The first week passes quickly enough. Stark makes new tech for them all, Natasha gets a new suit and some electric batons. Clint spends more time on the shooting range with new arrows than is healthy and Nat threatens to call Laura if he doesn't take a break.
Even though Pepper Potts spends most of her days, even weekends, locked in an office with endless board meetings, the other redhead makes an effort to reconnect with Natasha. Nat thinks some of this is to make up for the less than stellar welcome she got from Stark, who's starting to thaw. He digs Natasha's sense of humor and remembers the woman can kill him with her thighs. Apparently Maria and Pepper have a standing date every Thursday for cocktails and Natasha's promptly invited. She can't really think of an excuse not to go, nor does she really need one, so she promises that if she's not away or prepping for a mission she'll show up.
She does cut her hair. Very short and she figures she'll keep it this way for awhile. It makes things easier. Clint pretends like he doesn't even notice anything different but she gets a text from Laura asking for a selfie, and Stark whistles at her the first time he sees it. Thor asks her if there was a death in her family, which she doesn't even want to ask him to explain. She catches Bruce staring at her but doesn't put him on the spot about it. It's about the same length it was the first time they met so she thinks it must make him uncomfortable.
Or maybe it's just her in general. Natasha doesn't take his routine of spending almost every hour in his lab personal. It's hard to remain unbiased about it though with the few times she's been up there. It's maddening because she wanted him to ignore her just a few days before, but then she's never really been happy about getting her wishes, mostly because she never really makes any.
Natasha can understand his feelings about not wanting her around, but sometimes it seems that that doesn't matter. That he actually welcomes her presence there, as brief as it always is. She convinces herself that she's just imagining it and stays away for about a week.
Nothing lasts forever though. Not even a good nights rest.
Madame B doesn't make an appearance this time around but there's that same Prokofiev suite playing. She's outside and it's night. The building behind her is ablaze and it's snowing. The light from the flames makes the flakes appear pink and it's cold and beautiful all at once. Her feet are bare and she has a gun in her hand. She's walking but she has no idea of her destination. Her footprints fill up with blood. When Natasha looks up at the sky she expects to see stars and she does but that's not all. The wormhole is open again and a dozen or more of those demon killer whales are coming through.
Her eyes snap open and it takes her longer than she'd like to admit to remember where she is. Just because the nightmares are frequent doesn't mean they're easier to take. She practically runs to the bathroom to gulp down a glass of water. Then she has another. She showers and changes into clothes for the day even though it's barely 5am. Natasha can't really stand being inside right now so she puts on boots too.
The sun won't be up for at least another half hour but it's New York so the streets will never be completely devoid of traffic. This is probably the closest it will get to being this quiet until summer hits with its full intensity and the people who can afford it, and even those who can't, make their way out of the city.
Besides the Starbucks, there's another coffee shop/bakery in the same plaza as the tower that has its open sign lit up. Natasha wants some distance and air though, so she walks and ends up about five blocks away. She sits in a window booth in a diner that looks a bit run down and old fashioned, but more the 1970's than the 1950's.
There's a couple of beat cops nursing coffee cups at the counter and an old woman eating an egg sandwich in a booth on the other side of the door, otherwise it's deserted. Natasha orders a cup of coffee from a girl who looks like she should still be in high school who's wearing a Thor shirt. Natasha smirks behind her coffee cup.
It's only been about a week and Natasha's sure she can't get anymore restless. She's looked over as much data about the Hydra bases as she can stand and exhausted both herself and Clint in the gym. Steve and Thor seem to be bonding over who can lift more and though Clint finds it funny, Natasha's sure one of them is going to end up making some sort of dent in the building sometime soon if they don't all come to a decision on a Hydra base to hit.
There's no real cause for it. She's had to wait months between missions sometimes, either waiting for new intelligence or for medical to give her a clean bill of health both physically and mentally; she's never had trouble passing a psych evaluation.
It must be the place and people. They're not at each other's throats, though Tony is making it his own private mission to try and drive Steve crazy. He knows better than to engage Natasha in that way and Stark actually seems to like Clint, or at least likes making new trick arrows for him. That's the problem. Natasha knows how to deal with hostility and mistrust. She knows how to mold that into something useful. But she doesn't want to manipulate the others into liking her. And she honestly does want them to like her.
Her missions at SHIELD aside, she's not exactly down with the whole buddy-buddy thing. Natasha is a spy, a killer, underneath it all and that kind of work is done best alone. Clint, and now Steve, slipped past her defenses but the rest of them are trying the same thing at the same time and it's a little too much to take in. Well Thor is making an attempt anyway. Stark's still a bit cautious of her and Bruce keeps mostly to himself.
The files didn't have any data on the exact nature of her training in the Red Room or the first two years they let her out. Clint only knows about a thimbles full worth. Sure she's good enough to have their backs in a fight and she's good with a quip and will laugh at almost any bad pun, but that's not her. Well maybe it is but it's not the whole. She is a valuable member of this team because she can hold her own, she keeps a cool head, and only takes the stupid risk when it's necessary, but if they knew how she got that way…
Natasha doesn't want to think this way. She wants to be a shark, a placid one, moving forward. Steve's the one who can't help looking back.
All that rubbish about loving yourself before others can love you…
She loves herself just fine but even the most confidant of people has to allow for self-doubt. Just look at Stark. She's pretty sure the meltdown she saw at his house party that one time wasn't the first or the last.
She's on her second cup of coffee, people watching, and considering whether or not to get her phone out to watch some kitten videos on Youtube to lift her mood when she recognizes someone. He's across the street with his head down but she has perfect recall and knows that poorly combed patch of curls anywhere. Bruce freaking Banner.
Natasha doesn't believe in fate. Coincidences even less so. Things happen. She can either run with it or ignore it. It's a shock to her that she decides to run with this. This being she starts to shadow Bruce Banner to wherever the hell he's going.
She tries to reason it out by saying she could use the practice. If they are really getting the team back together, or keeping it depending on how you look at it, she needs to keep herself sharp. Which appears to be a real concern because after about two blocks she looses him. He couldn't have gone past that secondhand bookstore on the corner and she just realizes what must have happened when his voice calls out to her.
"You're not losing your touch," he reassures her from the alley behind the bookstore. There's a second story to the store apparently that he either rents or has business at. It turns out it's the former.
He's not mad or at least he isn't showing it. There's no green flash to his eyes either. Natasha considers giving a chagrined look but it's unbecoming to both of them.
"I'd invite you in for coffee but I don't have a coffee machine. Or a couch or anything."
"I guess I should apologize," she says going up the steps and stopping two away from him.
"I should have guessed you would see me. I saw you in the window which is why I didn't go inside."
That diner is apparently one of Bruce Banner's few haunts. Since there's nowhere to sit inside the crummy apartment they make their way back to the diner and sit in the same booth Nat had only vacated a half an hour prior. Bruce orders breakfast and since she's starving she does too. It's a bit surreal, especially since he's acting like this is a normal occurrence, like he didn't catch her spying on him. He's almost as good at it as Natasha is in most circumstances.
"It's a stash house," she says watching him cut into an omelet. "There's nothing there but a passport and some money, right?"
"Something like that," he says and she gets it.
Of all of them, even her, Bruce has the most to lose and the greatest reason to leave. Like with her condo in Tucson, it doesn't mean he's going to run but he probably breathes easier at night knowing it's there. Tony obviously doesn't know about the place, which probably means nobody but Bruce does. But he wants somebody to know. That's why he's not angry. Natasha doesn't really know what to do with this show of trust. It's abnormal when stacked against the awkwardness of the last week that occurred between the two of them.
"I'm not going to tell anybody," she says finally.
"I'm not worried about that," he says.
"But you are worried about something…"
He takes his glasses off to clean them and Natasha refrains from telling him to never play poker.
"I'm wondering what you must think of me."
Which most people worry about in general. She's surprised by it though. Bruce isn't the most confidant guy on a good day but that he would have any grief over what she (an admitted liar and killer) would think of him is a little farcical.
"You want me to be honest?" she asks.
"Isn't that supposed to be the best policy."
"People always say that," she says. She could give him the whole 'truth is a matter of circumstance' speal but instead she says, "But people rarely say what they really want. Especially when it comes to what they really want to hear."
"Well let's just suppose I'm one of those naïve people," Bruce says.
"I didn't say they were naïve." After a few seconds she answers his previous inquiry "I think you're very smart."
Bruce has probably heard that for almost his whole life, or at least the last three years living with Tony, and yet he still can't seem to take the compliment.
"Is that all?" Bruce asks smiling.
"I'm not afraid of you," she says frankly.
To say the look he gives her is skeptical is being nice.
"I remember you said you were a good actress…"
"I am," she says. "Which is basically just a nice way of saying I'm a liar. Which I am."
"Yet you're being very forthright right now. Or giving the appearance of it."
"I don't get to be very often, at least lately," she admits. "I'm not acting or lying. I'm not a threat to you and you're not a threat to me."
Bruce lets out a scornful laugh.
"The Other Guy though."
He looks away and she thinks he's about to apologize for the helicarrier again and she really can't stand another apology from this man.
"I can manage it," she says.
He looks at her hard for a few seconds.
"Manage it? What? Your fear?"
"Yes. I'll probably always be a little bit afraid of the …Other Guy. You'd think I was an idiot if I wasn't. And isn't that what you do? Manage your fear and anger."
"That's different…" he states.
"Not really." She leans forward so he can't look away from her, though they both know he could if he wanted to. "Make up your mind, Banner. You can't want me to be afraid of you and be comfortable with buying me breakfast. I'm not exactly a wiz at this normal everyday human interaction thing, but I think I'm better at it than you. So either finish your omelet and get out of here and continue to act like you have a problem with me, which I think would be dishonest because you clearly don't for some unfathomable reason. Or tell me which Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle is your favorite. Though I think I can already guess which one."
Because as much as Natasha could use the stabilizing influence of friends in her life, Bruce Banner probably needs it even more. Especially since Tony Stark seems to be his only one, God help him.
He smiles and she finds it hard to keep a straight face any longer. He knows she's not trying to offend him. She can read him almost as well as anybody else, but that doesn't make her a damn mind reader. Their past history should make him avoid her. See her as part of the problem that got him back into the stress zone. Instead he treats her like…well a human being. He doesn't seem to see her as an agent or a spy or even a real threat. At least not anymore. Which is a little stupid on his part but also enduring.
They walk back to the tower together and even though he doesn't ask her to she follows him up to the lab. She's not designating herself as his bodyguard or anything but it makes her feel good to do it. The lab is empty but Stark's arrival is probably eminent so once she sees him there safely she makes a witty and quick goodbye.
It doesn't become a thing. In fact Natasha doesn't go back to the diner or near the bookstore. She gets into a bit of a routine but it doesn't include going to the lab everyday, at least not this early. Banner doesn't exactly seek her out either but when they do meet now he's not standoffish and he seems to appreciate her jokes, which is more than she can say for Steve.
Natasha was also right about which turtle was Bruce's favorite: Donatello.
Her routine isn't exactly the same as when she worked at SHIELD, nor is it set in stone. If there's no mission she rises early, because even if it's been a good night she's never been one to lounge in bed. It would be nice to be able to learn to do that though. She either works out or spars with Clint or Steve. Her preference for Clint as a partner isn't just habit. Steve knows her capabilities but still holds back, afraid of hurting her, even after she's landed him on his ass half a dozen times.
Steve's a good running partner though. Natasha's not stupid enough to try and burn her lungs up trying to out distance him but he keeps her motivated and going. Natasha actually hates running if it's not absolutely necessary. Plus she teases Wilson to try and get him up to New York by sending him pics of the two of them. Sam hasn't taken the bait yet.
It's close enough to what she had when she worked for SHIELD. Same people. Newer facilities. She doesn't feel that constant need to bolt, at least not during daylight hours. It's different but the same.
Natasha understands Clint even better now. The farm and his family was always something he wanted and needed and she could see that. Natasha never fully understood it until now. Clint doesn't just love Laura and the life he built with her because it's so different from his work life. It's not a cage or a burden. It's a tether that brings him back from the darkest parts of the job. She envies him a bit but she knows that she couldn't really be the picket fence homesteader like Clint. Before now though she didn't consider any other option besides being an assassin. Even with the battle of New York she had her doubts. Anything else would be too unattainable or bore her. Being an Avenger full time now though…
It's not going to last forever but for the first time in her existence she considers that she might have time for other things besides just waiting for a bullet to put her down.