Just ten minutes or so later the whirlwind that is Stitch Lambert bursts back through the door to find me still very tearful and clutching my stomach with fear. There's still no pain and I can't feel myself bleeding any more heavily but it doesn't stop me being fearful for my child's life.
"Ready?" he asks me quietly.
I nod and slowly get up. I make my way over to him and he leads me out of the room with a hand on the small of my back. I can sense everyone watching us as he leads me to a side room, two worried looking Doctors who usually bicker now slowly walking through the halls in silence.
We enter the room and he shuts the door behind us. Memories flood back of Selena and my doing an ultrasound on her in a room just like this, only hers was to determine the age of her baby not to determine whether or not it had been lost. He's set up an ultrasound machine and made the room comfortable for me which I appreciate more than I can say.
"I'd like to do this if that's okay with mummy?"
I nod and for a moment we both stand still just looking at each other, the reality of the pregnancy sinking in and the enormity of the reason we are in the room hitting us hard.
No-one else is here but us. I'm glad and it seems fitting to me that he is the one at my side and the one wanting to do the ultrasound. I make my way over to the bed and lie down, pulling my scrubs and sweatshirt up and my trousers down a little to give him full access to my small bump.
No words are said as he spreads the cold gel over my stomach although I feel him hesitate a little as he spreads it over the curve his baby has created in my belly. He turns the machine on and takes a deep breath.
"Ready?" He asks.
"Are you?" I reply.
In response to my question he places the wand over my stomach and moves it around until the image of our baby's form appears on the screen and I exhale in relief. I didn't even realise that I'd been holding my breath until I see our child moving about inside of my womb perfectly oblivious to the distress its mother has been feeling.
"Would you like to hear the heartbeat?" He asks me.
"Yes please." I reply, unable to take my eyes off the baby.
Just seconds later the strong heartbeat of my unborn child fills the room. I look at Stitch and see a multitude of emotions playing across his face as he holds the wand on my stomach so that we can hear the beautiful and steady rhythm . A small smile appears as he watches our child do somersaults inside of me. He's unable to tear his eyes away from the screen.
"Way to go there little bean." he says to the screen, a grin appearing on his face.
"I can't believe it's okay. I was so sure I was losing it. I was so scared when I saw the blood."
"Of course you were. Any mother to be would be."
"Were you scared Doctor Lambert?" I then ask him and I can tell I've caught him off guard.
He removes the wand from my stomach and freezes our baby's image on the screen beside me. He sits down on the bed next to me with his back to me and I can't see his face.
"They're expecting you up in maternity to give you a thorough check. I know the bean's doing gymnastics in there right now but I think it best to be sure." He replies handing me a tissue to wipe the gel away and still unable to look me in the eye.
I can't believe he's doing this again. He had shown so much emotion just with the look on his face while watching the baby on the screen. He had seemed so scared when we thought we might be losing the baby. He hadn't faltered in his concern and compassion since the moment I had found him in the staff room and put his hands on my bump, letting him know that I was carrying our child and that I believed it to be in danger. Now he knew everything was okay it was like he was shutting himself off again. Shutting himself off from me and from fatherhood at a time when we needed each other most.
"Don't do this Stitch. This…this is ours." I tell him angrily, motioning to the screen.
"I'm glad you're both okay really I am but I'm not cut out to be a father. You're going to be a wonderful mother Maggie but me…I'm not father material. I'm not father material or boyfriend material. I'd just screw it up."
"So you're going to ignore this? You were smiling when you saw our baby on that screen. When you saw it was alive you were glad, the same as I was. It's your son or daughter up on that screen and in here Stitch." I tell him pulling his hand over to my stomach. "You heard its heartbeat. It's a little person. How can you be so cold?"
"Please go and get checked over Maggie." he replies simply.
"Not until you answer me!" I shout angrily.
Tears are threatening to fall again and I curse him for doing this to me. I should just be happy that our child is alive and we should both be celebrating that our baby is safe and sound but instead my joy is being overshadowed by the fact my baby's father would seemingly rather forget he had any role in its life than admit it meant anything to him.
Just as Stitch opens his mouth to reply the door opens and Selena walks in. She freezes when she sees the image of the baby on the screen and me wiping the gel off my rounded stomach. I don't think I've ever seen her look so uncomfortable or Stitch so glad of an interruption.,
Stitch quickly gets up seeing his chance to leave and makes his way to the door.
"Don't do this." I shout after him, but it does no good and he leaves without even a glance back.
The door closes behind him and Selena and I are left alone in the room. She looks at me with understanding in her eyes.
"How far?" She asks and I can tell she's hurt that I didn't tell her about the baby before.
"Four months." I reply and watch as she walks over to the bed and sits next to me looking at my unborn child on the screen.
"And Stitch is…"
I nod and look down at my hands which now rest on my lap.
"That's quite the little bump you have there." She tells me rubbing it affectionately and smiling and for the first time that day I smile back.
"I was bleeding. I thought I'd lost it but it's okay. It's beautiful."
Selena nods looking at the screen wistfully, and I can tell she's thinking of her baby.
"Why did you not tell me sweetheart? Did anybody know?" Selena asks.
I shake my head sadly and she puts an arm around me. I feel comforted and I'm glad that she's there. I'm glad someone else knows about the baby and is sharing in the joy of its existence and the fact it's safe inside of me. For the first time I feel as if a weight has been lifted upon me and for the first time I am grateful to Stitch for being a pain in the arse.
"I only told him when I saw that I was bleeding. I felt that I should. It's his baby too. It would be so unfair if I miscarried and he didn't even know it was here. He was so frightened Selena but then when he knew the baby was okay it just….it all went away."
Selena shook her head.
"Men." She replies angrily. She rubs my back in circular motions and we both look at the baby. "I really hope it's a girl." she muses putting a hand on my bump again. "Don't you dare be a boy little one." She says teasingly and I can tell she doesn't really care if it's a boy or a girl. To her its already someone whose life she wants to be in.
I laugh at her and think what a wonderful mother she would have made to the baby that she terminated due to the doubts and difficulties she had over the man who was the baby's father and as to whether she'd be a good enough mother. I hope that she gets the chance to be the natural mother that I can tell she will be one day.
"He's arranged an appointment upstairs to get checked over properly. The heartbeat's strong and the baby's moving around like nobody's business but it's just to be sure that everything's okay."
"He must care if he's done something like that for you both. He may not act like no more than a prat but the fact he's arranged that shows he's at least a little concerned."
"Stitch Lambert is concerned with no-one but himself. Meanwhile I'm just glad that this little one's okay. I was so scared. I still am a little." I admit tearfully.
"Want some company petal?" she asks me and I grin at her and nod. "Come on then mummy. It's my turn to see my surrogate niece or nephews on screen debut." She tells me and arm in arm we make our way to maternity with Stitch's watchful eyes following us as we go.