My mouth felt like sandpaper as I stared at my friend. What the fuck do I say?!

I opened my mouth and tried to speak but no sound came out. I swallowed a lump in my throat and no longer able to hold his gaze, my eyes fell to the floor.

"Mina-tan, look at me...please." Junpei begged , his voice cracking a little, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"Mina..." I still didn't look at him. This seemed to be the last straw.

"MINAKO! WILL YOU ANSWER ME DAMN IT!" He roared. I looked up in shock and he glared back with an angry expression, Junpei never shouted, least of all at me. I felt my eyes begin to sting with the threat of tears and I silently cursed myself, 'No I will not look weak'. I stood up straighter and was proud of myself when I spoke in an emotionless but clear voice, "Three guesses, Junpei."

His expression went through a million different emotions; alarm then fury, distress, and finally settled on something that looked like weariness.

He was obviously having an interior battle with himself.

I open my mouth to speak but he beats me to the punch. "How f-far along are you? His voice shakes with an emotion that I can't decipher.

"About 5 weeks." I say, barely above a whisper.

He nods once and asks me another question in the same tone of voice, " How long have you known?" I look into his face and answer, "A couple days."

His eyebrows crease together as he thinks. There is a silence that spans about 10 minutes. He kept muttering to no one in particular," The sickness... the weird eating habits... the bad temper..." As he thought I sat on my bed and waited, not wanting to interrupt his efforts to absorb this kind of revelation. After what seemed like years, but only could have been minutes, I heard him say something a little louder, obviously addressing me this time, but I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts to hear him the first time. I look up at him and see him watching the floor

"Sorry? I didn't hear that."

"I said, Why?"

"W-why? Why what?"

He looked up at me again. "Why did you keep this hidden from us?"

I couldn't think of anything to defend myself, so I just do what I do best and sit there like a moron. "Were you ashamed or something?" He pressed, wanting some kind of answer from me.

I open my mouth," I-I-... f-f-felt..." but stopped when I couldn't find the right words.

Junpei stood there with his arms folded and looked at me, waiting. I know that look on his face. It's the same look my aunt gave me when she kicked me out of her house to come and live in Iwatodai when she found herself a new husband; resentment.

I looked away from him and stared out the window. How could I have been so stupid to not have thrown the test away as soon as I had used it. I folded up arms around myself as I fought not to cry. I was losing my best friend, and that fucking hurt so badly. How long before he told the rest of them? I would be in isolation or worse the street by the end of the week. These thoughts caused my face to fall even further and my eyes to close to keep the tears from falling

Seeing the look on my face, Junpeis face changed into alarm and he did something that surprised me. Before I knew what was happening he had made his way across the room towards me and I was enveloped in a tight hug. This was too much and I started to sob into his shoulder. I brought my arms up to encircle his neck and we stood there for what seemed like ages. He was rubbing my back as I cried and whispering comforting words into my ear like, "It's okay, you'll be okay."

"I'm s-s-so sorry Jun-p-pei." I sob, my words muffled in his shoulder.

"Sssh, don't be sorry, it's all okay."

I continued to pour my heart out, a door had been opened that couldn't be closed.

"I feel s-so a-ashamed in myself, I'm sup-p-posed to be your l-leader and I've failed all of y-you!" He continues to rub my back as I talk.

"I'm s-so s-scared to do this on... on, "I sniffle pathetically on his shoulder, "... on my own. I didn't want you or anyone else to know! I thought you would all t-think I'm a-a slut and want nothing to do w-w-with me!"

He tenses when I say slut and holds me tighter, "Never, I would never think that of you! Your too modest and kind to be that kind of girl Mina and the others would never think that either, they care about you too much."

When I hear his words and the promises they hold and I cling onto his shirt tighter.

When my sobs subsided into hiccups he lets me go to put his hands on my shoulders and give me small smile.

" Do you feel better now? Or do I have to go and get some ice cream to drown your sorrows in?" I giggle as I wipe away the last few stray tears from my face. Junpei hands me a tissue and I except it gratefully.

After I clean myself up a little, Junpei gently takes hold of my hand.

"For what it's worth, I never thought at all during that that you were any less of a leader."

"Honestly?"

"Honestly. You're the best gal for the job."

I smile in relief and tightened my hold on his hand.

"Thank you." I whisper in a watery voice, the aftermath of my crying session.

"Emm no problem." He says looking embarrassed but happy.

I knew Junpei was often very uncomfortable around emotional girls and it must have been very hard to stay cool headed in this kind of situation. I was very grateful and proud of him. His friendship, especially in the months ahead would be priceless.

I look over his shoulder to the sink. My test is sitting on the corner of it about to slide off. I let go of Junpeis hand and go over to it and pick it up. I play with it in my fingers. I hear Junpei clear his throat and I look up at him to see him shuffle his feet awkwardly. I tilt my head to the side, confused at his reaction. He sees me staring at him.

"Erm, uhh..." He splutters looking increasingly uncomfortable by the second.

"Yes?" I question him.

"I don't know how to ask you this without you being embarrassed or..."

"Just ask me, I won't be angry."

I go to encourage him further but before I can he suddenly blurts," Who is the father?"

His face instantly turns scarlet and I'm pretty sure my face matched his.

"Oh, umm, I-I umm." I stutter stupidly. He notices my discomfort

"Do you not want anyone to know or something?" He asks, suddenly his eyes widen and he looks sick, "Did some guy from our school or anybody else force themselves on you? Please tell me it's not true or I swear to God; I'll go and kick their fucking ass!"

"NO, NO!" I grab his arm, "It wasn't like that, we were... we... emm... we were both... willing..." I cringe at my explanation and even worse so does Junpei.

" Umm I don't need to know the mushy stuff man."

"Sorry."

"Well who is it then?"

"It's umm, " I look at the floor and then to the picture on my desk of Fuuka, Shinji and I and then back at Junpei, my throat suddenly seems tight again.

"It's Shinjiro." I say not looking at his face.

I hear an audible intake of breath and I start to feel the familiar sting of tears again, but this time I don't fight them and they drip down my face. Once again I find myself in Junpeis arms and my head on his still damp shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Mina, I'm so so sorry." He whispers. I nod but say nothing more and neither does he, but he continues to hold me. His actions truly mean more than a thousand words ever would.

He knew, as well as the others did, how much Shinji meant to me, if not before Shinji went into a coma then definitely after it. I couldn't eat, or sleep.. or even speak after what happened to him...it wasn't like I didn't want to, I just literally couldn't. It really scared Junpei and the others, I usually never shut up, but at that time I barely even blinked. Jun would spend days trying to get me to talk and eat, and he held me close whenever I cried, trying everything he could think of to comfort me. My depression, oddly enough, resulted in my relationship with Akihiko becoming closer, as he was the only one (besides Mitsuru) who could tell me stories about him before I ever knew him. I would waste hours just sitting in Shinji's room, on his bed reminiscing about our short time together. I would think of all the times we would go out to eat, how he would complain if I didn't eat my vegetables and about the movie we went to see and how he ended up crying at the end. I would think of the time we cooked dinner for everyone and how happy he looked, or at least happy for Shinji, to be cooking for others.

The memory that crossed my mind most of all was the night that we declared our love for each other.

I had been working up the courage to talk to tell him for days and when the opportunity presented itself one evening on September 25th I jumped at the chance. I was nervous, but I decided, 'What could go wrong?'

I remember making my way over to him in the lounge. He was standing by the front door, he seemed to by surveying the room, staying far away from the others, just as he liked it. He saw me coming from the stairs and gave me a small smile that made my chest suddenly seem tight. When I made my way up to him I fidgeted a little and kept playing with the strands of my ponytail, "G-good... Evening Senpai." He looked at me and seemed to get the wrong idea as he said, " It's fine, I'm okay now... I feel better after our talk... take care of them, Ok? I believe in you."

He turns away as if ending our conversation, but I'm desperate to keep conversation flowing, or else I might start to lose my nerve, "O-oh I know that Senpai, but... I-I like talking to you." He looks at me in disbelief. "W-what?..." He seemed to mentally shake himself then, as he pulls his beanie over his eyes, "Shouldn't you be with the others? He glares at me then, "I can't give you anything or do anything for you."

I know what he is doing, so I stand my ground and gain a new sense of determination, "But, I WANT to be with you."

He stared at me in confusion and I stared right back defiantly, or all least what I thought was defiant, I call it a success that I didn't wilt under his gaze. After a while his gaze flickers to the sofas, were most of the guys were watching T.V. or in their own private conversations. He seemed to my debating something in his head. When his eyes came back to me, they saw I was still staring at him...waiting.

" Tch, you know, you can stare at me like that all day, I got nothing for you" He said with a hint of irritation in his voice. "Haven't you wasted enough time on me? What more do you want?" I began to panic as my courage swayed, what if he outright rejected me here and now? I envisioned myself just walking away, and pretending my feelings didn't exist. But of course they did. A wise man once said, 'To burn with desire and do nothing is one of the greatest torments we can bring upon ourselves.' Or something along those lines. So I take his advice and throw all my self-respect out the window and tell him bluntly, "I love you."

His jaw dropped and his face blushed bright red, "...Huh?" His reaction wasn't encouraging me at all and my heart sank further when he said, "Urgh...D-don't tease me like that!"

"I'm not teasing you senpai!" I said, mortified that he possibly thought this could be some kind of joke.

He looked away from me with a pained expression and up at the ceiling. "Why just blurt out something like that," he then gestured to the lounge," here of all places!"

I was a little more anxious now but, decided to be more ballsy. "Won't you come to my room, and we can talk further... in private?"

He looked at me like I had asked him to strip naked on the street. "I-I can't do that."

I folded my arms, "And why not?"

"I mean you're... Well people are gonna get the wrong idea."

'The wrong idea'? I thought to myself, It wasn't like I was throwing myself at him. And besides who cares about what others thought.

I sigh, "Then that just leaves your room I guess." His head whips round to gawk at me.

"Y-you moron!" he said harshly, and a little bit too loudly as several people in the lounge turned to stare at us. He quickly glanced up at them and turned back to me and said more quietly, "I-I ain't a nice guy, I can't let you in my room."

When I opened my mouth to protest, his expression changed from alarmed to one of frustration. "Don't you get it."

I look into his eyes and muster my confidence, I had waited too long for this and I wasn't going to let him slip through my fingers, "I know what I'm saying senpai, I still want to go."

He shook his head then, the alarmed look had returned, "No way, It's not gonna happen." He sighed and looked straight into my face and bent down to my level.

"Look, you need to watch yourself, don't bother with someone like me."

I could see what he was doing, he was giving me a way out, one that I didn't want. I smile at him.

"I still love you, Senpai."

" You shouldn't, Idiot."

I made every excuse I could think of to get into his room. I begged and pleaded until he finally gave in. I marched my way up to the second floor, victorious. He followed me, his movements awkward and unsure. He was nervous, I could tell.

He stopped in front of the first door on the left hand wall and rummaged in his pocket for the key. I impatiently tapped my foot on the ground. He looked up at the sound and almost smiled. "Impatient, are we?" He pulled a small key from his pocket and turned to the door, "I dunno what you hope to find up here, let me tell ya, it ain't nothing special."

"That's okay with me, senpai." I smile. He falters when opening the door but he soon pushed the door open and walked in. I timidly followed after him, suddenly feeling a little out of place.

His room was practically empty except for his bed and a writing desk... It reflected him perfectly, you needed to find the charm in what seemed like an empty shell, I saw it perfectly though.

I stood in the middle of his room and he leaned against the wall.

"...So, happy now?" I turned to him and saw he was watching me with an intense expression. He leaned off the wall and stood to his full height."Your always pushing me around all the time." He shook his head and chuckled a little. He had such a nice laugh, so full of humour and kindness. "You're just gonna ignore what I want, huh?" He sighed and his eyes suddenly got a mischievous glint. "Yeah, well two can play that game." Shinjiro suddenly embraced me tightly and rested his head into my hair, his arms where wrapped around my waist. I was in a state of shock. And here I had been thinking this man might not harbour any feelings for me. Shinji never showed emotion, ever and now he was holding me tightly in a hug.

"This is all your fault you know, I'm all confused." His words are muffled in my hair, "You're all I can think about day and night... Dammit this isn't how it's supposed to be."

His words made my heart flutter in excitement and euphoria. I realised that I never wanted him to let me go. As I brought my arms up to encircle his neck, he suddenly released me and stepped back. I was frozen in confusion with my arms still in the air, I lowered them awkwardly. He turns his back to me and he now faces the bed, "You get it, right? How I feel about you, I-I don't want you to get hurt, and I know you will if you stay with me."

"Senpai..." I start to say but he interrupted me.

"Go back to your room." He pulled his beanie over his eyes and he warned me, "If you don't go now, you're not gonna get another chance, cause I won't let you go tonight."

I knew this decision would be my most important. If I left then everything would stay the same, I know he would not blame me, in fact it was like he was almost begging me to leave. He seemed to feel he wasn't worthy of any kind of happiness whether it be with me or anyone else, but I would be unhappy, doomed to admire him from afar. If I stayed I knew what would happen, I wasn't naive, I would be a part of something that we both couldn't truly understand, but if I took the plunge, I knew he was the only one I wanted to hold my hand. It didn't matter if we sank or swam. If we were together that would be enough. I just needed to be brave enough to jump.

"I'm not going anywhere senpai, this is what I want... you are what I want."

Shinjiro sighed at my words, almost seeming disappointed by my choice, he then started to chuckle and shook his head. "You're a real piece of work, you know that...?"

He took a few steps closer to me until our foreheads were almost touching. My heart accelerated and my breathing started to become ragged. I stared into his grey, but warm eyes

"I'm gonna make myself clear..." He said in a steady voice, "I ain't holding back anymore."

And then he leaned forward and pressed our lips together. It was our first kiss, and boy was it sweet. He tasted like oranges and some other tropical ingredients I couldn't name. I praise the Lord now that I had eaten nearly an entire packet of tic-tacs before I went to talk to him, nothing to put the love of your life off you like having dog breath.

His hands had worked their way into my hair and I wrapped my arms around his waist. He tensed suddenly and pulled back, I was about to question him (if telling him off is the same as questioning) when he walked to the door and flipped the lock. My look of confusion changed to relief... and then a sense of fear, I had never been with anymore that way and I was so frightened. When Shinjiro came back over he seemed to sense my feelings. He brought his hand slowlyup to my face, as if he didn't want to startle me, and stroked his thumb across my cheek bone tenderly. "It's ok, don't be afraid... I won't hurt you." I leaned into his touch and smiled at him, I knew he loved my smile, he once told me to always keep smiling, no matter what happened.

He gave his own small smile back and leaned forward so our noses touched. "If you can't do this I understand, don't feel guilty at all." Shinjiro always thought of my feelings no matter what happened, he knew how I felt... but I knew how he felt. I could feel the desire radiate from him. He deserved to be happy, and so did I.

"I'm fine, senpai, I just... haven't done this before, that's all." I try to sound as casual as possible. His expression softens even further and he gave me a fond look. "Shinji." I look at him, "Huh?" He starts to look uncomfortable again. "If we are gonna do this, then call me, Shinji."

I giggle and throw my arms around his neck. Only Akihiko ever calls him Shinji. This was telling me that he considers me worthy of that nickname, and I feel honoured.

"Shinji." I said trying the name out.

"Yeah?" He said staring at me questioningly . I smile

"I love you."

He pulls back a little to look me in the eyes. I'm the first to lean in to restart our kiss.

And after that we carefully undress each other and we made love.

When all was said and done afterwards, He pulled the sheets over our bare bodies. He held me in his arms and kissed the top of my head, as I rested my head on his chest.

"Shinji?" I asked tentatively.

"Hmmm?" He murmured while stroking my hair, which I had taken down during our activities.

"C-can I stay here... tonight... with you?" I held my breath hopefully.

"Idiot."

I looked up at him, instead of an angry face I saw a tender look. His arms then tightened around me. "As if I would let you go tonight... tomorrow you can, but tonight your mine." He then rolled over on top of me. I giggled and ran my hand through his beanie-less and shaggy brown hair. He kissed me, and held me so gently, like I was made of porcelain. As he held me, and I snuggled into his chest again, he finally said it. He was running his fingers up and down my arm, leaving goosebumps in their wake, he leaned over, and whispered, his lips barely touching my ear.

"I haven't told you this Minako... and I should have, a long time ago... I love you."

I fell asleep some time later, listening to the comforting sound of his heart beating.

I'm brought back to the present when, I feel Junpei release me and I am forced out of my memories of happier times and back into my present situation.

"I know, I'm fine Jun." He looks unconvinced, "Really. I know he wouldn't want me to be unhappy. I just have to go to the doctor and get my head straight.

"Have you made an appointment?" He asks, to which I nod.

"Yeah, tomorrow at 5pm."

"I'm coming with you then!"

"Jun..."

"Just hold up! You don't expect me to sit by and watch you go through this scary as hell shit alone, do you?!"

"I don't want you force yourself..." I look away again, feeling bad that I might have dragged him into my problems.

"Hey." I feel his finger lift my chin up so I look at him. "I wouldn't offer If I didn't want to come." I smile at this.

"Thanks Jun that... that actually means alot to me."

He scratches the back of his head and looks embarrassed. His arm drops.

"When are you planning on telling the others?" I freeze. I rush forward and grab his arm.

"Jun, please don't tell them."

"Why no-"

"PLEASE JUN! I'm asking you as my best friend, please, I just need more time before I can deal with their questions."

He looks at me, "They aren't gonna accuse or judge you, ya know."

I let out a breath that I had been holding, "That's BS Jun, they all have I thoughts, they may not say it but I can see it in their faces."

"I didn't judge you." I pause. I don't know how to respond to that.

"No, you didn't, did you?"

There is an awkward silence.

"Ok Mina, I won't say anything." I smile in relief. "But!" My smile fades, I knew there was a but, " You have to tell them yourself by the end of November."

"Jun..."

"No, they have a right to know, especially since you are living under Mitsurus dads roof."

I look at him angrily but I can't argue with his logic, but I'm afraid of how they might react. I nod curtly. He seems satisfied. He changes the subject.

"So," He says, "You are having a kid, eh?"

I nod, " Yep, probably." When he looks confused I explain.

"Pregnancy tests aren't always 100% accurate. I could go to the doctor tomorrow and he might say all that is wrong is that I have a bad case of the flu or something."

He looks even more confused. "So you may NOT be pregnant."

"That's right, but very unlikely."

His forehead creases again. I grin, " Take your time Jun."

He scowls, "Shut up..."

"Can we go get something to eat now? I'm starving."

He looks almost panicked. "Wait... does that mean you might have to eat for two now? Oh dear God my poor wallet!"

I whack him on the arm, "For that I'll get two portions of the most expensive thing on the menu!"

"Don't you dare!"

I laugh and grab my bag and jacket from the hook on the wall and rush out the door. I hear Junpei come out after me. I lock my door. I look at Jun and see he is staring at me strangely

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing, but... I am glad you're so calm... about all of this."

"Oh ... well..."

"I'm gonna be there for you ok? Since Shinjiro-senpai can't be here at the moment... I just... want you to know that...ok?"

I feel like crying again, I blink furiously. "You sap." I say eventually in a teasing tone.

He looks put out for a second and then laughs, "Hey! I'm being all emotional here! I thought chicks dig that."

"Oh yes Romeo, you are real smooth, just remember who you're talking to here."

"Oh how could I forget, I guess you're going to be an even bigger pain in the ass from now on, huh?"

He dodges my well aimed blow and we both head to Wakatsu. We laugh and joke, while we are there. We don't come back to the dorm until late. I decide to head to Tartarus to train tonight. I knew Junpei didn't approve but I ignored him.

When we returned I bid everyone good night, and went up to bed. When I got in under the covers, I realised just how lucky I was to still have Junpei. Today could have gone alot worse, I count my lucky stars and smile. I curled up into a ball and fall into a dreamless sleep.

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A/N I'm quite happy with this chapter :) I'll try to post again tomorrow. remember to review. thanks