Disclaimer: We are poor PPC agents. We own nothing you remotely recognize, including but not limited to Harry Potter, X-Men, InuYasha, the copyright to Legos, and other assorted cool things. We wouldn't touch 'Lupin's True Love' with a ten-and-a-half foot radioactive stick, so there's no way in hell we own that, either. Isabel and Myth belong to us, as do Diana, Valdenia, Twitchy, Crash... yeah. You get the idea.

Previously, in PPCing from response center 72: The Veronica File:

"What... is that?" Twitchy asked from under the weight of the still-unconscious Val.

"That's the second time in this mission," Beth commented, checking her notes.

What Twitchy was referring to appeared to be a bunch of incredibly tiny dots amassed in a sort of blobbish shape. As the agents moved closer, they began to hear a faint cry coming from the blob, which also appeared to be waving a bunch of minuscule signs.
"Can anyone tell what it's saying?" Isabel inquired from the back of the group.
Sushi squatted down and listened hard. "It's more than one thing, and it sounds like they're saying... 'First Years!'... Over and over." She peered down at the signs. "The same thing's written on their signs." She stood up, confusion inherent in her posture. "What the hell?"

Myth snorted and pointed to the Words, "It's a plague that says 'first years'. Contamination masks on, and take out a few jars."

Isabel dug through her pack and handed contamination masks around. Myth did the same with the jars, only she chose to toss them across the group at people. One broken jar and a band-aid later, the agents were armed and ready.

"Who else went to Dr. Fitzgerald for that course on medical stuff?" Myth asked absently, scanning the mass of blobs.
"She's not in Dr. Carter mode anymore," Isabel needlessly informed everyone as Sam stepped forward and Beth backed away with hands upraised.

"Okay, let's see... Sam, you and Isabel gather as much of the plague as you can, and I'll pack the jars away." Myth brandished a biohazard carrying case. "The rest of you, go back over there." She pointed across the room. The five not chosen for containment wasted no time getting away after seeing the carrying case; biohazard symbols have that effect on people.

"Myth... you remember our other mission? The one with the plague that the 'Sue was gonna save everybody from?" Isabel queried, eyeing the container.
"Yes?"
"Did you, by any small chance, actually drop that one off at the infirmary?"
"No..."
"So, how do you know that that particular biohazard container is empty?" There was a very long pause.
"I suppose we open it."
"But- It's a biohazard container."
"And?"

"There's probably something in there that is hazardous to our biology!"
"Oh, be realistic. We're wearing our masks. What could possibly go wrong?" Myth opened the case, and all hell (almost literally) broke loose.

And now, the continuation…

Chapter 3:

Two hours, four broken tables, and a Screaming Hell-Cloud of Doom later, the previous biohazards were contained in a vial as a form of harmless-looking dust and Myth was being severely berated by Isabel. Or rather, Isabel was attempting to do so. She was hampered by a loss for words.

"You - of all the stupid - what - how the hell - scheisse, I give up!" Isabel threw her hands into the air and stalked over to the biohazard container, making sure it was completely locked. She kept muttering under her breath in other languages. "Argh, Myth no baka! Tu es une tête de la merde vraiment..."

"It's not my fault Murphy's Law decided to kick in at exactly that moment," Myth muttered under her breath, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand and leaving a chartreuse smear.

Beth appeared at the top of the stairs, waving her notebook and trying to produce a whisper that would reach the rest of them in the common room.
"What's she saying?" asked Diana as the DORD agent hauled the (still) unconscious Valdenia up by the armpits.
"What've you got, Beth?" Myth called softly as the taller girl made her way down the stairs from the girl's dormitory.
"My God, you should hear what's going on up there. It's all girl talk and 'let me do your makeup' and 'you're here one day and you're friends with the most popular kids, aren't you lucky?'" Beth shuddered. "It's frightening."
She looked down at her notebook and said, "The most significant charge besides the OOC-ness of Lily is first- and second-years sharing a bathroom."
"Well, actually... It's never mentioned what the bathroom situation is," Myth murmured, apparently trying to make up for her (if not numerous, then certainly grievous) mistakes.
"Let's just add that to the list of 'Arguments we're not going to get into' and move on." Isabel had finished packing everything dangerous up, and was now standing with her arms folded surveying the common room.
Ever so faintly, voices started to fade into hearing range from the girl's dormitory, and Twitchy's face froze in a look of horror.
"The Sues are coming, the Sues are coming, everybody hide!" He promptly dove behind the nearest convenient piece of furniture, while everyone else grabbed their UBIMS and tried to become one with the wall. Or in Valdenia's case, one with the floor, after Diana covered her up at the last second.
"We should really wake her up," Myth commented.
"We should really split up," muttered Beth.
"Shhh!" hissed Isabel down the line. "They're coming!"
And so they were.
"'Sue banter," Sushi grumbled, "I hate 'Sue banter."
'At least she's not defying the laws of Physics." With Myth, physics was a proper noun, and you could hear the capitalization.
"Yet," Diana added ominously.

As the 'Sue and her sycophants made their way to the Great Hall, the intrepid agents followed at a slower pace, being hampered by their UBIMs. Morale, needless to say, was low.
"Do we really have to wear these stupid things?" Twitchy asked for the seventeenth time in a row.
"Yes. We. Do," Myth answered between clenched teeth, also for the seventeenth time.
"Unless you want Veronica to spin-kick your head into the next dimension," Isabel offered up. "If that's the case, then by all means take yours off. We'll just stand and laugh. Waaaaay over there." She pointed for effect, forgetting no one could see her.
"Uh oh, Peeves encounter," called Beth, who had somehow managed to place herself at the front of the group. "Watch your heads."

As they made their way to the Great Hall, Peeves the Poltergeist pushed over a suit of armor. Veronica did a back flip to avoid it as the other girls screamed and ran beyond it.

"Oh…an ickle firstie can avoid my tricks." Peeves hovered above Veronica as she glared at him.

"I might be a first year but I can avoid most anything you can throw at me." Veronica's grey eyes flashed violet as Professor Flitwick made his way down the corridor.

"Peeves, today isn't the day to make a mess here as Mr. Filch is already in a bad mood." Professor Flitwick waved his wand and the armor bounced back into place as Peeves floated through the nearest wall. "Are you ladies alright?"

"That must be quite the rub for Peeves," Diana commented, still dragging Valdenia. "Lectured by Veronica and Flitwick."

"Poor guy - well, poltergeist, but you get the point." Isabel shook her head. She'd always had a soft spot for anything transparent and tricksy.

"We need to split up," Beth reminded everyone for the umpteenth time.
"Breakfast first," Isabel replied, "Myth gets bitchy if she's hungry."

That earned her a Stare, but Isabel ducked away before Myth could do anything but singe her braid a little bit. Throwing her braid over her shoulder, she waved the others into the Great Hall. "Let's put these disguises to good use, eh?"

"Shouldn't we wake Val up first?" Diana inquired. Everyone nodded, and made attempts. As with Twitchy, these were unsuccessful. Until Diana had the bright idea to pitch her less-than-conscious partner into James Potter's lap, minus the UBIM. Val woke with a screech.

"Father of my archenemy!" she cried, "You shall pay for what you committed upon my favorite teacher!" The entire hall fell silent.

"Whoops," murmured Diana.

"If you're talking about that thing with Flitwick and the shampoo, I've already been punished," James informed her. "And, uh, father?"
Beth hurried over after handing her UBIM off to Sam.
"She's been reading too many adventure stories," Beth supplied, dragging Val away from James, "She's trying to be like Veronica, but she got a little confused. Sorry for disturbing your greatness."

"What year are you in?" Veronica asked with the air of someone bestowing a great honor.

"Fifth, milady," Myth supplied, as she apparently appeared out of nowhere. Which, actually, she had, thanks to the UBIM. "We began our courses in the wondrous process that is the creation of magical phenomena together. Does milady wish to know more of our studies?" Veronica began to shake her head, but Myth ignored it and continued her use of improbably long words in order to properly educate the 'Sue, throwing in many thees, thous, and miladies. Even Beth's eyes were beginning to glaze over by the time Myth reached the point of turning a hedgehog into a fencing saber. The 'Sue had almost been charmed into Valdenia's former state before the maple tree the saber had become was carved into a specially-made wand.

Sushi, who'd been unusually quiet for the past half hour or so, pointed. "Look. Seats. Food."

"I concur, Sushi m'love!" Twitchy thrust his fist into the air. "Let us EAT!"

"Did you just call me 'love'?" Sushi asked incredulously as she leapt for a sausage.
"Habit," Twitchy replied absently, sitting next to Myth and receiving a few odd looks for his Gryffindor uniform. Food disappeared at an alarming rate around the eight agents, who had not eaten a proper meal since their last dinner in the Staff Caff (and even then, the food didn't quite rate as edible).

In fact, Myth was certain the entree (fondly supposed to be 'meatloaf') had contained parts of a polgara demon from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Sushi grimaced at the black and white pudding, especially after Myth pointed out that there was a good bit of sheep's blood involved in the making.

"Ummm, dish if fo good!" Twitchy moaned, mouth crammed to bursting with sweet potato. Everyone ignored him, much to his chagrin, so he turned to Isabel and started trying to sneak bites of Shepherds Pie from her plate. He stopped after very narrowly avoiding a fork in his metacarpals.

"Well, I feel better," Myth informed the others after she had demolished a good portion of every dish mentioned above, plus a snickers bar she'd retrieved from her back pack.
"Me, too. Do you have any more of those?" Beth asked plaintively.
Isabel snorted. "Please, she's Myth. She probably has a seven course meal hidden away in that backpack of hers."
"Only four!" Myth defended herself. "I couldn't keep the soup warm, and fish stinks up my bag."
Isabel stared at her.
"What?"

"I was being sarcastic. Wait, you have a salad in there?"
"Only the bagged, Publix variety."

Isabel shook her head and turned back to stabbing at Twitchy's attempts at food theft.
"Dude, there's plenty of food on the table. Take some of that." Sam gestured with his chicken leg at the expanses of food still remaining.
"No - challenge - in - that," Twitchy grunted between feints.

"Stop that before you bring Her down on us, you... you..." Sushi appeared to be out of creative insults. Everyone else decided to help her out.
"Demented spawn of an over-aged gerbil?" Diana suggested.
"Idiot Snape/ Lucius slasher?" Valdenia supplied.
"Misbegotten cannibalistic result of gene blending between a hyperactive piece of mistletoe and a 'Sue's single brain cell?" Beth chirped.
"Low-down belly crawling food stealer?" Isabel offered.
"Vertically challenged nincompoop without the cerebral capacity of a hyped-up Taurus, but without the sex drive to match?" Myth contributed.

"Uh... Mangy mutt?" contributed Sam.

"I'm not that short..." muttered Twitchy.

Diana looked up from the house of waffles she was building and noticed everyone was getting their schedules, and Veronica was headed out of the hall. Being one inclined toward theatrics, she spat out her mouthful of food and yelled, "The target is on the move! Repeat, the target is on the move!"
Heads turned in her direction, but she was whisked away by the other, very annoyed agents under the cover of an UBIM. When they want to, PPC agents can be very fast.

They were proceeding at a fast clip, until Beth stopped dead.
"Split up!" Beth hissed. They finally decided to take her advice.

Isabel's A/N: And finally we split up! Things will certainly be interesting, I can tell you that much. Thanks for sticking with us, and there's more to come.

Myth's A/N: Split up, split up, everybody everywhere, split up, split up, everybody do your share. Or, something to that effect.