Hey there, all the young dudes !
This apostrophe above is a wink to my dear David Bowie, who passed away a month ago : he had indeed written a song called ALL THE YOUNG DUDES, back in the '70… Oh, guys, how I'm going to miss the Thin White Duke, Ziggy Stardust, Halloween Jack, Major Tom, Nathan Adler and, lately, Lazarus ! Bowie was one of those rare music geniuses, and he's gonna be missed by countless people across the globe… Rest In Bliss, David Robert Jones (1947-2016)… :'(
On another note, I do hope you're doing good, and that your year started well. Studies, health, mood, love, friendship… hope all of these are fine for ya ! :D
Okay, so this chapter will be labeled "PARENTAL ADVISORY - EXPLICIT CONTENT" coz it'll include its fair share of rude words. Wonder who will be cussing ? Oh, I'm sure you've got an idea… but just read on to find out if you're correct ! ^^
So, here's for ya all… another chapter on the way !
Ready ?
Set…
N'JOY !
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Mmmmmmh… that stuff is so damn good ! Totally wicked !
That was what the orange-cloaked female thought as she pigged out, taking large bites of her cheeseburger which she wolfed down after hardly chewing it, and resumed opening a wide, wide mouth to grab an even bigger portion of the thick sandwich.
She didn't forget to regularly pick up a handful of fries, which she stuffed her mouth with, again chewing little of it, and washed it down with a long sip of Coke.
And about the salsa sometimes dripping from the edge of the cheeseburger and staining her leotard… bah, nevermind, eh ! It could be wiped away with the cloak, right ?
That carelessness while eating was a common point between Sloth and Rude, but there were different causes : the first one used her cloak instead of a napkin simply out of laziness – she didn't felt like making a single effort when the latter could be avoided, and so why fetch something appropriate to wipe out your mouth when you had your clothes for that purpose…? – while the second one did it out of real laxity, i.e. because she didn't give a… hum, a damn about it ! Getting dirty wasn't a problem for Rude : she just didn't mind.
Once the slack girl had used the orange cloth to rub her mouth and chin – because salsa had been dripping from her lower lip down to the chin… - , she swallowed another large quantity of cola… then let out one the loudest belches she had ever produced !
Finally, she got up and, as usual, let the dirty wrapping on the ground, not caring the slightest about discarding them. Again, her reluctance at cleaning was a trait she shared with Sloth, but she didn't do it out of utter carelessness, while Sloth didn't do it out of idleness.
She flew in direction of the hill behind which she kept her small fridge, that Raven had allowed her to keep in order to store her junk food, and as she did so, she used her pinkie to rub the inside of her ear, then wiping cerumen on her cloak again… before using the very same, dirty finger to clean out her teeth, very basically though.
After that burger, a choc' Sundae will be damn good ! Jeez, I feel like drooling simply thinking of it…
She flew around the copse behind which her fridge was located and… stopped right on the spot, googling !
Then, after quite a moment, her mouth opened slowly to let out only three words.
"What. The. FUCK ?"
… the last word being uttered louder… and somewhat aggressively !
In front of her was a huge cylindrical stone structure that she had never seen there…
… and, right under its edge, she saw a white flat thing which, she quickly realized, was nothing else than a part of her fridge, which had been crushed.
But HOW on Earth had it been crushed by that stone construction ? It would have been possible only if that thing had somehow landed on the fridge, like, for instance, if it had fallen from the sky.
And everybody knows large stone structures do not fall from the sky…
The Orange Cloak rushed to the large cylinder and examined it with glaring eyes.
"What's this fucking stuff doing in my domain ? And how the hell did that bloody thing crush my fridge ?" she yelled, as if she was asking it to someone else who had witnessed the event leading to the destruction of her precious fridge.
And that's when, quite unexpectedly, a pair of great eyes opened in the middle of the construction.
"Will you just stop swearing like that, and insult me in the process ?" said the stone cylinder.
If the girl's eyes had widened considerably shortly before, when she had discovered the large intruder, it was little compared to her current goggling : this time, it seemed that her eyeballs were about to pop out of their sockets !
"Okay, now that's damn weird : that bloody thing actually TALKS ?!" she said, actually to herself, but still heard by the quite peculiar object standing tall in front of her.
"Will you stop that ?! Quit insulting me !" thundered the offended creature.
Once she had gotten over it, and accepted the fact that the huge stone building was indeed talking, she decided to hold that strange being accountable for both destroying her fridge and invading her domain.
"Hey, you're there, complaining like hell, but maybe ya forgettin' a lil' something : you're in my domain, eh, and ya got nothing to do here ! And how d'ya come here, anyway, uh ?"
Her interlocutor naturally didn't appreciate her tone… not a bit !
"You should watch your expressing yourself, young girl, as you're about to make me lose my temper. And as for the reason of my presence here, just know that I didn't choose to enter your domain : I was teleported from the Chessboard to this place, so if I'm here right now, I honestly can't help it !"
Rude's eyes lit up, catching a particular word on the fly.
"Chessboard ? Whaddya mean with that chessboard ?" she asked, scratching her head in a not-too-discrete manner.
"In case you didn't notice, I am one of the Rooks from Raven's chess game. I was on the Chessboard, as usual… and the next moment, I appeared in here, as if nothing. So now, you know who I am. Maybe you could introduce yourself too…"
Rude was about to answer when she unexpectedly let out a pretty audible fart.
"Aaaaah, that was just what was needed !" she sighed with satisfaction, sniffing the air to pick up the odour she had just "created"…
"Eeeewww, you're… you're so gross !" said the chess piece with obvious disgust.
"Eh, I'm Rude, you know !" boasted the emoticlone.
That surprised the Rook, who had never met someone bragging about his/her impoliteness.
"And you're proud of it ! Proud of behaving coarsely ! Proud of being rude !" exclaimed the shocked stone building.
" 'course I'm bloody proud of being Rude ! Why shouldn't I be ?" replied the orange-clad female with a grin.
"There's no point in being proud to be rude ! You don't make sense at all !"
"But that's who I am, after all ! You're proud of being Tower…"
"Rook !"
"Yeah yeah, Rook, or whatever your real name is, and me I'm proud of being Rude, coz that's who I am …"
"I understand always less of this… You're really bizarre…"
Rude's smile vanished, replaced by a frown.
"Look here, silly pot. I'm NOT bizarre, okay ? Is it that difficult to get it ? Since my name is Rude, of course I'm proud to be Rude ? Nothing fucking difficult to understand, or what ?"
The chess piece glared pretty hard at the frail grey being talking to her in such a manner.
"Will you just watch your mouth and stop cursing ? And do NOT call me 'silly pot' just because I don't understand your obscure utterances ! You didn't make it clear enough for me to get it !"
Rude was really about to get fed up with it all.
"I cannot watch my mouth, goddammit ! My eyes are here, so how could I possibly watch my mouth when it's right under my eyes, where I can't see it ?! And I'm not obscure or whatever : I said that since my name was Rude, I was therefore proud of being Rude ! Of being who I am !"
This time, the Rook focused more on the content of the other's speech… and singled out the relevant information !
"Wait a second here ! Your name is… Rude ?!"
The emoticlone made a face as well as an exaggerate gesture of impatience with her arms.
"YES ! FOR GOD'S SAKE : Y-E-S ! You finally got it !" exclaimed the orange-clad female as she mockingly clapped her hands, earning a glare from her vis-à-vis. "So you're making a reproach of my being Rude, while I'm proud of my name, pleased of being who I am : Rude ! Coz it's after all my identity : Rude ! Got it all now or what ?!"
The girl's tone, especially when she said 'You finally got it !' and 'Got it all now or what ?!', wasn't respectful, not in the least, but this time again, the chess piece concentrated on the content of the message rather then its form, therefore relegating the tactless tone to a position of secondary importance and rather focusing on what was actually said to her.
"So your name is Rude. Well, I can't deny that it fits you at best, given your insolent behaviour and talking !"
"Sure it does ! I mean, why the fuck do ya think I got called that way ? Coz I was bloody rude all the time ! I'm the "bad guy" of the gang !"
Then something tickled her memory, and she corrected her previous statement :
"Well… one of the two bad guys of the gang, at least !"
The Rook felt in unfamiliar environment again.
"What gang are you talking about ? And who are these two bad guys you're mentioning ? You and somebody else ?"
On this occasion, Rude appeared less irritated by her interlocutor's incomprehension, since it occurred to her that the Rook after all didn't know of the rest of the emoticlones.
"Hum… this time, I guess I can't blame you for not understanding. I've got seven sisters, and the gang I was mentioning is our group of eight sisters. And the bad guys… uh, bad girls of that gang are me and "Four Eyes"… hum, I mean, Rage. It's the grumpy one of our group : always damn angry at everything and everyone… She's the biggest bad girl of us two, with her four red eyes ! Me, I'm cooler… but yeah, I can't help cursing and doing all that impolite body stuff, like belch and fart and pick my nose and clean my teeth… all of this in public ! I'm like that and find it fun ! And those who don't like it can go fuck themselves !"
The Rook had listened to all of it with attention.
"Well, one thing is certain : I'm WAY relieved NOT to have a sister like you – or like her ! Gosh, just the thought of it…!"
And she let out a long sigh.
"Christ, am I happy as well not to have you as a sister ! Almost makes me barf to just bloody imagine it…" reacted Rude.
And she let out a long loud belch as a conclusion to her reply.
"God, you're really disgusting and so impertinent…" said the other, frowning.
"Why, thank ya !" playfully retorted the cheeky teen, making a V sign with her fingers.
"And you're even proud of it…" sighed the stone structure, looking revolted.
"Pffff... not so much sentimentality, Tower !" But a death glare made her recall and correct : "Yeah, I know : R-o-o-k ! Anyway, you sound like one of those old farts who get so easily put off and always criticize the young ones… chill a bit, will ya !"
This time, it was a fart that concluded her utterance.
"Speaking of fart…" added a sniggering Rude.
"I'M NOT AN OLD FART ! How can you be so disrespectful all the time ?!" thundered the large cylinder.
"Beeeeh, I'm Rude, y'know…"
"SHUT UP ! You little… little…"
"Go ahead ! Curse a bit ! It won't hurt ! And it'll certainly help you loosen up… I mean, you've got suuuuuuch a poker up your ass !"
"I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP !"
"Eh eh, why don't ya make me ? Just try crushing me, like you fucking did to my poor fridge…! Ya think ya can, mmmmh ?"
"I CAN'T MOVE, BUT IF I COULD, I WOULD MOVE AND CRUSH YOU, YES ! NOW KEEP IT SHUT OR ELSE -"
"…you'll spank meeeee ?" interrupted Rude, speaking on a pretty provocative tone, a nasty smirk on her lips.
"BUT JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP !"
"Ah ! At last you curse ! 'thought ya never would !" exclaimed the impudent teen in a triumphant way, raising both hands at her head's level and shaking them in a manner that basically meant "Ah ! Finally !"
The Rook, realizing she had for the first used foul language, was too preoccupied by her own "slip of the tongue" to react to Rude's offending triumph.
The grey girl started picking her nose and, with the other hand, rubbed her buttock in a quite non-feminine manner.
Then she stared up at the large being and, after putting both hands on her hips, grinned at her.
"I. Hate. You." slowly yet threateningly let out the stone creature.
"Eh eh, for once I'll say 'thank you' instead of 'fuck you'… !" replied Rude, bowing.
"Grrrrrr…. If only I could find a way to return to the Chessboard… and not see your face anymore !"
The emoticlone's eyes lit up.
"Hey, how 'bout I help ya returning to that chessboard ? Like that I'll finally get rid of you as well ! Everybody will be bloody happy ! Isn't that a damn good idea, eh ? Fuck yeah, it is !"
The Rook closed her eyes for a few seconds.
"Oh my God, all that cussing gives me a headache…"
"I don't think stone things can get headaches, y'know…"
"SHUT UP !"
" 'kay, 'kay, just saying, y'know…"
And after farting again, Rude started cleaning her ear with her pinkie again.
The Rook's wide-open glaring eyes would have thrown bolts of lightning at the uncouth female behaving so coarsely, every single minute, should they have been able of it !
"You said you could help me return to the Chessboard… did you actually mean it, or was it another of your immature utterances ?" asked the chess piece.
The emoticlone sniggered.
" 'course I meant it. Whaddya think, uh ? I'm not always… "immature", like ya put it ! I can teleport ya away, back to where ya belong. Like that, Master will have her tow… uh, rook back, you'll be relieved not to see me again, and me too. Everybody will be fucking happy."
The Rook gnashed her teeth at the new cursing word, but she felt indeed eased at the prospect of leaving this place AND this tactless being, down there, and being back to her dear home, with her good chess friends.
"Please send me back to the Chessboard. Please !" begged the stone cylinder.
Rude crossed her arms.
"Sure. Sure. But hum… another lil' swear word for me, maybe ? Before you go ?"
"Please ! Let me back home ! I won't bother you again if you help me !"
But Rude merely smirked at her vis-à-vis.
"Swear word ?"
The Rook felt that her grey tormentor wouldn't do what she had said she would if she herself didn't accept to cuss once again. But after all, if her peace of mind just depended on a simple cursing, why not ? It sure upset the venerable stone structure to be forced to do it again, her who always was so polite… but did she have the choice, when that impolite being there was the only help available in that otherwise desert place ?
"Okay, okay ! GO FUCK YOURSELF ! There, happy ?"
"Hum, I'm not Happy, but Rude… anyway, since you complied with my demand… I'll send ya back ! It was a pleasure meetin' ya, Rook ! Mmmmmh… till next time ?"
And Rude winked at her, chuckling.
"Certainly not ! And it was NOT a pleasure for me ! So, as far as I'm concerned : till NEVER !"
"Ah ah ah ah ah !" guffawed the Orange Cloak, and even her laughter lacked refinement, noisy and disharmonious as could be…
Rude stretched out her arms in direction of the crenel-wearing structure and, after closing her eyes and focusing on the chessboard in Raven's room, recited a short sequence of words.
A bright light appeared around the Rook, wrapping it completely, growing bigger, bigger…
…until it faded away, showing only the flattened down fridge that the large cylinder had crushed when landing on it !
Rude's eyes met the destroyed object that once harboured such delicious junk food… and the orange emoticlone suddenly goggled !
"Hey, wait a minute ! Who's gonna pay for my fridge ? Who's gonna replace it ? Fuck and fuck and fuck ! I'll be starving now ! My poor cheeseburgers… my poor cola…"
Then she turned her face to the sky and, closing her eyes, let her wrath explode.
"Fuuuuuuuckiiiiiiiiiing Rooooooooooook ! I haaaaaaaaaate yooooooouuuuuuuu !"
And then she flew away at the light of speed, hurrying to Sloth's domain, hoping her good friend, her unkempt buddy, her untidy soulmate would have a few ice-creams left…
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Cool ! Another chapter done ! This one was crafted quite rapidly, I must say : as soon as I published my last INLAND EMPIRE bunch, last week, I started this one. It went real fast, this time !
I'm pretty pleased with the result. And you ? Are you as well ? This one was longer than the Sloth part. Okay, it's still not that long, compared to my former chapters, in all my other stories, which could be real "mammoths", but I think I said that this story would have shorter chappies.
Okay, time for me to start a new text – not for FF, though, but for a good friend of mine !
I think Ana will review this chapter… but I'd be so happy if others did as well. We'll see, we'll see… but if the story's dedicatee is reading, then it's already great : the main purpose of this fic' is reached ! :D
A nice day to ya all ! Take good care of ya, Folxxxx !
"Till next time", like Rude said… and may Bowie's soul always lives on within us all !
Peace, Love, Ecstasy !
:Dxx