When Odo walked into the holosuite that evening, the big room was empty except for Vic Fontaine himself, who was at the bar over in the far corner, pouring himself a drink. He waved cheerily to Odo and beckoned him over. "Hi there, pally! How're you doing? You're Odo, aren't you? The guy who keeps the peace around here?"
"You're very well informed, Mr Fontaine," said Odo a little stiffly. He wasn't used to this level of familiarity, even from people he knew well, and certainly not from holograms.
"Julian tells me all about his friends. You know, you remind me of a guy I used to know in '58. He was the sheriff of a little town in ..." He launched into a long, largely incomprehensible story involving people called Frank and Dean. Odo listened politely, but a little impatiently. Finally, as Vic paused for breath, he jumped in.
"These stories are very interesting, Mr Fontaine – "
"– Vic –"
"Vic. But I didn't come here to reminisce about your past. When I and my friends were here the other night ... you seemed to know things."
Vic shrugged. "I've been around the block a couple of times –"
"No - specific things. Like Dax and Worf are married, the Chief misses his wife …"
"You don't have to be an Einstein to clue into any of that stuff," said Vic.
"At one point - you were about to make an observation about Major Kira and myself."
Vic shrugged. "I thought about it, but I didn't want to embarrass anybody, give away any secrets."
"Exactly what kind of secrets are you talking about?"
"Look - do I really have to connect the dots?" said Vic impatiently. "You're crazy about the broad but you're afraid to do anything about it! And she - well, you know."
"No. Go on."
"It's the oldest story in the book. She thinks of you as a friend."
"I wouldn't call that a secret," muttered Odo, disappointed. He picked up one of the small paper and wood devices from a tray on the bar and fiddled with it. It opened and closed like a flower.
"But women have been known to change their minds," Vic went on. "All you have to do is give them a reason."
"You make it sound so easy," sighed Odo, twiddling the little paper flower thing.
"That's because it's not that hard. Look, the girl already likes you. You're half way home."
"She is aware of my feelings toward her," said Odo, "but the truth is, she prefers Shakaar."
"Who?"
"The First Minister of Bajor. He's a leader, a hero, a man of great charisma…"
"I don't care if he's Jayeffkay." (Who? thought Odo.) "It's not the other guy you have to worry about, it's you."
Odo stared at him. "Me?"
"For a start," Vic went on, "you have to lose this whole Nanook of the North thing."
Who of the what? "I don't understand …"
"You've got about as much personality as an icicle." said Vic with an ironic grin. 'Cool is one thing, but you're frozen solid!"
"You think I have no emotions!" Odo said passionately. "I assure you, I do - I just don't always show them."
"And therein lies the problem," said Vic. "Come with me." He turned to walk away.
"Where to?" asked Odo, nonplussed.
"Look. You want to win the girl - we need thaw you out a little. Turn up the heat. Get those emotions you say you have bubbling to the surface. It's time to have some fun!"
Odo was bemused. "What does - fun have to do with Major Kira?"
Vic rolled his eyes towards the ceiling. "I'll pretend I didn't hear that. First, let's lose those threads," pointing at Odo's uniform. "There's nothing like a tuxedo to make you feel like a million bucks."
Odo took a good look at Vic's outfit, then concentrated. "Like this?" he asked, shape-shifting into an almost exact replica.
"Very sharp," said Vic approvingly. He turned and walked towards the piano. Odo was suddenly horrified at what he might have to do. "I - er - I don't sing!"
"Glad to hear it," said Vic. "I don't need the competition."