And hello, readers, I have finally returned to this story! I'm sorry for the long, long wait. I hope you enjoy this chapter (which was short, for that I apologize).

Papa Ganondorf

My name is Ganondorf, and I am the heir to the throne to my people, the Gerudo! My people and our neighbors the Hylians have been at odds for hundreds, but one day I will prove myself the greatest King of the Gerudo in history to everyone. I was on track to do just that when I accidently kidnapped the Hylian's princess, Zelda. So now I find myself returning the shrimp to her native land, but it's going to take a lot of willpower to not toss her back into the desert as I do. It's going to be a long trip.

Lesson 4: Duck, Luck, and … Fudge

By the time dark fell Ganondorf wanted to rip his eyes out of their sockets and stomp on them until he knew he could no longer feel any pain. He knew he had a dead look on his face because his soul felt sucked out of his body by the time Zelda managed to reach around and tug on his sleeve hours after leaving the comforts of home.

"Papa?" she said in order to get his attention. "I hungwey."

That annoying cute voice pierced deeply into Ganondorf's skull as his back bowed forward like an old man. This day felt like an eternity, so he honestly wouldn't put it past the universe to age him so fast. "It's 'I'm hungry,'" Ganondorf corrected, monotone as a muscle under his eye twitched. "And once again…" he said this with the deepest sigh he had ever released, "I am not your Papa."

Ganondorf had one more day of this unmeasurable amount of torture to look forward to, the constant questions, the constant 'why?' to the answers of those questions, which in turned would be followed by another 'why' in a never-ending vicious cycle of question hell. He hated her curiosity and her ability to remain absolutely cheerful despite of everything. No amount of adventure was worth this. He ran simulations of hurting Nabooru over and over again in his head just to cheer himself up, since this was clearly her fault.

But the thing did have a point. Ganondorf pulled his horse to a stop as he looked up into the sky. The dark blue of night loomed over, with the stars shining down at them. Only a bit of brightness suggested that the sun was still peeking over the horizon, but the canyon walls were so high that Ganondorf could not see the sun. The nightlife was coming out too; they had already begun their songs and calls that carried through the cooling desert air.

He let out a small hum as he made a decision to stop for a quick snack. Even he was feeling a bit hungry, so they will quickly eat and move on. Ganondorf really didn't want to delay this trip for very long, not even to sleep. He could sleep after the parasite was dropped off with its people.

He threw his leg over the saddle as he slid off his stead, bouncing on his heels a bit as his feet hit the ground. He flipped open a satchel on his horse's side to pull out some of the dried meat for his bird when Zelda, who had seen Ganondorf get off the horse and wanted to do the same, started to attempt her dismounting. Gripping the saddle's horn, she managed to get her legs on one side, but within in instant of doing so she lost her grip and fell. Ganondorf had just pulled out the meat when he felt a tiny body land on his neck. Having not expecting the sudden extra weight, he lost his footing and fell on the ground, face first.

Zelda, not even remotely injured, was now sitting on his back. She blinked in surprise for a moment, before letting out a series of giggles as she clapped. "Again!" she laughed. Ganondorf raised his face from the dirt and spat out a rock, moaning in irritation.

"No," he said as he rolled to his side, causing her to fall off. He sat up and folded his arms as he glared at her. She wiggled on the ground before she managed to get upright, her legs out in front of her and her tiny hands pressed against the ground between them, beaming up at him.

"Who said you could get off the horse?" he growled, rubbing the back of his neck. It was aching now, and that was not going to go away for a while. "Now I have to find a way to get you back up on him. Stupid."

At that word, she puffed her cheeks out in frustration. "That bad word!" she insisted, lifting one hand to point at him. "Say sowwy!"

"Never," he proclaimed, snatching the bag he had dropped and getting himself back on his feet. He undid the string around the leather and pulled out of pieces of meat. He gave a short whistle and tossed the meat into the air. Both and Zelda watched as the meat reached their peak height and started to descend, before it was suddenly snatched up by Helmaroc, who gave a cry before landing on a rocky ledge high above them. He stared down at Ganondorf with its beady, unblinking eyes before it lowered his head and began to tear the meat apart with his beak.

The whole display had been poetic, for those with a twisted sense of marvel. Ganondorf was grinning up at his prized pet when he suddenly heard a shriek of joy before him. He casually glanced down at the child just in time to see her stumble upright and point at his bird. "Again!" she squealed. Ganondorf rolled his eyes and sighed as he reached into the satchel again to pull out two pieces of bread. He remembered Nabooru telling him to feed the thing. Without a shred of kindness within him he tossed the bread into her lap, only performing duty rather than acting upon the desire to be kind, before he took a seat on a nearby rock. There was a great distance between them, the atmosphere mixed with emotions. One bubbly and overjoyed upon seeing the bread and the other miserable and counting the number of ways to kill Nabooru.

The thing took no notice, though, of this great divide as it devoured the bread happily and messily. Crumbs showered its lap, and Ganondorf felt a newfound disgust for the parasite. He had never seen such a wasteful way to eat before. But those Hylians must have enough food and greenery to be able to act so indifferent to food; Ganondorf has never known anything to grow expect two unusual trees deep in the desert by the great temple.

A sudden ping of jealousy shot through Ganondorf's body, and he paused in mid-bite as he regarded the child unhappily. Look at it. So cheerful, so young, and so unaware of suffering… Ganondorf couldn't help but wonder why he was actually on this mission at all. It wasn't to actually bring this creature home, that was something he was aware of.

His mind wandered to his mothers though, and that quickly answered his question.

With that violent reminder, Ganondorf finished his dinner. He made a small bag of feed for his horse to munch on as they walked, tied it around its snout, and then returned to the child, picking her up with his arms as straightened out as possible. His hands secured under her arms, he easily put her back in the saddle before quickly mounting himself.

"Alright," he mumbled, half to the child and half to himself, "Let's get back on the road." Clicking his tongue and gently tapping his steed's side, the great black stallion began to move forward again, satisfied with short rest and a snack to eat. Ganondorf wasn't worried about not giving his horse much rest; a rare Gerudo breed, this beast was bred to run for days with little rest, food, or water.

They didn't get far, however, when Zelda suddenly yawned and rubbed her eyes with the back of her tiny hand, declaring, "I'm sleepy."

"Then sleep," Ganondorf mumbled, keeping his eyes on the road. He didn't want to really admit it, but he was getting sleepy as well, and he cursed himself for this normal, mortal weakness.

The thing let out another large yawn and slowly leaned back into Ganondorf's lap. He failed to notice the child doing so until he felt her tiny head suddenly snuggle against his stomach. He stiffened at the sudden, uncalled for contact as he pulled the horse to a stop so he could look down at her. He did so just in time to see her small hand reach up to grab his shirt in an attempt to pull him closer.

"Gah!" he exclaimed, quickly wrenching himself free from her clutch before forcing her to sit back up straight. She blinked sleepily as he did this, and instantly leaned right back into him when he pulled his hand back from her. He managed to stop her before her head made contact, and a tiny struggle ensured between them, the child determined to sleep comfortably in Ganondorf's lap, and Ganondorf determined to have absolutely no cuddling with the child.

After about a minute of this, Ganondorf lost patience and decided to make a quick escape. He slid off the saddle and glared up at the young princess. "Listen, shrimp," he said sharply. "No cuddling. No touching. I don't know what you Hylians do but that is unacceptable behavior."

The two of them stared at each other for a moment, eyes locked, Ganondorf's eyes twitching with rage and Zelda's eyes sparkling with joy. There wasn't movement between the two of them, until Zelda slowly reached down with her hand spread open. She didn't stop moving, leaning over far, until her tiny palm touched the tip of his nose ever so slightly.

"Touch," she said, then burst into a fit of giggles as she laughed at a joke only she got. Ganondorf's eye twitched again before he violently grabbed at her hand to rip her from the horse, but Zelda saw him coming and swiped her hand back.

"Too slow!" she sang, enjoying her fun. As Ganondorf fumed on the ground, balling his hands into fists and mumbling some rather indecent words that really shouldn't be repeated (Fudge... let's just say he said fudge), Zelda was soon rubbing her eyes again. "Sleepy."

"Fine," Ganondorf snapped, reaching up and plucking her off the saddle. She smiled a bit and lifted her arms with the intention of wrapping them around Ganondorf's neck, but Ganondorf held her out at a full arm's length and her tiny arms simply couldn't reach. She didn't give up, though, as she wiggled a bit, trying as hard as she could to get closer. Ganondorf didn't hold her long though as he set her down and went to pull off the bedrolls from the back of his steed. As he untied them she waddled over and attached herself to his leg.

The young prince tried to shake her off. "Get off," he growled, "or I won't give you a bedroll to sleep on."

She looked up at him, her chin resting on his leg. "Bedwoll?"

"Hmph, even a prince like me knows what a bedroll is," he said, rolling his eyes. "It's a bed you can sleep on outdoors and such. A travel bed. Here." He unrolled one and shook it free for her to see. "See this? It's a bedroll, and if you don't let go of my leg this instant I will burn the other one for a fire tonight and you get to sleep on the rock."

The child reached up at the bedroll and grabbed a corner of it, giving a small smile. She didn't really understand his threat but she liked the feeling of the bedroll, especially after riding a horse all day. She tugged it closer to her face and snuggled her cheek into it. "Comfy…." She mumbled, letting go of his leg to hug the roll.

"Not as comfortable as the bed I could be in now," Ganondorf shrugged. He yanked the bedroll from her arms and quickly set it up before she could latch herself to his pants again. As she curled onto it Ganondorf prepared his own as far away as possible from her. He then pulled out three blankets and a long piece of rope from the horse. He found a good place to tie up his steed and removed the saddle from his back so he could rest. He made sure to throw a blanket over the back of the stallion before tossing a blanket at the child.

When the fabric hit her she woke up a bit, having started to doze off on the bedroll since she was so exhausted. She sat up a bit and watched him as he quickly circled their sleeping area with the rope. When he was done he plopped down on his bedroll, scratched his leg rather un-princely-like, then reached for his blanket to curl up in. Comfortable, hearing the soft chewing of his horse with its feed and the crickets singing their songs in the distance, Ganondorf soon found himself asleep.

When the sun peeked over the horizon, Ganondorf awoke to an uninvited guest pressed up against him, smiling at the warmth his body brought and the safety she felt curled there. In turn, Ganondorf immediately kicked her out of his bedroll, realizing that next time he was going to have to tie her up for bed. Then it occurred to him that there was no next time, this was to be their last day of travel. Rauru was only a two day journey, so Ganondorf should be there before nightfall, as long as they stay on course.

So after a quick breakfast, the pair was back on their way, with Zelda singing under her breath as she swayed back and forth, in a cheerful mood as Ganondorf wished he could rip his ears off. The only thing that kept him going was knowing that they were soon to reach Hylian territory, where he would dump her off at the nearest building in Rauru and be free of this pest forever.

For about an hour did they go, Zelda never once ceasing in her song, on repeat. Surprisingly, Ganondorf was able to ignore it for a while, too tired to fight back for now (he never did like early mornings). When that first hour had passed, unconsciously he started humming that dreadful song with her:

"Six wittle ducks that I once knew,

Fat ones, *mumble* ones, fair ones too.

One wittle duck with the feather on his b…b… um…. Back!

He led the others with a WUACK WUACK WUACK!"

She knew the last part best, and loved it the most, so she sang it out louder than the rest, giving three small bounces with each 'quack' as she did. It was when Ganondorf started quacking with her that he realized what he was doing and threw his head back to release a loud, painful moan into the air.

"Noooooo." He drew out the vowel in agony. "Stop singing that song this instant! It's going to get stuck in my head!"

"But… but, it's funny!" she protested. "Wuack!"

"I'll whack you if you… don't…" he started to trail off as the canyon walls ended and suddenly opened up, and he taken so aback that he pulled his horse to a stop as Zelda started clapping.

"Look-ie! Pretty flowers!"

It is hard to describe the feeling that could arise from seeing a sight before you. You grow up a certain way, knowing only the dry taste of the desert air and the scorching hot winds that blow through the dunes, never seeing young green things grow. And Ganondorf had been so distracted that he had failed to notice a distinction between the air here, sweet and wet, and the canyon, which suffered similar conditions as his wasteland of a home.

But now that he could see the beginnings of Hyrule proper, he could feel the difference, and for the first time in his life see so much lush life. The field was flat for many miles, stretching into hills beyond the horizon, teetering with tall grass and vibrant flowers, and peppered with thick, strong trees with long branches for cool shade. Off in the far distance the silhouette of an intimidating mountain stood in one direction; it was so grand that it could be seen even from Ganondorf's great distance from it.

After taking a moment to take it all in, Ganondorf remembered the map and quickly brought it out, his hands fumbling with excitement. It was hard not to be; he has never been this far away from home, and has especially never set foot in the Hyrule kingdom. But here he was, at the border between his people's territory and one of the oldest known civilizations. It was an intoxicating feeling, these feeling of freedom and wonder.

With the map open now, he inspected the map closely, trying to compare the trail he had just taken with the location on the old piece of papyrus. "Hmm…. It seems that mountain is Death Mountain… and we are here… and Rauru is just over those hills in the south."

"Rauru, Rauru!" Zelda repeated after him, simply just as excited as Ganondorf to see the breathtaking land.

"Yup. That's where I'll drop you off," Ganondorf said as he rolled the map back up. He tucked it away then clicked his tongue to get his horse moving. Despite his excitement to see Hyrule for the first time, he was still anxious to get rid of this child. The rest of the ride to Rauru should be easy from here; a straight shot over the hills in the distance and then he could be on his way.

As usual, the parasite didn't understand what he meant and it didn't care either. Luckily for Ganondorf, there was enough distractions for her that she stopped talking to him, occasionally pointing at weird insects that flew by with were extremely colorful or reaching for a flower that was clearly far out of her reach.

They only travelled a short distance, perhaps maybe twenty minutes worth of a decent trot, when Ganondorf had to pull his horse's pace short. He let out a strange yowling sound as he jumped down, with Zelda looking at him rather confused at his sudden outburst.

"COLD!" Ganondorf informed no one in particular. He began to dig through his satchel for that hooded cloak that he had been given, waiting to wrap up in it as soon as possible. Meanwhile, that damned brat looked extremely comfortable in this weather. Now that they were no longer moving, she had resumed her song, and Ganondorf stopped his search for a moment, long enough to slowly hit his head against his horse's hip. He let out a long, long moan.

"Just a little bit longer…" Ganondorf reminded himself. "Just a bit farther, and I am free of this nightmare."

He returned to the satchel and found the cloak. Well, at least he would be warm, there was some comfort. He turned away from his horse just in time to see someone standing there right behind him. He had not heard this person approach them, and the strange looking boy was in a stance to throw something quite sharp looking directly at Ganondorf.

"You, Gerudo. Hand over the child at once, before I have to take…. Action…" the boy had started out strong in his words, but then trailed off when he got a good look at Ganondorf's face. Ganondorf wished he could say the same, but the boy's nose and mouth were covered with a white cloth, with his red eyes only visible.

When the silence fell between them suddenly, Ganondorf glanced briefly behind him to make sure his weapon was in reaching distance, seeing that the boy looked distracted. It was. Satisfied, he shifted a bit to make the grab swifter. "Who are you?" he asked, but despite the fact the boy was holding kunai in his directions, he saw an opportunity. Right here, right now, the universe has dropped a person from this land right into his lap. He could just hand over the child and go home right now. Granted, this land was intriguing, but he really didn't want to spend more time with the kid than he had to.

Discomfort set in when, though, as he watched the boy glance him up and down, looking particularly confused. His stance faltered a bit. "You… aren't a woman…."

It took a moment for Ganondorf to process those words, since he hadn't expected it, but when he did comprehend it his head drew back in horror. "Ex-cuse me?!"

Apparently during the time before I was even a year old, I couldn't be in a car without crying unless this duck song was played for hours. So my dad had to play it over and over again for 17 hours straight. To this day, he still hates that song.

Here's to children's quirks! *raises a glass*

Look out for chapter 5! Keep an eye on my profile for updates concerning new chapters.