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Wally: You call it bad at darts
I call it freestyle acupuncture
Dick: I can guarantee the cops will not call it that
Dick: For Halloween I'm going to be emotionally stable
No one's gonna know it's me
Wally: Are you okay?
Dick: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises
Wally: It becomes daytrogen
Dick: I'm going to bed
Wally: Good nitrogen
Sleep tightrogen
Don't let the bedbugs bitrogen
Dick: Don't judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows
Wally: WTF
What kind of advice is that?
Wally: I'm naturally funny because my whole life is a joke
Dick: Glad you finally figured that out.
Dick: I'm warning you right now
My house is not safe
Wally: ?
Dick: We have a lot of leftover candy canes for some unknown reason
And Jason has decided that his new years resolution will be to stab as many people as he can with them
Wally: It sounds like you need back up
You make the plan and I'll do whatever you come up with
Dick: Jason you're going down
Dick: 4/20?
You mean ⅕!
Reduce your fractions
Wally: OMG
Wally: Maybe the sun doesn't want to be called hot
Maybe it wants to be called beautiful
Dick: Think before you speak
Dick: Tupperware never recovers from spaghetti
Wally: Forever orange.
Wally: It's weird that horses are considered prey animals.
Dick: How so
Wally: Because what animal looks at a freaking 8 foot ENORMOUS beast with pitch black eyes, terrifying teeth, and powerful legs and is like 'yes this looks like easy pickings'
Dick: Well moose are considered prey animals
Wally: A moose is like a horse with extra weapons
Dick: Do you want them to be predatory animals
Wally: …
Not really no
Wally: *sends picture of husky looking at a wedding dress through a store window*
Inside every husky is a little girl who dreams about her big day
Dick: A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then it leaves.
Wally: Two can play at that game…
A question mark walks into a bar?
Dick: Two quotation marks "walk into a bar"
Wally: A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to drink
Dick: The bar was walked into by a passive voice
Wally: Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar.
They sit.
They drink.
They leave.
Dick: And now you can stop complaining that you don't know what punctuation to use in english.
Dick: Old enough to know when smut was called 'lemons' but young enough that I had absolutely no business knowing that smut was called 'lemons' at the time.
Wally: Same
Wally: Summer Olympics- let's tune in to see who the fastest on earth is at this particular sport
Dick: Winter Olympics- let's tune in to see who can survive this s***
Dick: Do you see the problem here
Wally: Yes but I don't want to
Wally: Saw you on the news last night
Dick: You saw Robin or me?
Wally: I'm not sure but it's suspected that Robin saved you from something and I don't think I've ever been more confused.
Dick: To be fair I saved him first.
Dick: I drowning in the socialite crowd
Wally: I'd say I care but that's a lie and I'm not supposed to tell lies
Dick: I have a video to show you
watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
Wally: You did NOT just rick roll me
Dick: I think I live a dangerous life
Wally: And in other shocking and exciting news did you know water was wet?
Wally: *sends screenshot of news article saying chicken can't afford an umbrella so she uses her wings to keep her chicks out of the rain*
WTF
Dick: 'Can't afford'
IT'S A CHICKEN
Wally: Sees a bug outside, hello mr bug
Sees a bug inside, die b**** die
Dick: Every time
Wally: I did something hilarious
Dick: ?
Wally: My teacher asked if we knew protons had mass
And you know me
I responded with the fact that I didn't know they were catholic
Dick: lol
Dick: Rat is short for Ratthew.
Wally: It is 2 in the morning.
Why are you sending me things like this?
Wally: I heard a bouncing noise from the kitchen followed closely by my dad shouting 'oh no my potato'
Dick: Is the potato okay?
Wally: I just checked on the potato
It was scary for a little bit there but it looks like the potato is going to make a full recovery.
Dick: People who are rude to their parents
Wally: Yikes
Dick: People who are rude to other people's parents
Wally: YIKES
Dick: I know more about murdering people than most
Because of my job
That makes me sound like a hitman
I would like the clarify that I am NOT a hitman
Wally: That's exactly what a hit man would say
Wally: Live everyday as if it were your last
'Cause I'm gonna get you but I'm not super good with schedules.
Dick: Am I the only one that finds it weird that I can transfer data from my brain to someone else's by opening my mouth and pushing air with vibrations in their direction.
Wally: How high are you
Dick: 5'8''
It's a little shorter than the others. The link is real.