SEASON THREE (B)
Episode 13: Anchors
Scott: Right at her head?
Isaac: Almost right through it. And she keeps saying the same thing. That she keeps seeing her aunt. Whatever's happening to you guys, it's getting worse. If I hadn't been there, Lydia would be dead, and later, when I went down on her, she nearly broke my neck with her thighs. If we hadn't been in a sixty nine, making it a very awkward angle to get the right kind of leverage, it probably would have worked.
Scott: *throws Isaac against the wall*
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Episode 14: More Bad Than Good
Agent McCall: The truth, no matter how profoundly it sucks, the truth is always better then not knowing.
Sheriff: That's easy for you to say. You've never walked in on Stiles and Scott at three in the morning doing the monkey leg over.
Agent McCall: What's the monkey leg over?
Sheriff: That's what I had asked two weeks before I caught them at it. And you know what? I was better off not knowing.
Agent McCall: Wait, is that… are they having sex?!
Sheriff: And now you know. Is it better?
-and-
Scott: I thought you guys were gonna teach me to roar.
Aiden: We are. You do it by giving in and letting go. That's how Deucalion taught us control.
Stiles: Hey, you know what, that's funny. I actually tried something like this one time using a twelve inch vibrating dildo and an obscene amount of lube, but know what, you're right. Beating the crap out of him is much better.
Scott: Is that really the plan? You kick my ass?
Ethan: Actually, Stiles may have a …
Aiden: No.
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Episode 15: Galvanize
Peter: Don't you have any antiseptic?
Derek: Yes.
Peter: Really? This is a little petty, even for you.
Derek: Maybe next time we're being tortured you won't insist on telling me exactly how good Stiles was at sucked you off to 'distract me.'
Peter: He was like a Hoover. So enthusiastic. Ow!
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Episode 16: Illuminated
Agent McCall: So, when did you get there?
Stiles: At the same time.
Agent McCall: Same time as who?
Scott: Same time as me.
Agent McCall: By coincidence?
Stiles: What do mean coincidence?
Agent McCall: That's what I'm asking you. The two of you arrived there at the same time. Was that a coincidence, or did you two get there together after, perhaps, having sex?!
Stiles: What the…?!
Scott: No! No sex was happening. God, Dad, seriously?
Agent McCall: Sheriff Stilinski filled me in on your relationship. Were these young women involved? At least tell me you used protection.
Scott: Dad, no, look we are not in a relationship, okay?
Agent McCall: But you are having sex with each other?
Scott: *at Kira* Me and Stiles are friends. Just friends.
Stiles: Yeah, totally. Just friends. I actually have a boyfriend… who I haven't seen in a few weeks. Scott, have you heard from Derek? Is he back yet?
Scott: No.
Agent McCall: Really, just friends? Because the Sheriff over there was also kind enough to describe something called the monkey leg over and, I have to say, that does not sound like something 'just friends' do.
Scott: *to Kira* Okay, friends with benefits. But only if you're okay with that. Not that I'm asking you out or anything, just saying that hypothetically if you and I were to be… together, that I'd be fine with not having sex with Stiles. Totally fine.
Stiles: Although, really, why wouldn't you be okay with it? We are adorable together. Not to mention the threesomes. Just ask Allison and Isaac.
Kira: …
Agent McCall: You're having threesomes?
Sheriff: And now you know. Is it still better?
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Episode 17: Silverfinger
Kira: So, all of your friends are…
Scott: No, not all of them, just… I mean, Derek and the twins really aren't my type. Lydia, either, and Stiles is a total geek, but I honestly can't remember a time when we weren't friends and, besides, you know, not a relationship, so it doesn't really count. I guess I'm more into innocent pretty, like Allison and Isaac or… you? Maybe?
Kira: No, um, werewolves, Scott. Are they all werewolves?
Scott: Oh! Oh, uh, yeah. Sorry.
Kira: That's okay and, for the record? Stiles was right, you two are totally adorable.
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Episode 18: Riddled
Derek: He's a little preoccupied, but I can help you.
Kira: Wait, you're… Derek, Stiles' new boyfriend? The one whose Uncle Peter was giving it to Stiles before he hooked up with you?
Derek: …
Kira: The one Stiles and Scott are pretty much convinced is going to get cleaved in two like your sister by that same uncle?
Derek: …
Kira: The one that's hot, but not pretty enough for Scott to want to have sex with?
Derek: Yes!
Kira: Cool.
Derek: I can see why he likes you.
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Episode 19: Letharia Vulpina
Peter: The Hunter and the Banshee. Ladies, come in.
Allison: And that's my creep factor for the day. Come on, Lydia.
Lydia: But…
Allison: Nope. We're done here.
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Episode 20: Echo House
Nogitsune: Let me in.
Stiles: Come on, why can I never have the sexy dreams?
Nogitsune: Would you let me in if it were a sexy dream?
Stiles: I'd be more likely to consider it. More flies with honey, dude. All I'm sayin.'
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Episode 21: The Fox and the Wolf
Parrish: *extends baton* Sorry, but I can't let you walk out with this. It's way above the legal voltage limit. Derek: Parrish: Derek: Argent: Derek: Parrish: Argent: Sheriff: Argent: Derek:
Argent: Oh, I only use it for – *glances meaningfully at Derek* - hunting.
Parrish: Well, he said… and then you two… so, I thought… never mind.
Sheriff: If you two are done, we have Nogitsune to defeat and my son to save. Take a look at these x-rays.
-and-
Derek: Is there any reason why my name's on the King?
Sheriff: He said you'd kill him if he put it on the Queen.
Derek: *nods* He wasn't wrong.
Argent: I'm also a little concerned that my daughter and Scott are standing that close to the homicidal pedophile Peter.
Derek: That is concerning.
Allison: Hey, does anyone else notice that Isaac is off the board, but Kate isn't?
Argent: Interesting.
Allison: Lydia's not here at all, and neither is Deucalion, or Kali. In fact, we're missing a lot of people.
Derek: Perhaps we should consider the possibility that this chessboard is not as accurate a representation as we thought.
Sheriff: Excuse me, did you say Peter is a homicidal pedophile?
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Episode 22: De-Void
Kira: Scott, please don't sleep in the chair.
Scott: *lays down*
Kira: We're going to save him. We'll figure it out. And then we'll have wild, kinky sex. I'll even see what I can do about getting Allison and Isaac to join. It could be awkward at first, but…
Scott: *kisses her*
Kira: Are you into bondage?
-and-
*doorbell rings*
Peter: *slowly looks up* I hear you have a young boy paralyzed and gagged on your couch. I'm here to help.
Mrs. McCall: *shuts door*
Scott: But, mom…
Mrs. McCall: Nope. Find another way.
Lydia: I like her.
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Episode 23: Insatiable
Scott: We've done this before, guys. A couple of weeks ago we were standing around just like this and we saved Malia. Remember? That was a total stranger. This is Lydia.
Allison: I'm here to save my best friend.
Scott: I came to save mine.
Isaac: I just didn't feel like doing any homework.
Kira: I want to chain Scott to the bed and shove his face in Allison's crotch while he fucks Stiles, Isaac fucks him and I play with myself and take a riding crop to anyone who steps out of line.
Everyone: …
Kira: What? I'm just saying.
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Episode 24: The Divine Move
Kira: I don't know what to say to him. I don't know what to say to any of them. I don't know how much time to give them. I'm still just the new girl at school.
Lydia: Honey, you have tits and a fetish for whips and chains. You don't need to do much talking.
Kira: Huh. Good point.
-and-
Stiles: Derek if this is all just a dream, why do you look worried?
Derek: Because I don't remember waking up. So, tell me, how do you know? How do you know if you're still dreaming?
Stiles: Fingers. In dreams, you have extra fingers.
Derek: *holds up Stiles' hands*
Stiles: Well, that sucks for you. Although, considering this is your dream and you've put yourself in the locker room of my school alone with me, I'd say it doesn't have to totally suck. Or, it can suck a lot. Up to you.
Derek: How about we put those extra fingers to good use and I let you do things to me I'd never even consider in the real world.
Stiles: How about you shut up and bend over.
-and-
Scott: Well, our lives suck more profoundly then they did the last time we recapped.
Stiles: Yeah, Allison is dead.
Scott: Isaac left.
Stiles: Derek is missing
Scott: Peter's still creepy.
Stiles: You're dad is not only back, but he knows about our benefits and is determined to cock block me until I die of blue balls.
Scott: Oh, no, that's not a problem, I figured it out.
Stiles: What are you talking about?
Scott: I did win the bet. *holds up phone, dials Stiles' number*
Stiles' Phone: *Scott's voice* cum
Stiles: Gah *falls* …hate you.
Scott: Don't worry, I brought you a few extra pairs of pants.
Stiles: So much.