Grief
There's a man here, a very large man, a very large man speaking-no lecturing- my class. He's an investigator. Don't trust him. Ghoul. He is a ghoul, how do I know that? Achlys, she says the look in his eyes is the same as my step-dad's-ours-hers, she say's ghouls eyes give them away when the kakugan is inactive as well. They look at people differently.
"Cattle, sheep." I whisper, Rei looks to me curiously. "Lambs for the slaughter, that's a ghoul." I point to the man, Rei follows my finger and looks to the man with disinterest before turning his attention back to the nearby window.
"Yeah I know, so what?" As the investigator speaks I can see his eyes are trained-fixated-focused on a certain girl, I just can't tell which one. Whoever it is he's looking at, she's going to be his next meal.
"Not important." I mumble, Rei nods in agreement.
The lecture ends, Rei and I begin to leave, one girl stays behind speaking excitedly to the monster investigator. I stop and watch the two blankly. Doesn't she know? How can she not know that man is unsafe? I knew, Achlys knew, Rei knew, why doesn't she?
"What's the matter now?" Rei is aggravated, he hates lectures, he hates ghouls, being lectured by a ghoul must have made this the worst class ever for him.
"I was just thinking... That girl with the ghoul."
"You mean Shizuku, she goes out of her way to speak to you sometimes, you can at least remember her." A faint giggle escapes him. I don't recall every speaking to this girl.
"Yeah okay. I was just thinking, if she doesn't know that man's a ghoul then she must be dumb." Rei cranes his neck to get a better look at my face.
"You become more and more like Achlys everyday you know, the old Sachi-chan wouldn't say something like that so casually... For that matter Sachi-chan is never casual."
"Mean."
"Yeah, yeah, c'mon lets go get pudding." Rei takes my wrist in his hand and begins to pull me, my eyes never leave the the ghoul, who, has just begun to lead the girl out the exit door on the lecturing floor. I pull out of Rei's grasp, he stops and looks back to me.
"I wanna see."
"See what? That ghoul have dinner?"
"Yeah."
"Okay seriously, you're kinda freaking me out Sachi-chan!"
I'm outside now, how did I get out here? It's evening time, near dark actually, the Academy is nowhere in sight. What was I supposed to be doing? Why am I here? Why am I holding a rusted broken pipe?
Laughter, lots and lots of laughter screaming along with it and its just around the corner. In an isolated alley way is a familiar looking girl, and ghoul which is about to take a bite out of her. More screaming, but this time it comes from me. I'm suddenly upon the ghoul before I know what i'm doing, I swing the pipe and hit the ghouls head, he falls to the ground. This ghoul is so weak. I'm standing over top of him, hitting him over and over and over and over and over and over and... There's blood everywhere, what lays beneath me now is a mess of carmine pulp, I'm not sure if the ghoul's still alive or not I didn't have a quinque after all...
"I-I can't believe- h-h-how did you?" I turn there's the familiar girl, she sitting on the ground blood covering her clothes and face. Why does she look at me like that? Why is there so much carmine? She's still staring at me, i'm not sure what to do so I do what Rei told me to when someone talks to me, I smile.
"Good evening, my names Sachi Yomoko, fifteen years old." I reach-no extend my hand to her, she flinches. "It's a pleasure to meet you." She looks confused, scared, relieved, she trembles for a moment before wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me into a hug. She's crying. I'm not sure what to do, I've never been this close to anyone other than Rei...
A groan comes from behind, I turn, the girl releasing me as I move, a bloody mess of a ghoul is trying to crawl toward us. I take the pipe in both hands, ready to defend myself.
"I'll get help!" The girl cries and she turns away.
It's fast, the ghoul is so fast. He came at me, I ducked out of the way. Screaming . Over my shoulder I see flailing-stuggling is better- where's the girl from before? Something cracks. Oh, she's there, on the ground underneath the... ghoul. Flashes, they're too fast, they hurt. I'm scared, i'm in pain, i've been decieved, i've been betrayed... I hate.
I hate Dad... He's touching me. I hates Achlys... She's calling me names. I hate myself... I'm standing over him. I hate humanity... A classmate pushes me. I hate ghouls... The man turns to me. I hate ghouls.. He lunges. I hate ghouls. He falls. I hate ghouls, the pipe goes down. I hate ghouls, something just squished, I hate ghouls I hate ghouls I hate ghouls I HATE GHOULS I HATE GHOULS I HATE GHOULS!
My muscles ache, the ghoul is not moving anymore, I raise the pipe above my head again something stops me from bringing it down. I look over my shoulder, expecting-hoping is more accurate- to see Rei, it's not him.
"Thats enough Sachi Yomoko-chan." It's a tall man with short black hair, a chuckle from behind, another man this one smaller and older.
"Well you did quite the number on this ghoul didn't you, Sweetie?"
"Not before it got it's meal." The younger says. The familiar girl's laying her stomach, chunks of skin are missing, bone is showing, is that what a spine looks like?
I'm walking down a path, i'm walking between two men, ones young and handsome, the other elderly and strange... He reminds me of Rei.
"Who are you?" I question.
"We already told you, i'm Investigator Amon, this is my superior, Investigator Mado." The younger one answers, I lower my eyes.
"Why's there blood?" The old man laughs.
"My, my, it would appear that you are indeed mentally unstable. I like it!" I stop in my tracks.
"Rei-kun..." The men turn back to me curiously.
"Hm? Whats that, Honey?" Mado questions.
"I want Rei-kun." Amon sighs.
"Whoever this 'Rei-kun' is you can see him when we get back to-"
"NO! REI-KUN! REI-KUN NOW!" I shout, "DON'T KNOW YOU! DON'T TRUST YOU!"
"Ah, thats the problem then." Mado mumbles, "Amon she's uncomfortable with us being here, she doesn't know us after all. Tell you what, Sweetie, Amon will go and get your 'Rei-kun' and we'll wait here for them."
I feel five, not fifteen. I'm sitting-pouting if i'm being truthful- next to an old man whose looking at me funny, I blink in confusion.
"My, my aren't we in a sour mood." He comments.
"Rei-kun."
"Yes, yes, Dear, Amon should be returning shortly with this 'Rei-kun' you speak of." He turns to me with a smile, "now why don't you tell me about that ghoul you just beat to a pulp?" I look to him my eyebrows raised.
"Ghoul?"
"The man in the alley way, the one who gave a lecture to your class this evening." His face flashes by. "The one who killed your classmate, Shizuku Kawakami." Who? There's a familiar girl with a ghoul. Dead. Torture, mom... Dad. Anger.
"I would like to know why you followed him."
"It's none of your business." It's not my voice, "I followed him because I wanted to keep your nose out of it you Idiotic Wretch!" But it's coming from my mouth.
"Oh dear, your attitude has taken quite the turn."
"Shove it up your ass!" Achlys. I can see, and hear everything but only from the inside I have no control. She stands. "That damn Sachi, taking my kill away from me! I told that Idiot to let me do it, i'm the one who deserves to kill ghouls not her!"
"Ah, yes your record did say something about multiple personalities. I'm asuming your the second one." She grabs him by the collar of his shirt, and pulls him off the ground.
"I'm the original you rat bastard! I'm the one who remembers everything, i'm the smart one, the only one with any skill! I'm the original! The strongest!"
"But if that were true wouldn't you have been the one to take charge in beating that ghoul?" Achlys stops.
"I'm here now, how 'bout I make up for missing out. I'll kill you instead!" He chuckles.
"That's funny! But if you don't know that I would kill you before you could even blink then you must be stupid, Sweetheart." Achlys isn't happy, but the old man must be telling the truth because Achlys gives me control again.
I blink once, twice, the old man is grinning at me, I move away from him, he stumbles before he regains balance. There's something not right about him and I mean that in a bad way, not like Rei. Instinct says: run. So I run.
That man is a monster I know it. He's got no fear, no empathy, he reminds me of Dad. GhouL? No his eyes, human. He's a human monster. He's not chasing me, glad.
I don't know where I am anymore, lost, alone, nothing new. It's dark the stars are out again, will the constilations fall? Hide, got to hide. I'm in a pitch-black area just behind a small restaurant, sitting next to a dumpster, hugging my knees close to my chest. Where? Where? What to do? What to do? What to- Something creaks.
Someone's coming toward me I can see the... Whats the word? Beam, I can see the beam of light coming from their flashlight. Ghoul? Human? They throw something into the dumpster. Stay hidden, don't move. I lean forward onto my knees and peak around the edge of the dumpster. Old man, not the monster man but a different one. He turns to me clamly, I'm quick to hide behind the dumpster again.
"What's the matter? Why are you hiding here?" He asks, I cover my ears if I don't hear him he won't hear me, if I don't see him he won't see me. Invisible. A hand touches mine, he moves it from my head. "Are you injured?" Not invisible. I shake my head. "But there's blood all over you. Come inside, you can clean up and have a cup of coffee. We'll call your parents while your here."
"No!" My voice is louder than I meant it to be. "No parents! Dead! Dead! Dead! Ghoul! Ghoul! Ghoul! Go away!" He was about to say something when Rei bounced just behind him.
"Saaachiii-chaaaan~" he sang happily, "why're you hiding near a dumpster? It's dirty don't ya know?" I get to my feet and go to Rei.
"I-I-I-I-pipe-old man-girl-Achlys-monster."
"Eh? Calm down, lets go have some pudding!" He places his hands on my shoulders and steers me away from the dumpster. "Thank you for your concern Old Man!" Rei calls over his shoulder.
A shower, a change of clothes.
I'm in a little room at the Academy, sitting at an old table with wobbly legs. The monster old guy, Mado, say's that i'm being difficult. I can see a vein popping out Amon's forehead. The investigators have been asking me questions but since I don't like Mado I haven't even made a sound let alone answer them, Rei is asked to ask me the questions instead like that will make me answer them, these men are dumb, Rei refuses to cooperate.
"If Sachi-chan doesn't wanna answer you then she definitely wont answer me. She might be needy but she isn't stupid."
"Well then," Mado stands from his seat, "since you don't want to cooperate with us, there's no use in wasting our time here." Amon stands too, "oh but no worries, Honey, we havent said a word of you beating that ghoul beyond recognition, no no, that would cause too much trouble for you and your little friend. Consider it a parting gift." They leave.
Rei leads me back to me room, enters, closes the door, turns to me, and grins.
"Well? Did you enjoy it?" He questions.
"Enjoy what?" He giggles.
"Beating the hell out of that ghoul! I tried to stop you from following that guy but now i'm glad you got away!"
"But that girl-"
"Her names Shizuku come on-oh, well I guess you don't really need to remember her name now do you?"
"Shizuku-chan. Right. I don't know, I'm sure if I'm happy with it, what I did I mean. Shizuku-chan still died." Rei scoffs.
"Like she wasn't going to when she went with the ghoul! It doesn't matter any more, it's over and there's nothing to be done about it and besides, death isn't that big a deal some just go more painfully than other-" A sound, a loud sound rings out in my room, I slapped Rei right across the face I hit him so hard he fell to the floor.
"Don't ever say death isn't a big deal again." Rei looks up at me, knowing that what just happened was nothing like when it happens on our play dates, it's serious. I don't know why I'm suddenly so upset about it, Rei says things like that all the time. "Get out." Rei is all too complacent for my liking, as he's heading out the door he stops, looks over his shoulder, he's smiling.
"Don't tell me you're finally gonna start remembering Shizuku's name."
I'm alone in my room with a weird feeling in my chest, what is it? How do I get rid of it? It's a familliar feeling, but I'm not sure how I know it. My chest hurts, I don't know why, I don't understand it all I know is the feeling gets stronger when I think of Shizuku.