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Marissa knocked on the pool house door softly. There was no answer, he tried again.
"No I don't want to watch the game with you Sandy." Came the dull voice of Ryan. " Please well you just go away and leave me alone?"
"Ryan? It's me, Marissa." Silence.
"What are you doing here?"
"Can I come in?" Silence again. Then she heard the door unlock. She opened it and Ryan was heading back the his bed which was clearly hasn't been made for the last few days.
"I tought you'd be traveling at the Greek Islands by now." Ryan said in the same dull voice he answered the knock to. Same lifeless voice that she hated hearing.
"Yeah, well so did I." She said softly holding her handbag. She stepped closer to him. "I...I heard about Seth." Ryan said nothing, he just sat there.
"Yeah? So?" He then said coldy.
"What do you mean? Yeah so?" Marissa asked, confused.
"What? You're expecting me to confess or something? Bare my soul out to you? What? What do you want to know?" Ryan asked getting up and he started to pace, agitated.
"I just wanted to say that..."
"What you're sorry?"
"Well yes..." Marissa wasn't sure how to deal with this unpredictable Ryan.
"And you think that sorry will make it all better do you?" Ryan snapped. He had been alone so much this past few days with just his thoughts to keep him company that he was on the verge of loosing it, and Marissa was there to witness that.
"Well no I don't think it'll make anything better, I know it won't." Marissa said.
"Then why tell me you are? If it won't help?" Ryan snapped at her again.
"Because I am sorry!" Marissa shouted at him with tears in her eyes. "Whether or not that helps I am sorry, I'm so sorry Ryan..." She finished, her voice chocking. She reached out to touch him but he jerked his arm away.
"Sorry's not good enough." He spat. "Sorry won't bring him back, sorry won't change the fact that I killed him." Marissa gasped and put her hand to her mouth at that wild accusation Ryan threw at himself.
"Well now you know." Ryan told her softly. "Now you know the truth. I killed him. And I'm going to have to live with that."
"Is that what you think Ryan?" Marissa asked.
"I was the one driving the car wasn't I?" Ryan retorted.
"Mom told me what happened, Ryan you didn't kill him. If anyone's at fault it's me!" Marissa cried out to him.
"What?" She caught Ryan off gaurd.
"Volchuck was after you cause he thought I was there. He was so pissed at me for how I broke up with him." Marissa had tears rolling down her cheeks. "If he wasn't so angry, if he didn't want to hurt me. If he didn't think I was there non of this would have happened. Don't you see Ryan? If anyone is responisble for this whole goddamned mess it's me!" Ryan stared at her...
"Get out." He said softly. She stared at him in shock.
"What?"
"Out please! I can't think with you in here. Just get the hell out well you?!" Marissa stared at him with tears streaming down her cheeks and turned and ran out the door sobbing. Ryan stared after her and sat at the edge of the bed, his hands over his head. God, everything was so messed up.He was so confused, so many thoughts going through his mind he didn't know what to believe. Well anything be like the way it was...
Marissa ran in side with tears in her eyes and ran into the livingroom. Sandy looked up in surprisement.
"Marissa what's wrong?" He asked. She stared at him and tears rolled down her cheeks.
"I'm so sorry Mr. Cohen. I'm so sorry." She said. He nodded slowly.
"I know." He said softly. "I know you are. I didn't realize that you and Seth were that close."
"It's not about that..." Marissa said, her shoulders shaking. "And now Ryan thinks..."
"What does Ryan think?" Sandy asked slowly. He was impressed with himself. This was as funcutional has he has been since he saw his sons body at the morge. He shut thoughts thoughts out though, he never allowed himself to think about them for very long periods of time.
"I'm so sorry, it's all my fault." Marissa wasn't thinking straight. She couldn't believe Ryan's reactions towards her. Well yes she could but still, the look in his eyes was worse then any punishment she ever had.
"What's all your fault?" Sandy said, still not connecting the dots.
"I can't tell you. You'd hate me to. You'd all hate me like Ryan does." Whispered Marissa.
"Ryan doesn't hate you." Sighed Sandy.
"Yes...yes he does."
"He's just going through a hard time, face it we all are." He added with a small smile. "Come here kiddo." He said. She walked slowly towards him and he hugged her gently.
"Nothing you could say would ever make us hate you." He comforted her. It was good to hug someone again. To have human contact. How many times has he tried to talk to Kirsten or even Ryan and how many times have they refused to see him in the last few days?
" I'm not so sure about that." Marissa then murmured into his shoulders. "I'm not so sure about that..."
(Sorry for such a short chapter and I swear the next one WELL be about Summer and Marissa but it's late and this is all the time and energy I have for this chapter so Please read and review and the next chapter will be completly focused on Summer and Chapter six will be on the funeral. Again thanks for all the great reviews! I know it's an incredibally sad concept but I still wanted to to write a story about it however depressing it may be :) )