No Amount of Therapy

Chapter Four

Story Summery: The Elric Brothers finally found what they were after, but their sanity might have been better off if they hadn't… (Utter Crack/ slight, joking Elricest)

Chapter Summery: A well adjusted teenager can quickly adapt to any situation... But what does it say when there are contingency plans waiting in the wings?

"After ten years in therapy, my psychologist told me something very touching. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'"

Edward Elric lay with his left arm pillowing his head on a grassy knoll in the parade grounds of Central Headquarters—one of the only green places to be found in the city. His younger brother Alphonse was stretched out beside him. Together they planned to spend a quiet afternoon staring up at the sky as they used to back in their hometown.

Not that the parade ground was half as nice as the open fields of Resinpool (they could still see building from the corners of their eyes), or that it was as relaxing (there wasn't a tree in sight and a rock was digging into the back of Ed's thigh), or that it was anywhere near as—

—Well, it was the thought that mattered, and the Elric brothers were going to have a sentimental moment if it killed them. Which, quite frankly, it was looking more and more like it would.

"This is… nice, Al." Ed remarked encouragingly.

"Sure, Brother." Al craned his neck to peer at his elder, "Sure."

A glare, "Shut up."

The brothers sighed in tandem. At least they were together and Al could feel the root that was steadily forcing its way into his spinal cord. That's what really mattered: that it was a quiet moment between just the two of them-

"Hey Boss!"

Al covered his face with his hand and groaned. Ed, never one to be outdone, muttered some things that will not be repeated here. It should be known however that these things included such words as "hole," "giant," "goat," "wisdom teeth," and, oddly enough, "muffins."

With another sigh, this one filled with far less brotherly love (and more restrained murderous rage), the boys turned to face their coworkers.

"Hey Havoc. Fury."

"Oh, ah… Hi!" Fury responded in a horrible parody of casual.

The Elrics looked to each other briefly before Al spoke up. "Is everything all right?"

"Oh, sure, sure," Havoc dismissed with a wave of his hand, "Everything's—"

"You have no friends!" Fury spit out quickly. Once the words were out, the small man seemed much relieved… until he realized exactly what he had said.

Havoc groaned.

Now, unlikely as it seems, Ed had been in situations like this before. And as such, he knew exactly what to do. He began by taking a deep breath—so as to have the air necessary to scream.

"Whoa, whoa! Wait, we didn't mean it like that!" Havoc consoled hurriedly, recognizing the signs.

Al crossed his arms grumpily, "Then what did you mean."

"It's not that you don't have friends," here Havoc glared at the smaller man, "Everyone at the office is your friend. It's that you don't have friends your own age." The two older men nodded sagely.

"Yes we do."

Havoc blinked. He hadn't expected them to argue. Though, considering these were the Elrics… Havoc really wished Hawkeye had scared someone else into having this talk with the boys.

"We're only concerned about you. I mean," Havoc paused, looking for the right words, "with the way you two behave, sometimes it's like you're not all there."

Edward opened his mouth but only managed to make a small wounded sound in the back of his throat. He swallowed thickly and tried again. "You're… You're making fun of me because I'm a cripple?" Ed asked disbelievingly. He stared up at them for a moment before bursting into sudden, inconsolable sobs.

"H-hey there, Boss! We didn't mean it like-"

"I'm sorry I'm a freak!" The boy wailed.

Fury looked to Havoc in horror, "How could you say something like that, Jean?"

"I didn't!" Havoc yelped, aghast and more than a little uncomfortable—what with Ed's sobs still carrying on behind him.

Al watched his brother's hysterics with wide, distraught eyes before his face crumpled and he flung himself at his brother with a howl, "I'm sorry I didn't get your body back yet, Brother! But I will, okay? I will, I promise…" Whatever else he may have said was lost to Ed's shoulder and his own bitter keening.

Havoc and Fury backed away slowly.

Once the two soldiers had safely absconded themselves on the opposite side of a closed (and locked) door, Havoc turned to his shorter companion. "Let's… not mention this to anyone else."

Fury nodded vehemently.

The Elric brothers sat clinging to each other and wailing for several long minutes before Ed, face buried in Al's shoulder, mumbled tearfully, "Are… Are they gone?"

One of Al's eyes slid open and peered around warily. "…Yep."

Ed let out a heavy sigh, straightened up, and rolled his (oddly dry) eyes.

"Well, finally."