We finally stopped in front of a door. Opening it, Sesshomaru ushered me in. the entire room was made from cherry and mahogany wood.

The bed was low to the ground and the only furniture was two wardrobes, a small table and two chairs, and a vanity. I noticed a set of gilded glass doors on the far side of the room, next to the bed. Walking over to them I opened the doors. The night sky was clear and the full moon illuminated the dimly lit room.

I turned and ran into Sesshomaru's bare chest. His robe hung on the back of one of the chairs. He took my hand and led us to the bed. I sat down first and patted the space beside me.

" The room in beautiful. " I whispered.

" When my father built this house, he had this room specially designed for my mother. Unfortunately she died before it was completed. It's my gift to you. " Sesshomaru said softly. I felt the tears slide down my cheeks.

" Thank you, but I don't think I will be able to find it on my own. " I laughed. He smiled.

" You have me and Tain and Nina. " Sesshomaru said. I was confused.

" Tain and Nina? " I prompted.

" The servants. Tain takes care of the repairs. You will find him mostly in the woods or stables. Nina takes care of all the domestic necessities. She is usually around the house or in the garden. " Sesshomaru clarified.

" Oh. " I said. Oh that's all I could think of? Oh. Well that would have to do because I was suddenly tired. Sesshomaru laid us back down on the bed and pulled the covers up over us. We faced the moon and he spooned against my back.

" Sesshomaru? " I asked softly.

" Hn. " He answered.

" Can we go ridding tomorrow? " I asked.

" Do you even know how to ride a horse? " He asked skeptically.

" I don't know, but I was hoping you'd teach me how. " I whispered

" Fine we will find you a horse tomorrow and I will teach you to ride. " Sesshomaru murmured against my ear. I laid there thinking about the day. The way things have turned out. I let my fingers gently glide over the back of his hand as it lay on my belly. I felt him pull me closer and his breath was hot against my ear as he spoke.

" Even though your fidgeting is pleasing, I will ask you to stop. " He whispered. I stayed my hands.

" It's not fidgeting. " I whispered.

" Regardless, it is hard to fall asleep when you are continuously playing with my hands. " Sesshomaru said.

" But I like your hands. " I replied.

" As do they all. " Sesshomaru whispered. I was about to reply when his hand closed over my mouth and he chuckled.

" Sleep now, we will talk more in the morning. " Sesshomaru whispered tiredly. I kept my hands still and laid listening to his breathing for what felt like hours, staring at the moon. When I was sure he slept, I turned over as gently and as quietly as I could, so I could see him.

He looked so peaceful when he slept. Very relaxed. I gently stroked his cheek so as not to wake him and brushed my thumb over one of his markings. Sesshomaru purred in his sleep and I stifled a giggle. Luckily he did not wake. I laid there watching him sleep for a while longer. Before sleep finally claimed me, I moved closer to his warm body and draped my arm over his side, like his was mine, and I let my eyes fall closed.