Dincht
A/N- I deeply apologize for the long long long long wait. I was just really busy with school finishing up and now that it over (except for one little slutty exam) I am free to begin updating again. Please leave a review, I tend to love them…
Chapter 4 – It Started as a List (A Mirror Without a Face)
Zell awoke the next day refreshed and ready to begin the first day of the rest of his life. He had sent a text message to Rinoa the previous night when he couldn't sleep, telling her to meet him in his room when she could so that she could help him with something. At 10:17am there was a knock on his door, and when he opened it Rinoa, dressed in gym shorts and a tank top, entered his room.
"So what is so important that you had to text me at like 2 in the morning telling me to meet you? Are you pregnant or something?" she asked sarcastically. Zell motioned for Rinoa to sit down on his bed and he loomed over her with his hands held together, totally prepared to beg for her assistance.
"No, obviously not," he said, "As you know I have been trying to get a job somewhere because, well let's face it, I am so bored with my life."
"Okay…"
"So, I thought to myself, I thought: 'Zell, who do you know that has their life totally together and is a great friend and could assist you in your life planning?' And do you know who I came up with?" he asked.
"Quistis?"
"…Yeah–but she was busy, so I thought of the second most together person I know, which is you!"
"Well I'm very flattered that you decided I was good enough to be your second choice Zell, and I would love to help you, but I'm not quite sure what you want me to do," she replied crossing her legs delicately.
"I just need to bounce some ideas off of you and have you give me your honest opinion of what you think of these possible careers. Then we can make a plan on how to go about becoming them. Doesn't that sound exciting?"
"No," she answered honestly, "But since I'm such a good friend, and apparently the second most together person in your life, I will help you." Zell clapped excitedly and got a pad of paper, which was now covered in scribbles of job ideas.
"Great, let's get started. Okay: Pilot?" he suggested.
"You always go too fast. People would get mad at you… but I guess it's a possibility."
"Okay, okay, possibly… Next: Teacher."
"Of what?"
"I thought like just a general teacher of things," he replied.
"Well I don't know if that's a thing. I think you should specialize in something that you're good at."
"Okay. Well I'm good at staying in shape."
"Like a personal trainer?"
"Yeah."
"Isn't that your job now?" Rinoa pointed out. Zell nodded and crossed the option off.
"Veterinarian?"
"No."
"Farmer?"
"Possibly… I don't know why you'd want to do that, but possibly."
"Motocross Racer?"
"No."
"Body Builder?"
"…Okay… Is that a job?"
"I think so," he answered, "Model?"
"Too short," she answered quickly. "And that face tattoo… people don't like when models have tattoos."
"A simple no would suffice."
"Sorry. Please, continue."
"Okay: Rap artist."
"Can you rap?"
"Sure. I mean it can't be that hard right? It's not like rhyming is some ridiculously hard thing to do."
"Okay, then why don't you 'drop a mad verse' right now… 'Homeskillet'."
"Sure… Um… Rinoa you're so helpful. When you cook food I get full. I like alligators. Also mashed potatoe…ors."
"That made no sense at all."
"Rap artist is a no," Zell crossed off another possibility, "I guess that means that singing sensation can also be crossed off?" Rinoa just looked at him. "Ugh this is useless." Zell sat down beside the girl and dropped his pad beside him.
"No… we just didn't find a good fit yet. I mean we found some possibilities like the farmer one. You could be a farmer. You could farm chocobos or something. Cattle?"
"I don't like animals," he replied.
"You have a cat."
"You can't farm those."
"Well… no. Okay well maybe there are better possibilities on the list, what's the next one?" she asked motioning to the pad of paper. Zell picked it up and found his place on the page.
"Tattoo artist."
"See! That sounds like an idea."
"I'm afraid of needles."
"Okay, then why did you put it on the list?" Rinoa asked a little annoyed taking the pad from him. Her eyes scanned the page and she began to read a few out loud. "Cowboy? No. Doctor? That's a lot of school."
"No."
"Okay um… Drug dealer?" she turned and gave Zell a strange look.
"It was just you know… if things got really tough," he answered. Rinoa shook her head and continued to read.
"Dance teacher, no. Author? Can you write?"
"I started a blog once, but it only lasted one entry… and I wrote that list."
"I'm gonna say no. Dog whisperer, no. Caterer, no, you would eat all the food. Ladder maker, not a career. Computer Technician, possibly. Hamster whisperer? Beautician? Professional Counter? Reader to the deaf? Were you high when you wrote this?"
"It was late at night… they sounded good at the time."
"Right, well this is useless," Rinoa tossed the pad to the floor and turned her body to look at Zell in the eyes. "Zell, do you know why I decided to start working in the infirmary?"
"Why?"
"Because I like to help people. Do you know why Selphie decided to be in the Garden Committee?"
"She's power hungry?"
"…yes, but also, she loves to plan things. And Quistis loves to teach, and Squall likes to be in charge. You see, everyone is doing something that they're good at and that they love to do. So what do you love Zell? What are you good at?"
"…I can rhyme," he suggested.
"I think we already determined that, no, you cannot do that."
"I don't really know what I'm good at."
"Well then Zell, I think you should make a list of your skills or your talents or just a list about you, and then that will help you decide. If you want you can show me that one too, and I'll help you. But right now, I have to go meet Dr. Kadowaki. So call me later?" Rinoa got up to leave but turned just when she reached the door. "And try not to put 'rhyming' as a skill or you know something else ridiculous like 'standing'. It won't be helpful."
Rinoa exited and closed the door behind her, leaving Zell alone in his room with his thoughts. What was he good at? Other than being fit, and apparently, writing stupid lists. Zell got up and walked to his bathroom and stared at his own reflection. Maybe this problem was deeper than being bored with his everyday life. Maybe the problem Zell was facing was the fact that he didn't know himself; a case of identity crisis.
Staring at himself in the reflection of the glass he thought about who he was. He was fun. He was blonde. He was tall…er. Zell then realized that these were all generic descriptions of a person who could have been anybody. And Zell wanted more than anything, to be something other than just 'anybody'.
He wanted to be somebody.