Nine Months Alone

Chapter Four

Not Goodbye

Remember those walls I built?
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make a sound
I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm taking
I ain't never gonna shut you out!

- Halo - Beyonce

A single kiss on her back send ripples of energy through her system, opening her eyes to a new day. Another night had past by too quickly... Why did the sun rise so fast? Earth hours zoomed by compared to other time matrix on other planets. Could it just go away so she could stay with him a little longer?

"Morning... Did you sleep well?"

"Decently," Arcee began. "Did you?"

A mischievous smirk drew across the Decepticon's face and she knew he was satisfied with the events from last night.

"I did."

A warm smile drew across her face, but it soon died out as she turned to curl up into herself. Thoughts raced through her head. Should she tell him? Or would it be too complicated and letting him know would only distance them? She bit her lip. He was so precious to her... Why did she feel so powerless to keep him?

'Please, don't go, don't be hurt because of me. Please, don't... leave me.'

"You okay?" Knock Out broke the silence.

"Hm?" turning to face him, she tried to change the tension in the air. "I'm fine...! It's just this routine thing that Optimus makes us do. It's so time consuming, your joints ache every time. Disaster...!"

"... Doesn't sound so bad compared to what Starscream makes us do," a hint of disbelief could be detected in the mech's voice.

"What does he make you do?" Arcee was glad to jump into the new topic.

"Mostly the troopers get the lower end of the joint, since I'm the medic I'm not really that much in the front lines, but lots of them come back wrecked and disjointed," began Knock Out. "And this is Starscream. He's a bit... demanding."

A sympathetic smile came across her lips. No matter how mundane the subject was, at least they didn't talk about what was on her mind earlier. As long as he didn't know... Everything was fine. Morning came. They'd had to get back to their usual places anyways. Where their loyalties truly lie.

"Anything you want to talk about?" Knock Out suddenly asked.

A twitch from her brow gave off an amusing look on Arcee's face.

"Nothing in particular... I'm fine, why?"

"It's just... You've been kind of not yourself lately."

Now this was something new.

"Not myself, how?"

A serious look came across his face, and he glanced into her optics with his own crimson pair. How they send gentle shivers down her spine.

"I love being with you, Arcee, and I want to be with you. I hope you want this as much as I do, but, lately you've been kind of... 'distant'."

This was something totally different. How was she distant? Of course she wanted to be with him. He meant so much to her... If she didn't have feelings for him, would they still be where they were at this very moment? She loved him... Wasn't it obvious enough?

"Distant?"

"Well..." began Knock Out. "It's more like you're sort of there, then at times you seem to not 'be into it'."

The moments when their relationship seemed to take a moody turn, they both bounced back from it and found a way to still stay together, but what Knock Out said pierced her. Did she really hurt him? She didn't mean to be inconsistent, but he didn't seem offended. He really did love her if he was at her side after all this time.

Would he still stay if she told him?

"At times, I feel like you really want to say something that's on your mind, but you stop yourself from speaking out," said Knock Out. "And then that's when you act distant... If you want, you could always talk about it."

She was more obvious than she thought. He read her like an open data pad, and she hated it when he read her mind, yet it was one of the things she loved about him. It also scared her that he was going to get the answer out of her sooner than later. And there was no defenses to shield her from him getting the truth.

"It's nothing, I... I just get like that," finding the words was harder than it looked when she tried to act alright. "It's just... I'm complicated, Knock Out. There's a lot of things in my life I'm just not ready to talk about. I'm sorry, it's not you, it's me..."

She felt her hands clasp into his and he kissed her forehead. Soon she felt her optic lids closing and she realized he was kissing her. Such a simple, small action, yet it was powerful enough to melt her.

"I'll wait... A hundred, a thousand years, even megacycles. If it takes you that long, I'll wait."

All that time, all that patience... He was willing to give that all to her and be at her side, no matter how big her issues were. She could feel a small smile on her lips.

"It's alright for me to take in scrap," continued Knock Out. "It's not alright for you to keep it all in."

"So what are you going to name the baby?"

Miko seemed to be bounding off walls at the base, even though she was standing right in front of Arcee. The Asian girl was excited by almost anything, and the zeal was easily seen.

"Cybertronian names are special," chuckled Arcee as she glanced at her growing womb. "It's going to be a while to pick a name, let alone find one that's suitable."

The human girl's reaction to Arcee's expecting child got her excited. Miko always wondered what Cybertronian babies were like, and she took this as a big opportunity to see one up close and personal. At least that got her off the hook when it came to the Japanese girl's opinion of her being with a Decepticon.

"Thanks to Bulkhead, I know all sorts of Cybertronian names," beamed Miko.

Hopefully, Miko was working on getting Bulkhead to forgive Arcee.

"Let's see here," the Asian girl continued. "There's Prowl, Jazz, Ironhide, Jetfire..."

Raf was curious about Cybertronian infants as well, but the extent of showing his excitement was way below par that of Miko's. His reaction to Arcee being with Knock Out was a look of surprise, but he didn't push on the topic further. The youngest of the humans was more forgiving out of the three of them. It reminded her of Bumblebee very much. Perhaps that was the reason why the scout and Raf were such close friends from the start.

So far, Jack seemed to take the news well, ever since Arcee spoke with him. The only downside was he couldn't ride on his motorcycle often. He tried to help here and there to make her pregnancy more bearable, and she was grateful for his assistance. His mother, June, knew about births and infancy care, so she tried to help as well. Cybertronian physiology was something new for the human nurse, but she took on the challenge and seemed collective no matter the obstacles.

"This baby's huge! Bigger than me! Ah, so cute!"

Miko looked up at Arcee.

"Knock Out was red, right?"

"... Yes. He was."

And so was Cliffjumper.