Hey guys. Sorry for the wait, I normally try and write the following chapter (in this case ch 5) before I update but this time I had little time and I'm struggling with it. So, I decided to give you ch 4, see what you guys think and go with it from there. The chapters won't be coming so regularly after this as term time has started up again which means I'll have little to no free time. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and thank you for all of your reviews.
Again, thank you to my brilliant and insane beta, Jana.
I do not own any of the characters.
In Marlowe we trust.
He didn't come after her.
He felt numb. It'd been going so well, but he'd known he'd had to tell her – and by doing so he destroyed them. He'd been so desperate to protect her and now he couldn't be around to see it through. At night he'd sit and stare blankly at his laptop screen, the empty word document screaming at him. He couldn't write. He couldn't function. He was perfectly healthy now but it was all he could manage to listen to Alexis about her college visits. After that he'd retire to his study, stare at his smart board with her face staring back at him, nursing a glass of scotch. Apart from his time at the Hamptons, they'd never gone more than two days without talking. Now it was five. He missed her. It was like an ache which he couldn't shake. He daren't step foot in the 12th – he was doing what she'd asked him, for once, to not follow her.
But then came the phone call.
It wasn't from her, it was from Javi. For one terrible moment he'd thought that the detective was going to tell him that Kate had been shot and killed, that he really had lost his chance. "Castle. I'm not calling you because I want to, Lanie told me I should. She's asking for you.'
She'd fainted at a crime scene. According to Esposito, she hadn't been herself that day but they'd put it down to him, for hurting her. But then she'd started to go pale, clammy and eventually, at a crime scene, her legs had given way and she'd passed out on the street. They'd taken her to hospital but she only had a mild concussion. It had been a case of stress, lack of sleep and the flu. His flu. And she'd been asking for him, in her fever induced state and, as always he did what she wished.
He went to her.
As he unlocked her apartment (he'd been meaning to give back her key, he really had) it was silent. He stood in the main room, looking around, taking in all of the things that made the place hers. There was the guitar propped up by the sofa, the window with the shutters that held all of the information on her mother's case, the photographs. He walked toward them. There was one of Kate and her mother when Kate couldn't have been more than five years old, another of her whole family at Christmas when she looked about 19. Then, her graduation from the academy – she and her father standing side by side, their smiles strained. There was one taken at Ryan's wedding, all of them standing together, smiling. Then, the last one, face down. Castle corrected it – it was of the two of them, at his house a few months ago. Alexis had been trying out her new camera and she'd been round for dinner. His heart clenched, there had been a reason the photo hadn't been standing upright. "Hey Castle." He turned around to see Lanie walking out of Kate's bedroom. "She's sleeping at the moment, so you could always come back tomorrow. I'm happy to stay with her."
He shook his head, "She did the same for me. I'm going to stay with her." She nodded, brushing his shoulder as she went.
"Go gently. She won't be happy you're here." He nodded, he'd have to take it very slowly, not barge in. "Good luck, Writer Boy." Lanie said with a small smile, and then she was gone, the door giving a quiet 'click' as she closed it.
He sighed, sitting back on the couch. Now that he was here, he wasn't sure what he should be doing. He pulled put his phone and sent a quick text to Alexis, telling her where he was so she wouldn't worry. Then he heard a moan coming from Beckett's room. He got to his feet, gently pushing her door open. There was a faint glow through her curtains as it was still light outside, her head was tilted to one side. Her skin was pale and sallow though there was a large bruise on her forehead and into her hairline where she must've hit it as she fell. Her hair was loose but sticking to her face. She groaned again and her eyes fluttered open. In her post-sleep haze a small smile flittered across her face. Then she focused, "Ow..." her hand came up to brush at the purple bruise and her eyes narrowed "Castle..." she sat up, "Castle, what the hell are you doing here."
"I..."
"No, get out Castle. I said I don't want to see you
"Look I know, Kate, but..."
"Castle, please." Her eyes were swimming, "I feel like crap, my head kills... I can't handle this right now." He sat down on the bed next to her. "Please." She whispered. He leant forward and eased some of the hair that had stuck to her face away. His hand remained on her cheek, she didn't pull away, just continued to stare at him and he felt the heat of her skin and the dampness of her tears on his palm.
"Hey," he said softly, his thumb moving in small comforting circles, "Kate." Her breath hitched in her chest and the tears began to pour thick and fast. He quickly released his hand and eased himself round to the other side of the bed beside her and pulled her into his arms. Her hands clutched at his shirt as she sobbed, almost primal gasps escaping from her lips, raw. He rubbed her back, trying to soothe her but all the time conscious that this was all on him. He mumbled soothingly in her ear and sobbing lessened before petering out completely, though her hands didn't release his shirt. She stayed there, with his arms around her, breathing deeply, trying to regain her composure. Her eyes were closed, savouring his touch. "Kate?" he said again and he felt her shake her head.
"Just, quiet, please." Her voice was hoarse, a combination of her illness and tears. He could hear how sore it was and feel her wince as she talked. She released his shirt and sat back, looking at him with red-rimmed eyes. "Do you know..." she paused, taking a deep breath "Do you know why you looking into my mother's case was such a big deal?"
He nodded, "I betrayed your trust and for that, Kate, I am truly..."
She held up her hand, stopping him. "No." She said firmly, "First, you don't get to apologize yet and second, that's not why I'm so angry." She'd used the present tense, still angry, not that he blamed her. But he was still confused, "I'm angry because..." she stopped again, dropping his gaze to look at her hands, nails bitten, little sores standing out on her fingers, so vulnerable. "Because, when you stopped me from looking into the case, I didn't do it for you. Well, I did do it for you but not for the reason you think. I didn't stop because you told me to and I wanted to make you feel better, I stopped because I wanted to protect you." She grasped his hand, raising her head once more to look at him. "Rick, you threw yourself in front of a bullet for me and it was stupid and amazing and it showed how wonderful you are and that I totally don't deserve you." He opened his mouth to say otherwise but once again she cut him off, "But what about next time? What if we keep looking into this case and they try to shoot me again? What if this time you do get hit instead of me, what if you die? Do you think I'd be able to live with myself? Without you? Do you think that Alexis and Martha would ever recover from it?" She paused, letting her words sink in and after a while he shook his head. "Exactly, so I gave it up. And it's been hard. I've been seeing a therapist to try and make myself whole, to make myself able to move on. "She saw the surprise in his eyes "I did it all to protect you, to protect everyone, just like my mother would've wanted." She sighed "So imagine how I felt when I walked into that room and saw you were looking into it? Directly putting yourself in the firing line when I'd done everything I could to avoid putting you there." She saw the understanding in his eyes, "Okay." She said finally, "Okay you can talk now."
"I'm sorry."
"You wouldn't be here if you weren't." Her voice was quieter now, rasping. It seemed to have taken a lot out of her.
"I'll stop, if that's what you want. I'll stop until you and I are both ready to do this, together." She nodded and gave a weak smile.
"To be honest Castle, unless we have a case linked to it... I don't want to go looking for trouble." He nodded, noticing how her breath rattled slightly in her chest, how she had to keep clearing her throat to continue talking.
"Stay here." He murmured, "I'll be back in a second." He moved quickly to her bathroom, his mind trying to process what she said. The weight of what she meant. Her mother's case had defined her, had been her driving force throughout her working life, and she was willing to give it up... for him.
He looked through her medicine cabinets.
But it wasn't just for him. It was for his entire family, their family, the one they'd created. He gave a small smile, taking what he needed from the cupboard and hurrying back to her room. "Roll up your shirt?"
She raised an eyebrow, "Excuse me?" he could hear the rattling from where he was standing.
"No funny business, but you're struggling to breathe Kate, I can hear it. I just went to get at your back." He went to sit back down and she watched him for a moment, wary and he sighed, "Kate, when we do this properly it'll be much more romantic, I swear. This is medicinal." She rolled her eyes, turning away from him and pulling up the back of her shirt. He carefully began rubbing the vapour oil into her skin, working his way up and paying close attention to the area where her lungs would be. His hand skimmed her side and under his fingertips he felt the softer skin of her scar and he felt her tense under him. "It's okay." He murmured softly, "Take a deep breath," he moved his hands down to rest on her waist as she did so, already her breathing sounded clearer. "Better?" she nodded, "Do you want to do your front?"
She chuckled, "Smooth, Castle. But classy." She turned and took the pot from him and rubbed it over her chest, her fingers skimming against her sensitive scar where the bullet had pierced her. She caught him watching her out of the corner of her eye, his brow furrowed as her scar was visible to him. She inhaled deeply, so much better. As she put the vapour rub on her bedside table she noticed the concerned look hadn't left his face. "I'm alright, Rick. I'm fine." He nodded.
Then he leant over and kissed her.
She felt so small in his arms. This kiss wasn't like the one they'd had before. There was no danger, no guise of an undercover mission. It was just them – slow, careful, full of meaning and love. She smiled against his lips, breaking away slightly and resting her forehead on his "I'm going to make you sick." She murmured.
"No," he whispered back, his lips twitching into a gentle smile "I gave this to you, so I'm immune." She chuckled and relaxed back, nestling under his arm and resting her head on his chest. "Want to watch crappy TV with me?" He asked and she nodded, "Temptation Lane?" Silence.
"Castle, listen before taking offence ..." She paused ,"That was something I watched with my mother when I was sick, that was 'our' thing." She stopped, thinking, "I want a 'Kate and Rick' thing to watch, just between us, when we're sick." She felt his relax and there was a small rumble in his chest as he hummed his agreement. "So can Harry Potter movies be our thing?"
"Yeah," his tone was warm, "Then you can watch Temptation Lane with our..." he trailed off, catching himself but he still felt her stiffen slightly and there was a silence. "Too soon?" he said after a while and she nodded against him.
"One day, but I don't want to think about that now, Castle. Watch Harry Potter movies with me."
So there we go, please make sure to review... I'd love to hear any suggestions.